The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (590 page)

[Striking him.]

PETRUCHIO. I swear I'll cuff you if you strike again.

I swear I'll punch you if you hit again.

KATHERINA. So may you lose your arms:

So you will lose your noble title:

If you strike me, you are no gentleman;

If you hit me, you are no gentleman;

And if no gentleman, why then no arms.

And if no gentleman, why then no coat of arms.

PETRUCHIO. A herald, Kate? O! put me in thy books.

You are a herald, Kate? Oh! Put me in your books.

KATHERINA. What is your crest? a coxcomb?

What is your family crest? A rooster's comb?

PETRUCHIO. A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.

A rooster with no comb, so Kate will be my hen.

KATHERINA. No cock of mine; you crow too like a craven.

No rooster of mine; you crow too much like a coward.

PETRUCHIO. Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look so sour.

No, come on, Kate, come on; you must not look so sour.

KATHERINA. It is my fashion when I see a crab.

It is my habit when I see a crab.

PETRUCHIO. Why, here's no crab, and therefore look not sour.

Why, there is no crab here, and therefore do not look so sour.

KATHERINA. There is, there is.

PETRUCHIO. Then show it me.

Then show it to me.

KATHERINA. Had I a glass I would.

If I had a mirror I would.

PETRUCHIO. What, you mean my face?

KATHERINA. Well aim'd of such a young one.

Well done for such a young one.

PETRUCHIO. Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you.

KATHERINA. Yet you are wither'd.

Yet you are wrinkled.

PETRUCHIO. 'Tis with cares.

It's with worries.

KATHERINA. I care not.

I don't care.

PETRUCHIO. Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth, you 'scape not so.

No, listen, Kate: in truth, you will not escape that way.

KATHERINA. I chafe you, if I tarry; let me go.

I'll bother you, if I stay; let me go.

PETRUCHIO. No, not a whit; I find you passing gentle.

No, not a bit; I find you very gentle.

'Twas told me you were rough, and coy, and sullen,

I was told you were rough, and shy, and sullen,

And now I find report a very liar;

And now I find reputation a liar;

For thou art pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous,

For you are pleasant, amiable, quite polite,

But slow in speech, yet sweet as spring-time flowers.

But quiet, yet sweet as the flowers of spring.

Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,

You cannot frown, you cannot look with disapproval,

Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will,

Or bit your lip, as angry girls will,

Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk;

And you do not take joy in being grumpy in conversation;

But thou with mildness entertain'st thy wooers;

But with gentleness entertains your wooers;

With gentle conference, soft and affable.

With gentle conversation, soft and pleasant.

Why does the world report that Kate doth limp?

Why does the world report that Kate limps?

O sland'rous world! Kate like the hazel-twig

Oh slandering world! Kate is like the hazel-twig,

Is straight and slender, and as brown in hue

Straight and slender, and as brown in color

As hazel-nuts, and sweeter than the kernels.

As hazelnuts, and sweeter than the kernels.

O! let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt.

Oh, let me see you walk: you do not stagger.

KATHERINA. Go, fool, and whom thou keep'st command.

Go away, fool, and whoever you command.

PETRUCHIO. Did ever Dian so become a grove

Did Diana [the Greek goddess] ever suit a grove

As Kate this chamber with her princely gait?

As much as Kate this room with her graceful walk?

O! be thou Dian, and let her be Kate,

Oh, you should be Diania, and let her be Kate,

And then let Kate be chaste, and Dian sportful!

KATHERINA. Where did you study all this goodly speech?

Where did you study all these compliments?

PETRUCHIO. It is extempore, from my mother-wit.

It is spontaneous, from my mother-wit.

KATHERINA. A witty mother! witless else her son.

A witty mother! Her son is otherwise witless.

PETRUCHIO. Am I not wise?

KATHERINA. Yes; keep you warm.

PETRUCHIO. Marry, so I mean, sweet Katherine, in thy bed;

Indeed, so I mean to, sweet Katherine, in your bed;

And therefore, setting all this chat aside,

And therefore, enough with all this chatter,

Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented

Basically: your father has given permission

That you shall be my wife your dowry 'greed on;

For you shall be my wife, your dowry agreed on;

And will you, nill you, I will marry you.

And whether you like it or not, I will marry you.

Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn;

Now, Kate, I am a husband for your type;

For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,--

For, by this light, which allows me to see your beauty, --

Thy beauty that doth make me like thee well,--

Your beauty that makes me like you a lot, --

Thou must be married to no man but me;

You must be married to no man but me;

For I am he am born to tame you, Kate,

For I am the man born to tame you, Kate,

And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate

And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate

Conformable as other household Kates.

As easy to deal with as other household Kates.

Here comes your father. Never make denial;

Here comes your father. Never say no;

I must and will have Katherine to my wife.

I must and will have Katherine as my wife.

[Re-enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and TRANIO.]

BAPTISTA. Now, Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?

Now, Sir Petruchio, how are you doing with my daughter?

PETRUCHIO. How but well, sir? how but well? It were impossible I should speed amiss.

How but well, sir? How but well? It would be impossible for me to do poorly.

BAPTISTA. Why, how now, daughter Katherine, in your dumps?

Why, what's going on, daughter Katherine, are you down in the dumps?

KATHERINA. Call you me daughter? Now I promise you

Do you call me your daughter? Now I promise you

You have show'd a tender fatherly regard

You have showed a tender fatherly fondness

To wish me wed to one half lunatic,

To wish me married to a half-crazy man,

A mad-cap ruffian and a swearing Jack,

A madcap troublemaker and a promising Jack,

That thinks with oaths to face the matter out.

That thinks to bluff his way through with oaths.

PETRUCHIO. Father, 'tis thus: yourself and all the world

Father, this is the situation: you and all the world

That talk'd of her have talk'd amiss of her:

That have talked with her have been inaccurate:

If she be curst, it is for policy,

If she is cursed, it is out of habit,

For she's not froward, but modest as the dove;

For she's pushy, but humble as a dove;

She is not hot, but temperate as the morn;

She is not hot, but as temperate as the morning;

For patience she will prove a second Grissel,

She is as patient as Grissel,

And Roman Lucrece for her chastity;

And as chaste as the Roman Lucrece;

And to conclude, we have 'greed so well together

And to conclude, we have agreed so well together

That upon Sunday is the wedding-day.

That the wedding-day is on Sunday.

KATHERINA. I'll see thee hang'd on Sunday first.

I would rather see you hanged on Sunday first.

GREMIO. Hark, Petruchio; she says she'll see thee hang'd first.

Listen, Petruchio; she says she'd rather see you hanged first.

TRANIO. Is this your speeding? Nay, then good-night our part!

Is this how you're doing? No, then goodbye to our part!

PETRUCHIO. Be patient, gentlemen. I choose her for myself;

If she and I be pleas'd, what's that to you?

If she and I are pleased, what's that to you?

 'Tis bargain'd 'twixt us twain, being alone,

It is still a bargain between the two of us, being alone,

That she shall still be curst in company.

That she shall still be rude in company.

I tell you, 'tis incredible to believe

I tell you, it is incredible to believe

How much she loves me: O! the kindest Kate

How much she loves me: oh, the kindest Kate

She hung about my neck, and kiss on kiss

She hung around my neck, and kiss upon kiss

She vied so fast, protesting oath on oath,

She promised so fast, declaring oath on oath,

That in a twink she won me to her love.

That in a blink she won me to her love.

 O! you are novices: 'tis a world to see,

Oh, you are inexperienced men: it is a world to see,

How tame, when men and women are alone,