THE BONDAGE OF LOVE (36 page)

No! No!

Notkanga . silly! " Now he was galloping.

Still laughing, Angela turned to Bill, saying, "Dada tell Sam, tell Sam."

And Bill, coming out of his bitter reverie for a moment, said, "It's a pussy cat, you dumb-head." And she repeated, "Pussycat, dumb head."

"Oh! Oh, yes, of course. Well, go on and finish it, then I'll know what it is."

Immediately now she sat down on a low chair and began to roll up bits of plasticine into narrow strips.

They both watched her for a moment; then Bill walked slowly back to the rocking-chair. And when Sammy went and stood by his side, they exchanged glances, but neither of them spoke. And it was evident to Sammy that Bill's mood was black, perhaps the blackest he had ever seen in him, and so his voice was low and quiet as he said, "I have a number of things to say to you, but I'll ask you a question first and it is this, how d'you feel about me having Katie?"

Bill's eyes were narrow as he looked up at the tall, smart young fellow this

"Bog's End' lad had grown into, and his answer was noncommittal:

"What would you like me to say?"

"Oh, Bill." No mister now.

"Oh, Bill, that tells me nothing, not one way or another, and ... and it is important to me how you feel about us; because you are important to me, always have been. Although verbally you have been Mr. Bill, inside, like the others, I, too, thought of you as Dad. And tomorrow I'll be leaving your protection and the

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security you and this house have given me, even before my dad died. It will never be in my power to repay you for what you have done for me.

And now when, apparently, I've given you a bit of a surprise, if not a shock, by declaring that some day the girl you look upon as your own daughter has promised to marry me, it might seem to you that I'm repaying you badly for all you have done for me. But I hope it isn't like that with you. I want to hear you say you're glad and that, through Katie, I'm to remain in your family. "

"Oh, well, that remains to be seen." Bill sat back in the chair.

"Yes, by gum, it remains to be seen, for if you did decide to shack up together before marriage, there'd be no welcome in this family for you."

Sammy stared at this man, this man whom he considered big in all ways,

generous to a fault, and, because of his dealings with men, he had imagined he'd be broad in his outlook too. Yet, within the last hour he had shown, to his surprise, two flaws in his make-up. First, he was so dominant and

possessive that he wouldn't allow his wife a career.

Secondly, were he and Katie to break the moral code, he would be banned from this house.

Part of him was so incensed that he dared to say, "What if it should happen that we both can't hold out and should come together without shacking up, as you call it? You wouldn't know a damn thing about it unless she became

pregnant. And that can be easily dealt with. They're selling preventatives in schools today because the kids are at it.

Yet, here

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are we, two young people, being told what will happen to us if we do what is as common today as chewing gum. "

When Bill sprang up from the chair, he almost knocked Sammy to one side, and stalking to the fireplace, he gripped the top of the high fireguard and actually shook it before turning about and growling, "My God! I've listened to everything now. To think that you, of all people, could stand there and talk like this to me. And you know something?" He stabbed his finger towards Sammy.

"I've put you before the others, except her." He nodded to where the child was still working at the table.

"Yes, above the others. They are my stepchildren."

"Yes. Yes, I know you did." Sammy's voice was as rough as Bill's now.

"And I thought of you as a father, so I thought I could speak plainly, not as someone who owes you a great debt, and who, as I said, can never repay it but as someone, like a son, who would be free to speak his mind."

"Free to speak your mind!" It was as if Bill had spat out the words.

Then he added, "Every bloody one in the house is after speaking their mind.

Apparently nobody needs me now; everybody's going their own way, my wife included."

"All because she wants to take a course at the Open University."

"So she put you wise?"

"No, not at first, not until you did, the way you took her suggestion and stalked out."

"Well, let me tell you, young man, what is between my wife and me remains between my wife

and me, and I am not going to discuss it. And it's none of your damn

business or anybody else's. "

They stared at each other in hostility across the room. Jerking his head up out of his collar, Sammy marched towards the door. As he opened it, he

turned and said, "It was in the papers the other day about a man finding a diamond. It was a huge one. It was intimated it would be worth millions, that is, until they found a flaw in it."

Bill's hand went out to the wash-hand stand and grabbed a jug standing in a basin that was used for the child washing her hands, and the sound of the china splintering into myriad pieces against the closing door was almost matched by the child's screams.

As Sammy reached the top of the stairs, it was to see Katie and Fiona about to rush up them. He stayed them with a lift of his hand, and Katie cried,

"What was that noise?" Fiona appealed, "What's the matter? What's the matter?"

"Oh, that noise that you heard was likely meant for my head. We had some plain speaking."

"Oh, Sammy! You and Bill? Oh, no!"

"Yes, Mrs. B, me and Bill. Impossible, isn't it, when you think of it?

Anyway, it's a good job I had closed the door. But I asked for it. "

"What did you say to him to make him do that?"

"Oh, I just quoted a bit that I'd seen in the paper the other day."

He didn't go on. And when Katie said, "What was it? Go on, tell me, what was it?" He said, "Oh, I finished my say by telling him about the diamond that was supposed to be worth millions, but then they found it had a flaw. "

Fiona's mouth opened wide. When she did speak her voice was a whisper, "You didn't liken him to that?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. B, but I did. Well, it all led up to that, Mrs. B. You see, Katie and I were threatened with excommunication from the house should we come together before marriage, whether shacking up or not."

"Oh, Sammy!" Fiona was now standing with her hand across her brow, then looking at them both, she said, "Go on, both of you, get yourselves out. Go and tell Nell and Bert the glad news. Because it is glad news." She put her hands out to both of them, and as she did so, Katie said, "No, we won't go to Nell's, not straightaway. We'll go and join Willie at Daisy's, because I want to laugh; if I don't I'll sit and howl."

"Well, get away." She pushed them now, then held on to Sammy's arm for a moment, saying, "Oh, Sammy. When you come back, make it up with him, will you, please? Because he's had enough through me."

"I'll do that. Yes, I'll do that."

As they went out, Mrs. Vidler came from the open kitchen door, and she and Fiona stood looking at each other for a moment before Mrs. Vidler said, "I'm sorry, my dear, but I heard it all. Imagine me being sorry for Bill; but I am, you know, especially over him rowing with Sammy, because he's been his blue-eyed boy, hasn't he, all these years?"

"Yes, Mother, and he's done so much for him. Oh, dear me!"

"Don't worry, dear. Like everything else, it'll pass. But I must go up now and clear the debris, whatever it is. And that'll give him a chance to come down and take it out on someone, because he won't take it out on me. He's so polite and kind to me, it's unbelievable. And I I know I don't deserve it, but I'm grateful. Anyway, here goes."

Fiona watched her mother go up the stairs, before she herself returned to the drawing-room, there to await the avalanche that was now certain to come.

The house had an unearthly feeling, with no movement or sound in it at all.

She longed for the telephone to ring. Before returning to London, four days ago, following the long vacation. Mark had promised to ring her when he got there. But he hadn't. Mark, she had found, only rang her when he wanted something. She wouldn't admit to herself that her once beloved Mark was a disappointment to her; indeed over the past holiday his attitude towards the family had irritated her. From Willie to Katie he had scorned their

activities. And she could count on one hand the times he had joined in an evening meal. He had seemed to live at the Featherstones and had accompanied them on holiday to France and Italy.

Katie had a word to describe her brother but her mind rejected it. It was

'insufferable'. Bill, she knew, would have another word for him and that would be 'upstart'. But she hadn't heard him voice it yet.

Fiona had a desire to cry, but were she to indulge herself in this relief and Bill should happen to come in, he would call it female blackmail.

She would wait no longer. She would go and prepare the evening meal.

She was crossing the hall, when she glanced towards one of the long windows, and through the twilight she saw Bill crossing the drive in the direction of the woodland. He was walking slowly, his head down.

She stood and watched him for a moment. He must have gone out the back way.

She set the meal for two on the corner of the dining table. She laid out the cold meat from yesterday's roast, put it on the middle of a large serving dish and surrounded it with salad. After putting this in the fridge, she mixed up a treacle sponge pudding and put it on the stove to boil. He always liked a boiled pudding after a cold meal, and he was particularly fond of treacle. Not that she hoped its sweetness would do anything to soften his temper tonight. By now, it was quite dark and she had switched on all the necessary lights in the house and had gone into the little sitting-room. And there, after banking up the fire with logs, she sat in one of the two

armchairs that flanked the fireplace. She chose the one where she would have her back to the door because she didn't want to be met by his expression as he entered the room, calculating that by the time

he was seated, and this would be after him taking a pipe from the rack to the side of the fireplace, filling it with shag and lighting it from the fire with a spill, she would be ready for whatever he had to throw at her.

She picked up her magazine from the fender stool and began perusing it

lightly. And after fifteen minutes she brought herself forward in the chair and almost exclaimed aloud, "Oh, he's not going to keep this up, is he? He's waiting for me to go and apologise and say, " All right.

I'll not do it. I'll sit in this great empty house, for it will be empty, and wait for you coming in, tired and ready only for a meal, a bath, an hour's work or so in your study, and bed. And in bed, you will likely know I am there. " But no. She reared up. She would do nothing of the kind. She would stand out for some thing she thought was just, as any reasonable man would consider just ... But then.

Bill wasn't a reasonable man where she was concerned. She lay back in the chair and at that moment the door opened and she closed her eyes.

She was aware he didn't go to the pipe rack, but had immediately sat down opposite her and was looking directly at her.

She opened her eyes now and met his gaze. He looked tired, worn. For the first time, she realised that he looked his age, a man in his fifties, not one who could be taken to be in his middle forties.

"Well?"

She didn't answer the syllable.

And now he asked outright, "Pleased with the day?"

She forced herself to say, "Part of it. I was pleased to hear Katie's and Sammy's news."

"Oh, you were? Well, that was another surprise to me. A " Bog's End"

product and your daughter. Oh, we all know he's got a veneer, but he's still Sammy Love under the skin."

"I don't consider that a bad thing, remembering his father."

'"Bog's End" coming into its own at last. You'll be telling me shortly that you are all for Willie's association with Minnehaha. Although that one has started to dress differently, she won't create a facade.

Oh, no. So, what you going to do about her? "

"I'm not concerned about her at the moment."

"Oh, you're not? Well, doubtless you'll get back to being concerned about her after you stop being concerned about us. By which time, you will have expected me to have given you my blessing to your education stunt."

"I never expected any blessing from you in that direction. But I did expect you to be fair and to see my side of it: the life I will lead in this house from tomorrow onwards."

"Many a woman would be damned glad to be in your place, and leading the life you talk about living in this house in the future, let me tell you."

"Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Bailey. I am not any woman, I am myself, and I'm not damned glad to be mistress of this house at the present moment. And for that matter I will add something else: nor am I glad to be Mrs. Bailey at this moment,

at least not the Mrs. Bailey I have come to know lately. "

She saw the colour drain from his face. She saw his hands gripping each side of the armchair. She knew he was making a great effort at this moment to control his temper. And when he didn't bawl, or even shout at her with his next words, she knew how far she had hurt him.

And what he said was, "You knew the type of man you were marrying. As you are yourself, so am I. And now when we're facing facts and the truth is out, I will tell you this much: you've always made me feel bloody inferior, and no man should feel inferior to a woman, especially his wife. I, as a man, feel inferior to no other man, no matter of what station, nor to any other woman but you, right from the word go. Not, mind, that I think you have brains above the average.

Oh, no, that didn't come into it. It was just something about you, that middle-class aura that clings to you and your tribe. It's a false thing, and it isn't worthy of notice, because it doesn't come through lineage or