THE BONDAGE OF LOVE (35 page)

"I... I just don't know what to say. Once or twice I've wondered a little

... well, about you, Sammy, and your feelings. But I suppose my mind has mostly been concerned with ... well, I must admit, Willie's affections.

Willie's the kind of person who must always glue himself on to someone. It was you for years, and now it's Daisy."

"And you don't like that, do you?" Bill did not look at Fiona as he said this, but he turned and picked up the cup of tea from the table and drank half of it, before replacing the cup. And now he did look at her and say,

"You didn't, did you? And you don't."

"What I feel about it is entirely my business, just as what you feel about it is yours."

Both Katie and Sammy experienced the chill that was between these two lovely people, as they both thought of them. But whatever it was that had caused it, it was lessening any surprise at their news and, apparently, any

opposition to the word marriage.

Sammy now said to Fiona, "She's a good girl, Mrs. B. She only needs a little polish."

"She needs nothing of the sort," Bill's voice had a snapping edge to it.

"She's all right as she is, and if she suits Willie she has no-one else to suit. But about you two. Well, all I can say is, it's a surprise, but a glad one. Yet, at the same time, if you want to do the thing properly, it's going to be a while before you can really talk of getting married. Have you thought of that?"

"Yes. Yes." They both nodded at him, but Katie added, "We've been into that." Then on a laugh she

added, "But, of course, Dad, if Mam and you are agreeable, we could, well, we could shack up."

"Shut up! I don't want to hear any such talk. You'll shack up, as you call it, when you have a proper house to go to and a wage coming in to support it."

Sammy's voice now was almost as rough as Bill's as he said, "You've got no need to press that point, sir. We've been into it and into the pros and cons. And we're not asking anyone for anything or looking for hand-outs.

What we're going to do, we'll do it off our own bats. But let me put it this way; if we did feel like shacking up, nobody could stop us now, could they?"

"Sammy." There was a plea in Fiona's voice, and he turned his head towards her but bowed it, muttering, "Don't worry. I'm sorry."

"You've got no need to be sorry. No need whatever."

Fiona did not glance towards Bill, but her further words spoke for her as she said to Sammy quietly, "Go and fill the teapot up again for us, and bring in a couple of cups."

Before Sammy did what was asked of him, a request made in order, he knew, to get rid of him, he stared enquiringly at Katie, and she, trying to smile said, "Do as you're told. For once, do as you're told."

With the room to themselves now, Katie, looking at her father, said, "We could an' all, you know, just do exactly what he said. And what could you do about it? Just stop our allowance. Well, we'd find

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some way out. Half of them in the colleges have to take a job at night and nowadays there's always the banks. "

"Katie!" Fiona was on her feet.

"Stop it now! Stop it! Please!" She glanced at Bill, who was staring wide-eyed at the tall, indignant young creature before him. And now, pushing Katie down into the corner of the couch, she said, "That's no way to act.

That's no way to talk.

We are . are just surprised, that's all . but pleased. Oh, yes, my dear, I'm so pleased. "

"Well, that's something to hear, Mam," Katie said quietly.

When Fiona took her place on the couch again she had to sit close to Bill, but he gave no sign that he noticed her presence, nor did one of them speak until Sammy entered the room again carrying a tray. As he put it down on the table, he turned towards them with a smile and said, "You should go into the hall. There's a singing contest going on: Grandma and Angela are in the conservatory, one singing Hickory, Dickory, Dock, and the other Three Blind Mice, but they are both harmon ising

Fiona smiled, saying, "That often happens. And as you say, they do harmonise."

Sammy now asked Bill, "May I fill your cup up?"

"What? No, no, thanks."

"What about you, Mrs. B?"

"No more for me, dear."

Sammy poured out two cups of tea and took one to Katie; and again there fell a silence among them

until Fiona asked, "What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Oh, about ten," said Sammy.

"I'll have to present myself to my landlady and get my things arranged. It's all right for some people," - he nodded towards Katie 'privileged, living in hall. "

"It has its drawbacks," put in Katie.

"I'm going to miss you both," said Fiona.

"Yes, I know. We were talking about that last night," Katie said, nodding towards Sammy.

"It would happen that Nell's time is taken up more than usual, and Grandma seems a permanent fixture up in the nursery."

"There'll only really be Willie and Dad to see to, so you'll be lonely for a time."

"Oh, no, not really. No, we've ... we've got a new arrangement."

"Yes?" Both Sammy and Katie looked at her, and she nodded her head at Katie, saying, "Your father's idea."

There was an uneasy movement to her right. But Fiona didn't turn towards Bill, she continued to look at Katie as she went on, "He knew I'd be at a loose end with all the family gone, Mark included;

then next year Willie will be joining you, unless he goes to Newcastle, so he thought it would be a good idea if I took a course at the Open University.

It would give me something to do. Perhaps I, too, could contemplate a de Before she could finish the word she felt Bill about to spring from the couch, and her arm went out swiftly. Her hand gripping his leg, she said,

"Don't say it. Bill. Please, don't say it!" She had turned towards him and was smiling, and his face, which had almost depicted rage, was now covered with a red hue.

And when his head drooped slightly, Katie, straightening up, said, "I think that's wonderful. It's the best news. It's made my day. And I know it has Sammy's too, because for some time now we've been talking on and off about how the house would be depleted with one and another of us going. Oh Dad, that was good of you!"

Bill now pressed her gently aside; then getting on to his feet, he looked down on Fiona, and she, looking up at him, said, "Thanks again."

When Bill gave her no answer whatever, especially such a one as they would have expected, but just left the room without a word, they both looked at Fiona.

Her chin was pressing into her chest now and she was biting on her lip. And Katie, putting her arms around her shoulders, said, "What is it, Mam? What is it?" Fiona answered, "I shouldn't have done that."

"What? What d'you mean?"

"Say that it was his idea about the Open University."

"Well... well, wasn't it?" Sammy had asked the question.

And now Fiona swallowed deeply, as she said, "No. No, it wasn't. He's he's dead-set against it. I wanted to do this nearly two years ago, because I do get lonely, you know."

"Oh, Mam! Mam! Yes, of course. We've all been

very unthinking, really, up till lately; but Sammy and I have talked about you being left alone. And Dad was against it? "

"Oh, yes. Yes, it's impossible for him to share."

"What would he be sharing?" There was a puzzled note in the question from Sammy; and Fiona looked at him and said, simply, The. "

"Oh, no! That isn't him."

Fiona didn't say, "Yes, that is him." But Katie said, "Yes. Yes, I can see.

He would think that ... well, he would be losing you in some way. He ...

he's always known you were superior."

"No. No, Katie." Fiona turned quickly on her.

"No, I am not superior."

"In his eyes, and in everybody else's, you are superior, Mam. You were brought up differently. Sammy knows what I mean, don't you, Sammy?"

"Oh, yes. Yes, I do. And I see his side of it. Oh, yes. If I was the Sammy Love I once was, I would feel the same about Katie. But with his and your help, I've been given a facade and I've been able to realise I've got a mind. This wouldn't have happened if I'd still been in Bog's End."

"But Bill is a very clever man, Sammy."

"Yes. Yes, he is, he is a brilliant man when it comes to his kind of work.

But he also knows, for instance, that he couldn't sit and discuss the arts with anybody. Not as you could. If I spoke of John Donne to you, you would know that I was referring to the great writer and poet. Likely, if I spoke to Bill, he would ask me who he was. Was he local, or something like that?

And if one dared to laugh, my God, he would level them! He's a man who can hold his own with any other man in his own line, but he's conscious of his drawbacks, not compared with anyone else, but with you. Yet, as I said

before, he's the best man I know or will ever get to know. And to me, he is worth all the learned professors that are likely to come my way during the next few years. And I can say this;

had he been given the chance when he was young, the same as I was given by him and you, he, too, could have been a flier. As for you, Mrs. B, you

couldn't even stand the smell of me, could you? "

When Katie and he laughed, Fiona said with a deep sadness in her voice, "No, I couldn't, Sammy, and that proves a great lack in my make-up. And I'm as much aware of that side of me as he is of himself, because I lack his

humanity."

"Oh, no, you don't, Mam. Oh, no, you don't." Katie's protest was loud and Fiona, tapping her daughter's flapping hand, said, "All right, all right, I don't."

"But you're not going to let him put you off, are you, Mam?"

"No; strangely, no. I'm standing up to him about this, and I find it very, very difficult, because I love him dearly. I loved him when I married him.

I knew what kind of man he was then, because he told me quite seriously if I looked at anyone else, he would shoot us both."

"Oh, Mam!"

"Oh, yes. It wasn't in fun. I knew that. The only man I've really ever spoken to as an equal is Rupert,

you know. " She nodded at Katie now.

"And Bill was so jealous of him, he insulted him and practically told him to get out. And it was at the time I was carrying Angela. I was an

awful-looking sight and very unattractive. I think that he would have thrown Rupert out of the house bodily if it hadn't been that he was connected with Sir Charles Kingdom. And you know something? Since then I have never had an interesting conversation with anyone outside the family; I have to watch my ps and qs when we eat out."

"I... I can't believe it," Katie said.

"Oh, shut up, you!" said Sammy.

"You can't believe it. Well, I, in my own way, will prove it to you some day if I catch you in deep conversation with some polished individual." This caused Fiona to smile at him now and to put her hand out to him and say,

"Sammy, he's likely in the garden. Go on out and have a natter with him in your own way. I think you understand him better than any of us."

"Yes, I think I do. I suppose it's because we are both from the same nest.

But I must have developed a double shell. And you must realise that that's why he is for Daisy, too, because we are a trio. Mr. Bill will always remain himself; but I have hopes for Daisy."

"Oh, Sammy," Fiona pushed him, "I now know what your career will be; it will be in the diplomatic service. You'll be up in London before we know where we are. "

"Of course, of course." He nodded his head at her.

"That's my intention, to have a house in Belgrave

Square. Oh, yes. " Then assuming a strutting pose, he went from the room.

He did not find Bill in the garden, nor in the wood, but when he re-entered the hall and heard high squeals of delight coming from upstairs, he took the stairs two at a time and made for the nursery, where he found Bill sitting in the old basket rocking-chair, with his arms about his child and hers tightly about his neck.

Mrs. Vidler turned to him, saying, "Hello, there, Sammy. These two will be on the floor in a minute."

"Well, it looks as if it will serve them both right."

Going close to her, Sammy whispered in her ear, "Mrs. B's got some news for you."

"Fiona? News for me?"

"Well, it's news about me and another person."

"Really?" Her head to one side and a slow smile spreading over her face, she said, "Now, I wonder what that could be? Yes, I do, I do.

May I have a guess? "

"No: I wouldn't try. But there's some tea going downstairs."

"Oh, then I can't wait."

She turned from him and went towards the door, then came back, and, in her turn, whispered in his ear, "Some people are blind. But I've always had good eyesight. Congratulations."

He pushed her gently on the shoulder. He liked the old girl. He hadn't at one time, oh no, but she grew on you.

The rocking had stopped. Angela had climbed down from her father's knee, and now she rushed

towards Sammy, saying, "Sam... my. Sammy. Sammy."

"Yes, milady? What is it?"

When she held out her arms, he lifted her up, saying, "Oh my! You get heavier every day. You'll soon need a crane to lift you."

She laughed into his face, her round eyes gleaming with happiness and love.

She was a child who oozed loving emotion, but even more so did she pour it out on Bill. Her voice had a lisp to it, but her words were strung together coherently, as now when struggling down from Sammy's hold she said, "Look!

Imadecat." She ran towards a table on which was an array of plasticine animals, some quite recognisable, a box of coloured crayons, and some wooden tools.

Angela was pointing to a longish roll of plasticine, on one end of which was stuck a ball, and on the other a long tail, and, looking up at Sammy, she said, "Pawsanwhiskers."

"Yes. Yes." He smiled down at her, and she said, "What?"

Bill said softly, "She's asking you what you think it is." And Sammy's voice was terse as he replied, "I know, I know." And he did know because he had played longer with the child than Bill had, in spite of his open adoration for her. And now he scratched his head as he looked down into her bright face, then said, "Kangaroo And now he put both feet together, formed his arms into two legs and began to hop, while she squealed with delight, crying, "