The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya (5 page)

“If we use that method again, it may get us out of the current crisis.”

“I refuse.”

Koizumi chuckled. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”

“I thought you would say that. How does this sound then? We just have to win the game. I just had an excellent idea. I’m sure it will go well. After all, her interests should coincide with ours.”

And with a grin on his face, Koizumi walked off toward the white circle where Nagato was standing still. The only part of her that showed any sign of movement was her short hair swaying in the breeze as Koizumi appeared to whisper something in her ear. Unexpectedly, Nagato turned her head to look at me with emotionless eyes.

Did she just nod her head? Her head bobbed like the head of a puppet whose strings had just been cut, before she trudged off to the batter’s box.

I glanced left to find Asahina staring at Nagato this time.

“Nagato’s finally…”

Her face paled as she voiced those curious words.

“Is something up with her?”

“Nagato appears to be reciting an incantation.”

“Incantation? What’s that?”

“Um… That’s classified.”

Asahina bowed her head apologetically. It’s fine, really. I can’t do anything about it if it’s classified. Huh, I guess something unimaginable is about to happen again.

I could recall a thing or two regarding Nagato’s incantations.

One unusually hot evening back in May. If Nagato hadn’t barged into the classroom that day, I would certainly be resting in a grave somewhere. Nagato had muttered some kind of incantation at a ridiculous speed to repel the attacker who had tried to kill me. Oh, right. Nagato was still wearing glasses back then.

I wonder what she’s going to do this time.

I found out soon enough.

One swing of the bat. Home run.

Nagato barely used any strength when she swung the bat yet she
connected with the center of the pitcher’s fastball and launched it into the sky before it disappeared beyond the fence.

I turned to look at my teammates. Koizumi had an elegant smile on his face as he nodded in my direction. Asahina’s face looked a bit stiff but she didn’t seem to be surprised. My sister and Tsuruya were innocently going, “That was awesome!” in admiration.

However, everybody else was simply dumbfounded. Including the members of the opposing team.

Haruhi skipped over to home plate to tap the helmet of Nagato, who had indifferently finished her lap around the bases.

“That was incredible! Where are you hiding that strength?”

She took Nagato’s arms and bent them back and forth. Nagato stood still with a blank look on her face and let Haruhi have her way.

Eventually, Nagato walked over to the bench and handed me the bat.

“Here.”

She pointed at the worn metal bat.

“This has been modified with a boost in attribute data,” she said.

“What’s that mean?” I asked. Nagato stared at me for a while.

“Homing mode.”

And with that, she trotted back to the bench and sat down on the end before burying herself in a thick book she picked up from below.

The score was now 9–1 in the top of the fourth. It appeared that this would be the last inning.

It appeared that their pitcher hadn’t entirely recovered from his shock, but his pitches were still more than fast enough as far as I was concerned.

And then I found out what Nagato had meant.

“Whoa!”

The bat moved on its own. Dragging my arms and shoulders with it.
Clang
.

I thought that I’d barely hit the ball, but it went flying over the stands as though carried by the wind past the grass and into the next field. Home run. Jaws dropped.

I see. Homing mode, is it…

I tossed aside the bat, which had apparently obtained the ability to automatically go after balls and hit them twice as far as normally possible, and began jogging around the bases.

Once I reached second base, I looked up and my eyes met Haruhi’s as she waved her arms up and down, but she quickly looked away. You could just celebrate the way my sister and Tsuruya are. As far as I could tell, Taniguchi and Kunikida were astonished while Asahina, Koizumi, and Nagato were silent, and the nine members of the opposing team had looks of bewilderment on their faces.

I was feeling pretty guilty, but the opposing team wasn’t done being astonished.

My sister tottered over to the batter’s box next with the batter’s helmet hiding over half of her face since it was too big. I’m surprised she could even walk straight. The secret weapon I’d prepared to ensure our defeat took a full swing at the first pitch and sent it flying over the fence. In other words, what most people call a home run.

There’s a limit to how ridiculous you can be. A little girl in fifth grade just sent an eighty mph (estimate) pitch thrown by a college student all the way to the main stands. It’s hard to believe this is happening in reality.

“Amazing!”

Haruhi didn’t doubt reality for a second. She greeted my sister, who had quickly circled the bases, and swung her around, all smiles.

“What wonderful talent! You have a bright future ahead of you! You could definitely make it in the majors!”

My sister squealed cheerfully as Haruhi swung her around.

This is just… Whatever, the score’s 9–3 now.

I was sitting on the bench and holding my head.

Our home run offensive was still under way. The score was now 9–7. Seven straight home runs in one inning. I’m assuming that we set a tournament record.

Taniguchi returned after a big hit.

“I’ve decided to join the baseball team. I could make it to the nationals with my batting sense. After all, it felt like the bat was hitting the ball by itself!”

Kunikida stood next to him sounding overly optimistic.

“Yeah, no kidding.”

As their mind-numbing conversation continued, Tsuruya was slapping Asahina, who looked unusually stiff, on the shoulder and laughing loudly. It’s a good thing they’re all so simple.

“You and me! Man-to-man!” Haruhi said as she held the bat. Isn’t the pitcher the one who’s supposed to say that?

The metallic clang I was already sick of hearing rang again and the ball bounced off the scoreboard.

That made the score 9–8. During this period, the opposing team had gone through three pitchers. They probably didn’t want my sympathy, but they got it anyway. Poor guys.

We completed a rotation as Asahina, Nagato, and I hit consecutive home runs and we finally took the lead 11–9. Eleven consecutive home runs. I was starting to feel like this was getting pretty dangerous. Since I had a feeling that the members of the opposing team were looking at our bat instead of our players. They probably figured it was some kind of magic bat. I guess they weren’t exactly wrong.

Before I handed the bat to the next person up, my sister, I brought Nagato away from the end of the bench where she’d been reading.

“That’s enough,” I said as Nagato’s expressionless black eyes actually blinked multiple times in succession as opposed to her customary one blink every ten seconds or so.

“I see,” she responded.

She placed her thin fingers on the handle of the bat I was carrying and recited something really fast. I couldn’t make out what she said, but I doubt I would have understood it if I had, so it didn’t really matter.

Nagato then removed her fingers, returned to the bench, and picked her book up again without saying a word.

Good grief.

My sister, Koizumi, and Kunikida struck out so fast you had to wonder if their previous hits had been some kind of fluke. In fact, it’d been plain cheating.

I’d forgotten, but this match had a time limit. In the first round, ninety minutes was the limit. The organizers had done this so they could get through all the necessary matches today. Therefore, the next inning would be dropped. If we lasted through the bottom of the fourth, we would win.

Is it really okay for us to win?

“We cannot afford the alternative,” said Koizumi.

“I have received word from my colleagues. Thanks to our efforts, the expansion of closed space has been checked. However, the Celestials remain so we still have to deal with those. But it would be a great help if no more of them show up.”

But if they make a comeback now, it’ll be a walk-off loss. There’s no need to think about how bad Haruhi’s mood will be then.

“And so I have an idea concerning that.”

Koizumi smiled to reveal teeth so white I wanted to tell him to go do a toothbrush commercial. He whispered his idea to me.

“Seriously?”

“I am very serious. This is our only remaining option if we wish to make it through this inning while giving up a minimal number of runs.”

Once again, good grief.

We informed the umpire of a change in positions.

Nagato would take over as catcher for Koizumi. Koizumi would move to center field. And I was switching positions with Haruhi to stand on the mound.

Haruhi was grumbling when Koizumi first informed her about the pitching change, but then she made a face once she found out I was the relief pitcher.

“… Well, okay, I guess. But if you give up a hit, you have to buy everyone lunch!”

And with that, she retreated to second base.

Nagato was just standing there like she was spaced out while Koizumi and I put the chest protector and facemask and whatever on her. You sure about letting such a gloomy girl be catcher?

Nagato trudged to her spot behind home plate and squatted down.

Okay, time for the match to restart. There wasn’t much time left, so I didn’t get a chance to warm up. I have to throw the first pitch of my life on the fly.

In any case, I gave it a throw.

Whuff
.

The ball somehow managed to land in Nagato’s glove. Ball.

“Take this seriously!”

That was Haruhi shouting back there. I’m always dead serious, man. I tried to sidearm it this time.

The second pitch. I was hoping that the batter might be fooled a little, but no such luck. His bat rushed straight for my weak pitch. Damn, I basically fed that one to him!

Smack
.

“Strike!”

The umpire yelled loudly. He swung and missed so that would be a strike. However, the batter was looking at Nagato’s hand with an incredulous expression on his face.

I understood how he felt. How else would he react? Anybody would be in disbelief after watching my weak ball abruptly drop thirty centimeters right when it was on the verge of making contact with the bat.

“…”

Nagato remained squatting as she snapped her wrist to return the ball to me. After catching her floater, I wound up to pitch again.

Every time I threw the ball, it turned into some kind of half-assed fastball. And my third pitch was way off the mark—or it would have been if it hadn’t changed course after a few meters, curving in a way that obviously ignored stuff like inertia and gravity and aerodynamics. It even managed to accelerate before it landed in the catcher’s mitt.
Smack
. That was a good sound. Nagato’s small body shook a bit.

The batter’s eyes were as wide as saucers. The umpire was also speechless. After a while, he finally opened his mouth.

“… Strike two!”

He didn’t sound very confident. This is getting annoying so I’ll just get it over with.

I was just randomly throwing the ball at this point. Not even trying to aim or anything. Not using much strength to throw the
ball either. Nonetheless, every ball I threw would go inside the strike zone if the batter didn’t swing, and curve if he did.

The secret lay in whatever Nagato was mumbling every time I threw the ball. And it was so secret that I had no idea how it worked either. It was probably some sort of data manipulation like how she’d previously saved my life and reconstructed the classroom or whatever she did to the bat earlier.

As a result, this was like pitching to an electric fan. Without a doubt, Yuki Nagato was the MVP for the day.

In no time, the opposing team had racked up two outs and the last batter was at a 2–0 count. Should it really be this easy for me to close the game? Sorry, Kamigahara Pirates.

I turned to the batter, whose face was pale at this point, and threw a normal pitch without exerting any effort.

The ball changed course toward the strike zone. The batter swung with all his might. The ball changed course again toward the outside corner. The bat swung around so hard you could see an afterimage. Strikeout. Whew, it was finally over… except it wasn’t.

“!”

The ball spun toward the backstop. It appeared that she’d gone overboard on the curve. The ball grazed Nagato’s catcher’s mitt and the Mystery Ball (my name for it) sank like a forkball before bouncing off a corner of home plate and rolling off.

It was a wild pitch.

Given this last chance, the batter dashed off. However, Nagato remained frozen in her catcher’s stance, squatting in silence with her facemask still on.

“Nagato! Pick up the ball and throw it!”

Nagato looked up blankly in response to my instructions before slowly standing up and chasing the loose ball. At an excruciatingly slow pace. The batter had already touched first base and was attempting to make it to second.

“Hurry!”

Haruhi was standing on second base and waving her glove around.

Nagato finally caught up to the ball and picked it up, staring at it as though it were a sea turtle egg. She then turned to me.

“Second!”

I pointed straight behind me. Haruhi was standing there shouting at the top of her lungs. Nagato nodded her head about a millimeter—

Whoosh
. A white laser beam passed the side of my head. It took a few strands of my hair with it. I didn’t realize the laser was Nagato throwing the ball using only her wrist until I saw the ball knock Haruhi’s glove off her hand and all the way into center field.

Haruhi was staring at her previously gloved hand while the runner had apparently fallen down right in front of second base in terror.

Koizumi, the center fielder, picked up the glove and withdrew the ball before walking over to the batter-runner with his universal beaming smile on his face as he bent down to tag him out. Then he apologized.