The Click Trilogy (44 page)

From: Renee Greene – November 20, 2012 – 10:08 AM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Happy early Thanksgiving

NO!  How could you even say that?!?  Do you think I would do lipo?  Do you think I need lipo?

From: Shelley Manning – November 20, 2012 – 10:10 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Happy early Thanksgiving

WTF?  I’d say it’s just the postpartum hormones causing her to be an insane bitch, but we know the truth.  She would have made a fucked up comment like that on a normal day.

From: Renee Greene – November 20, 2012 – 10:12 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Happy early Thanksgiving

I’ve grown used to it (I say with a slightly defeated sigh.)

From: Ashley Gordon – November 20, 2012 – 10:14 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Happy early Thanksgiving

Oh, sorry!  I am so exhausted and am just projecting my own poor body image onto you.  You would never do lipo and you certainly don’t need lipo.  So, what
are
you having done?

From: Renee Greene – November 20, 2012 – 10:20 AM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Happy early Thanksgiving

Nothing serious.  Nothing cosmetic!  When I went to the gyno a few weeks ago, they found something unusual going on…down there.  Just getting it checked out further.  Again, no biggie.

From: Ashley Gordon – November 20, 2012 – 10:25 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re:  Happy early Thanksgiving

So sorry.  Let me know if you need anything.  Not that I’m in much of a position to help you.  But I can send Greg over.

From: Shelley Manning – November 20, 2012 – 10:26 AM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: Renee Greene

Subject: Re:  Happy early Thanksgiving

Ditto from me, Sweetie.  I’ll send Greg over.

From: Renee Greene – November 20, 2012 – 10:28 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re:  Happy early Thanksgiving

Thanks, ladies.  Ethan will be here, so I’m in good hands.  But I appreciate both of your offers to send Greg.

From: Renee Greene – November 22, 2012 – 10:22 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  Thanks for your voicemail and sorry I was asleep when you called. I’m feeling fine.  Just a little crampy.

I’m managing to keep my spirits up with this word-smithing…Mrs. Langer.  Mrs. Ethan Langer.  Mrs. Renee Langer.  Mrs. Renee Greene-Langer.  Okay, so it doesn’t look as romantic and exciting as it did when I wrote out my (imaginary) married name based on high school crushes.  Email doesn’t really do justice to what I’m trying to convey…you know, the cursive writing, hearts instead of “a’s,” etc.  This sure is fun.  And it’s helping me avoid all of the football on the TV today.

p.s. Like the subject line?  More Shakespeare!  What?  Can I help it if I’m too high-brow for you?

From: Shelley Manning – November 22, 2012 – 11:02 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

When are you going to knock off this Shakespeare crap, huh?  You’re gonna get the high eyebrow if you don’t watch your tone, Sweetie.

Despite the literary reference, I’m delighted you are
finally
enjoying all of the excitement and loveliness of being engaged.

But I suppose you are right.  Once you get married, you will need to make some decisions about your name.  You know, “to be or not to be?”  That is the question, no?  (Check me out, tossing the Bard back atcha!)  Glad you are feeling better, Sweetie!

From: Renee Greene – November 22, 2012 – 11:07 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Shelley Manning!  You clever, clever girl.  How did you know that was from Shakespeare?  I am BEYOND impressed.

From: Shelley Manning – November 22, 2012 – 11:20 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

It was 1996.  Ryan Palmer and I were 15 and on our first date.  He thought it would be romantic to take me to see
Hamlet
.  I thought it would be romantic if we made out for 4 solid hours.

Needless to say, he was not as “advanced” as I was and was too scared to make a move.  Sadly, I wasn’t as forward as I am today.

If it weren’t for Kenneth Branagh being such an Irish hottie, I would have been bored to death.  And believe me, there was already enough death in
Hamlet
.

From: Renee Greene – November 22, 2012 – 11:22 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

UH-MAZING!  Seriously, you continue to surprise me, my friend.

From: Renee Greene – November 26, 2012 – 9:52 AM

To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon

Subject: Lunch at Mel’s?

Hello, my lovelies.  Wanted to see if we were still on for a post-Thanksgiving lunch at Mel’s tomorrow.  Anything but turkey works for me.  To Ethan, Thanksgiving was all about football: “Go big or go home!”  And to me, it was about food: “Eat a lot and go home big.”  Ha!

From: Ashley Gordon – November 26, 2012 – 10:03 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Lunch at Mel’s?

YES!  I cannot wait to have a little
girl
time that doesn’t include the little girl.  If either of you have time after lunch, I’m desperate to do some clothes shopping.  My maternity clothes are too big and my pre-baby clothes are still too small.  Please say yes.  I hate to shop alone.

From: Shelley Manning – November 26, 2012 – 10:14 AM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Lunch at Mel’s?

Yes on lunch; no on shopping.  Sorry.  Getting my hair colored.  You know, better living through chemistry.  But looking forward to catching up.

From: Renee Greene – November 26, 2012 – 11:22 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re:  Lunch at Mel’s?

I would love to go shopping with you. We can hit some stores in the Century City Mall after we eat.  Just remind me that we are going clothes shopping and it’s not a good idea to eat an ice cream sundae before trying on skinny jeans.  How does that sound?

From: Ashley Gordon – November 26, 2012 – 11:24 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re:  Lunch at Mel’s?

Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow.

From: cassidy – November 26, 2012 – 1:15 PM

To:

Subject: Fwd: Cats for Adoption

a friend of a friends cat just had a liter of kittens.  see the attached photo.  arent they cute?   please consider adopting one of them.  they all need a good home.

h’s & k’s,

cassidy

From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2012 – 3:35 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon

Subject: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

Thanks for a fun afternoon of shopping.  I think you got some really cute stuff.  I especially like that peasant blouse.  Trés chic.

Wish I had half as much luck as you did.  Actually, wish I had half as much thigh as you do.  ;)  Damn girl!  For just having had a baby, you look hot.

But honestly, why don’t skinny jeans look skinny in my size?  It’s right there in the name!

But I digress (as usual).  It was great and I look forward to doing it again soon.  Talk with you later.  Hugs and kisses to my sweet angel.

From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2012 – 4:12 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

Thanks for giving me the “skinny” on your shopping expedition.  And I agree.  That’s false advertising indeed.  But Sweetie, you really need to have a positive body image.

From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2012 – 4:14 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

I do have a positive body image.  I’m positive I’m fat.

From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2012 – 4:17 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

When you’re an 85-year-old grandma sitting around the nursing home, I just
know
you’ll look back on pictures of yourself from now and say “Damn girl!
I
looked hot!”  And thus the nickname “Supermodel Renee” now.

From: Ashley Gordon – November 27, 2012 – 5:03 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

Renee, you are priceless.  And wonderful.  And beautiful.  Don’t forget it.

From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2012 – 5:05 PM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

Just do something different with my hair, right?

From: Ashley Gordon – November 27, 2012 – 5:07 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

LOL!  Right.  ;)

From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2012 – 5:15 PM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

Shel, it’s so funny you say that.  I was just going through some old photo albums with Ethan and commenting on how thin I was back then, yet how I thought I was so fat.  Amazing what a little perspective, time and cans of frosting can do.  I suppose you’re right.  I shall put the “fat talk” on a diet then.

From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2012 – 5:20 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Skinny Jeans My Ass!

Damn straight and don’t you forget it!  Talk with you later, Sweetie.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: Renee Greene – November 29, 2012 – 9:54 AM

To: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, cassidy

Cc: PBCupLover

Subject: Vegas casinos going broke!

Vegas casinos are going to go broke paying out against outrageous odds that I would ever get married, since Ethan and I have set a wedding date.  Official Save the Date cards will go out 8 months before the wedding, but want to make sure my maid of honor and bridesmaids (yes, that includes you, Mark) know we will be married on July 5, 2014.  We picked the long holiday weekend to make it easier for his relatives and friends from Ohio and New York to come out.  So mark it down.  You are expected to attend.

From: Shelley Manning – November 29, 2012 – 10:02 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: PBCupLover, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, cassidy

Subject: Re:  Vegas casinos going broke!

Actually, I always knew you’d get married, so I should be raking in the Vegas dough about now.  How will I spend my cash?  Oh yeah.  Storage facility rental.  CRAP!  Speaking of which, thanks for agreeing to help me move my furniture over this week.  Mojitos at Flint’s on me.

From: Ashley Gordon – November 29, 2012 – 11:30 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: PBCupLover, Mark Finlay, Renee Greene, cassidy

Subject: Re:  Vegas casinos going broke!

No doubt, I’m in as a bridesmain.  And I’m willing to help in any way.  I certainly owe you big time for making my wedding so special.

But I wish you would get married sooner rather than later.  The sooner you get married, the sooner you can have a baby for Siobhan to be best friends with and another mom for me to hang out with.

From: Renee Greene – November 29, 2012 – 11:35 AM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: PBCupLover, Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, cassidy

Subject: Re:  Vegas casinos going broke!

Oh, Ash.  I’m not ready for a baby…yet.  Siobhan will just have to be Little Baby Langers’ baby sitter.  (And if you think I’m telling you the gender of little Baby Langer before the birth, you’re sorely mistaken!)

But I totally forgot to ask if you can help with one huge favor, though.  We need the cutest little flower girl ever seen and would love for Siobhan to be in the wedding.

From: Ashley Gordon – November 29, 2012 – 11:38 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: PBCupLover, Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, cassidy

Subject: Re:  Vegas casinos going broke!

Of course!  We and she would be honored.

From: Mark Finlay – November 29, 2012 – 5:30 PM

To: Ashley Gordon

Cc: PBCupLover,  Shelley Manning, Renee Greene, cassidy

Subject: Re:  Vegas casinos going broke!

Sorry for the delay, I just honestly wasn’t sure how to respond.  For years, I’ve had people thinking I was gay.  And while I have an amazingly beautiful girlfriend now, I think being a bridesmaid in your wedding might just not be the right move for me.  Plus, I fear I would never be able to wear the dress again.  I’m sure you can understand, no?

From: cassidy – November 29, 2012 – 5:30 PM

To: Mark Finlay

Cc: PBCupLover,  Shelley Manning, Renee Greene, Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re:  Vegas casinos going broke!

Hes definitely not gay!