The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (593 page)

The same. Before BAPTISTA'S house

The same. In front of BAPTISTA'S house

[Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, LUCENTIO, and ATTENDANTS.]

BAPTISTA. [To TRANIO.] Signior Lucentio, this is the 'pointed day

Sir Lucentio, this is the appointed day

That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,

And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.

And yet I hear nothing of my son-in-law.

What will be said? What mockery will it be

What will people say? How ridiculous it will be

To want the bridegroom when the priest attends

To be without the bridegroom when the priest attends

To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!

To speak the ceremonial rituals of marraige!

What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

What does Lucentio say to this shame of mine?

KATHERINA. No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc'd

No shame but mine; I must, truthfully, be forced

To give my hand, oppos'd against my heart,

To give my hand, opposed against my heart,

Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen;

To a crazy rude man, full of arrogance;

Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.

Who wooed quickly and means to wed whenever he feels like it.

I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,

I told you, I did, that he was a hasty fool,

Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour;

Hiding his bitter jokes in blunt behavior;

And to be noted for a merry man,

And to be known as a cheerful man,

He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,

He'll woo a thousand, appoint the day of marriage,

Make friends invited, and proclaim the banns;

Invite friends, and announce the date;

Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.

Yet never means to wed where he has wooed.

Now must the world point at poor Katherine,

Now the world must point at poor Katherine,

And say 'Lo! there is mad Petruchio's wife,

And say, 'Look! There is crazy Petruchio's wife,

If it would please him come and marry her.'

If it would please him to come and marry her.'

TRANIO. Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.

Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,

By my life, Petruchio only means well,

Whatever fortune stays him from his word:

Whatever fate is preventing him from fulfilling his promise:

Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;

Though he is blunt, I know he is very wise;

Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.

Though he can be silly, he's always honest.

KATHERINA. Would Katherine had never seen him though!

If only Katherine had never seen him though!

[Exit, weeping, followed by BIANCA and others.]

BAPTISTA. Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep,

Go, girl, I cannot blame you for crying,

For such an injury would vex a very saint;

For such an offense would trouble a saint;

Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.

Even more so a rude woman of your impatient personality.

[Enter BIONDELLO.]

Master, master! News! old news, and such news as you never heard of!

BAPTISTA. Is it new and old too? How may that be?

BIONDELLO. Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio's coming?

BAPTISTA. Is he come?

BIONDELLO. Why, no, sir.

BAPTISTA. What then?

BIONDELLO. He is coming.

BAPTISTA. When will he be here?

BIONDELLO. When he stands where I am and sees you there.

TRANIO. But, say, what to thine old news?

But, say, what is your old news?

BIONDELLO. Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta'en out of the town armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken points: his horse hipped with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred; besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten; near-legged before, and with a half-checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep's leather, which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now repaired with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman's crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced with pack-thread.

Why, Petruchio is coming, in [an extremely ragged and shabby outfit, described in extreme but unimportant detail].

BAPTISTA. Who comes with him?

BIONDELLO. O, sir! his lackey, for all the world caparisoned like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue list; an old hat, and the 'humour of forty fancies' prick'd in't for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman's lackey.

Oh, sir, his servant, for all the world dressed like the horse; [in also a terrible and embarrassing outfit].

TRANIO. 'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;

It is only some strange mood that makes him behave like this;

Yet oftentimes lie goes but mean-apparell'd.

Often he goes about in a poor man's clothes.

BAPTISTA. I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.

I am glad he has come, no matter how he comes.

BIONDELLO. Why, sir, he comes not.

Why, sir, he does not come.

BAPTISTA. Didst thou not say he comes?

Didn't you say he comes?

BIONDELLO. Who? that Petruchio came?

BAPTISTA. Ay, that Petruchio came.

Yes, that Petruchio came.

BIONDELLO. No, sir; I say his horse comes, with him on his back.

BAPTISTA. Why, that's all one.

Why, that's all the same thing.

BIONDELLO. Nay, by Saint Jamy,

No, by Saint Jamy,

I hold you a penny,

I would bet you a penny,

A horse and a man

Is more than one,

And yet not many.

[Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO.]

PETRUCHIO. Come, where be these gallants? Who is at home?

Come, where are these young men? Who is at home?

BAPTISTA. You are welcome, sir.

PETRUCHIO. And yet I come not well.

And yet I do not come well.

BAPTISTA. And yet you halt not.

And yet you do not hesitate.

TRANIO. Not so well apparell'd

Not so well dressed

As I wish you were.

PETRUCHIO. Were it better, I should rush in thus.

If it was better, I would rush in this way.

But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?

How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown;

How is my father? Gentleman, I think you are frowning;

And wherefore gaze this goodly company,

And why is this good company staring,

As if they saw some wondrous monument,

As if they saw some startling sight,

Some comet or unusual prodigy?

Some comet or unusual happening?

BAPTISTA. Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:

First were we sad, fearing you would not come;

Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.

Now sadder, that you come looking so awful.

Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate,

Enough! Take off these clothes, a shame to your wealth,

An eye-sore to our solemn festival.

TRANIO. And tell us what occasion of import

And tell us what important thing

Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,

Has kept you from your wife for so long,

And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

And sent you here so unlike yourself?

PETRUCHIO. Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear;

It would be boring to tell, and harsh to hear;

Sufficeth, I am come to keep my word,

Let it be enough to say that I have come to keep my word,

Though in some part enforced to digress;

Though I was forced to not come straight away;

Which at more leisure I will so excuse

Which when I have more time I will explain

As you shall well be satisfied withal.

In such a way that you will be satisfied.

But where is Kate? I stay too long from her;

The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.

The morning is passing by, it is time we were at church.

TRANIO. See not your bride in these unreverent robes;

Do not see your bride in these inappropriate robes;

Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.

Go to my room, put on clothes of mine.

PETRUCHIO. Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.

Not I, believe me: I'll visit her like this.

BAPTISTA. But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

But I trust you will not marry her like this.

PETRUCHIO. Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words;

Truthfully, just like this; therefore enough talking about it;

To me she's married, not unto my clothes.

She's marrying me, not my clothes

Could I repair what she will wear in me

If I could fix up what she will find in me

As I can change these poor accoutrements,

As I can change these shabby clothes,

'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.

It would be good for Kate and even better for myself.

But what a fool am I to chat with you

But what a fool I am being to chat with you

When I should bid good-morrow to my bride,

When I should wish good morning to my bride,