The Edge of Juniper (7 page)

Jeremy nodded seriously.  “Okay.  You’re in.”

Another hour went by, and during that time Jeremy put five more fish in the basket, and Abe and I released seven fish between us.  We also designed the floor plans for an underground fortress that would keep us safe from zombies.

I reeled in my fourth blue gill, and expertly removed it from the hook.  I knelt down to release it, when a voice to my left spoke.  “I didn’t figure you for a catch-and-release kind of girl.”

I let the fish go, and stood to see Malcolm standing there, wearing grass-stained jeans and a blue T-shirt.   When he smiled, his eyes scrunched up at the corners, a feature that gave me an odd little thrill.  “Everybody has soft spots.”

I glanced nervously at Abe.  He and I had never talked about the Dearings.  He seemed to know what I was thinking.  He shrugged, like he didn’t know what to do either.

I wiped my hands on my jean shorts.  “Are you mowing here today?”

“Yeah.  Paul and I got a few jobs with the town.  We mow here, two cemeteries, and the little strip of grass in front of the stores on Main.”

“Where is Paul?”

His smile slid down a fraction of an inch.  “Why?”

I bit my lip to keep from grinning like a fool.  He didn’t want me to be interested in Paul’s whereabouts.  “Why not?”

Malcolm crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive posture.  He was incredibly easy to tease.  “He had to make a gas run.  He forgot to check our cans before we left this morning.”  He gestured toward a riding lawn mower parked up by the dirt lane that led from the park to the pond.  “Come wait with me?”

I swallowed, rooted to the spot.  Celia wasn’t here to lecture me.  The only other people around aside from Abe and Jeremy were some old men on the other side of the pond.  I couldn’t make out their faces, so they probably couldn’t see me either.  Something inside was pulling me toward Malcolm.  I was curious about him, and about this warm fizzling I felt when he was near.  Maybe there was nothing more to this than physical attraction.  I wondered how I’d feel once I got to know him.  I couldn’t deny that I wanted to follow him and find out.  I also couldn’t deny that I shouldn’t.  “I can’t, Malcolm.”

“Go ahead, Fay.  I won’t say a word,” Abe said.

Malcolm looked at me, a little startled, comprehension dawning that Abe was also supposed to stay away from him.  My chest squeezed—in fact, every muscle in me seemed to clench up tight.  This wasn’t right.

Malcolm walked over to Abe and put his hands on Abe’s shoulders.  “I don’t sneak around, Abe.  I don’t do secrets.  You don’t owe me anything, okay?  I wouldn’t put that on you.”  He nodded his head toward Jeremy.  “You either, Jeremy.”  Jeremy had been watching us, but turned back to the pond.

I studied Malcolm.  His voice was pleasant and calm, but held something deliberate as well.  He had his teeth clenched; I could tell by the way the muscles in his jaw ticked.

Malcolm’s words broke something loose in me.  He was right; it was stupid to make kids in charge of the fallout of bad adult decisions.  Suddenly I
wanted
to go with Malcolm, and though my heart pounded at the idea, I thought that if someone should happen to see us, I wanted that too. Uncle Todd deserved that for holding on to such undeserved righteousness.  But I didn’t want to show my uncle he was wrong by using Malcolm to upset him.  That wouldn’t be right either.  Of course, I had more reasons for wanting to go with Malcolm than just sticking it to my uncle. I had never been so confused.

Abe interrupted my thoughts.  “But Fay, it has to be a secret.  Mom said so.  If Dad knew, he wouldn’t like it.  It would make him grouchy, like he gets sometimes.  You know what I mean?”

The bravado I’d felt just a moment ago deflated.  Maybe it
shouldn’t
be up to kids to keep things from falling apart, but that didn’t change the fact that sometimes it
was
up to the kids.  My uncle was a loose cannon.  I would be leaving soon.  Abe was stuck here.  I looked at Malcolm, wavering.

I knew Malcolm probably didn’t understand the subtext in the conversation between Abe and me, but he seemed to be able to read my expression.  He held out his hand to me, and looked at me intently, and asked again, “Do you want to come keep me company while I wait for Paulie to get back?”

“Thanks, but I don’t think so.  I’m here with Abe and Jeremy.  I’ve been ditched before, and I don’t want to do it to anyone else.”

“Okay then, I’ll join you.”

I stared at him.  I had to admit I admired persistence in a person.  “I suppose I can’t stop you, since it’s a public park, and all.”

“Yep, and that way there’s no sneaking around, and it wouldn’t be you hanging out with me, it would be me relentlessly refusing to leave you alone.”  He smiled, and I smiled back, grateful for the levity.

I leaned back against the tree, the bark rough through my shirt, and tore a leaf into strips.  It felt good to rest my legs after standing with a fishing pole for so long.  Malcolm took up my rod, expertly hooking a worm and casting a third of the way across the pond.  Abe and Jeremy stood beside him, mimicking him.  It was sweet how they widened their stances and tried to cast as far as he had.

“Do you have siblings?” He was a natural with the boys.  He seemed like he had big brother experience.

“An older brother.  His name’s Wolf.”  He didn’t turn to me as he answered, so I kept my eyes on the broad expanse of his back.

“Wolf.  Wow, that’s a name.”

“It’s weird, huh?”

“I didn’t say it was weird.  I just said it was a name.  It’s a name that makes you take notice.”

“My mom named Wolf, and Dad got to name me.”  He smiled, turning to face me.  “Dad’s more traditional.  My mom’s family is kind of…unique.  She wanted to name me Hawk, but Dad said it was his turn.”

“You’re a little bit like a hawk.”

“How so?”

“You’re singularly focused on your prey.”

Malcolm laughed hard then, shaking his head like I surprised him.  He sat down by the edge of the water, still holding the fishing pole, and plucked a blade of grass from the ground and poked my knee with it.  I brushed it away, but reveled in the way that small connection between us felt, skin to grass to skin.

“Fay, you’re talking to me today, letting me be here.  I wasn’t sure you would.  Why did you change your mind?”

“You didn’t give me the choice, remember?  What could I do, manhandle you onto your lawn mower and tie you to the seat?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.  But really, why?”

I thought about it for a minute.  Abe and Jeremy were in the middle of their own conversation, paying us no attention.  I spoke quietly.  “I don’t know that I changed my mind, exactly, but what you said to Abe earlier?  You were right. He’s a kid and it’s not fair for him to be put him in the middle like that.  Then I just sort of filled up with that idea—why should the rest of us have to hold up my uncle’s anger?  That’s not right.  Then I thought about the consequence of
not
holding it up, which is maybe some fallout I wouldn’t even have to deal with.  It would be on Abe and Celia.  I don’t like my options.”

“That’s only true if you feel like you have to make a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, maybe it doesn’t matter to you whether or not you have to steer clear of me.  If you don’t want to be my friend, there isn’t an issue here.”  He turned back to the pond, as though he didn’t want me to see his face.

“I think you’re fishing for more than fish, Malcolm.”

That earned me a smile.  “Maybe.  Tell me then.  Do you need to choose?  And if you do, which way will you go?”

My feelings surrounding Malcolm were too new, too confusing, and too muddied by circumstance to sort out what I thought.  So I avoided the question.  “I think my family would be angry with me if I...”  I suddenly couldn’t finish my thought.

“If you what?”

I was surprised at myself.  It was rare for me to be lost for words, so I used his.  “If I became your friend.”

“You’ve thought about it then.”

“I guess I have.”

We heard the roar of a large truck engine then, and all four of us turned our heads to look down the path.

“Paul,” Malcolm said, as the red truck crested the hill and parked next to the lawn mower.

“Oh good.  I was hoping to see Paul today.”

Malcolm’s expression fell, and I laughed.  It was almost too easy to needle him.  “Hi, Paul!” I called out as he cut the engine, climbed out of the truck, and walked down the hill toward us.

Paul sauntered over, hands in his pockets and his lanky body loose and light, like he had no cares weighing him down.  “I got the gas, man.”

“Yeah, I see that.  Why did you choose this one time to be quick and efficient?”

Paul sank down onto the grass beside me.  “I had a feeling I was missing out on something.  You know that feeling?  Something told me I should hurry back.  Here, Fay.” He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and held it out to me.

“Hey, that’s mine.  It was in my glove box,” Malcolm said, and snatched it off Paul’s palm.  Then he turned to me.  “Here, Fay.  Want some chocolate?”

“Oh my God, you guys,” I said, laughing.  I had figured out that Paul wasn’t really flirting with me, but only teasing Malcolm, in much the same way I was.  I wasn’t sure what drove us to do it, but it was an irresistible lure.  Malcolm had an easy way about him, but even so, seriousness lurked just beneath the surface.  I could tell that things
mattered
to Malcolm, in a way that made me admire him but also drove me to try and pull him up and out from behind his smile.  For some reason, teasing him seemed like the way to accomplish that.

Paul was open as a window on a spring day, and I knew where he stood, and it seemed to be in the same place I did. He winked at me conspiratorially. I unwrapped the chocolate, and broke it into five pieces.  I gave Paul a piece first, which I knew would bug Malcolm.  I gave Abe and Jeremy pieces, and even bit into my own piece before I gave Malcolm his piece.  “Thanks, guys.”

Malcolm glared at Paul, but in that way best friends do.  Long friendships have a way of flowing from irritation to happiness to peace, and back again, the comfort of acceptance and trust making every feeling easy.

“It’s pretty cool that you two have your own business,” I said.  “How long have you been working together?”

Paul puffed out his chest.  “Since the beginning of last summer.  I got us started.”

Malcolm punched him on the arm.  “You did not.  I suggested we start a mowing business way back when we were freshmen.”

“Yeah, you did, but two years down the road, who was it that found the auction and got that mower up there?  I’m the one who put the plan into action,” Paul said.  Then he quickly turned his head and whispered to me so that Malcolm wouldn’t hear, “Now watch these fireworks.”  He sat back and grinned.

Malcolm may not have heard the words, but he didn’t like that Paul whispered in my ear.  That much was evident by his narrowed eyes.  He leaned back on his hands.  “Whatever, Paul.  It’s my Weed Eater, that’s my truck; those are my gas cans you filled.  I book all our jobs.  You’re late every damn day and I get at least an hour’s worth of work done before you even show up.  You want me to continue?”  Being that Malcolm was a fairly unflappable guy, his voice stayed smooth and lazy through his rebuttal.  After the touchy moodiness that comprised Celia’s household, this type of friendly discourse was a welcome relief.

I laughed and stood up.  “As entertaining as your arguing is, and it truly is entertaining, I’m sure you both should actually be
doing
the job you keep bragging about.” I took my pole back from Malcolm, who hadn’t even had one fish nibble at his bait, and leaned it against the tree.

“I may let my catches go, but at least I catch something in the first place.”  I let my eyes fall on his for just a second, knowing the buzzing I felt when he was near would start up again.  It did.

“I just needed a little more time, that’s all,” he said.  “We really could stay a little longer.  I promise we can stop arguing.  Paul just knows how to push my buttons.”

“It’s not that.  It was fun to watch you guys.  It’s easy to see you’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Our whole lives,” he said, proudly.  He walked up the hill, and this time, I followed.  At the top, he stood beside the mower, and we were alone.  “You’re really going to let your uncle’s old grudge stop you from seeing me?”

I knew I was standing too close to him, but I didn’t back up.  He smelled green, like grass, and piney, like wood.  A breeze came and blew his hair the wrong way, so it stood straight up before falling back down to his scalp.  “I’m going to do what I want.”

“And what do you want?”

“I’m figuring it out.  When I know, you’ll know.”  The truth was, Celia avoided being home by being with Ronan and Esta, or at work. Abe did the same thing with Jeremy.  My own need to disappear from the house was quickly pointing me in the direction of Malcolm.

As if he had read my thoughts, he said, “Come to my house for lunch tomorrow.  Meet my mom.” He spoke quickly, as though he was afraid I’d take off again.