The Bucket List (24 page)

"I'm in trouble."

"Geez. I wonder why," he said sarcastically. "Is someone hounding you because you're FUCKING NAKED, by any chance?"

She looked around the cold room at the policemen and women who were laughing and whispering to each other as the blatantly looked at her. Even with the big jacket that someone had graciously provided, she still felt naked.

"Sort of," she replied. "I've been arrested."

"What
?!"

"Yeah... um... I'm
gonna need you to bail me out," she said.

Strike three. She was out.

The ride home was made in silence. Even when she had been let out, he hadn't said a word. She had actually been hoping he would blow up there and then, when the police actually had her back. But she could tell by the twitching muscle in his jaw that the explosion was being saved for when no one could save her.

The other car wasn't on the driveway so
Corey was thankfully still out looking for her. She couldn't have handled both of them at the same time. Especially since his precious car was still at that parking lot. John hadn't trusted her to drive it back home.

"Kitchen," John barked before he got out of the car and slammed the door.

With a defeated sigh, she got out and followed him into the house. There was no escape this time; nowhere to run. It was time to talk. Or shout, whichever John decided to do.

She slowly made her way to the kitchen, trying to find words to explain her actions. Just "I'm dying," wouldn't cut it. By the time she entered the kitchen, he already had a pot of coffee brewing and had taken the makings of a sandwich out. She was starving; night had already fallen, but she didn't think she could handle any food. Her inside were turning and she felt sick.

He placed a sandwich and a cup of coffee in front of her before sitting down opposite her with his own cup.

"Talk," he ordered.

"I... I'm sorry, John," she started. She couldn't even look him in the eye.

"Is that it?"

She let out a sigh as she toyed with the sandwich on her plate.

"No. I was stupid, I know. It's just that everything was getting on top of me and I wanted one night... just one night where it would all just go away."

"What was getting on top of you?"

"Everything.
Nate. Irving. My new family. Corey. You. The stupid list. Just everything."

"Me? What did I do?"

"I was avoiding you. I didn't want you to make me talk, I didn't want this," she said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

This was too hard. How would she tell him?

"Why?"

She could tell by the sound of his voice that some of his anger had ebbed. Maybe because she looked as pathetic as she sounded.

"Don't make me do this, John," she whispered, finally lifting her head to look into his eyes.

The rest of his anger disappeared and she saw confusion and a bit of fear in his eyes. Dear John. Would he be strong enough this time around to hold
Corey up again? Or would this kill him, too? It would probably kill him.

He was at her side in an instant, kneeling in front of her and turning her in her chair to face him.

"Rae?"

"I
... "

Her voice trailed off when she noticed how totally freaked out her friend was, like on some level he already knew what she was about to say.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't hurt him.

"I just felt so... alone. It's just hit me all over again that I'm all by myself," she lied again.

Okay, she had to make this really good. She had to give him some sentimental bullshit, the stuff only he would fall for.

"You have your family,
Corey has his and between you have so many aunts, uncles and cousins it ain't even funny. That's why I decided to get to know Irving, I thought maybe I could worm my way into his little family. And that's why I decided to get a boyfriend. I just wanted someone who was just mine, someone I could have a future with and maybe fall in love with. Then I could have my own little family. But it wasn't working out like that," she said softly, putting as much raw emotion in her voice as she could.

"Then last night,
Corey was being weird and Nate had a call off Beth and told her he was going to try to get away... "

At least that much was true. And she could see that something she'd said was getting through to him. The fear that had been in his eyes had disappeared.

"I felt like my past was stopping me from having the future I want," she said with a little shrug. "I was just feeling sorry for myself. I mean, who'd want a bitch like me for a long term relationship?"

"Don't talk like that, Rae," John said, tucking a few stray strands behind her ear. "You're beautiful, funny and you got my back like no one else. And I know, once you find the right guy, once you fall in love, you'll be as loyal as they come."

"Yeah, well... forgive me for not sharing your optimism," she grunted.

"I really believe that, Rae," he told her. "And that man... or woman
... will be the luckiest person on earth. You should have come to me last night, before you touched that shit. I'd have told you that."

"I know, but you're... you," she said as she put her palm against his cheek. "You're my friend; you always see the good in me. I don't think I'd have bought anything you would have told me."

His hand covered hers on his face as he let out a little sigh.

"Rae, don't you know by now, that when it comes to you, I never lie," he whispered as he looked into her eyes. "You are the most beautiful woman I know. And I'd be lying if I said I don't find it really hard to resist temptation when you come on to me."

"But you do resist, John," she smiled sadly.

"Only because I know I'm not what you need."

"Maybe you're what I need right now."

She had no idea what made her say that, but as soon as those words were out of her mouth, she felt they were true. John was exactly what she needed. He was a perfect gentleman and a caring friend. She'd known him for years; she wouldn't have to worry about figuring him out.

Before he could say anything to get out of it, she leaned her face closer to his and took his lips in a sweet little kiss. For once in their long friendship, he didn't pull back.

When she pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, she saw that she should never have worried about that at all. He wanted her. It was written clearly in those brown eyes.

All of a sudden, making love to this man became the single most important thing in her life.

"I swear, I'm going to kill her,"
Corey muttered as he let Alyssa into the house first.

"Maybe you should give her a break,"
Mandy repeated for the millionth time that day. "Something is bothering her, you've got to make her feel like she can talk to you about it."

"She knows that already," he said. "She should have come to me before she decided to do drugs. And to take my car for a joyride."

"Well, if you give her a chance to explain, you two will be friends again in the morning," Mandy said confidently.

"Maybe you're right,"
Corey sighed. "Want a cup of coffee and something to eat? I'm starving. I can drive you to the hotel after. Unless you're spending the night with John, again."

"You say that like you think something happened last night,"
Mandy said as she followed him towards the kitchen.

"Don't tell me my boy had a game meltdown again,"
Corey chuckled.

"He's just being a gentleman. I kinda like it,"
Mandy said. "It's nice to know we can take our time and just enjoy each other, and not feel pressured to have sex. The best relationships start out like that."

But the very next second she wished she could take her words back.
Corey had stopped in his tracks, making her bump into his back. When she looked around him to see what had made him stop so suddenly, she felt her heart break.

Right there on the kitchen table, a naked John was making love to Rae.

It was John pulling out of her rather than the little shocked gasp that had alerted her that something was wrong. Then when she had turned her head, she had seen both
Corey and Mandy standing by the door. Mandy was understandably hurt and she had kicked herself all night for putting that look in her eyes. The girl had genuinely liked her and she'd just gone ahead and slept with the man she wanted. Some friend she'd turned out to be.

But it was the look in
Corey's eyes that had kept her up all night. He'd been extremely hurt and had looked a bit... heartbroken. She couldn't understand that.

All night that little scene had replayed over and over again in her mind.

John pulling out of her... the little gasp... John rushing to cover himself then her as if they still had any dignity left... the tears in Mandy's eyes before she'd turned away and rushed out of the room... Corey standing there looking at her as if she had just broken his heart... The cold look he threw to John before the hoarse words escaped his lips...

"Was it worth it, John?"

She had tried to get off the table so she could explain, but Corey had held a hand up and stopped her in her tracks. Then he'd just walked out.

She didn't know what she had expected.
A few blows, maybe, a few harsh words. Corey had, after all, been telling John for years how he would rip his head off if he ever gave into temptation. But he'd done nothing, and somehow that had devastated her more. The whole weekend had turned out to be a total cluster fuck and sleeping with John had been the last nail in her coffin.

There was only one thing she could do now.

With a tired sigh, she looked over at the man sleeping next to her. She'd ended up sharing his bed, not because she was horny but because she'd just needed the comfort of a human touch. She knew he hadn't slept much either, it must have been only an hour before that his breathing had slowed and sleep had claimed him. Poor man. She'd managed to ruin his new relationship because of one stupid mistake. How would he explain this to Mandy? Knowing him, he probably wouldn't even try even though everyone knew he believed he was head of heels for this girl.

So it was all up to her. Once she told
Alyssa, once she explained her actions, maybe the girl would take him back.

The sick feeling in her stomach, that she now knew was guilt, intensified at the thought of the day ahead of her. It would be the day that changed everything.

With a sigh, she slid out from John's heavy arm. A few presents caught her eye as she got up and she remembered she hadn't opened any of her birthday presents. The last birthday presents she would ever have.

The top one was flat and wrapped in some funky paper, but she knew who it was from straight away. She had seen Matt holding it the night of the
ill fated party. She didn't feel like opening it, didn't feel like getting another dose of guilt over her actions. She should have just talked to Nate and told him how she felt about the whole Beth thing instead of sleeping with the next man who had offered her a bit of relief from the anguish she'd carried with her since her visit to the doctor. Whether Nate had run off to Beth or not, they had not officially broken up and that meant she was indeed the cheating whore she had warned him she could be.

But after a minute, she found herself slowly peeling the wrapping paper off anyway.

It was a framed portrait of herself, the one he had sketched on their first and only date. She looked so... happy. He'd even captured the sparkle in her eye as she'd looked into his eyes. She knew exactly what she had been thinking, that she couldn't wait to get his clothes off. He'd showed some of that, too. So many emotions, captured by the one man who had witnessed them all and immortalized on a piece of paper. And on the side of it was the most beautiful poem she had ever read. He called it emoetry... emotion in poetry, and he could not have expressed his emotions any clearer or better than he had in that little passage next to her face. He'd called it 'A lot in common.'

The whole poem touched her in a way she had never experienced before, but a few of the phrases really speared her heart.

You're smart... but still slow... So am I

You're waiting... but happy... So am I

You're leaving... but staying... So am I

A tear slid down her cheek as she remembered again how soon she would have to say
good bye. She was waiting, waiting to die but when she had been with him she had been happy, despite that annoying little fact. She was leaving, but with his portrait, he had ensured that she would stay. He had expressed what she was feeling in those few words while still letting her know that he was right there with her.

She was smart, but when it came to this love thing, she was obviously very slow.
Nate had been nothing but good to her. He had told her from the very first day how she made him feel. He'd never said the word love, obviously it was way too soon for that, but what they had was beautiful. Or had been before she'd fucked it up and slept with her friend. And the bad thing was, this new Rae wouldn't let her keep that fact from Nate. He deserved nothing but honesty.