The Boy Who Came in From the Cold (44 page)

Todd jumped to his feet and walked up to his stepfather, chest thrust out as if it were as large as Gabe’s, hands gripped tightly at his sides. He furrowed his brow. “You son of a bitch!”
The man gave Todd a shove and Todd shoved back. Hard. So hard the man staggered and nearly fell. The look on his face was pure shock.
“Todd,” his mother blubbered.
“All this time,” Todd said. “All this time you should have been taking better care of me, and you’ve been using me, my money, instead.” Trust fund! His father, his real father, had set up a trust fund for him? He wanted to cry. The man had loved him! Had taken care of him. He’d set up a trust fund. But how much? And then out loud: “How much? How much is the trust fund?” he demanded.
The man opened his mouth, shut it with a snap. Looked down at his mother.
“Well?”
“Tell him, Mr. Sandburg,” Gabe said.
Todd’s stepfather shook, anger and outrage written all over his face. But there was something else too. Todd could see it. Was it fear?
“Todd, it’s for twenty thousand dollars,” Gabe said quietly.
This time Todd did sway, almost fell down.
Twenty thousand dollars? It couldn’t be!
Todd’s stepfather sat down. His mother cleared her throat. “Yes, Todd. And that is why we’re here.”
“Betty!” said her husband.
She gave him a surprising glare. “You didn’t think he’d find out you… you….”
“Watch your tongue, woman!”
“You watch yours!” Todd roared, and the man flinched. Yes. Fear.
“Todd, we’re here today for two reasons. One, to give you your paperwork.” She patted her large purse. “It explains it all.” She gulped, eyes growing large and wet. “And second… Todd. To ask for the house.” Her head bobbed. She looked around the room. Waved at it.

“You don’t need it. You have all this. I’ve only ever lived in one place. That house. Except when I were a little girl.”
Todd trembled.
She wants the house. She wants the house I grew up in. My house.
He laughed.
My house!
He laughed again.
“What’s so friggin’ funny?” his stepfather asked.
Like he wanted the place. Like he ever, ever wanted to see that house again. His or not, he’d rather it burn down first. He looked at the man who he had hated so long and opened his mouth to tell the man what he thought: about the house, about what a horrible man he was. He wanted to tell the man he could live on the streets for all he cared. Tell him just how much he hated him. Revenge. Oh, for the first time he finally had the chance to get back at the son of a bitch.
And then something happened.
He thought about Gabe. The beautiful man who had done so much for him. He thought of Peter Wagner, about all the man had done to change the world. About how Peter said that Todd had been transformed.
Then he saw his hated stepfather.
Really saw him.
A scrawny, ugly punk. A nothing. A man who had spent his life making Todd miserable, and for what? A tiny, grisly two-bedroom house, no bigger than Gabe’s (
our!
) whole apartment. A house in a tiny town on the edge of the universe. A house that
if
there were a bright center to the universe, it, and the town of Buckman, was farthest from.
It was all nothing.
His stepfather and all the rest: Nothing.
He turned to his mother. “The paperwork,” he said stiffly. “Give it to me.”
She flinched, ducked her head, and opened her purse. Dug through it. Brought out an old manila envelope. She raised her eyes, almost flinching again, and held it out, hand shaking. “Todd,” she whispered.
Todd almost snatched it away, but took a deep breath, took control of himself instead. He reached out, gently pulled it away from

her, and without looking, handed it back to Gabe. “You look it over,” he said. “You seem to know so much about it.” Suddenly he couldn’t look at this man who had become his lover. Who had been holding something back. Todd was trying too hard to get a hold of his emotions, and he didn’t need to be getting mad at the man he’d fallen in love with.
Fallen in love….
He felt the envelope taken from his fingers. He swallowed. Took another deep breath. “Mom,” he said.
She straightened in her chair. “Toddy?”
“Do not call me that,” he said quietly, but with steel in his voice.
She drew back, bobbed her head. “You never liked being called that.”
“No,” he said. He closed his eyes, opened them. Willed himself to relax. “I’ve never liked it. Told you that a million times! But you do it anyway.” Todd shuddered. Used his anger to block back the tears of hurt and shock. “You’ve spent years lying to me, stealing from me, and letting him pound on me and tear my dreams apart. For what?”
“Todd, no….”
“Yes! Tell me why I should I give you what you want. You wouldn’t have told me about the trust if Gabe hadn’t leaned on you!”
Todd’s mother began to cry.
Weak. She was weaker even than the man she had married. He shook his head, felt tears threaten again, and forced them down and down and down. Enough. He had had enough. “Keep the house,” he said. “Do you think I want it? You think I want to live in that horrible town? That I ever want to see it again?”
She gasped. “Todd?”
“I don’t want it. You take it. Live in it forever for all I care.”
He turned to his hated—no, not hated—stepfather. “And you! You ignorant piece of….”
Shit. Look at him! A weak old man. And I was afraid of him. Him!
No. He wouldn’t waste one more bit of emotion on the man. What good did it do? It was poisoning him, hating this empty man.

This man he’d been so afraid of. Who had kept him cringing and in fear and from being his real self. Of cooking and singing—who cared if he could sing or not?—and being a “faggot.”
Of being gay.
“Cocksucker,” the man muttered.
“What did you say?” Todd asked, stepping forward. “I can’t hear you.”
“Cocksucker!” he spat. “I knew it. Always knew it! Saw the bedroom. Only one! You been sleeping with this faggot here, haven’t you!” He pointed at Gabe. “You his little wifey? Letting him stick his cock up your ass?”
“As a matter of fact,” Gabe said quietly, finally speaking again. “Todd is the one who fucked me.”
Todd’s mother gasped and his stepfather’s mouth just dropped open again, snapped shut.
Todd smiled. “He’s got a
great
ass,” Todd said.
His stepfather’s mouth fell open once again. He looked like a fish.
“I want you to go,” Todd told the man. “I want you to leave right now. I don’t want to see you again.”
He turned to his mother who now had her hands covering her mouth, her eyes wide. “You should leave with him. You’ve got what you want. You’ve got the house, and you’ve gotten rid of me.”
“Todd!” she sobbed. “I never wanted rid of you.”
Todd shook his head, refusing to rise to the lie. “You never wanted me.”
“That’s not true!” she said, tears beginning.
Her husband rose to his feet. “Come on, Betty. Let’s get out of here before we catch AIDS or something!”
Todd felt Gabe rise up behind him, like some powerful force. “Yes, Mr. Sandburg. I think you should.”
Todd’s mother was trembling, started to rise, fell back. “Todd….”
He husband pulled her to her feet and began to drag her to the door. Suddenly, she yanked herself away from him and went to Todd. “I never wanted rid of you.”
Her move couldn’t have surprised Todd any more.
“I love you, Todd.”
He shook his head, looked over at his stepfather. “Why, Mom? Why him? Why did you marry him? Why did you let him….”
“I had to!” Tears began to roll down her face. “I couldn’t do it. Be alone. I couldn’t.”
Todd just stared at her. Clenched his teeth. Then made himself relax once more. “Why did you let him….”
“He was the man!” she said. “A woman doesn’t argue with her man.”
“What would your son know about how men and women are supposed to be?” her husband asked.
She turned to him. “Enough, Urston.” Then back to Todd. “I am so sorry,” she said. “For all I done. For all I didn’t do.” She shook her head sadly. “Don’t hate me.”
Something released inside of Todd in that second. Not with a snap, but with a simple unknotting. Quiet and easy.
“I don’t hate you,” he said then. “I don’t respect you. But I don’t hate you.”
He saw her step forward, raise her arms—
to hold me?
he wondered—and he stepped back, stopping her.
“You need to go now, Mother.”
She gave him a long final look, then walked away, her husband already going out the door. It was there she stopped, turned back once more. “I love you, Son,” she said quietly.
He froze. Said nothing. Finally nodded. “Good-bye, Mom.”
“Good-bye, Toddy… Todd.”
And then she was gone.