The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (644 page)

OLIVIA

Thy yellow stockings!

Your yellow stockings!

MALVOLIO

'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'

'
And wished to see you cross-gartered.'

OLIVIA

Cross-gartered!

Cross-gartered!

MALVOLIO

'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--

'Go to you are made, if you want it to be that way;'=

OLIVIA

Am I made?

Am I made what?

MALVOLIO

'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'

'If not, let me see you a servant still.'

OLIVIA

Why, this is very midsummer madness.

Enter Servant

Servant

Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is

Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino has

returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he

returned: I could hardly tell him to go back; he

attends your ladyship's pleasure.

wishes to please your ladyship.

OLIVIA

I'll come to him.

I'll go to him.

Exit Servant

Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's

Good Maria, let this fellow be looked after. Where's

my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special

my relative Toby? Let some of my people take special

care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the

care of him: I would not have him be ill for the



half of my dowry.

half of my fortune.

Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA

MALVOLIO

O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than

Oh, hey! Are you coming near me now? No worse man than

Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with

Sir Toby to look after me! This agrees directly with

the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may

the letter: she sends him to me on purpose, that I may

appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that

appear stubborn to him; for she encourages me to that

in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;

in the letter. 'Remove your humble character,' she says,

'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;

'be contrary with a kinsman, rude with the servants;

let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put



thyself into the trick of singularity;' and



consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad



face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the



habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have



limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me



thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this



fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor



after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing



adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no



scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous



or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing



that can be can come between me and the full



prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the



doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

and in general be outrageous, and she will love me!

What luck, and Jove is to be thanked.

Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN

SIR TOBY BELCH

Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all



the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion



himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

Where is he? Even if he's possessed by a thousand

devils from hell, I will speak to him.

FABIAN

Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?

Here he is, here he is. How is it with you, sir?

how is't with you, man?

how is it with you, man?

MALVOLIO

Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go



off.

Go away, leave me alone.

MARIA

Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not

See, how evilly the devil speaks from inside him! Did I not

I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a

tell you? Sir Toby, my lady begs you to take

care of him.

care of him.

MALVOLIO

Ah, ha! does she so?

Ah ha! Does she now?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently



with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how



is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:



consider, he's an enemy to mankind.

We must be gentle with him, even if he's possessed!

Fight the devil, he's an enemy to mankind.

MALVOLIO

Do you know what you say?

Do you know what you're saying?

MARIA

La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes

Look, when you speak badly of the devil, he takes

it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!

it personally! Please God may he not be cursed!

FABIAN

Carry his water to the wise woman.

Take him to the wise woman [a kind of good doctor/witch combination of the time].

MARIA

Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I

By Mary, and it shall be done tomorrow morning, if I

live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.

live. My lady does not want to lose him for more than I'll say.

MALVOLIO

How now, mistress!

Hello, miss!

MARIA

O Lord!

Oh Lord!

Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

Get him to say prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

MALVOLIO

My prayers, minx!

My prayers, [insult]!

MARIA

No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

No, I swear to you, he will not hear of godliness

MALVOLIO

Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow

Go hang yourselves, all of you! You are useless, shallow

things: I am not of your element: you shall know

things: I am not like you : you shall know

more hereafter.

more afterwards.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

Is't possible?

Is it possible?

FABIAN

If this were played upon a stage now, I could



condemn it as an improbable fiction.

speak badly of it as something way too unlikely.

SIR TOBY BELCH

His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

His very genius has been infected by the trick, man.

MARIA

Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.

No, run after him now, so that the trick doesn't go too far.

FABIAN

Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

Why, we shall make him actually insane.

MARIA

The house will be the quieter.

The house will be quieter if we do.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My

Come, we'll tie him up and put him in a dark room. My

niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we

niece already believes that he's insane, we

may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,

may carry it out like that, for our amusement and his punishment,

till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt

until our fun has run its course, and we decide

us to have mercy on him: at which time we will

to have mercy on him, at which time we will

bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a

reveal the trick and honor you asa



finder of madmen. But see, but see.

Enter SIR ANDREW

FABIAN

More matter for a May morning.

More fun to have on a morning in May.

SIR ANDREW

Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's

Here's the challenge, read it: I bet there's

vinegar and pepper in't.

vinegar and pepper in it.

FABIAN

Is't so saucy?

Is it that saucy?

SIR ANDREW

Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.

Yes, it is, I do believe: just read.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Give me.

Give it to me.

Reads

'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'

'
Young man, whatever you are, you are nothing but a scurvy fellow.'

FABIAN

Good, and valiant.

Good, and brave.

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,

'Do not be surprised, or confused in your mind,

why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'

why I call you that, for I will not show you any reason for it."

FABIAN

A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.

A good point; that keeps you safe from the law.

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Reads] 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my

You come to the lady Olivia, and in my

sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy

sight she uses you kindly: but you lie in your

throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'

throat; that is not the issue I am challenging you about.'

FABIAN

Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.

Very short, and very sensible.

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it

'I will interrupt you going him; where if it

be thy chance to kill me,'--

is your fate to kill me,'--

FABIAN

Good.

Good.

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Reads] 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'

'
You kill me like a rogue and a villain.'

FABIAN

Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.

Still you keep on the safe side of the law: good.

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Reads] 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon



one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but



my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy

my hope is better, and so look to yourself. You