The Bucket List (29 page)

For a moment, she thought about just going back home. It wasn't fair that she was here. What would they talk about? Her cancer?
Her impure thoughts about her best friend? Hardly. She didn't think Nate would appreciate hearing about that last one, and the first one was something she was trying to run away from. So what would they talk about? She knew he would take one look at her and guess that something was wrong and maybe try to get the information out of her. And in her state she would probably break down and tell him that she was thinking of fucking her best friend. Not good. Not good at all. She had to leave.

The door opened and with that, her chance to escape was gone. But one look into
Nate's jade eyes broke her down.

"I'm sorry
Nate," she whispered, the tears streaming down her cheeks.

That was all she needed to say to be taken back into his secure embrace.

***

Rae pressed the button to call the elevator and adjusted the silk shift that was draped over her shoulders. She was wearing a blue backless, strapless Versace creation that she'd bought for the old Rae, just before that fateful trip to the doctors. She'd bought it to wow her prey, knock their fuckin' socks off before she lured them to her bedroom. Now she needed it only to pick her spirits up. She'd had a week of hell.

She heard a tired sigh behind her and turned back. The three men looked tired and withdrawn; certainly in no mood for a party. But she'd needed to get out of that house, damn it! She'd felt she had to hide her own pain because she couldn't stand to see them hurt anymore. Every look they threw her now killed her a little bit each time. And it hadn't helped that she'd had to tell Corey's family as well. They'd practically been living at their house since, thinking they were helping. Liz had been hit particularly hard as it had brought back the still fresh memories of her dear departed friend. If it had not been for Nate, she would have given up and just sank into an unfathomable depression days ago.

Seeing
Nate that Tuesday afternoon had really saved her. They hadn't talked much but he'd just held her as they sat on the couch, let her draw on his strength. He hadn't forced her to talk like she'd thought he would. She'd known it had been hard for him; hell, it had been hard for her being that close to him and not being able to really touch him. By then, she'd gone two days without sex and her body was complaining, but for once she'd listened to her head. There could be no more sex with Nate. He was in love with her, and she'd come to realise she cared for him deeply. It would not be fair to him at all. Especially not that day, when it had been Corey she'd been thinking about.

Now she had gone a record five days without sex. She loved those guys, she really did, but she was getting laid tonight and not even their long faces would stop her. Of course, now that she'd learnt her lesson, a relationship was out of the question. Just one hot, sweaty night was all she needed. It would take her away from all the shit, even if it was only for a few minutes
... or hours.

"What did I say?" she asked, looking at the three of them in turn. "We needed to get out of the house. The atmosphere there is just toxic now; a change of scenery will do us good."

"How can you even be thinking about partying at a time like this?" John asked quietly.

"Because I have no choice," she snapped. "I can either sit at home and wait to die or I can be out here living my life while I still can."

John looked away and she knew she'd hurt him. She hadn't meant to be harsh but they'd had this discussion already. As much as they loved her, there was nothing they could do. They needed to realise that quickly and just let her enjoy them as much as she could.

"Look," she tried again. "
Rex is our friend and this is also a hard time for him. Let's show our faces, at the very least."

"You sure this isn't because I cancelled my birthday party tomorrow?"
Corey teased with a little hollow smile.

She smiled back without quite looking into his eyes.
Every time she did that these days she saw those cursed images of his body on top of hers... or under... or behind... She saw him in everything and it was still freaking her out.

"That, too," she answered as the doors finally opened.

She nudged them to get in before her then pressed the button that would take them downstairs where Rex Flair was hosting his farewell party. They'd flown into Orlando a few hours earlier and arrived at the hotel where she'd booked a couple of rooms for them. For once in her life she'd wished she could just book a room for herself. Being around Corey was driving her crazy, especially the nights when he held her until he fell asleep.

Since that afternoon when she'd run to
Nate, his every touch, however innocent, seemed to burn her. When he held her at night, his arm protectively around her and his face in the crook of her neck, she found herself wishing she could just turn over and take what she needed. Of course, that was only because it had been so long since she'd been fucked. It was just bad timing that she'd started to think about the times they'd been together just when there was nothing she could do about it. Not that she'd want to, of course. Corey was her friend. Sex would only ruin their friendship and she didn't want that. Dying or not, she'd be nothing without him in her life, even if it was just as a friend.

"One night, guys," she said as the doors closed. "That's all I'm asking. Just let me... breath."

Irving put his arm around her and pulled her closer.

"We didn't mean to make this harder for you, baby," he said sadly.

"You're hurting, dad. You're scared. I get that. I am, too. But I'm still here," she said sadly. "Let's just go down there, have a few drinks, loosen up and maybe we'll come up with a way to handle this."

Nate
looked up from his drink the second she walked through the doors, like his body had some sort of antennae that picked her signals up. She looked incredible, as always, so much so he had to remind himself why he couldn't fight for her. He watched as she scanned the room, knowing she was searching for him.

"You sure about this, man?" Matt asked as his eyes followed his brother's.

"I have no choice, Matt. She needs me."

"I don't know why you didn't tell me all this sooner. I have a feeling things might have turned out differently," Matt said sadly.

He looked briefly at his brother before turning back to watch Rae.

"Even if Beth hadn't come that night, she would have left me anyway," he said sadly.

Her eyes finally met his. He saw them light up considerably as she said a few words to the men she was with before making her way across the room, completely oblivious to all the looks she was getting. His heart almost gave up on him. Damn Steele!

"Hey," he smiled when she stood in front of him.

He gave her a kiss on the cheek when all he really wanted was to feel those lips on his again. These past few days had been really hard, talking to her and texting her when he couldn't be with her the way he wanted. He still didn't know why she had turned to him; he would have thought she'd have found everything she needed in Corey. But he wasn't going to question the gods. He was grateful for whatever scraps were thrown at him, however much it hurt.

"I didn't think I'd make it," she laughed. "I almost had to put a gun to their heads to get them moving. Hey, Matt."

She kissed his brother's cheek in greeting.

"How are you doing?" Matt asked.

"Could be better, but hey...," she smiled sadly. "Anyway, I'm here to tear this mother up. Let's get this party goin'."

Her first order of business, before she'd even got a drink, had been to have her first dance with the man of the hour. She'd met
Rex when he'd been mentoring Corey and they had instantly clicked, maybe because he was just as dirty as she was. It was sad that he was retiring; this business had been his life. He had known nothing else. He told her that he would still be involved, still do appearances here and there and be the face of the  whenever needed, but she knew it wouldn't be the same for him.

"I've heard some things,"
Rex said as he gave her a little twirl to the music. "Where you ever going to tell me?"

"No," she answered truthfully. "I figured the less people I told, the less chances I have of seeing a preview of my funeral everywhere I went. But it didn't work out like that."

"How's Corey?"

"I think he's been praying really hard to take my place," she said sadly. "You'll watch out for him, won't you? I mean, when I'm gone
... "

"Rachael, you can't speak like that. If you sound like you've already given up, no wonder those boys look defeated."

"I know. I don't say it to them, they refuse to even think of the possibility that I won't get through this. But I know I can talk to you. You'll look out for them, won't you?"

"I refuse to believe you won't make it either. But if for some reason you're taken away from us, I'll do my best," he assured her sadly as the song came to an end.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Now, if you don't mind, I know it's your party and all and it's not a happy occasion, but I'm getting laid tonight. Excuse me."

"Did you speak to Dr. Harvey?"
Irving asked.

"I couldn't get him but I made an appointment for her for Monday,"
Corey answered as they looked on at the girl dancing with Rex. "I didn't tell her about it, I'm just going to drag her down there. She's still hiding things from us. I don't know if that's because she's still trying to protect us or she's up to something."

"I think she's up to something," John said. "I can feel it
every time she looks away from me."

"Oh, you know her so well now?"
Corey snapped.

"Yes, actually, I do. I don't need to have known her, her whole life to know how her head works," John snapped back.

"Really? Did you know how her head was working when you were screwing her on my kitchen table?"

"Boys,"
Irving warned.

"No. I've had it with this guy, walking around in my house, sleeping in my bed, eating my fucking food like he's fucking achieving something,"
Corey continued.

"The only reason you're still mad at me is because you're in love with her," John cut in.

"You're in love with her! I'm only looking out for her. She doesn't need some love sick screw-up chasing her at a time like this."

John only chuckled as he finished his drink.

"As far as I can see, the only love sick one here is you. You can't stand the fact that I touched her because you're afraid it meant something. It did mean something, but not the way you think," John said as he got up from the table. "If I was you, I'd tell Rae how I feel before it's too fuckin' late."

Irving
watched the other man walk off to get himself another drink then looked back at the younger one looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"So, when are you going to tell her?" he asked.

The last thing he wanted was to push this punk on his little girl, but it had been written in stone so many years ago. He had known that eventually, the two of them would open their eyes and see what was in front of them, what they had with each other. There was no denying they meant the world to each other; even a blind man could see that! But now, with death on their minds constantly, he was afraid they wouldn't see it at all. Watching Rae as he had the past week, something told him his little girl had already accepted death as her fate and it saddened him to no end. His little girl didn't even want to fight this thing. She hadn't come out and said it out loud, but he knew. Why else would she have tried to make her life a bit better, just after she'd been to the doctors? And for that matter, why else would she have pursued the relationship they had? She had hated him for so long and all of a sudden, she turned around and said she wanted to know him. It had puzzled him a bit until a couple of days ago when he had figured it out. His baby was getting ready to die.

Corey
and John had no idea. It was probably inconceivable to them that she would actually want to die. But he knew better. Rae had watched Greg die, watched the damage he had left behind. Then she'd watched her mum die. He had seen from a distance how both Rae and Corey had suffered while she gone through chemo after chemo. His guess was she didn't want any of them to have to watch her die, too. That was why she avoided talking about treatment... because she wasn't getting any. Only he hadn't worked out what she was going to do instead, how she was planning on avoiding it.

Well, he wasn't about to let that happen.
Corey was his only hope... her only hope. If he opened up to her, told her how he felt, maybe that would be the little push she needed to fight. If that failed, he would take her kicking and screaming all the way to the hospital. No way was he letting his daughter quit.

"What?"
Corey frowned.

"When are you going to tell her how you feel?"

"Not you, too!"

"Any fool can see you're in love with her. It's in your eyes, bright as day,
every time you look at her. John is right. If you were sure what happened between them didn't mean anything to her, if you knew it was like all the other men, you wouldn't still be angry."