The Cowboy's Sweetheart (12 page)

Wyatt looked at the girls. “Yeah, I was. I learned something though. If you're worried about being like him, that means you know what he did wrong. You can make changes.”

Ryder wondered about that. He wondered about Wyatt and the past year, trying to get his life back.

“Take my word for it, you can do this, Ryder. But first you have to make Andie feel like you love her, like she's your sweetheart, not the woman that lassoed you and dragged you down the aisle against your will.”

Make her feel like his sweetheart? He had a feeling flowers and chocolate weren't the key to Andie's heart. And he had bigger problems than that. How did he go from thinking of her as his best friend to turning her into the person he loved?

He might not have all the answers, but he did know the way to her heart. And it wasn't chocolate.

 

It was dark outside when headlights flashed across the living room wall. Andie glanced out the window, but she couldn't see who it was. Alyson walked to the window and shrugged.

“I don't know who it is. It's a truck and a trailer.” Alyson shot Andie a knowing look. “It's Ryder.”

“Why can't he give me a break?”

“Because he's worried about you?” Alyson left the room and Andie knew she was letting Ryder in, and
she imagined the two would share secretive little looks, maybe whisper something about her mood.

Staying down was not easy. She kicked her feet into the couch and screamed a silent scream of protest. When the footsteps headed her way she managed a calm smile.

“What are you doing here?” She flipped off the television when he walked into the room. He stood in the doorway, his hand behind his back. His jeans had pastel pink stains down the front.

Alyson peeked in, screwing up her face. “That's nice.”

Andie drew in a deep breath and exhaled. “Fine, I can play this game. Ryder, it's nice to see you.”

He smiled and stepped into the room, dark hair and dark eyes, and all cowboy. Except the pink stain. Her gaze kept straying to the pink blotch. But then his hands moved.

He had flowers and a sheepish grin as he held them out to her. She wanted to laugh. He actually had flowers. Her heart did something strange, because he'd never done that before. No one had ever bought her flowers. He hadn't even bought her flowers when he took her to the prom. Not even a wrist corsage.

“I wanted to check on you. I thought I'd see if there was anything you needed.” He shrugged a little and he looked cute in jeans that had dirty smudges on the knees and a T-shirt that was a little threadbare. He didn't smell good.

“What have you been doing? You stink.”

“Sorry, I worked with calves all day and then I had to go pick something up.”

“You have pink on your jeans.”

“Sidewalk chalk.”

She pictured him on a sidewalk drawing hearts and flowers. He wouldn't have liked that image of himself.

He walked across the room with the flowers that were a little smushed and slightly wilted. She took them and held them to her nose. The rose in the bouquet flopped to the side with a broken stem. She peeked over the top of the flowers and smiled because his cheeks were ruddy from the sun and embarrassment.

“What did you have to pick up? The flowers?” She scooted up so he could sit on the couch next to her. He didn't sit down.

“No, I bought the flowers at…” He looked down, at boots covered in mud. On Etta's glossy wood floors. “I bought them at the convenience store.”

They both laughed. At least they could still do that. “I love them.”

“I bought you something else. I know you can't get up right now. But if you could sneak over to the window, I'll show you.”

“Oh, okay.”

And then he was gone. She waited a few seconds to see if he would come back. When he didn't she hurried over to the window and looked out. He was opening the back of the trailer. Her heart hammered a little harder than before.

It was dark but the light in the back yard glowed in the night and bugs buzzed around the front porch light. Andie leaned close to the screen and waited for Ryder to walk out the back of the trailer. When he did, she laughed.

He stopped in the yard, looking up at the window, at her. He motioned to the creature standing behind him. She pushed the window up.

“How do you like her?”

“A llama?”

“An alpaca.” He sounded a little offended. “You said you wanted one.”

“And I do. And she's beautiful. I love her.”

“Etta can knit blankets with her wool.”

“For the…” She bit down on her lip for a second. “For the baby.”

He nodded and then he gathered up the lead rope of the animal. “Yes, for the baby. I'll put her in the corral with hay for tonight. Tomorrow we can see how she does with horses.”

She watched until he was out of sight and then she hurried back to the couch. But Etta caught her. Etta, a dish towel in her hands and a frown on her face.

“What are you doing up?”

“Ryder had a surprise for me. I just slipped over to the window to see what it was.”

“And it was what?”

She laughed. “An alpaca. Can you believe he got me an alpaca?”

“I think that's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Now, stay on that couch and I'll make hot cocoa.”

An alpaca. Andie hugged her pillow and she couldn't stop smiling. The flowers were on the table, wilted but fragrant. And Ryder had bought her an alpaca.

She'd always known that sweet side of him. He'd always done the silliest things. The sweetest things.

And she'd never been able to think about falling in love with someone else, because she'd always loved him. She had dreamed of him someday loving her, someday asking her to marry him. But the dreams had been different.

The dreams hadn't included mistakes and this wall
between them. The dreams had included words of love and forever, not the words
have to.

She'd loved him forever and no one knew her secret but her. And probably God. The two of them knew how it had hurt to be his best friend while he dated, and never women like her. Ryder had dated women from Tulsa. He had dated the kind of woman she would never be, the manicured kind who always knew how to put outfits together, always looked stylish and beautiful.

His footsteps, minus boots, alerted her to his presence. She looked up as he walked through the door of the living room, without his hat, without boots. She smiled at his bare feet and he shifted a little, like he couldn't handle bare feet in her presence.

“Etta made me take my boots off.”

“It's okay, you have cute feet.”

He sat down on the coffee table facing her. “My feet aren't cute. I have long toes.”

“My toes look like little clubs. Etta says because I went barefoot when I was a kid. I should have worn shoes.” She stopped herself from rambling more. She looked up at him. “I love the alpaca.”

“Nothing says I care like an alpaca.” He winked and her stomach did this funny thing that felt like flips. How often had she watched him wink at girls, and then watched those same silly females follow him, not knowing that he wasn't good for much more than one date. One night.

But they'd done everything together. They'd gone everywhere together. She'd been his comfort zone. He'd been safe with her. Maybe too safe, she decided.

“You're right about that.” She couldn't look at him, her heart ached and it hurt to take a deep breath.

“Andie, I'm sorry. This isn't the way we planned our
lives, but we can make it work. I'm going to be a good dad. I'll figure out how to be good at this.”

“I know you will.” She met his dark brown gaze and her heart thudded, her face warmed. “I know, because I know who you are, that you're good and kind.”

“I'm not, Andie. I've never been good or kind. I've been shallow and selfish just about all of my life.”

“Not to me.”

He reached for her hand and she held her breath as he slid his fingers between hers. “No, not to you.”

His eyes narrowed a little as he stared at their hands, and then he leaned. He leaned and he slid his free hand to the back of her neck, cupping it with a gentleness that made her heart melt. His lips touched hers, leaving behind the sweet taste of cola. Time slowed down and he held her close, keeping his lips close to hers. He moved, kissing her hair right above her ear and still holding her. He whispered but her brain didn't connect words that sounded as if he meant to hold her forever.

And then Etta cleared her throat. “Hot cocoa anyone?”

Ryder scrambled back away from her, leaving her alone and cold on the sofa. He stood up, looking sixteen and ashamed of being caught necking in the parlor. Andie smiled at this side of him, the soft and vulnerable side.

“I should go.” He coughed a little. “I'll be back to morrow. To check on the alpaca, and on you.”

Andie nodded and then he was gone. From her seat on the sofa she watched his truck go down the road, back in the direction of his house.

He'd bought her an alpaca, and he'd kissed her goodbye. As much as she wanted to go back to being “just friends” she knew that could never happen.

R
yder hadn't gone home the night before. Instead he'd left Andie's, driven past his house and straight to Tulsa. He hadn't been sure what he was going to do once he got there, but as he'd driven past a home store, it had hit him. He was going to have a kid, and that kid needed a room. A nursery.

Kids had rooms. Babies had nurseries. He'd learned a lot last night while he'd been shopping.

Two pots of coffee later, he stepped back and looked at the wall he'd been painting. It wasn't what he'd expected, but it wasn't bad. It was pretty good considering he didn't have a clue what he was doing. This was a far cry from painting a wall white, or beige.

“What are you doing?” Wyatt walked up beside him. “I guess I know what you're doing, but isn't it a little early?”

“If a guy's going to have faith,” the word wasn't easy to get out, “then he has to have faith. I'm going to be a dad and my kid is going to have the best nursery I can make.”

“Green?”

“Yeah, green. For a boy or a girl.” Ryder didn't look at
his brother, he kept looking at the walls and he explained what the girl at the all night home store had told him. She'd said this was some shade of antique pastel green. And it would look great with cream trim on the woodwork. That's what the girl at the store had said.

He'd taken her word for it because he would have painted the room pink if it had been up to him. Pink because he couldn't stop thinking about having a little girl. As much as he'd ever wanted anything, the idea of that little girl in his arms had become the biggest dream ever.

Wyatt stepped over to the box Wyatt had placed on top of an old dresser. He started pulling out stuff that Ryder had bought on his late-night shopping trip. A train, a picture of a pony, a porcelain doll and a clown. Ryder still didn't like the clown. It looked too creepy for a baby's room. Wyatt shot him a look.

“That's the creepiest clown I've ever seen.” Wyatt dropped it back in the box. “So, trains, stuffed animals and butterflies?”

“It could be a boy or a girl. We won't know for a couple of months.” We, as in he and Andie. He figured it would get easier to deal with, eventually.

But he thought most people planned these things and had time to adjust, to deal with it. He was going to be a dad and that hadn't been on any of his to-do lists.

He tried not to think of Andie losing the baby because he didn't really want to think about how that would make him feel. It didn't make sense that something he hadn't wanted, hadn't planned to have, could mean so much to a guy in a matter of weeks. It felt like something he wouldn't be able to handle losing.

His kid.

The whole nursery thing had happened after he'd
kissed Andie earlier. Or had it been the night before. He glanced at his wrist, but his watch was on the counter downstairs. And none of that took his mind off that kiss. If a kiss, if holding a woman could make a man change his mind about having a woman in his life forever, that might have been the moment.

“What about a bed?” Wyatt finished rummaging through the box and looked at him.

“Our old cradle and crib are in the attic. I thought I'd sand them down.”

“Wow, seriously?”

Anything for his kid.

“Yeah, a baby has to have a place to sleep.”

Wyatt walked over to the rocking chair Ryder had bought last night. Every time he looked at that rocking chair he pictured it next to the window and he could see Andie in it, holding their baby. For that to happen, she'd have to marry him. She'd have to live here with him and make a home with him.

That didn't seem likely because she was pretty stuck on their “best friend” relationship. He had to take the blame for that.

“You're right—a baby has to have a place to sleep.” Wyatt touched the rocking chair and his smile faded. Ryder thought Wyatt probably had images in his mind that were a little harder to face. Images of Wendy holding their girls.

Ryder slapped his brother on the back. “I think we need to go break a horse or something. All of this paint is starting to get to me.”

“Wish I could, but the girls are waking up. I'm going to drive over to Grove. Do you need anything from town?”

“I was in Tulsa until three in the morning. What do you think?”

“Probably not. How did it go with Andie?”

“I bought her an alpaca.”

Wyatt shook his head. “Okay, maybe you don't know what you're doing.”

“What? She liked it.”

“Yeah, she probably did.”

Ryder grinned, “I bought her flowers, too.”

Wyatt shook his head and walked out of the room. “You'll never get it.”

Ryder dipped the brush in the paint and finished up a small section of wall that he didn't want to leave undone. Green, for a boy or a girl. The clerk at the home store had asked him all the details, like when was the baby due and did they have a name picked out. And he'd tried to think up answers because he didn't have any.

He tossed the brush into the tray and walked out of the room. A guy who was having a baby should have answers. By the time he pulled up to Etta's he'd managed to cool down.

Etta answered the door, motioning him into the kitchen and then looking at him like he'd dropped off the moon.

“Do you want a cup of coffee or a shower?” Her nose wrinkled and she stepped back. “Take your boots off.”

“I guess I look pretty bad.” He looked down. The pink chalk had faded but he had specks of paint on his shirt and arms.

“Not too bad. She's in the living room.”

“Has she had breakfast? I could take her a tray.”

“You might lose your head. She's already sick of
staying down. She made Alyson drag that alpaca up to the window, right up on my front porch.”

He laughed picturing that in his mind. Alyson was about the prissiest female he'd ever met. If she and Andie didn't look so much alike, he'd say there wasn't any way they could be twins.

“She'll be glad to see me.” He took the cup of coffee from Etta. “Do you think she wants anything?”

“No, she can't have more coffee. One cup a day and she had eggs for breakfast.”

He nodded and walked down the hall to the living room. He knew this house as well as he knew his own and as a kid he'd probably spent more time here than at home. He peeked around the door of the living room and Andie smiled. She didn't look mean. Or angry.

“Come in.” She grimaced and looked him over, top to bottom. “You look horrible.”

“Thanks.” He sat down in the rocking chair, still holding his cup of coffee.

“You're wearing the same clothes you had on last night.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“And you haven't shaved.”

He rubbed his hand across his cheek. It had been a couple of days since he'd shaved. “Andie, about the baby. What do you think we'll name her?”

She smiled and curled back into the couch. “Name her? I don't know. I mean, we don't know if…if she'll be a girl.”

“But she might be.”

“Yeah, she might be.” Her eyes softened and she looked out the window. “I like the name Maggie.”

“We could call her Magpie.”

“Yeah, we could. And buy her a pony when she's three.”

Andie looked at him and her smile faded. “Ryder, I don't want to do this.”

“What, have the baby?” He could barely get the words out, but she was shaking her head.

“I don't want to plan. I don't want to think about names when I might lose her.”

“That isn't going to happen.” He wouldn't let it happen. The idea of this kid had settled inside him. The idea of Andie as the mother of his child was settling inside him, taking root. He tried to smile, for Andie's sake. “What happened to faith? What happened to trusting God?”

“I'm trying…I'm really trying, but I didn't expect this to be so hard.” She bit down on her bottom lip and he'd never seen her like that—vulnerable. Her blue eyes were huge and her lips trembled.

Andie had always been the strongest woman he knew. She hadn't ever really seemed to need him, or anyone else. He always said she rolled with the punches.

But a baby changed everything.

He left the rocking chair and went to her side. She looked up, blue eyes swimming in tears that didn't fall. “I'll have enough faith for both of us. I can do that for you. I can do that for her.”

And he meant it.

Step one in being a dad, trusting someone other than himself. Trusting God. He hoped God was still in the forgiving business because if Ryder was going to work on faith, he had a lot to confess to the Almighty. He had a lot of work to do on himself.

 

Andie leaned against a shoulder that was strong and wide and Ryder held her close. She sniffed into his shirt and pulled back.

“You really have to take a shower.”

“Sorry, I should have done that before I came over, but I had to know. Last night someone asked me what we were going to name her, and when she'd be born, and I didn't know the answer.”

“Where were you last night?” Ick, was that jealousy? Andie shrugged it off. “I mean, you left here and…”

“I went to Tulsa to buy a few things for the house. And then I stayed up all night working.”

She ran her hand down his arm, touching small spatters of green paint. She didn't want to take her hand off his arms. They were suntanned and strong. “Were you painting?”

“Yeah. You know, the girls are living at the house, and Wyatt.”

“Oh.” And it shouldn't have hurt. She should have been glad that he was doing something for the girls.

“Hey, let me get you some books. Or lunch. Would you like some chocolate?”

“Ryder, I don't need anything.” She glanced out the window. “Except up from here.”

“Yeah, I can't do that for you. What about Dusty?”

“I miss him. He probably thinks I've abandoned him.” She wiped at her eyes. “Could you go out and check on him?”

“You know I will. But I wanted to check on you, first.”

His voice was gentle but deep and he was still sitting on the coffee table, facing her. She brushed at her eyes again.

“Ryder, I'm so afraid.”

“Why?”

She pulled back, looking at him, at a face she knew as well as she knew her own. She knew that dimple in his chin, the way his hair curled when it got a little too long, and the way his brown eyes danced when he was amused. And she thought he should know her, too.

“Because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't want to lose this baby. It was the most unexpected thing in the world, but now…” She wiped at her eyes. “She's a part of me. She's a part of us. As afraid as I am of raising her, I'm afraid of losing her.”

“I'm not going to let you raise her alone.” He grinned. “Or him.”

That wasn't what she wanted him to say. She wanted him to say that he was afraid. But telling her she wouldn't be alone in this, maybe he was doing his best, the best a cowboy who had never planned on settling down could do.

It wasn't like he was going to suddenly pledge his undying love to her. She was lucky he'd agreed to go to church. He had promised to have enough faith for both of them. That was good, because her faith was pretty shaky at the moment and at least he was strong.

“I know you won't.” She looked out the window. A car drove down the road, a rare thing for their street at this time of day. It didn't stop.

It went on down the road, the distraction ended. And her heart was still aching because she was going to have a baby and she wanted more than anything to hear Ryder say he loved her.

“You should go. I know you have a lot to do today.” She didn't want him to feel like he had to stay and take care of her.

She wanted to get up and take care of herself. She'd thought about it earlier, before anyone was up. She'd considered sneaking out of the house and going outside to check on her horse and see the alpaca. And small twinges of pain had convinced her otherwise.

As hard as it was to stay in bed, she didn't want to take chances.

“I don't have a lot to do, Andie. I've been getting things taken care of. Today I'm here to take care of you.”

She squirmed a little. “I really don't think that's a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Because that isn't us.”

“It's the new us.” He sniffed his own shirt. “But I do need a shower.”

“Ryder, really, you don't have to stay here and take care of me. I have Etta and Alyson. They'll take care of me.”

Ryder stood up. “This isn't just about you, Andie, this is about our baby. I'm taking care of you and our baby.”

“I don't need to be taken care of.”

“Of course you don't, you stubborn female.” He walked to the door. “I'll be back in an hour.”

The front door slammed and then she heard him backing out of the driveway and then shifting as he headed back down the road. She picked up one of the wedding magazines that Alyson had been looking at.

White and frilly. Couldn't a wedding be practical? She was practical. She wouldn't want a dress she couldn't wear again. She wouldn't want cake that looked beautiful but tasted like dust.

If she was to get married she'd want daisies and
denim. She'd want to ride off into the sunset on her horse and camp in the mountains for her honeymoon. With her baby next to her. But who was the groom in this little dream? The guy who wanted to take care of her?

Her hand went to her belly and she whispered, wondering if it was true that babies could hear from inside the womb. But a baby the size of a shrimp? She really didn't like that image.

She preferred picturing the full-sized baby, with brown hair and brown eyes. Her imagination fast-forwarded her ten years and she was still living with Etta, raising her daughter. But in the dream, Ryder was a visitor and a woman waited in his truck as he picked up his daughter for the weekend.