The Covent Garden Ladies (22 page)

She is rather tall, inclining to the majestic in gait, and has so many voluptuous and inviting graces in her countenance, that it is impossible to behold her without admiration and desire; her teeth are as white and regular as possible, and her eyes are lightening which cannot be withstood. She is not twenty-two, and is the finest woman on the common that we know of. (1779)

THE UNUSUAL

Betsey B—l—w, in Castle Street, Oxford Market

‘Who so fair as lovely Bet?’

If polished ivory has any resemblance to skin, it may be compared to Betsey’s, the firmness and smoothness of which are unparalleled: what extasy it is, even to feel so delicate a creature, to one who is an admirer of flesh and blood. Her eyes are blue, and hair of the sandy colour; has some extreme good teeth, and a very fine hand and arm: her only fault is being very wide and relaxed in a particular part, which renders her but an indifferent bedfellow: if she was not to drink so much tea, (the bane of one third of our females) it would be much better for her in respect to this relaxation; but women seldom know what it salutary, and generally poison themselves by drams, or throw themselves into consumptions with slip-slops.
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(1773)

Miss Wilkins

‘What an angelic face!—but what a form!’

This lady very lately resided in Princes Street, Bloomsbury, at a midwife’s. She is not above twenty, and has a very engaging countenance, with fine, dark, melting eyes, and very regular teeth. Her person does not entirely correspond; she is short and very crooked; but she has a certain latent charm that more than compensates for any deformity of body. In a word, take her all in all, she is a very good piece; and, if you can forget she is hunch-backed, she is a little Venus. (1773)

Sally Str—on, at a Grocer’s in Little Wild Street

‘Nor bars nor turnpikes shall my way impede’

The character of this lady is very singular, having been upon the town near six months without ever having been fairly entered. She is so conformed as to require a peculiar method of cohabitation with her, a bar being naturally in the way, which causes a kind of obstruction; without fixing her in a certain position, no one can perform what he would wish to do. Her face is extremely agreeable, good eyes, fine teeth, about the middling size, and inclinable to be fat. She might easily pass for a maidenhead, if she kept her own secrets; but she seems to be too honest, or rather too simple to deceive anyone in that particular. Her price us optional, consequently every thing is made very easy, excepting her commodity. (1773)

Miss Jordan, No.20, Little Wild Street

As a remarkable woman, we could not pass over this lady, for she is an absolute curiosity, weighing, at least seventeen or eighteen stone, and considering that this is no light weight to carry, she is very nimble—we must confess we should be very loath to trust ourselves with her in bed lest we should be overlaid, or that she should chuse to place herself in a particular posture, and we should be that way smothered; she is very fair, and has a face somewhat resembling a full moon, she is always neat and clean in her dress, and is said to have a particular natural curiosity, equally remarkable with her person, either of which are open to the inspection of the curious on reasonable terms. (1779)

SMALL AND TALL

Jenny Dorrington, Russell Street

This little lass is of the pigmy size; she bolts in and out of the Rose and Ben Johnson’s Head, like a rabbet in a warren. Her hair, eyes and eye-brows, are nearly black: she is neatly made, but of a sallow complexion, and a face that won’t bear much examining. Her limbs, tho’ small, are very neat; and as her size is very uncommon, we would recommend her to some old virtuosi, to
keep in a case, and produce her for the entertainment of his friends, or for his own private occasions, as he shall think fit. (1761)

Miss Sims, No.82, Queen Ann Street East

‘Like some fair flower, whose leaves all colours yeild,

And opening is with rarest odours fill’d

As lofty pines o’er top the lowly reed,

So does her graceful height most nymphs exceed’

Miss Sims is fair and tall, and if well paired would be a very proper mould to cast grenadiers in; is about twenty, and though rather above the common height, is not ungraceful nor awkward. She knows her value and will seldom accept of less than two guineas, which indeed are well-bestowed. It is remarkable that her lovers are most commonly of a diminutive size. The vanity of surmounting such a fine tall woman in, doubtless, an incentive to many, to so unmatch themselves, that they are content to be like sweet-bread on a breast of veal. Yet, not withstanding her size, we hear her low countries are far from being capacious, but like a well-made boot, is drawn on the leg with some difficulty, and sits too close as to give great pleasure to the wearer; it is about two years since her boot has been accustomed to wear legs in it, and though often soaled
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yet never wears out. (1788)

SISTERS

Miss Sells, in King Street, Covent Garden

‘The passion love unto their fancy brings

The prettiest notions and the sofest things’

These ladies have so long figured in private that they might arraign us of partiality if we did not honor them with a place. ‘Tis true, they have often favoured us with their company, and ‘twas with secret pleasure we have beheld them when we have had the honor to wait behind their chairs at our house; with how much composure they have stood the most indecent attacks made upon their persons and understandings; our brother Robinson (a pimp at the
Fountain in Katherine Street) had often remarked his agreeable neighbours to us, when they lived in Katherine Street, and their father kept a jeweler’s shop; a poor old German, whose heart they broke, and he, in a fit of insanity, tied himself up in his garters, when they lodged in Great Queen Street, after having left their house in the aforesaid street. After his death they removed to the house they now inhabit in King Street, with their aged mother, who, poor woman, is no more than a cypher, having no will of her own, being obliged to her daughters for her support; she answers, however, their ends, and I suppose they find it to their purpose to give her victuals, or else they are so good oeconomists the old lady would long ago have been sent to the workhouse.

Were we to enumerate half their intrigues since their commencement, it would fill two pretty novels for Mr. Noble’s Library
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, and therefore much exceed the bounds of our work: the eldest of them is a good shewy girl, rather going down hill; she has, to be sure, gone thro’ a great deal of service and taken some rough medicines to cause abortion, which have pretty much affected her, yet notwithstanding we give her the preference.

The youngest is not so tall as her sister, her complexion somewhat better, for the good girl let Nature take its course and has a fine daughter, who lives at home with them, tho’ under the sanction of a young lady as a boarder. The eldest cannot be less than thirty, the other perhaps, three years younger; they are good company, and indeed not despicable as to understanding: they have seen a good deal of the town, and can superficially talk on most subjects, but the theatre is their favourite. If our readers will call, when sauntering by their shop, and buy a trifle, they will allow part of what we have said to be true, and a present, well timed, and a jaunt into the country will make them acquainted with all their secrets.

N.B. They understand a jilting, and will fight shy a long time, a coup de maitre will therefore be necessary. (1773)

Mrs. Hendridge, Moorfields

‘Like Heav’n, she takes no pleasure to destroy’

Sister-in-law to a lady in these lists, named Fowler, whose brother she married, unfortunately for him; for the poor fellow scarce ever after knew what happiness was. He got madam with child before the ceremony, as she
says; and thereon she went to his house, (a brassfounder in Houndsditch), and insisted upon not quitting it, alledging it was hers and that she would remain wherever he was. Her friends by promising him a sum of money, (which they never gave him) made up the match. She launched out into all the fashionable follies, and soon melted all her husband’s brass into caps, handkerchiefs and aprons; he became a bankrupt, and she has sent him into the country to his relations to graze, that she might take her swing of pleasure more uncontrouled.

She is not so lusty as her sister Fowler, whom we have mentioned; a little pock-marked: geentel, tho’ not so handsome; and has a neat leg and foot; her hair light-coloured, and her eyes grey. She has a good deal of life and spirits in company, and is agreeable and chatty.

Her sister and she always hunt together, and may be often met with at the bread and butter manufactories
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at Islington, but more especially at White-Conduit House, with the master of which Mrs. Fowler had an intrigue. As they are of quite a different make, there seem policy in their being together, as they cannot interfere with each other’s swains, and it answers several other purposes which they know well to turn to their advantage.

We wish they would not endeavor at the dress of the ladies in the Stand, with such bunches of ribbons, such tawdry dresses, and boldness in their countenances. If they mean to have citizens for their admirers, their very looks are enough to frighten them from the beginning of a conversation. (1773)

LADIES OF THE TON

Miss Ledger, next to the Bookseller’s, Mayfair

It is impossible to account for the peculiarities of some people, as for the different formation of fishes and animals, for this reason we believe and shall not find one person able to give an explanation of this lady’s behaviour, for as we never understood, that an old man was an agreeable bedfellow for a young woman, we are exceeding surprised that she should support one merely through inclination. She has a number of visitors, some of them men of fashion, who enable her to live in a very elegant manner; she dresses in a stile absolutely grand, and is a constant frequenter of public places, especially
Ranelagh,
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where she is very well known. She is commonly attended when she walks abroad, by a little black foot-boy, who carries her lap dog on a fine crimson cushion, which is curiously ornamented with tassels. She is very fond of reading plays, and will continue sometimes repeating passages from them for an hour altogether; she likewise places incoherent rhimes together on the subject of love, and is highly pleased to hear any person commend the poetry. She is about twenty-three, has an elegant gait and good eyes; her face is handsome, but she uses too much paint; her favours are very difficult to gain without a very handsome present. (1779)

Mrs. Deville, No.7, Holland Street, Soho

‘Here’s a lot for Sk—r, or Ch—ie fit

To hold up and knock down as they shall hit’

This is a first rate Thais, who, though in good keeping by a Count, whose name she has now taken, has no sort of objection to a bank note as being a great patriot, she hold Britannia, even upon paper, in the highest estimation. However, a banker’s note of only five guineas carries with it a degree of temptation not to be refused, when out of competition with one of the first class. Mrs. D—lle is a great frequenter of auctions, and being a particular admirer of old china, she upon these occasions commonly makes acquaintance with some connoisseur, whom she desires to bid for her; the consequence is, the lot is entered in his name, and to prevent him further trouble, she takes it home in her carriage. This lady is about twenty two years of age, tall, genteel and very agreeable, though a little pitted with the smallpox, but this is not visible at any distance, especially after she has paid due attention to her toilet. Her eyes are dark and very expressive, her disposition extremely chatty, and has entirely surmounted that mauvaise houte, for which the English have by foreigners been frequently stigmatized. Indeed, from the circumstance of her auction manoeuvres, it is almost superfluous to mention, that she is a woman of uncommon address, possessed of a small share of modest assurance, very necessary to carry adventures in the fortune of the world, of both sexes, through it with success. Her sideboard of plate is said to be very valuable, as she has occasionally increased it at sales, by her uncommon adroitness in forming good connections in a hurry. We think Mrs. D—‘s
intrigues may afford some useful hints to the frail sister-hood in her elevated line. (1790)

SELECT SERVICES

Oral Sex

Miss Noble, No. 10, Plow Court, Fetter Lane

‘She darted a sweet kiss,

The wanton prelude to a farther bliss

Such as might kindle frozen appetite

And fire e’en wasted nature with delight’

She is really a fine girl, with a lovely fair complexion, a most engaging behaviour and affable disposition. She has a most consummate skill in reviving the dead; for as she loves nothing but active life, she is happy when she can restore it: and her tongue has a double charm, both when speaking and when silent; for the tip of it, properly applied, can talk eloquently to the heart, whilst no sound pervades the ear and send such feelings to the central spot, that immediately demands the more noble weapon to close the melting scene. (1788)

Miss H—lsb—ry, No. 14, Goodge Street

‘This Pleasant vineyard is well stor’d with fruit,