The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (873 page)

On him, on him! Look you, how pale he glares!
His form and cause conjoin'd, preaching to stones,
Would make them capable. Do not look upon me;
Lest with this piteous action you convert
My stern effects: then what I have to do
Will want true colour; tears perchance for blood.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Who are you talking to?

To whom do you speak this?

HAMLET

Do you not see anything?

Do you see nothing there?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

I don’t see anything unusual.

Nothing at all; yet all that is I see.

HAMLET

And you don’t hear anything?

Nor did you nothing hear?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Nothing but us talking.

No, nothing but ourselves.

HAMLET

Look over there. See how he is going away. It is my father. He looks just like he did when he was alive. Look, he’s going out the door.

Why, look you there! look, how it steals away!
My father, in his habit as he lived!
Look, where he goes, even now, out at the portal!

Exit Ghost

QUEEN GERTRUDE

It is only your imagination playing tricks on you.

This the very coinage of your brain:
This bodiless creation ecstasy
Is very cunning in.

HAMLET

You think I am crazy! My heart beats as well as yours. I am not mad; test me. I know exactly what I am saying. Mother, for the love of the Lord, don’t blame your crimes on my madness. You will only suffer. Confess your sins to heaven and repent. Avoid the obvious outcome of your sins. Don’t let this go on any longer and forgive me for trying to do good in these horrible times.

Ecstasy!
My pulse, as yours, doth temperately keep time,
And makes as healthful music: it is not madness
That I have utter'd: bring me to the test,
And I the matter will re-word; which madness
Would gambol from. Mother, for love of grace,
Lay not that mattering unction to your soul,
That not your trespass, but my madness speaks:
It will but skin and film the ulcerous place,
Whilst rank corruption, mining all within,
Infects unseen. Confess yourself to heaven;
Repent what's past; avoid what is to come;
And do not spread the compost on the weeds,
To make them ranker. Forgive me this my virtue;
For in the fatness of these pursy times
Virtue itself of vice must pardon beg,
Yea, curb and woo for leave to do him good.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Oh Hamlet, you have torn my heart in two.

O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my heart in twain.

HAMLET

Throw away the worst part of your life and live more purely. Have a good night, but do not go to my uncle’s bed. Pretend to be virtuous, if you have none. Do not give in to temptation. Start saying no to my uncle tonight. Once again, have a good night.

O, throw away the worser part of it,
And live the purer with the other half.
Good night: but go not to mine uncle's bed;
Assume a virtue, if you have it not.
That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat,
Of habits devil, is angel yet in this,
That to the use of actions fair and good
He likewise gives a frock or livery,
That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night,
And that shall lend a kind of easiness
To the next abstinence: the next more easy;
For use almost can change the stamp of nature,
And either rein the devil, or throw him out
With wondrous potency. Once more, good night:
And when you are desirous to be bless'd,
I'll blessing beg of you. For this same lord,

Pointing to POLONIUS

I will repent for this murder, even though it was God’s will. I am only God’s instrument. I know I will have to pay in the end. One other thing…

I do repent: but heaven hath pleased it so,
To punish me with this and this with me,
That I must be their scourge and minister.
I will bestow him, and will answer well
The death I gave him. So, again, good night.
I must be cruel, only to be kind:
Thus bad begins and worse remains behind.
One word more, good lady.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

What would you have me do?

What shall I do?

HAMLET

Whatever you do, do not let that bloated king tempt you into his bed again, call you his mouse, or pinch your cheek. Don’t let him touch you with his damned fingers or convince you to think badly of me. But, what wise queen would do fall for a pig like him. Go ahead and tell him what’s what, even if it means the end for you.

Not this, by no means, that I bid you do:
Let the bloat king tempt you again to bed;
Pinch wanton on your cheek; call you his mouse;
And let him, for a pair of reechy kisses,
Or paddling in your neck with his damn'd fingers,
Make you to ravel all this matter out,
That I essentially am not in madness,
But mad in craft. 'Twere good you let him know;
For who, that's but a queen, fair, sober, wise,
Would from a paddock, from a bat, a gib,
Such dear concernings hide? who would do so?
No, in despite of sense and secrecy,
Unpeg the basket on the house's top.
Let the birds fly, and, like the famous ape,
To try conclusions, in the basket creep,
And break your own neck down.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Rest assure that I will not breathe a word of what you said tonight.

Be thou assured, if words be made of breath,
And breath of life, I have no life to breathe
What thou hast said to me.

HAMLET

Did you know I have to go to England?

I must to England; you know that?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Oh yes, I had forgotten that, but it has been decided.

Alack,
I had forgot: 'tis so concluded on.

HAMLET

There are two sealed letters that state my two friends from school, whom I do not trust any more than a snake, will take me to England. So what? Let them try. His plan is going to blow up in his face. However, I will come out just fine. I am going to have to leave in a hurry now. I’ll carry the body into the other room. Good night, Mother. This man is indeed a great counselor; he can keep secrets forever. Good night.

There's letters seal'd: and my two schoolfellows,
Whom I will trust as I will adders fang'd,
They bear the mandate; they must sweep my way,
And marshal me to knavery. Let it work;
For 'tis the sport to have the engineer
Hoist with his own petard: and 't shall go hard
But I will delve one yard below their mines,
And blow them at the moon: O, 'tis most sweet,
When in one line two crafts directly meet.
This man shall set me packing:
I'll lug the guts into the neighbour room.
Mother, good night. Indeed this counsellor
Is now most still, most secret and most grave,
Who was in life a foolish prating knave.
Come, sir, to draw toward an end with you.
Good night, mother.

Exeunt severally; HAMLET dragging in POLONIUS

A room in the castle

Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN

KING CLAUDIUS

What’s wrong with you, making these deep sighs? You must tell me what’s going on. Where is Hamlet?

There's matter in these sighs, these profound heaves:You must translate: 'tis fit we understand them.Where is your son?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Let us have some privacy for a bit.

Bestow this place on us a little while.

Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

You won’t believe what I have seen tonight!

Ah, my good lord, what have I seen to-night!

KING CLAUDIUS

What Gertrude? How is Hamlet?

What, Gertrude? How does Hamlet?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

He is completely crazy. He heard something behind the curtains and in a rage he drew his sword and cried, “A rat, a rat!” Then he killed the old man.

Mad as the sea and wind, when both contendWhich is the mightier: in his lawless fit,Behind the arras hearing something stir,Whips out his rapier, cries, 'A rat, a rat!'And, in this brainish apprehension, killsThe unseen good old man.

KING CLAUDIUS

Oh, what a terrible thing! It would have been me, if I had been there. His freedom is a threat to everyone. How are we going to answer this murder? It is our responsibility to restrain this young madman. We loved him so much we could not see clearly. Now, this has happened like a contagious disease. Where is he, now?

O heavy deed!It had been so with us, had we been there:His liberty is full of threats to all;To you yourself, to us, to every one.Alas, how shall this bloody deed be answer'd?It will be laid to us, whose providenceShould have kept short, restrain'd and out of haunt,This mad young man: but so much was our love,We would not understand what was most fit;But, like the owner of a foul disease,To keep it from divulging, let it feedEven on the pith of Life. Where is he gone?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

He has gone to dispose of the body. He is sorry for what he has done.

To draw apart the body he hath kill'd:O'er whom his very madness, like some oreAmong a mineral of metals base,Shows itself pure; he weeps for what is done.

KING CLAUDIUS

Oh Gertrude, be sensible. We must send him away as soon as the sun rises. We will have to find some way to excuse this murder. Hey, Guildenstern.

O Gertrude, come away!The sun no sooner shall the mountains touch,But we will ship him hence: and this vile deedWe must, with all our majesty and skill,Both countenance and excuse. Ho, Guildenstern!