The Confession (18 page)

He found Lydia sitting on the deck in
her favorite chair. This was her favorite spot in the house, a
place where she found peace and solitude. Adam knelt before her and
she opened her legs to him. He moved forward, sank into her soft
body, and kissed the nape of her neck. “Are you
alright?”

“Yeah, that was
difficult
Adam. Having to tell my son what happened to me has changed
me.”

“How has it changed you?”

Lydia sighed. “It’s made me realize
that I cannot change what has happened, no matter how long I hold
on to the anger. I don’t want to walk around the house acting like
the victim. I don’t want them worrying about me every day of the
week. I don’t want them constantly afraid to say something to me
for fear of upsetting me. I don’t want this affecting their
lives.”

“While I agree with you, I also worry
that you’re not dealing with the issue. Are you pushing this aside
for the sake of the children?”

“Yes and no. I’ve thought
long and hard on how to deal with this. Do I seek therapy? Do I
hide in my room and cry all day? Do I seek revenge? Forgiveness
isn’t easy. John betrayed my trust and hurt me physically. Now,
nineteen years later, he has hurt me emotionally. I don’t want to
make myself sick over this. I want to get past the anger and
resentment
because at the end of the day, I look at our daughter and I
thank God she is in our lives. I don’t want this anger to darken my
soul.”

“You are an amazing woman Lydia. I knew
it the day I married you, and twenty years later, you are still the
center of my universe. Your strength amazes me. I love you honey,
and I am glad you have found peace with what happened so long ago.
You are right when you say you do not want this to affect the
children. They are still impressionable, and if we do not handle
this correctly, they will suffer. I don’t want that to happen to
them.”

“Neither do I, Adam. They are my
lifeline to this world, and I’ll do whatever is necessary to
protect them. Nothing will destroy our family.”

Chapter 14

John felt wrestles and irritated. His
meeting earlier that day with Father Mallard depressed
him.

“Father Brady; I will
approve
your request
for a
sabbatical on one condition. I want
you to sign a confidentiality agreement. What happened in your past
must never be discussed.”

John looked down at the agreement. “I
don’t understand why I have to sign this. I already informed you I
would not discuss this with anyone. This feels like blackmail, and
I refuse to sign it.”

“If you refuse to sign this
document, Father Brady, you will be stripped of all clerical duties
until you comply. As you know, we cannot have another scandal. If
the facts surrounding Gail’s parentage
were made public,
it
would not only cause great distress for The Cardinal, but it would
bring shame to this church. You must sign!”

“I will not sign, Father
Mallard. You will not force me to comply with something that I do
not agree with. Do you honestly
think
I wish to discuss this
with anyone other than my family? Do you really
believe
I want to
disgrace the church, to hurt my daughter? I have lived with this
for nineteen years.”

“And this is why we have a problem. You
referred to Gail as your daughter. You hid this truth from me! Why
would you do that Father Brady? A lie of omission is a
sin.”

“I did not hide the truth from anyone.
It is in my file for all to see. The fact that I do not wish to
discuss it should be obvious. I should not be at fault for your
lack of due diligence.” At that moment, John knew with certainty
that his life as a priest would end. Once again, secrecy suffocated
him.

“As I have said, Father
Mallard, I will not sign your document. If by not signing, my life
as a priest ends, then so be it. In my heart, signing it signifies
that Gail is not worthy of God’s love. I know that I can never
acknowledge her as my daughter. Adam is her
father,
and he loves
her. In the eyes of God, he knows the
truth
and by signing your
document, you are asking me to negate her existence, and that I
will not do. Now, if you will excuse me, I will pack my belongings
and leave the rectory. I will leave the keys to the van on the
table by the door.”

“You are making a grave mistake, Father
Brady.”

“That may be
so. However
, Gail is not a mistake. What I did was morally and
criminally
wrong.
However
, my daughter is a precious gift
from God. Her young life is pure, and I will not tarnish it with my
transgression. Your letter devalues her life. I have made my
decision, and I ask that you accept it.”

I am in a state of shock. My life as a
priest is over. Father Mallard will not force me to sign that
agreement. I would rather walk away from the only life I’ve known
rather than devalue Gail’s life.

After packing my few belongings, I
leave the rectory and realize I have no transportation. I call
Mary. “Can you pick me up outside the church? I no longer have a
car.”

“What happened, John? You sound
funny.”

“My life as a priest ended today.” I
relay the conversation I had with Father Mallard. “I don’t know
what to do Mary. The priesthood has been my life for nineteen
years. In my heart, I could not sign his letter. I am tired of
burying the past. It is eating away at my soul. Please, I cannot
discuss this. Can you pick me up?”

“Stay where you are. I’ll be there in
thirty minutes.”

Jennifer Harrison was
unpacking the flowers she intended to plant in the church’s garden
when she saw Father Brady sitting on the steps outside the church.
He looked troubled, and she hesitated
to approach
him. They’d had
a few brief conversations over the last few weeks, and John asked
her if she had the time volunteer a few hours a week to work in the
garden. Jennifer loved
gardening
and happily agreed to help.
After she had
unpacked
the car, she walked over to
Father Brady.

John sat on the church steps and waited
for his sister. All of his plans for this parish came to a
screeching end. His life once again took a detour, only this time,
he was at peace with his decision. It surprised him to see Jennifer
Harrison sit down next to him. She reached out to touch his
arm.

“Father Brady, are you alright? You
look sick.”

Startled, John turned to face her. “No,
Mrs. Harrison, I am not fine.”

“What happened? Can I help
you?”

Can she help me? I want so much to
unload the weight that is crushing me. “Have you ever made a
decision knowing that it would change your life to protect someone
you love?”

“Haven’t we all made that decision at
one time or another in our life? I know I have. What happened
Father Brady? Please know that you can trust me. I would never
betray your trust.”

“Thank you for your concern, Mrs.
Harrison. I appreciate your kindness.”

“Please call me Jennifer. Mrs. Harrison
is my mother-in-law. Give me your phone.”

John handed the phone
to
her,
and she programmed her number. “If you need a
friend, please call
me.
”

As John watched her walk
away, he looked down at his phone. He did need a friend, someone
that he could confide in, someone that he could trust. Could
he
trust her? Deep in thought, he did not hear Mary’s
question.

“John, did you hear me?” She noticed
the suitcase sitting on the ground. “Are you going
somewhere?”

“Please sit for a moment
and I will tell you what happened this
morning.
” I once again
tell my sister what happened this morning. How many times do I have
to discuss this?

“So, does this mean you are no longer a
priest?”

“The process of
being
released
from my obligation is not that simple. It will be
several months before the church releases me from my duties. As of
today, I can no longer perform services. I have no other choice.
That letter was an insult to not only my faith, but to Gail.
Everyone wants to ignore the truth. I am Gail’s father, and it
hurts more than I can say that I will never be a part of her
life.”

“Come home with me. You can
live with me until you
are released
from your obligation to the
church. Are you anxious about having dinner with Lydia? We can
cancel if you feel uncomfortable?”

“No, I want to have dinner
with them. I want to resolve this turmoil and move on with my life.
I am
happy
they feel comfortable enough to invite me into
their home. I will admit I feel a little nervous seeing
Gail.”

“Speak from the heart John. You are no
longer that person.”

Lydia’s hand shook as she tried to dry
her hair. In frustration, she threw the brush across the room. Adam
picked it up and walked over to her.

“If you want to cancel dinner, let me
know and I will call John. You don’t have to go through with this
if it makes you feel nervous.”

Lydia sighed. “I want to get past this,
and the only way to do this is to have John speak to everyone. I
know he is not the same person. I know it has been nineteen years,
but in my mind, the memories are new.”

“Do you want me to be in the room when
he speaks to Gail?”

“We need to ask her how she feels. If
she is ok being alone with John, then we should give her privacy. I
am sure he will be in the hot seat for several hours. There is no
need to make the situation tense for Gail by having you guard her
like a rabid dog.”

Adam laughed. “I guess I’ve
been
growling
a lot this week.”

“Yes, it goes against
the
grain.
However
, papa bear protecting his cubs is
rather intimidating.”

“That’s what I do
the
best
honey, protect what’s mine. Now, hurry up and dry
your hair. You are turning into a fur ball.”