The Edge of Juniper (17 page)

“Malcolm, focus.  We fell asleep, and now it’s late and Aunt Donna will be mad I wasn’t there to help fix dinner, and they’ve probably already eaten and I’m probably in trouble.  And I think I hear your parents in the kitchen.  Oh, God!  I can’t walk out of here into the kitchen and face them.  They’ll think a lot more went on in here than a whole lot of lip mauling and a nap.”  I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands.  My long hair hid my face, the main reason I never cut it.

He leaned up on his elbows.  “Fay?”  I didn’t respond.  He reached out and pulled one side of my hair back, and turned my face to his.  “Everything’s going to be okay.”

I still couldn’t come up with anything to say.  An embarrassing squeak came from my throat, and that’s all I could muster.

Malcolm joined me on the edge of the bed, thigh to thigh.  He set his wide, warm foot on top of mine and pressed down lightly.  It was oddly comforting.  “Look, my parents think the world of you.  This is nothing to be embarrassed about on their account.  In fact, my mom probably baked a make-out cake, to celebrate.”

A laugh escaped me, and I leaned my head on his shoulder.  He put his arm around me and held me to him.  “What about
my
family?  Who knows what their reaction will be to missing dinner without calling.”

“You know what though?  I bet Celia covered for you.”

I brightened instantly.  “Yes, I bet you’re right.  Celia knows that if I do something wrong, it’s going to be her in trouble, so she certainly would have covered for me.”

Malcolm furrowed his brow.  “Why would she be in trouble if you do something wrong?”

“Don’t ask me.  I can’t figure out their house rules.  Something about me being a guest and her being responsible for me, I suppose.  She’ll be glad I owe her one.”

“You and Celia have the strangest relationship.”

“We love each other, we always have each other’s back, we mostly like each other, and we enjoy arguing.  That’s us in a nutshell.”

“I guess that’s not so different from my brother and me.”

“Will I get to meet Wolf this summer?”

“I doubt it, but anything’s possible.  He comes home a few times a year, but it’s never planned.  He just shows up, stays a few days, and leaves.”

I stood up.  “Speaking of leaving, I need to go.  Can I crawl out your window?”

“No, don’t be silly.”

I reached for his doorknob.  A powerful scent hit my nose when I opened the door.  “What is she cooking?”

“Um, actually that’s sandalwood.”

“Sandalwood?”

“She burns that for romance.  So there’s not a cake, but there is make-out incense.”

“How do you know that about sandalwood?  Does she burn that when she and your dad get frisky?”  I watched as a deep rose color seeped up his neck all the way to his cheeks.  “Malcolm, you’re blushing.” I laid my palm on his cheek.

“I wonder why.  Come on.”  He grabbed my hand and walked first down the hallway.  When we entered the kitchen, I saw Marigold and Lyle at the table.  There were four places set, crammed in around the detritus on the table.

Marigold noticed us and hopped up.  “There you two are!  Come, come.  I have dinner warm for you.”  She went to the oven and pulled out a large tray.

I looked up at Malcolm and whispered, “I don’t think I should stay.”

“What about dinner, though?” he whispered back.  “You said your family will have already eaten.  You’ll be hungry.”

I nibbled my lip nervously.  “Okay, I’ll eat here.  But quickly, because I have to get back.”

I slid into the seat next to Lyle.  “Anything I can do to help?”

“Oh no darling, it’s ready.  I’ve just made a simple spinach and pasta casserole.  It has a lot of iron in it, for you to restore your strength.”

Malcolm looked at me with wide eyes.  “Mom, take it easy with all that.  Fay isn’t used to you yet.”

It was then that I relaxed a little bit.  Being at my aunt and uncle’s house had begun to condition me to having anxiety around adults.  I had been growing accustomed to the idea that anything I did could get me in trouble.  But now I was beginning to believe I was safe here in this little kitchen; strange candles, sandalwood, iron-fortified casseroles, and all.

13

I
t turned out
Celia
had
covered for me.  She told Aunt Donna I was working late to earn a little extra money.  Uncle Todd had approved of my work ethic, and reprimanded Celia that she might want to try to be a little more like me.

“That’s the last time I cover for you, if that’s what I get for it,” she told me the next morning, as she brushed her hair into a ponytail.

“I do appreciate it, Celia.  Thank you.  And anyway, you know I
wasn’t
working, so my work ethic isn’t any better than yours.”  I spoke to her through the shower curtain, where I was reluctantly washing Malcolm’s fingerprints off my skin.

“I don’t care what I know; I care what my dad thinks.  When are we ever going to stop caring what our parents think?”

“Never.”  I had to speak loudly over the sound of the water pounding my hair.  The water pressure here was remarkable.  At home, the water came out limp and never hot enough.  “When my Grandma Whitaker came to visit last spring, my dad went haywire.  He was doing nutty things like edging the driveway and hanging up an ugly clock that belonged to some ancestor.  He even bought new pants.  I mean, if we’re still buying new pants to impress our parents when we’re in our late forties, there’s no hope.”

I flipped off the water in time to hear Celia sigh.  I poked my head out of the shower curtain and she handed me a towel.  “I
need
excitement in my life, Fay.  I crave it.  We’re both off work all day today.  Help me find something exciting to do.”

“Well, we know people with vehicles.”  I emerged from the shower wrapped in my towel.  Celia hefted herself up onto the counter by the sink.

“True.”  She handed me my comb.  “But Ronan has to work a ten hour shift today.  And the only person you know with a vehicle is Malcolm.  You’re crazy if you think I’m getting in his truck.”

“Wouldn’t it be doubly exciting to be out with someone you knew your parents wouldn’t want you to be out with?”  I handed the comb back to Celia and turned around so she could reach my hair.  She began detangling it from the bottom up.

“I want excitement, Fay.  Not rebellion.  We’re much too old to get our thrills from defying our parents.  The fact that my parents won’t approve doesn’t inspire me the way it used to.  I want real adventure.  They want me here, hanging around for no apparent reason other than to make dinner for them.  It’s dragging me down.  I think I’m depressed.”

I turned to face her.  She combed the hair that hung down in front of my shoulders.  “Really, Celia?” I asked gently.  “If you’re serious, I want to know.  Depression is a big deal.”

She focused on the ends of my hair.  “I don’t mean
take me to the doctor
depressed.  But I feel kind of blank inside.  Something’s missing.  Sleeping with Ronan helped for a while.”

“Oh, Celia.”

“Don’t even say it.  I already know.  We had another fight last night, because he wanted to bring me home and then go hang out with his friends.  He said I’m clingy because I wanted to come too.  Why is it clingy to want to hang out with your boyfriend?  I don’t get it.”

I looked at her expertly done eyeliner, winged out at the sides, and at her red lips.  Her sleek ponytail bobbed as she worked on my hair.  She looked like a girl ready for something big, something more than sitting around on her plaid couch.  I suddenly had a desperate need to help her fill her emptiness.

Knowing we were alone in the house, I walked to the kitchen still wearing my towel, and picked up the phone.  “Malcolm, it’s Fay.  What are you and Paulie up to today?”  I heard the whir of the weed eater in the background.

Celia waved her arms at me, mouthing the word no.

“Is there any way Mrs. Needleman would let you mow her yard tomorrow instead?”

Celia put her hands on her hips and flared her nostrils, fuming at me.  She looked like a very pretty bull.

“No, that’s okay.  I understand.  I appreciate your work ethic.”  I contorted my face at Celia as I said the words
work ethic
.  She obliged me with a small smile.  “Really?  Okay, fantastic!  Can you be at our usual meeting spot by ten-thirty, in your truck?  We’ll bring gas money.”

“What are we doing at a stop sign?”

“Malcolm and I meet here sometimes.  Adventures begin at this stop sign.”  I winked at Celia and nudged her with my elbow, hoping she’d laugh.

“Whatever.  See that house right there?”  She pointed to a white farm house on the corner.  “The man who lives there works with Dad.  They go to the bar together.  His wife stays home, and she’ll probably see me get into Malcolm’s truck.  Then she’ll tell her husband, who will tell my dad, who will kill me.”

“I think you’re wrong.  I think you’re the only person who has actually given this Dearing thing any thought.  Besides your mom, I mean. Sure, your dad and Mr. Dearing do not get along and that is public knowledge.  But even your dad doesn’t avoid them.  In fact, he seems to seek them out.”

“Well, Dad has his own brand of excitement, and it differs from mine a great deal.”

I wasn’t sure that was actually true.  They both seemed awfully fond of escapism followed by confrontation.

Malcolm’s red truck turned the corner then, and came to a rolling stop in front of us.  “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”  Celia hugged her purse close to her body.

Paul hopped out and opened the door.  “Morning, ladies.”  He bowed and waved us in.

Behind me, Celia sighed as though she was very aggrieved to have to put up with Paul.  “You didn’t say this dweeb was going to tag along,” she said, and climbed into the truck after me.

Paul got in after her and closed the door.  It was a tight fit, but I didn’t mind being smashed against Malcolm’s side.  Celia angled herself toward me and away from Paul, but I knew by the end of the day she’d be enjoying his company.  There was no way to know Paul and not like him.  “This other dweeb made me come,” Paul said, and reached behind us to thump Malcolm on the head.

“Can we dump you out on the next corner and swing by to get Esta?” Celia said to Paul.

“Celia, I know you’re just joking, but these guys don’t know you that well yet.  You might try being nice in that traditional, socially acceptable way I’ve told you about.”

“Whatever.  Okay you fools, what’s on the agenda?  How do you plan to wow me?”

Half an hour later, Celia wasn’t wowed.  “Celia, you’re the one who wanted adventure.  We’re here, doing this, for you.  Stop complaining,” I slipped my arms into a life vest and snapped it closed.  I was excited to try kayaking, but I know Celia had been thinking of a bigger, more urban adventure.

“I’m not complaining, at least I don’t mean to.  It’s just that I was thinking of a
social
type of adventure.”

Paul snorted.  “Sorry we’re not
people,
Celia, otherwise you could socialize with us.”

“It’s just that I’m wearing satin shorts,” she said.  “Whoever heard of kayaking in satin shorts?”

Malcolm tightened his life vest, pulling so hard his knuckles turned white.  When he spoke, it was through gritted teeth.  “You gave me one hour’s notice to rush through Mrs. Needleman’s yard, postpone our other work for tomorrow, and think of something fun to do.  It’s Thursday at eleven in the morning.  This cost me eighty dollars.  Please tell me something about the idea of kayaking is at least mildly enjoyable to you.”  He yanked on his strap, tightening himself in even more.  He was likely to pop right out of it if he made it any tighter.

Celia widened her eyes at his sharp tone.  “I told you I’d pay you back.”

I could hardly blame him for being irritated.  Celia was in rare form today. I partly felt like I couldn’t blame her either.  She had a lot of hard stuff going on.  I was sure she would soften up; it would just take a little time.  She’d spent so long scorning him; it had become a habit for her to be grouchy in his presence.  I put my hand on Malcolm’s arm.  He stilled his movements and looked at me.  “Thank you for this.”

“We haven’t done anything yet but park and fill out liability forms.”  He was still snappish, but less so than he had been a moment ago.

I leaned into him and gave him a big hug.

His posture relaxed as he squeezed me back.  “Give me a second.  I just need to find my center.”

“Your center?”  I pulled back and looked from his life vest to mine, wondering if I hadn’t hooked something up in the center of it.

He laughed.  “It’s what my mom says when she means she needs to calm down.”

“Oh.”  He didn’t seem like himself, and it was more than Celia’s mood. “Malcolm, are you just annoyed by Celia, or is there something more?”

He put his hands on his hips and stared at the ground, taking a deep breath.  When he looked up, it was Celia he looked at.  “I’m sorry, Celia.  I lost my cool.  And don’t worry about paying me back.  It’s on me.”

She shrugged.  “It’s fine.”

It was time to change the subject.  “So have you all been kayaking before?”

Paul laughed.  “Yeah, we’ve been, but Malcolm sucks at it.  And he’s scared he’ll capsize.”

“I don’t suck and I’m not scared.”

“Yes you do, and yes you are.”  Paul grinned at me.  “You can’t paddle for shit, and also the rolling thing.  He was riding tandem with Wolf one time, years ago, when Wolf rolled the kayak.”

“What does that mean?”  It sounded fun to me.

“It’s when you tip over, and you roll the kayak underwater to right yourself.”

Malcolm sighed.  “Yeah, but you usually only do it if you need to, like when the water’s rough and you tip.  Wolf sometimes went white water kayaking, and he, being a show-off, rolled our kayak.  He didn’t tell me he was going to do it; out of nowhere on calm water, he just rolled.  I hit my head on a rock or something on the bottom.  Had to get five stitches.”

“Will we have to roll today?” I asked.

“Not as long as you can stay upright,” Malcolm said, and ran his hand over his hair.

“Nah, just swim out from under it, if you tip,” Paul added.  “Not that you can swim for shit, either.”  He slapped Malcolm on the back, and they both laughed.

“You’re a real true friend, Paul.”

“You
are
nervous, aren’t you?” I asked Malcolm.  He didn’t say anything.  “I bet lots of people are at least a little bit nervous to do this.”

“I’m not,” Paul said.

“I’m not either,” Celia put in.  “Just because I was expecting a club or something with a crowd doesn’t mean I’m not going to love this.”

Then she surprised me beyond all reason when she linked her elbow with Paul’s, and led him to the grassy area where the kayaks were laid out in a row.

“What planet is this?” I murmured to Malcolm.  “Look, she’s touching him on purpose.  She must have enjoyed the way he ragged on you.”  I turned to look at him.  “You look a little green.  Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m going.  I guess my mind is remembering the last time.”  Then he tried to tighten his life vest even more.

I put my hand over his.  “It’s tight enough.  And listen, I’ve said it before, but I’m not the type that needs my boyfriend to be fearless.”  I removed my hand from his and slapped it over my mouth.  My cheeks burned. 
My boyfriend
?  Had I really said that?

“Your boyfriend?” He kissed me on the forehead.

“I think you misheard me,” I said through my fingers.

“I heard you.”

“Okay then, I only said it to distract you from your worries about capsizing.”

He stepped in front of me and peeled my hand off my mouth.  “I heard what you said, and you’re right.  I am your boyfriend.”

“We just hadn’t used that word yet.”

He smiled.  “So that means you’re my girlfriend?”

“How could you have any doubt?”

He bit his lip to stifle a grin.  “Well, you wouldn’t even talk to me for a long time and you constantly chase me off your property.”

“It wasn’t a long time—even when I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to you about not talking to you.”

He kissed my forehead again.  “We should get over there and pick out our kayaks.”

“We don’t have to.”

“There’s no way we’re not doing it.  It’s just, this is no small creek, and Paul’s right—I’m not the best swimmer.”

“I think it’s quite manly to admit your fear.”

“Well that’s good, because I have a whole list of things that scare me.”

“Really? Like what?”

Paul shouted at us then, hands cupped around his mouth as though we were across a football stadium instead of twenty feet away. “Yo, Malcolm!  Fay!  We’re ready to start!” A man was waiting next to them, to give us instructions.

“Celia,” Malcolm said quietly, as we neared them.  “She’s another fear of mine.  Your cousin scares the crap out of me.”

The laugh tore out of me, and Celia turned and shot me a glare, which only made me laugh harder.