THE BONDAGE OF LOVE (34 page)

And to this, Sammy answered, "I can't explain it, except that I'm sad, and glad. I seem to have lived in this place all my life, been with the family all my life. That is the sad part, because after tomorrow, nothing will ever be the same again. Didn't you feel like this when you went up last year?"

T suppose so; well, I was homesick for a time, and everyone seemed far away.

And yet it was only twelve miles. But it will be different this time for you, because you will have' - and she did not say, me near you, but 'one of the family already there. "

When she felt her hand caught and held, and saw the look on his face, she knew the moment had come for which she had been waiting . oh, yes, waiting.

Even so, she put out her other hand and gently laid it on his lips, saying,

"Let me say something first, something that's been singing in my

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She watched him close his eyes tightly and bring his teeth down on to his lower lip and, for a horrifying moment, she thought. No, no! Have I

imagined it? No. Oh no.

Then she was startled as his arm shot out and pulled her to him.

Pressing her close, he muttered, "Oh! Katie. Katie. To hear you say that.

I... I had hoped; and yet had thought because we were such pals that was as far as it would ever go. But I meant to tell you what is in my heart and I meant to do it today."

Her eyes were moist as she gazed into his face so close to her own.

The well-known face that was neither handsome nor plain, but was different.

Her dad had once said that he had the ascetic look of a budding priest.

Sammy had thrown a cushion at him, and had then put up his fists in a

sparring attitude. But his face was different from any other boy's or man's she had seen. Likely it was because of her feeling for him. He had a

longish face and the skin had a tinge of tan. His eyes were round, his

eyebrows, like his hair, brown and thick. His nose was slightly wide at the nostrils, and his mouth, although not full-lipped, had shape to it, and would go very much out of line when he was annoyed. And the top lip seemed to aim to press the lower one down towards his straining chin. He always looked funny then, nicely funny, and he used to get mad at her when she laughed at him at such times. But it was a long time since he had been mad at her.

His voice was soft as he said, "At school, you were known as my girlfriend.

We all had girlfriends, and, as you know, a lot of snogging went on. But I used to think, here we were, real pals over the last four years, and we had never ... we had never kissed."

When their lips came together it was a tentative gesture until their arms tightened about each other. Then, such was the force of their embrace, they both fell against the tree that was to the side of them.

Their lips parting, they lay against the support of the comforting oak and rested there, gazing at each other, until the breeze again brought another shower of leaves down on to the path. And as she watched them she laughed gently as she said, "I've never thought to feel like this in my life. Never.

After that stupid and terrifying business with Rupert, followed by that year when Dad sent me to Coventry and never spoke to me unless he was obliged to, that was terrible. And I was so sure then that nothing nice or decent would ever happen to me. Then, the night your father was buried, you came and told me he had suggested you to talk to me because I was lonely. Oh, that broke me up. For a long time after I used to cry every time I thought about it.

But I think I started to love you on that day. And you will remember you took my hand, and we were going downstairs holding hands when we suddenly realised that if we went into the drawing-room like that, all eyebrows would be raised in large question marks. "

Sammy laughed and said, "Oh, yes, I remember

that. To me it was a red-letter day, that I could hold your hand while

going downstairs. I think I began to hope then. Before that, I had given up hoping. "

"What d'you mean, given up hoping?"

"Well, you see, my first memory of you was sitting in your kitchen and experiencing a very odd sensation. It was a mixture of anger, a desire for retaliation, and something else which I couldn't understand, because, you know, you were looking at me as if I was something the cat had brought in.

In fact, your cat would have had more sense. That was your opinion, wasn't it?"

Her shoulders shook with laughing now, as she said, "Oh, yes, it was.

Yes. I couldn't stand you. Mam was dead nuts on breaking up the association between you and Willie. And she had a good lieutenant in me. Every time I looked at you, or saw you coming, I said the two words to myself and with disdain, "Bog's End" Oh, I was a little bitch. "

"Yes. Yes, you were. You know something? It's amazing, but you've ..

you've lost all class- consciousness. You're just like Willie in that way, and your dad. Not your mother. Oh, no, she'll always be class-conscious.

Yet I love her because she took the place of the mother I hardly knew, but missed all the time. But after that good turn I did for Mr. B, she couldn't do enough for me, could she? I wonder what she'll say about us? D'you think they twig anything?"

"No. No, I'm sure they don't; we're just pals. Well, that's all we have been to all appearances, anyway. But they'll welcome it. I know they will.

Dad will . and Mam, too, because, you know, you are no longer "Bog's End" , but someone she is very proud of. I heard her talking about you to Mrs.

Watson. It was when her son was sitting the exam for the Royal Grammar

School. She was saying how wonderful it would be if her son got in there because Mr. Willie and Mr. Sammy were both brilliant. And Mam was kind

enough . surprisingly kind, I considered at the time, to say that, well, they weren't both alike: Mr. Willie was what you would call a plodder, he would get there but he would have to work hard, whereas Mr. Sammy was what was termed a flier. "

"Flier?" And Sammy laughed.

"I had the real jitters in the last exam."

"Well, you didn't show it; you never do. And you have never shown what you feel for me; you have never, Sammy Love, used your surname to put into words your feelings for me."

"Oh, Katie." Again she was tightly pressed close to him.

"Do I have to? To say " I love you" wouldn't suit my bill. The words are too prosaic. And yet when you said them they were so beautiful, so wondrous, so ..."

"Oh, Sammy, shut up! Just say, I love you, Katie. Go on, just say, I love you, Katie Bailey."

His face straight now and his tone flat, he repeated, "I... I love you, Katie Bailey. I adore you, Katie Bailey. You are the most wonderful girl in the world to me, Katie Bailey. But I can explain my feelings better through the Bard."

"Damn the Bard. I'd much rather hear the fella

from Bog's End now and again. Not always, mind," - she shook her head -'but now and again. And over the last year he has fast disappeared;

I've not heard you curse for months. "

"Well, I've been practising self-control. You don't want me to go up there, do you, and speak perfect Bog's English. Mind, it isn't that I wouldn't like to, and who knows, if I get worked up I likely will sometime. But in the meantime--' he stopped and, cupping her face in his hands, he said very, very softly, " How long d'you think it'll be before we can be married? "

"Oh, Sammy, Sammy. I hate to think of it, but there's another two years up there for me before I get my degree, and then another year in the teacher's training department. And you, there's a full three years for you. And you say you don't want to go in for teaching, but into the commercial world.

That means, in both cases, it's three years at least before we can do

anything." She drew her head back from him now and looked down the avenue between the trees. She kept her gaze directed on it as she said, "Unless we decide on anything else."

She waited for an answer or a comment, and when none came she turned and looked at him again. What he said was, and slowly, "Yes, we could do that.

We could set up somewhere; that is if both of us had money, which we haven't; and what is more important still, we could do it tomorrow. But two of the best people we'll ever know in our lives would be shocked. Your mother might accept it as being commonplace today, but

not Mr. Bill. Funny that, isn't it? But I know deep down in me that this is true. He would see me as the leader in this business and despise me ever more for bringing, what he would call, disgrace on his daughter. He wouldn't consider that half the population, at least those over sixteen, are shacking up today; no he would be blind to all that, and you know it, don't you? "

Again Katie looked along the path and her voice was low and slightly weary as she said, "Yes. Yes, I know it. But I'll say this in our defence, in defence of all those whom we've mentioned, we've only got one life. It's a very commonplace saying, but the youth of today know it to be true; so many things have happened to point it out to them.

Anyway, half the parents don't deserve consideration. But, like ours, when they do, you'd like to say to them, "But you've done what you wanted to do.

You've gone your way and you're happy together. You're enjoying your lives.

But anything could happen to us tomorrow, never mind in three years time,"

although we wouldn't say that, would we? "

He kicked the trunk of the tree with his heel and let out a slow breath before he said, "No, we wouldn't say that. But to pick up what you said just a minute ago; that they're happy. They always have been, but lately I've thought that your mam might be worrying about something. She's been very quiet. I thought it was, perhaps because of Nell having another. But she's got used to that."

She was looking at him again as she said, "You ... you think there's something wrong? I've noticed

too that she's quiet at times. But then she always has been like that.

Her broody periods, she used to call them. Some time ago when I asked her if there was anything wrong, if she had a pain, she said she was just going through one of her broody periods. Like the hens, they stop cackling and she stops talking for a time. "

He smiled widely now, saying, "It would be nice if all women had broody periods."

"Oh, are you telling me I must adopt broody periods?"

"Yes, just that, woman."

She had her arms around his neck now and her body pressed back from him, and she was laughing as she said, "I like that; to be called woman. I'll be twenty next year, then you can say I'm a woman, I suppose. Funny, I'm more than a year older than you, but I've always thought that you were, oh, years older than me."

"I am. Oh, yes, I am in all ways: in worldly affairs, work capability and, of course, women."

Now she was shaking him . They remained locked together against the trees for some minutes more.

It was then that she said, "D'you think we should go and tell them?"

"Yes. Yes, I suppose so."

They walked between the trees with their arms around each other, and it was when they were clear of the wood and were entering the cultivated garden, she stopped and said, "You saying about Mam being quiet. Now that I come to think about it, last weekend, just after Willie and Daisy left, I heard them; I mean, Mam and Dad in the drawing- room. I thought they were going at it in some way, so I didn't go in. But I wondered if it was over Daisy, because, you know, although she's decently dressed now, she's still Daisy.

Of course, Dad thinks the world of her, he really does, but not so Mam. Oh, she likes her, but I'm sure she can't see her as a daughter-in-law. The fact is, I would like her as a sister-in-law; she's real good fun, with no

pretence about her. She wouldn't know how. And I won't ask your opinion of her. D'you know something? At one time she was sweet on you."

"No!"

"Yes, she was."

"Oh, I wish I had known, I'd have done something about it. She would have been a comfort."

"Look out where you're pushing me; I've stood on that azalea. My, my!

Arthur will have my guts for garters if he finds out. Funny about gardeners.

As Dad says, they always imagine they own the gardens they work in. "

Within sight of the house they glanced at each other, joined hands, then began to run. In the hall, they stopped and leant against each other for a moment before crossing the hall and thrusting open the drawing-room door.

Then just within the room they halted, and Sammy, raising his hand and

pulling up Katie's with it, exclaimed loudly, "Hail! Behold! We are the bearers of news."

Bill had been leaning back in the corner of the couch, a newspaper across his knee. It was evident he had been dozing. But Fiona was at a side table

pouring out tea into a second cup. And she turned, the teapot in her hand, and gazed at them. Then, after putting it down with somewhat of a clatter, she looked towards Bill. He had now pulled himself to the edge of the couch, and he blinked and peered towards them as he said, "Aye, aye. What's this?"

"I think you'd better have a cup of tea, both of you." Katie now tugged her hand from Sammy's and went towards Fiona, saying, "Here, go and sit down, I'll bring it to you."

Fiona did not speak, but just stared at the pair of them, before going to the couch to sit down, but not close beside Bill, as was her wont.

And when Katie, following her, handed her a cup of tea, then one to Bill, he pointed to a little table and said, "Put it down there." Then he added,

"What's all this in aid of? Practising for something?"

"You could say that, Mr. B. Yes, you could say that." Sammy was looking straight at Bill now.

"I'll put it this way." He now turned to Fiona and in a softer voice, he added, "We hope it's the first step towards getting married."

"Good God!" the exclamation spoke of Bill's astonishment. And now he added,

"Well, you two? I thought you were pals, just pals."

"Not on my part, Mr. B, not for a long, long time."

And now Katie, taking a step closer to Sammy, said, "Nor mine. Dad. It would appear we've both been holding back from each other while all the time knowing how we felt." Then, looking at Fiona, she said, "Well, say something, Mam."