The Color Of Grace (16 page)

“
So you didn’t
,”
he said.

“
I didn’t say that
.”

“
Didn’t have to
.”

“
I just don’t have
anything to compare it to
.” I groaned as soon as I sent that. Great. Why
did I have to go and tell Ryder Yates his best friend had given me my first
kiss? I wanted to smack an L to my own forehead.

He hesitated a moment before shooting back, “
Doesn’t matter. If you liked it, you’d
already know
.”

That time, I didn’t even warn him I was leaving. I simply
logged off.

But the boy was right. If I’d liked Todd’s kiss, I would
know. And all I knew was that I didn’t want to kiss Ryder’s friend ever again.

Chapter 13

Black. Ever since I took up with this
new crowd, I’ve had oily, black darkness gunked to my fingers, like I’ve been
sticking my hands in dark places they don’t belong, hanging around shadowy
people who could only suck me down into their void of life they actually think
is important. Today, I’m determined to wash my hands free of all this black.

* * * *

To provide for more electives, Southeast worked their
classes in a block schedule. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, a student
could attend the first half of their classes. Then, on Tuesdays and Thursdays,
they’d finish off taking the last half.

The next week, the schedule would switch, and all the
classes a student had on Monday, Wednesday and Friday the week before would
then fall on Tuesday and Thursday. Likewise, with the last Tuesday and Thursday
classes, they would then turn into Monday, Wednesday, and Friday classes.

One week was called Purple Week, the next was White Week—in
honor of their school colors, I presume.

As I entered Southeast on the Tuesday after my first day
there, it was a white week. I felt a little more reassured, and yet a lot more
anxious. I’d connected with a few people last night. But I still wasn’t sure if
they were the type of crowd for me. Actually, I was almost positive they
weren’t. Mindy was nice, and Todd was—

Well, I didn’t want to think about Todd this morning. And I
certainly didn’t want to think about Ryder. My best plan of action was to
simply step away from both friends. That way Ryder wouldn’t be weirded out,
Todd wouldn’t have any more reasons to gloat, and I wouldn’t be stuck in some
icky triangle I wanted nothing to do with.

My decision firmly in place, I hunted up Laina and found her
in the same spot she’d been sitting the morning before, her face hidden by an
open book. I checked out the title. It was a popular novel, something Schy had
read and raved about, but I wasn’t much of a reader, so I shrugged.

“Hey, Laina,” I said, grinning down at her.

She jumped, lowered the book enough to see me, and then
gawked. “Oh! Umm…hi.”

When she glanced both ways as if she wanted to make sure no
one saw us together, I frowned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” But she still had that jumpy, I-want-to-flee
presence about her.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

She sighed and lowered the book another inch. “Look, you
probably don’t want to be seen with me.”

Something plopped deep into my belly. Dread. This was just
great. What did she know that I didn’t?

“Why wouldn’t I want to be seen with you?”

“Well…you’re dating the Stang now.”

My jaw dropped. If she’d punched me and then pulled my hair,
I don’t think I would’ve been any more shocked than I was in that moment.

Sputtering, I demanded, “What? Who? Who’s the Stang?”

“The Stang,” she repeated, staring at me as if I’d lost my
mind. “Short for Stangman.”

I shook my head. “Okay,” I uttered, hoping she’d elaborate.

She didn’t.

“I’m not exactly…part of that group,” she tried to explain,
looking panicked as if she wanted to break up with me but didn’t want to hurt
my feelings. “If you’re seen around me, they…they might not like you anymore.”

Still reeling in confusion and utter shock, I opened my
mouth to demand answers, an explanation. But it struck me Laina was an innocent
bystander here. If I wanted the truth, I’d have to seek the source. And I had a
sneaking suspicion I knew exactly who held all the answers.

“Excuse me. I have to…”
Go kill someone
. Brushing past her, I
marched toward senior hall. As I stormed, a group of boys stood chatting in my
path. About to dodge around them, I inadvertently made eye contact with one boy
who looked up. He saw me and pushed his friend out of my way so I could keep going
straight.

“Dude, get out the way of Stangman’s woman.”

Grinding my teeth hard and not even caring if I ended up
with braces over this, I rushed past. As soon as I entered senior hall, I
glanced in the direction of Ryder’s locker since that was the only place I’d
ever seen Todd in the hallway. Hoping his locker might be located close, I
frowned, muttering under my breath when I didn’t see him or anyone from the
night before lingering in the vicinity.

“Morning, Grace,” someone said behind him. “You look a
little…upset today.”

I whirled around and glared up at Ryder. He wasn’t exactly
the one I planned to murder, but I’d settle for him if I had to. By the mocking
little gleam of joy in his eyes, I didn’t think I’d feel so bad about his death
just then either.

“What’s Todd’s last name?” I demanded.

He laughed the same delighted musical sound from the night
of the Hillsburg/Southeast game. But this time, I wanted to strangle instead of
kiss him.

“I think you already know.”

I scowled. “Do you realize what people are calling me?”

His smile spread. I figured there was just enough room for
my foot so I could kick him in the teeth.

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t like your new name.”

“You started the rumors, didn’t you?” I charged, looming
close and pointing an accusing finger at him, ready to poke him as hard as I
could in the chest.

Grin dying, Ryder narrowed his eyes and glared right back.
“Why would
I
start the rumors?”

“Because…” I faltered, not too sure of a reason. Before I
could think up an answer, someone slipped an arm around my shoulder and tugged
my left side against a warm body.

Screeching, I leaped away and almost bumped into Ryder. He
grasped my arm to steady me even as I discovered who was harassing me.

Todd offered me an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.”

“You!” I growled, pointing my angry digit at him now.

Todd pulled back, lifting his brows. “What? What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk.” Spinning around, I marched down the hall
toward another smaller passage that led to a side, emergency exit. It was
abandoned just as I’d hoped it would be.

Behind me, I heard Ryder’s gloating taunt, “You’re gonna get
in trouble,” before footsteps hurried after me.

When I whirled back around, I was happy and a little surprised
to see Todd had actually followed me.

The control I suddenly wielded from managing to make him
obey my command empowered me to speak my mind.

“First of all,” I started. “I’m not some trophy to wave
around because you think you beat someone else in a competition that didn’t
even take place. I’m a human being…with feelings. And I don’t appreciate
becoming the object of a gloat. So don’t
ever
do that again.”

Todd crinkled his brows, then scratched at his goatee with a
scrambled kind of confusion before he said, “Umm, don’t do what again,
exactly?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Never mind.” There was too
much to rail about to stop and explain. “Second of all, everyone is calling me
Stangman’s woman this morning. And I have no idea who’s behind it.”

Eyes clearing—thank goodness he actually understood this
complaint—Todd grinned. “Oh, well that’s easy. I am.”

“You?” I exploded. “You mean
you
 
started those rumors?
How could you?”

Smile crumbling, Todd blinked, his confusion reappearing.
“I’m sorry. Didn’t you want anyone to know?”

“Of course I don’t. Why would I want people thinking
something that’s not true?”

“Not true?” he echoed.

“Oh, my God.” Was he serious? “Todd! I didn’t even know your
last name was Stangman until just now.”

“So…you’re not interested in me because my last name’s Stangman?”

“No. I’m not interested because…because… Actually, I have no
idea if I’m interested or not. I only met you yesterday. That’s not enough time
to make this kind of decision.”

He snorted a disgusted kind of scoff that sounded downright
indignant when he muttered, “Yeah, well, it didn’t take you that long to know
if you were interested in Yates or not.”

I gasped and jerked a step back. I wanted to be mad but,
dear Lord, he was right. I’d known immediately I was definitely interested in
Ryder, even if I’d told him I wasn’t.

I could almost hear Ryder’s voice in my head, the very words
he’d written in our chat.
If you liked
it, you’d know
. He’d been talking about the kiss. But I thought this
situation fit as well. If I thought I could ever be interested in Todd as a boyfriend,
I wouldn’t need more time; I’d already know. And then I could get to know him
from there to see if the interest bloomed into something deeper.

But even as I thought that, Todd sent
me puppy-dog eyes. “If time’s the problem, then give me some time to get to
know you.”

I started to shake my head no, all too ready to wash my
hands of him, and his best friend, and their entire group of phony friends, but
he grasped my fingers and looked deep into my eyes with a desperate kind of
pleading.

“I really like you, Grace. And I’ll do anything…anything to
get one more chance.”

I gawked down at our clasped hands. He liked me?
Really
liked me? No boy had ever
admitted such a thing to me. It was flattering. Majorly flattering.

But even as my cheeks flushed with pleasure and embarrassment,
a trickle of guilt wormed through me because I knew I didn’t
really
like him in return. And probably
never would. There was no tingle surging through my limbs just from looking at
him, no buzzing energy coming from our clasped hands like there had been with—

Ugh. I so was not going to think about
him
again.

“We can slow down,” Todd assured, his voice soft and coaxing
and his thumb moving over the backs of my knuckles in a hypnotic fashion.

I squinted at his thumb, not certain if I liked the feel of
it or not. He was being gentle, not applying any pressure, but his assumption
that he had every right to touch me still jarred a jittery sense of unease
through me.

With a father dead for thirteen years, and no brothers, no
close uncles or grandfathers, I was not used to touching boys, or men, or
anyone from the male persuasion for that matter. Besides Adam, I don’t think I
even talked to boys my age, except maybe Bridget’s older brother, Joel, but he
was always so annoying in an older-brother kind of way, I had pretty much grown
too irritated just looking at him to get antsy and uncomfortable.

My internal warning radar bleeped and I fought the sensation
to yank my hand away. But his hazel eyes were so begging, an innocent kind of
begging that told me he had no idea how uncomfortable he was making me; I
caved.

“How slow?” I asked.

Eyes lighting with a triumph I wasn’t willing to give him
yet, Todd grinned. “As slow as you want. Turtle slow. In fact, we can all go
out as a group again. This Friday. Bowling for real. The bowling alley in town
is a great place to hang.”

I wrinkled my face with doubt. I was an awful real-life
bowler. Plus the idea of hanging out with his group again—Ryder included—was
exactly what I wanted to avoid. “I don’t know.”

“Please, please, please. I want to chance to get to know you
better too.”

I sighed. This was ridiculous. I—Grace Indigo—was being
begged to accept a date with a good-looking boy and I was hesitating. What was
wrong with me? Honestly.

“Okay,” I gave in on a reluctant sigh, “we can get to know
each other. But I don’t want anyone else calling me Stangman’s woman. We’re not
dating. We’re just—”

He lifted his hands, cutting me off. “Don’t worry about it.
I’ll take care of all the gossip.” His smile was wide and—dang it—
gloating
.

Grr. Curse Ryder Yates for highlighting that word in my
vocabulary.

“Leave everything to me.” Todd slapped a quick, happy kiss
to my cheek. “You won’t regret it, Grace.”

Then he swept away, leaving me alone in the short, empty
hall, already regretting it. I wiped at the wetness he’d left on my cheek,
wondering what the heck I’d just gotten myself into.