The Boy Who Paints Me (13 page)

“I can’t...”I trailed off.

“Rai,” he said, causing me to turn and look into his beautiful brown eyes. “I will never
ever
hurt you intentionally, that I can promise. Just...please...trust me.”

I do.
(POINT)

“I never knew my dad. It was just me and my mom. It was always just us, and we were happy. My mom...she was....she was my best friend,” I said as I tried to get the words out without crying. “I was fourteen when she started dating, it had been so long. I was happy for her. I wanted her to be happy. I was happy. But when I met him...” I couldn’t bring myself to say Mitch’s name out loud, it made me feel sick. “I knew that something was off. I knew that he wasn’t who he was pretending to be. Eventually he took away everything. He said that we only needed him. We had to let go of friends, family, everything. We were like prisoners in our own home,” I took a deep breath as I contemplated whether or not I should carry on. As I felt the warm of Leighton’s hand mingle with mine, I knew the answer. I knew that I could trust him. “It was a week after my fifteenth birthday, my mom and my
stepdad
had been together for seven months. It seemed longer. I was sat in the living room, reading a book that my English teacher had given me. I had my iPod in. I always had it in at home. It drowned out the sound of my mom screaming every time...every time that he hit her. I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw my mom’s face. She looked terrified but I knew that it was worse than when he hit her, I knew that it was something else. I was right. Three men walked into my living room. I knew from the looks on their face that they were dangerous, more dangerous than
he
was. He owed them money, a lot of money. Enough that they decided to visit him at home. He couldn’t pay of course. They beat him up, right there in front of us. I wasn’t worried about him but my mom, the look in her eyes. She was heartbroken. I thought that they were going to kill him and then us. She begged them to stop hitting him and they agreed but there was a condition. They wanted a down payment,” I said as I shuddered in disgust. I felt Leighton squeeze my hand a little tighter and I found the strength. “We all knew what he meant. I knew what he meant. My mom offered herself for him. It made me feel sick that she would think so little of herself that she would do that for a man that was destroying our life. It wasn’t enough though, she wasn’t his
type
,” I gritted my teeth.

“I was.” It was all that I could say. I saw his jaw tighten and his eyes closes as the realisation came over him. “After that, it became a regular thing. He couldn’t pay; I was the down payment. His
clients
seemed happy with that arrangement and so was my mom,” I continued as the tears started to pour down my cheeks. “So, you can go now, I understand.” I said as I slipped my hand free of his grasp. I heard him let out a deep sigh as though he were annoyed. Before I had time to react he had lifted me off the rocks and set me down, to stand on the sand again. He stared into my eyes for a few seconds before sliding the shades onto the top of my head and wiping away my tears with his thumbs.

“Rai, I will
never
let anyone touch you like that again, do you understand me?” He asked as he tried to hold back his anger.

“You can’t save me, I’m empty, Leighton. I’m just a blank canvas,” I whispered as more tears fell.

“Then let me be the boy who paints you back to life, Rai,” he said as he took a step closer to me.

“I want to stay,” I whispered.

“Then stay here, with me,” he begged.

“I can’t,” I said as my chest started to ache.

“Yes you can, I’ll protect you, I promise. He’ll never get near you again, I won’t let him, I won’t let anyone near you,” he said through gritted teeth as he cupped my cheeks in his hands. “Ok?” He breathed as I just stared at him. “I need to know that you trust me, Rai,” he whispered.

“Well, isn’t this just cosy,” a voice interrupted, causing both of our heads to snap to the side.

“Not now, Victoria,” Leighton growled at her.

“No, now is a good time,
Leighton
,” she replied angrily as she looked me up and down. “Why aren’t you returning my calls?” She demanded.

“I’ve been busy.”

“Obviously; we need to talk,” she said sternly before glancing my way, “alone,” she finished.

“No.”

“It’s ok,” I whispered as I took a step back from him.

“No, it’s not ok. This is going to have to wait, Victoria,” he growled before taking my hand in his and walking off.

“I’m your girlfriend, Leighton!” I felt my stomach drop.

“Ex girlfriend, ex,” he stated before dragging me away from her. “I’m sorry,” he said as we kept walking. I hadn’t seen Leighton mad before but part of me couldn’t help but notice how incredibly sexy it was.

“Is she why you didn’t kiss me?” I blurted out before I had the chance to think about it.

He stopped walking for a moment and just stared at me. Then without saying a word, he started walking again.

“Get in, I’ll get your stuff,” Leighton said once we reached the car. I nodded my head and sat patiently waiting for him to come back. I wasn’t sure what was happening but something had definitely changed.

After about ten minutes Leighton was back. He slid into the driver’s seat silently before starting up the engine and driving away. We had been driving for about five minutes when I felt Leighton’s hand slip inside of mine, instantly calming me down.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?” I asked in confusion.

“Getting angry, I don’t want you seeing that,” he replied as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“It’s ok, you didn’t scare me,” I reassured him. He glanced at me and smiled.

“Good.”

* * *

We hadn’t spoken since our brief conversation in the car, and I still wanted to know the answer to my question. We came to a stop at my front door as I played with the keys in my hand.

“Would you come in for a bit?” I asked hopefully. He nodded his head and smiled at me.

We walked silently into the living room as I tried to take in everything that had happened today. As he went to sit down, I stopped him gently with my hand. As my hand took in the feel of his chest, I felt a little dizzy. I had never wanted someone in the way that I wanted Leighton and a part of me was scared. I trusted him but this was so new to me. I spent the past three years trying to ignore the feelings that touching can spark until now. Now I wanted to feel it, I wanted to feel him.

“Rai,” he said breathlessly as he gently moved my hand away from his chest.

“Don’t,” I begged as I took a step closer to him. I could see the want in his eyes that matched mine, and I wanted to just melt in his arms. But he was resisting as well, I didn’t understand why.
Maybe I had put him off. I felt a pain shot through my heart at the thought of it.

“I should probably go,” he whispered as he stepped away again, leaving me feeling so cold.

“Why?” I asked in frustration.

“I just, I erm...”

“What? Don’t you want to go near me after-“

“Stop,” he said gently as his eyes met mine, “It’s got nothing to with that, Rai. That changes nothing,” he said sternly.

“But you walked away from me at the waterfall, and you’re doing it now. Why don’t you want to kiss me?” I asked angrily. I couldn’t stop myself.

“It’s not that, Rai,” he said with a sad expression on his face.

“Have you kissed Victoria?” I replied sadly. I knew the answer just from looking at his face. “Of course,” I said bitterly as tears burned my eyes. I forced them back.

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?”

“I don’t know, please, Rai just-“

“Why, Leighton? You tell me to trust you but you’re not being honest. Why don’t you want to kiss me?”

I had no idea what had come over me but I couldn’t get my emotions under control. I had let too much out today, shared way too much, and I couldn’t stop myself. I understood what was happening instantly; I was jealous. I was jealous of any girl that had ever had anything with Leighton, and I couldn’t explain why. I just felt a weird connection to him because he made me feel safe, and I didn’t want anyone else to have that even though I knew that really, I couldn’t have it either.

The tension in the room was so thick that you could slice it with a knife. I stood perfectly still, staring at him as his eyes roamed over my body. I gasped, soon realising that it was the first time that I had taken a breath, since I had asked him that question. His expression was filled with an emotion that I couldn't decipher. I wanted to escape, to run away, take it all back. It was impossible. I couldn't tear my gaze away from his golden brown eyes. He had me locked in a trance. We were speaking a silent language that only we understood.
 

I was staring at him, yet I could see nothing. Instead my mind was replaying the last five minutes, willing them to start over so
that I could take it all back. I shifted my eyes to the floor, hoping that I would become invisible.  Somehow - without the need to look at him - I knew that he was moving closer to me. I could feel it in my chest as my heart beat picked up pace. I felt the clammy feeling that consumed my hands. I felt the edges of my teeth graze my bottom lip before gently biting down. I glanced up at him, pleading with my eyes, begging him to walk away. He didn't. I knew he wouldn't.

He was stood in front of me, towering over my small frame. He was so close that I could feel every breath that he took, and they were getting faster. I mentally growled when my eyes locked on his, again. I couldn't look away, and part of me - the more dominant part - didn't want to. Something about his eyes offered me so much comfort, and peace but there was also a hint of danger, if you looked really close. He scared me. Not because I thought he would hurt me; I knew that he wouldn't. I was scared of what he was doing to my heart. Every new encounter, he would take another piece of the shell that I had firmly placed around it. I had protected it, hidden it, and I was scared that once the pieces were removed, I could never put them back together again.

I tried to avoid looking at the stands of brown hair that fell into his eyes.  

Touch them
.

I willed the thought away because the want was so strong that I had to catch my breath. I was losing control, and I didn't want him to see it. I wanted so badly to let my fingers gently brush them out of his face. I wanted to see his slightly crooked jaw line and his strong features. I wanted to stare into his eyes, and to feel as though he was staring into my soul but I couldn't. I wouldn't.
 

You want to.

I did but it was wrong. I ducked my head as I felt his presence draw nearer. He was close now, too close. I needed to keep up the facade, to pretend that I didn't want to know the answer. I wanted to pretend that I had never even asked.

"Rai," he whispered in a husky voice that was barely audible. His hand moved, slowly up the left side of my body until he was gently lifting my chin with the tip of his index finger. I closed my eyes, trying to hide that electric feeling that shot through me as his skin made contact with mine. I had to suppress the moan that wanted to escape my lips, caused by his touch. "To answer your question," he continued, causing my eyes to slowly flutter open. "No, I don't want to kiss you."

I tried to hide the disappointment on my face. I needed to pretend that those words didn't just enter the atmosphere, that they weren't real. I needed so much for him to act like he had never said those seven little words. I swallowed the lump that had gathered in my throat. I tried to hold my voice together because I couldn't let him see me right now. I couldn't let him know just how much his words had crushed me. I wouldn't show him just how much power his words had over my emotions. I wasn't even sure when he gained that level of control but I so desperately wanted it back; needed it back.

"I know...." I whispered as the tears burned at the back of my eyes, threatening to escape. He couldn't see me cry; he can never see me cry. Not again.