The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya (8 page)

Nagato’s cards were pretty bland. They just had the dreary words H
ARMONY
and R
EFORM
written in a printed-style handwriting.

As for Koizumi, he was pretty much on the same level as Nagato with the phrases T
HE WORLD AT PEACE
and T
HE PEACE AND PROSPERITY OF MY FAMILY
written in surprisingly messy hand-writing.

And me? My wishes were simple. After all, they wouldn’t come true for another twenty-five years or sixteen years. I’d be a pretty old man by that point so I’m sure that I would wish for the following:

F
ORK OVER MONEY

G
IVE ME A TWO-STORY HOUSE WITH A LAWN

“You’re such a Philistine.”

Haruhi commented in a tone of disgust as she looked at the wish cards I had hung up. She’s the last person who should be acting disgusted with someone. My wishes are far more productive than wishing for the world to rotate the other way.

“Well, whatever. Everybody, make sure you remember what you wrote down. The first point comes in sixteen years. We’ll compete to see whose wish Hikoboshi grants first!”

“Ah… yes. Yes.”

I glanced over at Asahina nodding earnestly as I sat down in my original metal chair. I turned to find that Nagato had gone back to reading her book.

Haruhi secured the long stalk of bamboo through the window before pulling a chair over next to the it and plopping down. She propped her elbow on the windowsill and stared up at the
sky. The fact that she looked awfully gloomy from the side made me feel uneasy. She has severe mood swing issues. She was just shouting and yelling a second ago.

I opened my textbook in an attempt to resume my studying and tried to memorize the different types of relative pronouns.

“… Sixteen years, huh. That’s a long time,” I heard Haruhi murmuring behind me.

While Nagato continued to read Western books in silence, Koizumi returned to playing chess by himself, and I memorized whole chunks of English translation, Haruhi spent the entire time sitting next to the window and looking up at the sky. I can’t deny that she looks good if she keeps her mouth shut and stays still. I was wondering if she’d decided to follow Nagato’s brooding behavior, but a dejected Haruhi was creepy in its own right. Because it’s a sure sign that she’s thinking about something that will cause trouble for the rest of us.

Still, Haruhi seemed to be in particularly low spirits today. She would look up at the sky and sigh deeply. She’s getting creepier by the second. The fact that she’s quiet now just means that we’ll be in for a real horror later on. This is probably how Emperor Sutoku felt the first two or three days after being exiled to Sanuki.

I heard the sound of paper rustling and looked up. Asahina, who had been staring at her problem set across from me, held one finger to her lips and winked her right eye as she passed me one of the extra cards. Asahina then gave Haruhi a quick glance before taking her hand back. She looked back down like a little girl who had just succeeded in pulling off a prank.

I was fully intent on being an accomplice as I drew in the card Asahina had given me and took a look.

P
LEASE WAIT IN THE CLUB ROOM AFTER WE’RE DONE.
*M
IKURU
*

The message was written in small lettering.

Naturally, I’ll do as she asks.

“That’s it for today.”

The second after Haruhi said that, she grabbed her bag and left the club room. It just felt so weird. A person that usually acted like a diesel truck that burned massive amounts of fuel was an admirable solar car today. Though it works out perfectly for me.

“Then I’ll also excuse myself.”

Koizumi put away the chess pieces and stood up. And after nodding to Asahina and me, he left the literary club room.

Nagato shut her book with a thud. Oh, you’re going to follow them out? Thanks… and as I felt this sense of gratitude, Nagato walked over to me without making any sound, like a cat.

“Here.”

She handed a piece of paper to me. It was another card. Handing me this thing doesn’t mean I’m going to deliver it to the stars for you. And with that thought in mind, I looked down.

A number of unintelligible figures had been drawn on the card. What is this? The Sumerian alphabet or something? The Enigma machine wouldn’t be able to decipher this thing.

My brow creased as I inspected these circles, triangles, and waves that really couldn’t be considered pictographs or characters, and the next thing I knew, Nagato had spun around to pack up to go home and proceeded to trudge out of the club room.

Whatever. I slipped the card into my pocket and turned to Asahina, whom I had kept waiting.

“U-Um. There’s somewhere I’d like you to come with me.”

An invitation from none other than Asahina. I’d be struck by
lightning if I turned her down. I’d jump into a blast furnace if she asked me to.

“Sure. Where are we going?”

“Um… That would be… Three years ago.”

“Where” is what I asked yet “when” was the response I got. Still…

Three years ago. My initial reaction would be “Not again.” But it managed to spark my interest. Which reminded me that Asahina is technically an unknown entity who claims to be a time traveler. She was so adorable that I’d completely forgotten. Still, three years ago? “That’s where we’re going? Which basically means time travel?”

“Yes—exactly.”

“Well, I don’t really mind, but why me? What are we going to do?”

“I’m sure that… you’ll find out when you get there… probably.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

I must have shown traces of suspicion on my face. Asahina frantically waved her hands around with tears in her eyes as she begged me.

“I beg you! Please just say, ‘Yes,’ without asking anything for now. Or else I’ll… well, be in big trouble.”

“Uh. Okay then, I guess.”

“Really? Thank you so much!”

Asahina happily jumped up and down as she clutched my hand. I mean, if Asahina is happy, so am I. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Thinking back, Asahina’s confession that she had “come from the future” had, quite frankly, been based solely on her own word. The appearance of the other Asahina who looked all grown up had made me a believer, but I couldn’t be positive that it wasn’t some kind of trick. In that case, isn’t this a perfect chance to see some proof to support the theory that Asahina is a time traveler?

“So, where’s the time machine?”

I was expecting something along the lines of climbing into a desk drawer, but she told me that no such gimmick was involved. So how are we going to travel through time? Asahina fidgeted with her fingers in front of her apron.

“We’ll go from here.”

Huh? Here? I looked around the lifeless club room for no real reason. The two of us were alone.

“Yes, please sit down in the chair. Could you close your eyes? Yes, relax your shoulders.”

I obediently followed her instructions. She wasn’t going to whack me in the back of the head, right?

“Kyon…”

I could hear Asahina’s hushed voice in my ear as she stood behind me. She breathed softly.

“I’m sorry.”

I got a bad feeling and opened my eyes, which was when everything suddenly went dark. I experienced an overwhelming dizziness as I lost consciousness. As I completely blacked out, I thought for a second that maybe I should have refused.

When I regained consciousness, my vision was rotated ninety degrees. Things that should have been vertical were horizontal like the streetlight sticking from the left to the right, which made me realize that, yes, I was lying down. I soon discovered that the left side of my head felt especially warm.

“Ah, are you awake?”

The voice of an angel fully brought me out of my daze. What’s that squirming under my left ear?

“Um… Could you lift your head soon or I’m going to be…”
Asahina said in a strained voice. I sat up and checked my surroundings.

I was sitting on a bench in the park at night.

I am at a loss for words. It would appear that I had been sleeping with my head in Asahina’s lap. And since I had been asleep, I had no memory of the experience. What a waste.

“My legs are almost numb.”

Asahina shyly smiled down at me. I have no idea where she’d gotten changed but she was wearing the North High sailor uniform instead of her maid outfit. I suppose that she’d had enough time to get changed since it appeared to be late in the evening. How long had I been asleep? And yeah, why was I asleep anyway?

“I didn’t want to let you know how we time travel. Um, since it’s classified… Are you mad?”

No way. Absolutely not. If Haruhi had been the one responsible, I would have punched her in the face, but since it was Asahina, I was totally fine with it.

In any case, one second I was sitting in a chair in the club room with my eyes closed, and the next thing I knew, I was in the park in the dead of night. And this park happened to hold a number of memories for me. This was the park where Nagato wanted me to come that one time. Was this like a mecca for weirdoes?

I scratched my head. There was something I needed to ask about first.

“What’s the current date and time?”

Asahina, sitting next to me on the bench, replied, “July seventh, three years before the day we set off from. Around nine
PM
I think.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

She had a serious look on her face.

That was awfully simple. But I’m not naive enough to take
everything she says at face value. I need some kind of confirmation. Maybe I should check the time.

I was about to mention this when I suddenly noticed a weight on my left shoulder. I flinched. Asahina’s head rested on my shoulder. A sound-asleep Asahina was leaning on me. What exactly does she mean by this?

“Asahina?”

No response.

“Excuse me…”

“Zzz…”

Zzz?

I turned my head about eighty-five degrees to the left to find Asahina with her lips half-parted and breathing softly as she slept. What the what?

Rustle, rustle
—

Out of nowhere, the bushes behind me began to rustle and my heart began to pound. What the what?

“Is she sound asleep?”

The person who spoke as she emerged from the dark foliage was… another Asahina.

“Ah, Kyon. Good evening.”

It was the gorgeous version of Asahina. The Asahina who had developed in all sorts of places and was a number of years older than the one sleeping next to me. A young, beautiful woman who retained her adorability despite filling out in a positive way. I’d met her once before. As she walked toward us, she wore the same white blouse and tight deep blue miniskirt she had back then.

“He-he. From this perspective…”

The adult version of Asahina poked the sleeping Asahina’s cheek.

“I look like a child.”

Asahina (Big) reached her hand out to familiarly touch Asahina (Small)’s sailor uniform.

“Was this how I looked back then?”

As I felt Asahina (Small) softly breathing on my arm, I could only look up at Asahina (Big) in a daze without moving a muscle.

“It was her role to guide you to this point. It is my role to guide you from here on.”

I stupidly attempted to question the smiling and voluptuous Asahina.

“Uh… What’s going on here…?”

“I can’t give you any details. Because they’re classified. So I can only ask nicely.”

I turned to look at the snoozing Asahina leaning against me.

“I put her to sleep. I couldn’t allow her to see me.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t run into myself when I was at this point in time.”

Reasoning that sort of made sense, but not really. The alluring Asahina winked at me.

“If you follow those train tracks south, you’ll come across a school. A public middle school. I want you to assist the person you find there. Could you go right away? As for the other me, sorry, but could you carry her there? She shouldn’t weigh very much.”

She sounds like a villager in some role-playing game. “What kind of item will I get in return?”

“What will you get in return…? Let’s see, hmm—”

The adult version of Asahina tapped her finely shaped chin as she stood deep in thought before smiling knowingly.

“I can’t personally offer you anything. However, you can kiss the me that’s sleeping over there, but nothing more. And only while she’s asleep, okay?”

Very attractive terms. Enough to make me want to pump my
fist. The sight of Asahina sleeping was lovely enough to make me lose control. But…

“That’s a bit…”

It goes against my policy, both mentally and circumstantially. This is when I really start to hate my rational personality.

“It’s time. I have to go.”

That’s all the advice I get this time?

“Oh, and please keep me a secret from her. Promise, okay? Want to pinky swear?”

Asahina (Big) stuck out her pinky and I unconsciously hooked mine with hers. We stood there like that for about a minute.

“Good-bye, Kyon. I’ll see you again.”

And with that bright farewell, Asahina (Big) walked off into the darkness, disappearing out of sight in no time. She had no trouble leaving this time.

Well, I thought to myself. I wonder how much time has passed for the adult version of Asahina since she last saw me. It didn’t seem like she’d changed at all since our previous encounter when she’d given me that bizarre hint. Perhaps this Asahina was from an earlier time than the previous one. I have no idea. I had no way of knowing. The only thing I did know was that I’d be running into the Asahina from a different time period again.

I carried Asahina on my back and she wasn’t exactly light, but at the same time, I wouldn’t say she was heavy, so she was somewhere in between the two. Naturally, my steps began to slow. I’d be inclined to blame the innocent-looking face that was softly breathing into my ear. The back part of my neck she’d been breathing on was all itchy.

I did my best to avoid being seen by any people walking by as I
followed the directions from the adult version of Asahina. I must have walked for approximately ten minutes through an increasingly uninhabited area. I turned a corner to arrive at my destination.