Read The Book of Even More Awesome Online
Authors: Neil Pasricha
The Book of Even More Awesome (25 page)
Stare into those eyes.
Pupils grow wide and
hearts thump fast
as brains jolt and thoughts roller-coaster around. Conversation jumbles and stumbles before
fading into footnotes
as fingers touch and linger, thoughts twist together, and eye contact drifts and sways before catching and connecting as everything goes quiet ...
hearts thump fast
as brains jolt and thoughts roller-coaster around. Conversation jumbles and stumbles before
fading into footnotes
as fingers touch and linger, thoughts twist together, and eye contact drifts and sways before catching and connecting as everything goes quiet ...
AWESOME!
Staying up past your bedtime when you were a kid
Nobody likes bedtimes.
Nope, nothing's worse than lying under the covers in hot flannel PJs with
wide, unblinking eyes
while the late autumn sun slowly droops outside your window. As the sky fades to a
burning orange
, the streetlights flicker on, the moon pops out, and eventually the
thin crack of light
under your door flicks to black.
wide, unblinking eyes
while the late autumn sun slowly droops outside your window. As the sky fades to a
burning orange
, the streetlights flicker on, the moon pops out, and eventually the
thin crack of light
under your door flicks to black.
And then you just lie there, staring at the ceiling, flipping your pillow, tossing and turning, aching and burning.
Nobody likes bedtimes.
Come on, whether it's mom chasing a giggling
diaper-clad junior
around the coffee table or dad forcibly finger-peeling video game remotes out of pre-teen paws, it's all the same when you're a kid.
diaper-clad junior
around the coffee table or dad forcibly finger-peeling video game remotes out of pre-teen paws, it's all the same when you're a kid.
The fun stops when the head drops.
Yes, bedtime is a
secret, locked roadblock
to a magical mystery tour of late night television, dark downtown scenes, and unknown journeys into all things strange, exotic, and sinful.
secret, locked roadblock
to a magical mystery tour of late night television, dark downtown scenes, and unknown journeys into all things strange, exotic, and sinful.
But it's that buildup and curiosity that make it great when you finally do break on through to the other side.
Do you remember birthday sleepovers when everybody drank Cokes after 9 p.m. and watched R-rated movies? Did you have faraway
Little League tournaments
where parents cracked beer coolers after the game while kids terrorized the hotel whirlpool and sauna? Did you celebrate New Year's with cousins all dancing to Michael Jackson in the basement as the clock counted down?
Little League tournaments
where parents cracked beer coolers after the game while kids terrorized the hotel whirlpool and sauna? Did you celebrate New Year's with cousins all dancing to Michael Jackson in the basement as the clock counted down?
Staying up past your bedtime when you're a kid is like getting on a rickety
roller coaster
and riding down a dark tunnel heading somewhere you've never been and were always told not to go. But then you find sugar rushes, skinnydips,
heart-to-hearts
, and nonstop giggles all waiting for you deep in the blackness, just around the bend.
roller coaster
and riding down a dark tunnel heading somewhere you've never been and were always told not to go. But then you find sugar rushes, skinnydips,
heart-to-hearts
, and nonstop giggles all waiting for you deep in the blackness, just around the bend.
AWESOME!
Those rare moments when you're the only person on the beach
Enjoy the silence.
Maybe you're an early bird who goes jogging on the
cool sand
as the sun rises. Ocean waves quietly lap to shore together with twisted messes of
dark seaweed
and chipped seashells as faint orange sunbeams peek over the horizon ...
cool sand
as the sun rises. Ocean waves quietly lap to shore together with twisted messes of
dark seaweed
and chipped seashells as faint orange sunbeams peek over the horizon ...
Or maybe you're a
sand stroller
going for a quick walk around the bend as the family takes a
final dip
before heading home. Your feet sink into the hot sand as you find yourself alone with washed-up tree branches,
quiet circling gulls
, and a bright pink sunset lighting up the sky . . .
sand stroller
going for a quick walk around the bend as the family takes a
final dip
before heading home. Your feet sink into the hot sand as you find yourself alone with washed-up tree branches,
quiet circling gulls
, and a bright pink sunset lighting up the sky . . .
Or maybe you just discover a quiet patch of
secret sandy paradise
where nobody can find you. It's the hidden beach through the cottage forest, the
rocky island
where you rest your canoe, or the cliff side of a hilly highway where you pull over and hike down to the empty shore ...
secret sandy paradise
where nobody can find you. It's the hidden beach through the cottage forest, the
rocky island
where you rest your canoe, or the cliff side of a hilly highway where you pull over and hike down to the empty shore ...
Yes, those rare moments when you're
the only person on the beach
make you feel like you're standing alone in front of the universe. Stare up and let your mind drift into the distant neverending sky, fall deep into the thin horizon, and focus down at the tiny grains of sand
millions of years old
covering your feet ...
the only person on the beach
make you feel like you're standing alone in front of the universe. Stare up and let your mind drift into the distant neverending sky, fall deep into the thin horizon, and focus down at the tiny grains of sand
millions of years old
covering your feet ...
Maybe stegosauruses and
dodo birds
and cavemen and cowboys all stood at this same spot staring out the same way at the same wavy water. And maybe future races will stand
at these same places
and feel the same spine-tingling sense of
dodo birds
and cavemen and cowboys all stood at this same spot staring out the same way at the same wavy water. And maybe future races will stand
at these same places
and feel the same spine-tingling sense of
AWESOME!
When your roommate cleans the place while you're away
My friend Peter has a theory.
We were chatting one day when he mentioned he only does housework when his girlfriend isn't home. I thought it was a bit strange but Peter patiently broke it down for me in three big points:
1.
Hugs and kisses
. When his girlfriend shows up after a long day with her bangs sweat-glued to her forehead, she's not always in a great mood. But when she notices all the rock-hard tomato stains scraped off the stovetop and the telltale blue-tinged hint of fresh toilet bowl, her mood cheers right up and Peter scores some love.
Hugs and kisses
. When his girlfriend shows up after a long day with her bangs sweat-glued to her forehead, she's not always in a great mood. But when she notices all the rock-hard tomato stains scraped off the stovetop and the telltale blue-tinged hint of fresh toilet bowl, her mood cheers right up and Peter scores some love.
2.
Ditch the guilt
. Then there's the big problem with cleaning up when your roommate, boyfriend, or wife is lying on the couch. While you're straightening magazines and vacuuming in front of them, they feel guilty for chilling out. Forget the hugsâthis time you're scoring a big sigh, some lazy stinkeye, and a half-assed helper.
Ditch the guilt
. Then there's the big problem with cleaning up when your roommate, boyfriend, or wife is lying on the couch. While you're straightening magazines and vacuuming in front of them, they feel guilty for chilling out. Forget the hugsâthis time you're scoring a big sigh, some lazy stinkeye, and a half-assed helper.
3.
Mr. Perfect sightings
. Okay, my place is a mess. Sometimes I fall asleep on dirty clothes, use my dryer as a dresser, and leave macaroni-and-cheese dishes in the sink for days. Peter's not as bad as me, but he's no Mr. Perfect either. But see, that's just itâthe beauty of his plan is that he gives his girlfriend a chance to dream about her boyfriend cleaning all day. Sure, the truth is that he was probably stuck in Tube World in Super Mario 3 for most of the afternoon, but those clean countertops, spotless mirrors, and fresh vacuum streaks give her hope.
Mr. Perfect sightings
. Okay, my place is a mess. Sometimes I fall asleep on dirty clothes, use my dryer as a dresser, and leave macaroni-and-cheese dishes in the sink for days. Peter's not as bad as me, but he's no Mr. Perfect either. But see, that's just itâthe beauty of his plan is that he gives his girlfriend a chance to dream about her boyfriend cleaning all day. Sure, the truth is that he was probably stuck in Tube World in Super Mario 3 for most of the afternoon, but those clean countertops, spotless mirrors, and fresh vacuum streaks give her hope.
Showing up after a long day to a freshly cleaned place is such a great feeling. Toilet paper has replaced the Kleenex in the bathroom and the
rat-sized dust balls
behind the TV have been whisked away. Now you get to enjoy an evening with someone you love in a sparkly new joint.
rat-sized dust balls
behind the TV have been whisked away. Now you get to enjoy an evening with someone you love in a sparkly new joint.
So three cheers for organized shoes,
three cheers for empty sinks
, and three cheers for your place looking a lot less dumpy. Yes, if you feel this buzz you're living with someone special. So make sure you give them some hugs and kisses.
three cheers for empty sinks
, and three cheers for your place looking a lot less dumpy. Yes, if you feel this buzz you're living with someone special. So make sure you give them some hugs and kisses.
Or, if they're out right now, maybe go make the bed.
AWESOME!
That moment in a shower when you decide to make it a really long shower
It's a bad scene.
Alarm bells buzz when the
clock clicks six
and I become a barely blinking lump of groggy stretching noises that sound like Chewbacca after he's been shot by Stormtroopers. Honestly, it's a pathetic sceneâme lying there with drool stains on my cheeks, deathbags under my eyes, and bent and jagged bedhead.
clock clicks six
and I become a barely blinking lump of groggy stretching noises that sound like Chewbacca after he's been shot by Stormtroopers. Honestly, it's a pathetic sceneâme lying there with drool stains on my cheeks, deathbags under my eyes, and bent and jagged bedhead.
Eventually I stumble into the shower and feel my eyes burning and begging to return to the cool and shady
Cave of Closure
. But I soldier on, shower on, soap on, and slowly let that hot steam wake me up.
Cave of Closure
. But I soldier on, shower on, soap on, and slowly let that hot steam wake me up.
Sometimes I just can't let go.
No, sometimes I enter a little steam dream in the shower and end up slowing down and thinking to myself:
This is good.
This is good.
This is really good.
This should not stop.
Yes, in this magic mist of steamy smiles my brain quickly flips into
Nothing Else Matters Mode
, where all other thoughts just wash away in favor of showering a little longer and living for the day.
Nothing Else Matters Mode
, where all other thoughts just wash away in favor of showering a little longer and living for the day.
Hitting that moment in the shower where you decide to make it a really long shower is a great feeling. As the hot water beats down you get to keep nudging that faucet a little bit hotter and a little bit hotter to keep the steam swirling and relax into a soothing personal moment of
AWESOME!
Looking at the clock and seeing that it's 12:34
When this happens it's like your day is winking at you. It sort of feels like all the
mysteries of the world
are about to unfold before your eyes as the universe puts up its hand and says, “Hey, stop for a second!”
mysteries of the world
are about to unfold before your eyes as the universe puts up its hand and says, “Hey, stop for a second!”
Also applies to
11:11
.
11:11
.
AWESOME!
Tips
“He ate my tip!”
Tara said that with
eyebrow-crinkling rage
while we were out grabbing drinks on a laid-back patio. She shook her head sternly and surveyed our table of
belchy beer drinkers
for support.
eyebrow-crinkling rage
while we were out grabbing drinks on a laid-back patio. She shook her head sternly and surveyed our table of
belchy beer drinkers
for support.
We offered none.
In my defense I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just took a sip of my beer and casually wiped my
foamstache
. When I glanced back at Tara, I saw she was still steaming about something so I tossed her a thin-lipped nod and a flimsy halfhearted response.
foamstache
. When I glanced back at Tara, I saw she was still steaming about something so I tossed her a thin-lipped nod and a flimsy halfhearted response.
“Your tip, huh. Gee whiz, that is really too bad.”
I figured we were done on that random topic but she wasn't stopping. No, she slapped her palms on the sloshy metal table covered in soggy beer coasters and squeezed lemon wedges, leaned her head in real close to mine, and popped her eyes out like a
B-grade horror-movie actress
who'd just been axed in the back.
B-grade horror-movie actress
who'd just been axed in the back.
“You know, the tip of my pumpkin pie. He ate the tip of my pumpkin pie! He knows I love tips. I always talk about tips and he just stole it from me. He ate that
perfect, delicious triangle
at the front of my dessert. I was so mad!”
perfect, delicious triangle
at the front of my dessert. I was so mad!”
And then I suddenly got it.
Tips.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . what'd you do?” I asked, suddenly sucked into this escalating tale of sugar robbery.
“Oh, you want to know what I did? I'll tell you what I did.
I ate the tip of every single piece of pie left in the dish.
There were seven left and I just scarfed seven delicious tips!”
I ate the tip of every single piece of pie left in the dish.
There were seven left and I just scarfed seven delicious tips!”
Now, this really got my attention. What a
feisty little nibbler
, I thought. Some dude jokingly stabs his fork in her dessert and suddenly lightning bolts flicker in her eyes, her teeth start grinding, and her lips curl into a dark clownish smile.
feisty little nibbler
, I thought. Some dude jokingly stabs his fork in her dessert and suddenly lightning bolts flicker in her eyes, her teeth start grinding, and her lips curl into a dark clownish smile.
I kind of liked it.
Frankly, we all did. Yes, we all laughed at Tara's tipeating rampage that sunny afternoon and realized that, well, come on,
tips are great
. I mean, let's think about it for a second here:
tips are great
. I mean, let's think about it for a second here:
10.
Slice of pizza
. Bubbly cheese, crispy pepperoni corners, and tiny drips of hot orange oil swirl around at the center of the pie. It's the nucleus of the pizza and the core of all taste. There's no danger of uneven sauce coverage here and the crust is nice and thin. Plus, if you're lucky, you could score a cheese dangle, which involves your pizza tip using the power of the melt to snag excess toppings from a nearby slice. And hey, if your tip is the one getting robbed of toppings here, no worries. You just scrape up bits of cheese and sausage from the rest of the box and toss it on top. Everybody wins.
Slice of pizza
. Bubbly cheese, crispy pepperoni corners, and tiny drips of hot orange oil swirl around at the center of the pie. It's the nucleus of the pizza and the core of all taste. There's no danger of uneven sauce coverage here and the crust is nice and thin. Plus, if you're lucky, you could score a cheese dangle, which involves your pizza tip using the power of the melt to snag excess toppings from a nearby slice. And hey, if your tip is the one getting robbed of toppings here, no worries. You just scrape up bits of cheese and sausage from the rest of the box and toss it on top. Everybody wins.
9.
The top swirl of a soft-serve cone
. Folks in the business know it's an art creating those delicate curls on the top of cones. It's the baby nibble of the cone and a nice tease for the next few minutes. Most of the way down you're licking and biting your ice cream, so that top swirly tip is a yummy appetizer.
The top swirl of a soft-serve cone
. Folks in the business know it's an art creating those delicate curls on the top of cones. It's the baby nibble of the cone and a nice tease for the next few minutes. Most of the way down you're licking and biting your ice cream, so that top swirly tip is a yummy appetizer.
8.
Quiche.
If you're in the game for this one, I'm guessing you love that chunky broccoli, salty ham, fluffy egg, and oily crust combo at the front of your slice. Très yummy, yes pas?
Quiche.
If you're in the game for this one, I'm guessing you love that chunky broccoli, salty ham, fluffy egg, and oily crust combo at the front of your slice. Très yummy, yes pas?
7.
First crispy nacho from the top of the tower
. Full-size triangle chip with crisp corners, bubbly cheese, and little salsa puddles, waiting innocently for you to dive in. This here's the tip of the nachoberg.
First crispy nacho from the top of the tower
. Full-size triangle chip with crisp corners, bubbly cheese, and little salsa puddles, waiting innocently for you to dive in. This here's the tip of the nachoberg.
6.
Diagonally sliced grilled cheese tips
. This is when you cut your grilled cheese into four triangles instead of two halves in order to increase your tip quotient. Also works for toast. (Note: Although this tip is man-made it still counts under current Tips law.)
Diagonally sliced grilled cheese tips
. This is when you cut your grilled cheese into four triangles instead of two halves in order to increase your tip quotient. Also works for toast. (Note: Although this tip is man-made it still counts under current Tips law.)
5.
First sip from a cold bottle of soda or beer.
This is the liquid tip and when the first ice-cold bubbles touch your lips after a long Friday it's a refreshing bliss.
First sip from a cold bottle of soda or beer.
This is the liquid tip and when the first ice-cold bubbles touch your lips after a long Friday it's a refreshing bliss.
4.
Margarine tub.
There's something beautiful about stabbing your knife into the belly button of margarine after you open the new container. You got there first and have now officially claimed the tub. Feel free to carve in your initials too.
Margarine tub.
There's something beautiful about stabbing your knife into the belly button of margarine after you open the new container. You got there first and have now officially claimed the tub. Feel free to carve in your initials too.
3.
Watermelon slice tips
. Dig your face in there and eat as loud and slurpy as possible. For bonus points do this on a beach picnic table with piles of laughing kids in front of a slowly setting sun.
Watermelon slice tips
. Dig your face in there and eat as loud and slurpy as possible. For bonus points do this on a beach picnic table with piles of laughing kids in front of a slowly setting sun.
2.
A giant slab of cheese sitting on a tray somewhere
. I don't bump into fancy cheese trays very often, but once in a while I'll spot one at a New Year's Eve party and suddenly come face-to-face with that untouched tip of rock-hard cheddar or melty Brie.
A giant slab of cheese sitting on a tray somewhere
. I don't bump into fancy cheese trays very often, but once in a while I'll spot one at a New Year's Eve party and suddenly come face-to-face with that untouched tip of rock-hard cheddar or melty Brie.
1.
Cakes
. We saved the best for last. As those tall, wobbly cheesecake towers arrive at your table or you delicately carve out a thick slab of birthday cake at a party, we both know you're eyeing that delicious triangle right up front. And look at it sugar-shining in the light just waiting for you. It's practically saluting and pledging allegiance to your mouth.
Cakes
. We saved the best for last. As those tall, wobbly cheesecake towers arrive at your table or you delicately carve out a thick slab of birthday cake at a party, we both know you're eyeing that delicious triangle right up front. And look at it sugar-shining in the light just waiting for you. It's practically saluting and pledging allegiance to your mouth.
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