The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (61 page)

Have members of the wedding party dance around a maypole or something equally theatrical.

Have your pet participate by carrying the rings or sitting by you during the ceremony.

Have everybody sing.

Acknowledge people who could not be there that day.

Have people throw rose petals as you exit.

In the Quaker tradition, have everyone at the ceremony sign a marriage certificate, as witnesses to your commitment to each other.

IN SECLUSION

There is a lovely Jewish tradition known as
yichud,
or “seclusion.” As soon as the ceremony is over, instead of rushing into the reception, the two of you go off to a private room for a few minutes. (Sometimes guards are even posted at the door to keep people out!) This gives you a chance to be alone before you lose each other in the turmoil of the rest of the day. It can be a sort of emotional consummation of the ceremony, and is also symbolic of the couple's right to privacy. Tradition says that during
yichud
you are also to share your first meal together as spouses, so have a friend or the caterer fix you a plate of your favorite things (even if it's Hershey bars and potato chips) to eat while you catch your breath.

Music is one of the most important elements contributing to a memorable wedding ceremony. Because it speaks directly to our souls (and let's face it, for most of us, the list of things that do that just ain't very long), it helps set the mood before the ceremony begins as well as providing a meditative punctuation after words spoken during the ceremony. While we're not going to try to tell you that music is absolutely crucial, we will say all the couples we interviewed told us that their ceremonies had music of some sort.

So, if you do want your ceremony to include some tunes, there are several ways to go about it and a world of music to choose from. You
can hire professional musicians, or you can ask friends who are good enough to be professional. You can have instrumental music only: the traditional organ; violins, guitars, or harps; flute and piano—anything you want, really. (Tess even had a harmonica player in her ceremony.) You can add vocalists—soloists or an entire choir. You can use prerecorded music, either purchased or recorded by you and your elves ahead of time.

If you're having a formal or semiformal ceremony in a church or synagogue, you'll want to make an appointment with the organist or other musicians well ahead of time to discuss what you have in mind. (And remember to consult your clergyperson about any restrictions; some ministers just wouldn't appreciate your use of “Love to Love You Baby,” even though it
was
playing on the jukebox the night you met.) Give the musicians a list of selections and specify the version as well. (If you like a particular rendition, you can even supply sheet music or MP3s.) Then, if you have any doubts as to their abilities, meet with the musicians later on and listen to everything. This is the time to try to make it exactly what you want; don't wait till the rehearsal the day before the wedding.

And aren't you relieved that you don't have to enter to the strains of Wagner's Bridal Chorus (also known as “Here Comes the Bride”)? And now that
The Newlywed Game
has used Mendelssohn's “Wedding Recessional” as its theme song, that tune is pretty much ruined for everybody. As far as selections go, there's just no limit. Throughout the ceremony, you can use everything from hymns to show tunes, just so long as they're meaningful to you. Tess and Jane made their entrances to saxophonist Dave Koz playing “Amazing Grace”; Michele and Nancy, to Native American flute music. Couples have used Sufi songs and Hawaiian wedding chants, the Hallelujah Chorus and Kenny Rogers compositions, Gershwin and gospel—so search your collective memories for those songs that hold a special place in your hearts.

For a formal wedding you should time each musical selection so that you have some idea as to pacing. (As much as you'd like to include your personal top ten songs, there probably just isn't time for them all.)

Start the warm-up music (also called the prelude) about a half hour before the ceremony to set the mood. This is usually something instrumental, but you can also compile a mix tape or play-list of your favorite pop songs or whatever. (Randy's lineup peaked with Bette Midler's rendition of “Chapel of Love.”)

The recessional (your exit music) should be more upbeat and of a slightly quicker tempo than the rest of your selections.

Because Michele and Nancy had a very untraditional ceremony, they wanted to make sure people knew when it was over, so they played a recording of Bonnie Raitt's “(Let's Give Them) Something to Talk About.”