The Boy Who Came in From the Cold (42 page)

“And God, Gabriel. I’m negative.”

This time Gabe really thought he would fall. He made himself walk into the living room and let himself fall into the chair next to the two young men. “Negative?” The relief Gabe felt was enormous.
Not positive. He doesn’t have AIDS
.

“Of course, they told me I’ll have to come back at least once more before they can be sure.” Another tear rolled down his cheek. “If Todd hadn’t talked me into it, I wouldn’t have known.” Brett turned and grabbed Todd’s hand. “I owe him. I owe him big. I told him that too. Told him I would do anything.”

Brett looked back at Gabe. “So he told me to come tell you the truth.”

 

“The truth?” Gabe repeated.

 

“I only told you I had HIV. I was so mad at you.” More tears began to flow.

“But why?” Gabe asked. “I didn’t do anything.”
“I know!” Brett cried out. “But I couldn’t be mad at myself!”

Brett reached out a hand, it wavered in the air, then fell back into his own lap. “I fucked up big time. What I did was the biggest mistake of my life. I know you can’t forgive me, but Todd was right. I had to come tell you. I am so sorry, Gabriel. I messed up so bad. I screwed everything up.”

Gabe could hardly believe what he was hearing. Surprisingly, he couldn’t find it in him to be mad. Only relieved. Only happy. “You didn’t do it alone. I messed up too. And Daniel messed up big time.”

Chaz reappeared long enough to snap his fingers. “Tellz me about it!”

In another time or place, Gabe might have laughed. But all he could do was smile. That’s all he had. He looked over at Todd. There was a part of him that was mad. Springing all this on him. Couldn’t Todd have at least waited in the hall and warned him? Or had Brett wait in a back room?

But no. That would have been stupid. And whatever else Brett was, he was a human being.

 

“Can you ever forgive me?” Brett asked. “One day.”

Then a thousand thousand of Peter’s stories and pieces of advice filled his head. But it was the quote by Martin Luther King that floated up above them all. “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

What would Peter say? That what we give is what we get in return.
How could he not forgive? What about all the things he himself needed to be forgiven for? Like putting the boy in situations he was not quite ready to deal with. He could argue he had gotten him off the streets. But hadn’t he and Daniel played with Brett’s emotions? Decided they knew better than he which direction the boy’s life should go? By what right? Maybe his way hadn’t been Brett’s?

“Of course I can forgive you. Just please forgive me.” “You?” Brett sobbed.

And then Gabe stood, walked to Brett and pulled him into his arms. They hugged fiercely, cried on each other’s shoulders.
After, with Todd now laying back in Gabe’s arms and Brett on the opposite end of the couch, they talked of the future.

“I’m going home,” Brett said. He laughed. “Golly. This morning I was thinking about turning a trick, and now I not only know I’m not HIV positive, but I’ve decided just like that to go home!”
“But what about your father?”

“I can take care of
him
,” Brett said.
“Do you need bus fare?” Gabe asked.

Brett shook his head. “A friend loaned me the money,” he replied and looked into Todd’s face. “My new friend Todd.”

 

Gabe gripped Todd in surprise. His special money? He had given Brett his special money?

“Who would have known so much could happen so fast?” Brett asked.
Gabe looked at Todd. “We know,” Gabe said. “Don’t we, Todd?”

“We sure do,” Todd said.
Brett didn’t stay much longer.
“I can’t, Gabriel,” he said. “It’s too….”
Gabe nodded. “Todd, can I have a couple minutes with Brett?”

“Sure,” Todd replied and damn, if Gabe couldn’t read his lover’s face.
Please have him not be upset.

“What a great guy,” Brett said after Todd walked away. “Yeah.”

“I'm happy for you, my angel.” Brett reached out and touched Gabe’s cheek. “He’s a great guy. Amazing. But I can’t watch.”

“Watch?”
“Not yet. I have other things to face first.”
“You’re really going home?” Gabe asked Brett.

Brett nodded. “For now. I may be back. But I have to face my past so I can face my future. My father is just part of it.”

 

Gabe shook his head. “You’re unbelievable.”

“No. Your boyfriend is. I can’t believe he did what he did for me. It seems impossible. When he walked up to me in the park and started talking about you, I thought he was going to punch me there for a second. Instead he helped me out.”

Gabe smiled. “He is pretty incredible. But Brett, so are you.” Brett grinned and snapped his fingers in a Z formation. “You bet I is!”

 

Gabe couldn’t help but laugh.

 

Brett leaned in quickly and gave Gabe a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Bye-bye, my almost love.”
“Bye-bye, Brett.”
Then fast as could be, Brett opened the door and was gone.

Gabe stood and stared at the door for a moment before calling Todd back. Then all Gabe could do was hold onto him. “Thank you, Todd.”

“I love you,” Todd replied.
“You really do, don’t you?” Gabe said.

“I do. I think I fell almost the minute we met. That crazy kiss you gave me when Mr. Martinez brought me up—”
“Which I shouldn’t have done,” Gabe said. “I feel guilty about that. I took advantage of you.”

“Nonsense,” Todd said. “I deserved it. No. I was lucky. When you had me sleep on the couch instead of making me sleep with you.
That
would have been taking advantage. And wow… when you stood up tall to get me those towels and flashed your incredible ass at me—”

Gabe blushed. “I hope you know that was an accident.”

“The lust I had for you in that moment… I know now it was already more than that. I don’t know how it happened, Gabe. But I fell in love with you this week. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Gabe said and felt his heart simply zing. They hugged tightly. “But next time you bring someone like Brett back into my life, give me a warning? That was a hell of a shock.”

“Sorry,” Todd said. “It just sorta happened.”
“Promise me anyway?”
“Of course,” Todd assured his lover.

Gabe pulled Todd closer, kissed him hard, and just as he was about to suggest they take things to the bedroom, they were both startled when the apartment buzzer sounded once more.

“Now who could that be?” Gabe said, disentangling himself from Todd and walking to the intercom. “Hello,” he said, pressing the call button.

“Excuse me” came a strange man’s voice. “Is there a Todd Burton here?”

“Why?” Gabe asked.
“Because this is his parents. We’re looking for him.” Gabe turned toward Todd, who stood there, eyes wide, hand to

his mouth.

 

Chapter 21

 

“DON’Tlet them in!” Todd wanted to shout, but of course he didn’t.
Because…. Because it was his
mother
. Todd didn’t give a shit about
him
—his stepfather—who could rot and die for all he cared. But his mother….

In one split second, he found himself once more hoping for her approval. He wanted a smile from her. An “I’m proud of you, Son.” Something he couldn’t remember ever getting from her.

“Todd?” Gabe asked when Todd looked at him; he suspected Gabe had said something he’d missed.

“What?” Todd answered.
“You really don’t want me to let them in?”
Son of a bitch
, he thought.
I
did
say that out loud.
“I… I….” “Todd. I think we need to let them come up.”
“Why?” Todd cried.
“Trust me,” Gabe said in way of an answer.

It made Todd wonder. He looked up at this lover and knew, or thought he did, that something was up. But what? “Don’t want to see them,” he said, his mind caught up in confusion. What were they doing here? “Haven’t seen them,” he said out loud. “They don’t want me.
Why
should I see them?”

“Todd… I suspect this is important.”

 

Why would you suspect anything like that?

 

“Because they’re here, Todd. Today. I don’t think it’s out of the blue.”

 

I did it again. Said something out loud I thought I said to myself
. “Hello?” came the voice of his stepfather. “Hello?” The second time more insistent.

 

“Don’t want them here,” Todd said. “Let’s go down there.”

“Todd, if there is one thing I know, it’s that it’s always best to have them come to you. That’s why I always see business associates in
my
office. It’s the home field advantage. If we go down to them and there’s a scene….”

“Trust me,” Todd replied. “There’ll be a scene.”

“If they come up here, it’s your territory. And you can always kick them out.”
“But it’s not my territory,” Todd said. “It’s yours.”

“It’s
ours
,” Gabe said firmly and pulled him close.
“Ours?” Todd asked.

“Of course it is,” Gabe said, and touched Todd’s forehead with his own.
Todd felt tears threaten.
God. Ours? Really?

“Dammit! Is this thing working?” came that horrid voice again, making Todd flinch even floors above and hearing the voice only over an intercom.

Can’t hurt me. I’m in my territory.
Our
territory.
“I’m here for you, Todd. I won’t let anything happen.”
Here for me
. He pressed himself against Gabe’s mass of muscles

and then knew he would be okay. No matter how bad it might get, it would be okay. Todd nodded. “All right,” he whispered.

 

Gabe pulled away, but only slightly, and buzzed them in. “Come on up, Mr. Burton,” Gabe said. “Apartment….”

 

“We know which one,” snapped Todd’s stepfather. “And it’s Sandburg, not Burton.”

A moment later they were there. Gabe had opened the door and then filled it with his giant self, waiting, like a guard at the gate of a castle.

Protecting me. No one’s ever protected me.
Todd almost gasped at the sight of his mother. She was wearing what for her was her Sunday-go-to-Jesus clothes, as if she were going to the church she never did. The dress, gray from both age and a

million washings, hung on her like a sack. She wore a heavy coat (warmer than anything they’d bought him recently) and her hair, turning white, was pulled back in a fierce bun, in an old-lady way. And it was that which had so surprised Todd.
She looks old. Ten years older than the last time I saw her. It’s only been six months
.

His stepfather, on the other hand, looked the same. Tall, wide, with a receding hairline that looked neither more nor less withdrawn from his bushy brows. His eyes, steel blue and not the country sky blue of Gabe’s, were flat and cold. He’d shaved, miracle! And he wore a suit of all things. A suit. When had Todd last seen his stepfather in a suit? Five years? Ten? The way it hung on him made Todd realized he had changed some after all.
He’s thinner
.

“Welcome to our home,” Gabe said while Todd tried to think of what to say.

His stepfather’s eyes narrowed and he stared up into Gabe’s face. Gabe was taller than him, Todd saw. He’d never thought of anyone as being taller than his stepfather. But now, suddenly, Todd could see that he himself was no more than an inch, maybe not even that, shorter than his stepfather. When did that happen?