The Confession (28 page)

“I know you love my children. I
absolutely know you love me. What I feel for you goes beyond love
John. It amazes me that I feel this way. We have only known each
other for a few short months. We need this time to strengthen our
relationship. I want to make love to you as your wife, and I will
be patient. You do want to marry me, don’t you?”

“Yes, my love, I want
nothing more than to be your husband, to be a
father
to Olivia
and Jason, and hopefully one day soon, have a child of our own.”
John reached into his pocket and held in his hand a simple black
velvet box. “Before I open the box, I need to tell you that I could
only afford to buy you a ring from one of those TV shopping
channels. My mother assures me that you will love it.”

With a
shaky
hand, John
slid the ring onto her finger. “Jennifer Harrison, you are the
first and only love of my life. You have taken my lonely heart and
filled it with a love so overwhelming it leaves me speechless. Will
you please release me from my loneliness and become my wife? I will
love you and our children for the remainder of my
happy
life.”

“Oh John, yes I will marry you. My ring
is so beautiful, and I will treasure it always. Olivia and Jason
are a handful. I hope you are prepared for a ton of
excitement.”

Later that evening, after dinner, John
and Jennifer spoke to the children. “Ok you two, sit still for five
minutes. Mommy wants to talk to you.”

Jason looked at her with a touch of
fear in his eyes. “Are we in trouble Mommy?”

Laughing, she said, “No honey. You are
not in trouble. Mommy wants to talk to you about John.”

Two sets of beautiful blue
eyes looked at him. John squirmed in his seat, feeling like he was
a bug under a microscope. Jason jumped off his chair, walked to
John, and stood between his legs. His beautiful eyes glistened with
unshed tears. “Are you going
away,
John? Please don’t go
away.”

“No, little man, I am not going away.”
John lifted him and sat Jason on his lap.

Jennifer opened her arms and Olivia
crawled onto her lap as well. “I don’t understand Mommy. Are we in
trouble?”

“No sweetheart. Mommy wants to share
something with you and Jason. John asked Mommy to marry him, and I
said yes. This means that he will be your new daddy.”

Jason looked up at
John,
apparently
confused. “We already have
a father
in heaven. He
is a hero.”

“Yes, he
is,
”
John said. “Your daddy was a hero and we will never forget him. I
love your mommy, and I love you and Olivia. I want to be your new
daddy. It would make me
happy
being your daddy.”

Jason thought about this for a few
minutes. “Ok. Can I watch cartoons?”

John looked at Jennifer and
laughed. “Well, that was easy. Yes, you can watch cartoons for
thirty minutes, then
it's
bed time little man.”

Apparently
happy, Jason hugged John.
“Bye Daddy,” he screamed as he ran towards the living
room.

Jennifer still held Olivia. “Honey, how
do you feel about John being your new daddy?”

“Will he live with us? I get sad when
he leaves before we go to bed.”

“Yes, sweetheart, John will live with
us.”

John opened his arms and Olivia ran to
him. “I will be here every day chubby cheeks. We will be a
family.”

“You won’t go away like my other
daddy?”

“No Olivia. I will not go
away like your other daddy. I will be your
father
for a long
time.”

Olivia buried her face in
his chest, and John felt something shift in the core of his being.
He felt like a father for the first time in his life. It was a
humbling feeling, and
he
would never forget this moment in
time. He felt her little body relax in his arms. Rising to his
feet, he carried her up to her bedroom. Jennifer pried Jason from
the TV and
took
him to their
room
.

Placing Olivia on her little princess
bed, John knelt down and adjusted her blanket. Hot tears burned the
back of his eyes. Olivia opened her eyes, and her beautiful blue
eyes melted his heart. “Will you read me a story,
daddy?”

“What would you like to hear, chubby
cheeks?”

“Will you read me
Pinocchio?”

“Jason, do you want me to read
Pinocchio?”

“Yeah, I love Pinocchio!”

“Ok, hurry up and put on your
pajamas.”

Several minutes later, John
sat between the two beds and opened
the
book. Five minutes later,
both children were sleeping peacefully. John turned on the night
light and quietly left the room. “I wish they would stay awake long
enough for me to finish the story. I loved Pinocchio when I was
a
child.”

“You are going to be
an excellent
father. They love
you
and have already accepted
you as their new father. Welcome to your new life. I hope you are
prepared for
bedlam
!”

John laughed. “I can’t wait. Will you
come with me tomorrow morning? I would rather not do this alone.
You won’t be allowed into the rectory, but knowing that you are
waiting for me will give me comfort.”

“There is no place that I’d rather be
John. Will your parents watch the children?”

“My mother will be more than happy to
babysit. You have an open invitation.”

John met with Father
Mallard and showed him the letter. As expected, he was displeased
with John’s decision. “You disappoint
me,
John. Why would you go
directly to the Archbishop?”

“We have spoken several times this past
month. I have requested Laicization more than once, and you refused
to process my request. My life is in limbo. I have made plans for
my future, and I can no longer wait to resolve this matter. This
process takes time. I am unable to accept my new position. I am
unable to marry the woman I love. I am unable to adopt her
children.”

Father Mallard’s anger rose
to the surface. “I want to convey to you that I am saddened and
disappointed by your decision. Have you lost your
faith,
John? Are you certain this is the correct path to take? Can I
convince you to reconsider your decision? Who is the woman that you
want to marry? Are you making a hasty decision? What new position
have you accepted?”

“My decision to resign is
not a question of faith Father Mallard, but rather a realization
that I have lived a lonely life, and I want the opportunity to be a
husband and father. My love for my daughter has changed
me
and
made me realize that I want a legacy. Two small children without a
father need my love and support. Their mother has touched my heart
so completely it astounds me. My love for them is strong and
overpowering. I want nothing more than to grow old with them.
Please understand Father Mallard that for as long as I live, they
own my heart.”

“I have accepted the
position of Pastor at The Faith Baptist Church. My faith remains
strong Father Mallard, only the vessel that conveys the Word of God
has changed. I have found a way to serve Our
Lord
and have the
family I so desperately want and need.”

“I understand John,
although you disappoint me. I had hoped to retire
at
the
end of the year. The church needs young priests. You do realize
that your oaths remain in
effect
until you receive a formal
confirmation from the Vatican. The process of Laicization will take
several months. You may be required to meet with the Cardinal.
Until that time, you still have the option to withdraw your
request.”

“I will not withdraw
my
application
. When my release is final, I
will marry Jennifer and adopt her children.”

“Well, I guess there’s
nothing more I can say, John,” Father Mallard said as he walked
around the desk. “In some
respect,
I am happy you’ve resigned.
Having a rapist in my church is something I want to
avoid.”

Anger rose in John. “If
this is how you feel, why did you delay my application for
Laicization? If you wanted to get rid of me,
why
delay
my
request
?”

“I wanted to punish
you,
John. I had time to read your file, and it surprised me that
no one disciplined you. You had free reign to move about with no
supervision. What you did to that young woman is a crime. This is
my way of punishing you. I delayed your request.”

John sat for several
minutes as he digested what Father Mallard had just said to him.
“You disappoint
me,
Father Mallard. I have said many
times that my past is a part of my permanent record. I had several
meetings with Father Randall and the Archbishop
before
my vows,
and I once again repented for past sins. I
pledged
to be
a faithful
priest. I
promised
to remain
faithful
to the
teachings of the Bible. I worked diligently throughout my life as a
priest to
stay
true
to my vows. I have never disgraced the position I held within
the church. I remind you of Psalms 32-1-2: Blessed is he whose
transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the
man whose sins the Lord does not count against him. I leave here
today with a clear conscience because Our Lord has forgiven me. I
know my family has forgiven me. I was a good priest. You cannot
take that away from me, and as I enter into the next chapter of my
life, I know without a doubt I will be a good Pastor, husband, and
father.”

I feel
an immense
sense
of relief as I leave the rectory. Father Mallard’s words hurt me
deeply. He does not hold
faithful
to the meaning of Christian
forgiveness. How could he not see who I am now? What Father Mallard
said to me today resolves any doubts that I made the correct
decision. When I step outside and into the hot sun, my beautiful
Jennifer opens her arms to me. It amazes me that she can read me so
well. My heart surges with happiness. I am walking away from one
life and into the arms of another. I feel blessed beyond measure,
and I will cherish it all the days of my life.

“How was your meeting?”

“It went as well as can be expected.
Father Mallard understood and accepted my decision, however; he had
a few unkind parting words for me. Apparently, he is disappointed
with my decision, and as punishment for past sins, he ignored my
requests. If I had any doubts that I made the right decision, his
parting words cleared them up for me. He is a bitter man, and I
pray for his immortal soul.”

“Are you sad?”

“No, I feel relieved. I can now focus
on the next chapter of my life. I want to take the children to the
zoo. They have been asking me to take them to see the animals for
several days. I am finally free to devote my life to you and the
children. This is a happy day for me. I have an instant family and
it feels wonderful.”