The Body Language Rules (25 page)

falling in love and lust, but you'll need to tone it

down if you don't want to scream your affair from

the rooftops . If you can't help yourself there's only

one way out: use exactly the same amount of eye

contact on all your other colleagues .

I Do flirt . But just a bit . Flirting is quite natural in most

companies, albeit in a nonsexual way, so suddenly

stopping will look suspicious .

I Don't suddenly start flirting with other people . This doesn't

throw coworkers off the scent; it just makes them

swivel their gun-sights on to your partner to see how

he or she is reacting . Laughing maniacally while

the person you love is draped over a colleague is a

hard stunt to pull off .

sPeCiAliTies of The house Some body language tips are rather more specialized and possibly even risky . However, that shouldn't mean you can't have access to them . I'm no great fan of politicians when it comes to image and nonverbal signals, but I still find it fascinating to study all their little tricks of the trade . Although I'm not advocating you use them, there are still points to be learned and possibly some techniques you'd like to put into your own repertoire . 340 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

hOW TO Be PReSIDenT There's a lot to be learned from studying the image profile of a country's president or prime minister . On the one hand it tells us a lot of information about the head of state, but on the other it is hugely revealing in terms of the people who vote for them . It's been many years since people voted purely for policies . The further back in time you go the more disconnected the leader . These days we are all far more confident and self-assured and think that the role of leadership--like celebrity--is achievable and accessible . We don't look for uniqueness any more; we look for similarities to ourselves . Where Ronald Reagan was a patriarchal figure, Bill Clinton was the guy next door who you'd see shoveling the kids into the back of the van every morning for school . George W . Bush has the attitude of a friendly guy you'd meet in a bar .

Accessible or not, though, all modern leaders have to be image-aware . Awareness doesn't always mean success, but even the failures give us clues for behavior that we can take into our working lives, especially if you're going for a top job .

I height . This is really an issue of stature, rather than

inches . Most current leaders are tall, although not

overly tall . Those that aren't, like former Russian

President Vladimir Putin or Hillary Clinton, will

accentuate their stature by standing tall . In the k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 341

case of Condoleezza Rice, Hillary Clinton, and

former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher

they accentuate their height by wearing big hair .

When Thatcher took the UK to war, her hairstyle

became bigger and more rigid . Like a helmet . I hair . Which brings us on to the subject of hair . It

is common knowledge that hair is a vote-winner .

Why? I think it might have something to do with

instant identification . Your hair color, length, and

style create an instant image in people's minds .

There has always been a link (erroneous, of

course) between hair and virility . For many people,

baldness is linked with both old age and babyhood .

All I hear about Prince William now is that he's

"losing his hair ." This matters less for a modern

leader, though, since head shaving has become an

acceptable solution . I Facial expressions . All political leaders know the impor-

tance of honing a couple of signature expressions .

Blair loved his raised-brow-and-smile face and his

mouth-shrug, raised-eye, fast-blink look of regret

in the face of tragedy . However, George W . Bush

is more of a one-trick pony . If the twinkle-eyed,

suppressed-but-shared-smile look isn't appropriate,

he'll use it anyway . Former British Prime Minister

Harold Wilson employed a pipe as his prop to do 342 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

his expression for him, and former British Prime

Minister Margaret Thatcher honed a rather regal

look, with her eyes raised and slightly narrowed

and a high-status, closed-lip smile .

I Walk . Intentional walking is important . Thatcher

would always walk quickly to suggest decisiveness

and energy . During the Iraq War, Bush and Blair

both discovered the Power Walk, 100 percent testos-

terone-fuelled, which was presumably supposed to

impress the public and terrify the enemy, almost as

though the two men were intending to get stuck

into the fighting themselves . They took large

strides and held their arms away from their sides,

signaling the kind of muscle-bound look you get

with wrestlers and nightclub bouncers .

. Both Hillary Clinton and Condoleezza Rice have

developed something of a military stride that they

use during very important meetings . Bill Clinton

had a less remarkable walk, but his height and

stature would always create a diversion, and so

would his constant use of the wave .

I Leakage . All politicians have a whole raft of leakage

gestures, but the good ones learn to contain them .

Some still have a habit of believing they're off camera

right up until they start to speak, which is something

the royals and certain celebrities have learned isn't k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 343

true . One of Blair's greatest leakage gestures would

come from his thumbs . He had a habit of doing the

gated hands gesture, with hands held out in front

of his torso, palms toward his body, and fingers

held together . When he was on top of his game the

thumbs would be erect, like a cocked gun . When he

was less assured they'd be slightly bent .

geSTUReS Political leaders (and some royals) employ several critical power techniques to reinforce their status when they're out and about . One of the most important is the gesticu- lation pecking order .

I Powerful hands . It's vital for the top guy to be seen

to be the one doing all the gesticulating when he's

walking and talking with other people . By being

the gesticulator it looks as though he's the one

in charge and the one asking keen questions and

gathering information . It's interesting that women,

especially royal women, are often given bunches of

flowers to carry to prevent them doing this powerful

gesture . It's almost as though we're still not happy

with a woman being visually in charge and even

female leaders have to look compliant .

I me me me . Although leaders will be happy to use

the empty embrace gesture to keep the audience 344 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

engaged and connected, it's easy to see what the

core message is when the chips are down . When

you want to big yourself up to your boss I bet you

still struggle with the word "I," as in "I got that

big contract ." For modesty purposes we prefer to

say "we" and hope the boss gets the real message .

Politicians know exactly how to get that real

message across, though . When they want to imply

personal endeavor or ownership they use "me me

me" gestures . Blair's gated hands would rise higher

and tend to close up, creating an isolated look as

though he was peering over the walls of a small

castle . This created an aura of separateness and

high authority . The chest-poke is another common

ruse . By turning their fingers inward and poking

them at around heart level, they signal the word

"me" very strongly .

I The circuit breaker . All leaders have to mask their

true feelings a lot of (if not most of) the time .

This masking can cause massive inner distress

and almost unbearable effort, which is why they

use the circuit breaker to create a vital pause and

rest . Usually the trick is to take a sip of water . This

allows them to drop their faces, along with the

mask they're wearing, for a vital few seconds, and it

usually implies they're aware they're suffering from k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 345

mask-slippage . The break allows them to refresh

the mask, like a woman refreshing her makeup .

Tony Blair did a vital refresh when he was getting

booed by the Women's Institute, and Bill Clinton

employed both a can of drink and a glass of water

when he was interviewed about Monica Lewinsky . I The thumb of power . There are some hand gestures

that tend to exist primarily in the political arena,

and the thumb of power is one of them . There's

no reason why you shouldn't copy it, though, if the

moment seems right . Politicians were once told not

to point, so the rigid digit was rarely used, even in

heated debates . Instead the knuckle-point became

popular, with the fingers bent into the palm and

the index finger knuckle used as a pointer to add

emphasis to the words . As an added power gesture

the thumb would then be placed over the top

knuckle, emphasizing dominance . I measuring hands . Another political staple is the

measuring hands . Both hands are held out with

elbows bent at right angles and the hands are

quite rigid and placed palm-facing-palm with a

gap between them . The size of the gap is used to

signal the size of the problem that the government

or individual faces . Once the problem has been

explained, the gesture will nearly always be 346 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

followed up by a precision gesture to show it's all

under control .

I Precision gesture . This is a superb gesture that can be

used for both attack and defense . Under attack it

will imply the speaker knows exactly what to do

and how to deal with a problem, and when used

for an attack it implies a very definite and superior

strategy . The hand is held out and the fingertips

pinched together, with the hand being rocked

slightly as you speak .

I The chop . Another political favorite, the chopping

hand is a one-hand gesture and implies aggressive

decisiveness . If it's just a swipe it can imply reasonable

levels of decision-making or enforcement, but if the

hand is rigid and the chopping done firmly it says

the problem's dealt with and the speaker wants to

hear no more about it .

I The finger- or head-baton . Finger jabbing is now a

leadership staple, but when the hands aren't used a

politician will often employ the head-baton instead .

This air butting gives the impression of emphasis

and a willingness to fight strongly for the point .

It looks like the final blows in a fight, as though

they've already won the argument . British politician

Neil Kinnock was a big fan of the baton, although

he took it to extremes, even going so far as to use k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 347

the whole-body baton, almost jumping in the air to

make his points . One key thing to remember about

emphatic gestures: overuse tends to de-emphasize .

Ditto with vocal emphasis . Tony Blair was a big user

of the emphatic vocal tone but at times devalued it

by overuse . Sometimes I would imagine him sitting

at home with his wife Cherie saying: "WOULD--

YOU--PASS--THE--SUGAR--PLEASE!" I The two-handed gesture . Most of us gesture with one

hand when we speak . Or at least use one more

than the other . In their search to be �ber credible

and hugely emphatic, many political leaders

will employ the two-handed gesture technique .

Blair and Brown are both huge fans, with Brown

performing the Matador Stab--that is, a two-

fingered downward stab gesture--on a regular basis,

or even the measuring hands airborne, when the

hands are held apart but chopped around in the air

as though you're delivering small parcels . I The upward point . British politician Michael Howard

was a great fan of the single-digit upward point, and

his legacy remains . One index finger is held aloft

close to the face . This is a gesture of authority and

warning that has its roots in schooldays . I Rejecting the lectern . This has gone from being a high-

impact shocker to being the norm . You allow other 348 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

speakers at a conference to work from behind the

comparative safety of a lectern, and then you come

out and stand directly in front of your audience .

The message is that you're connecting with them

and speaking directly from the heart .

I Spacial use . The bigger the status the more space they

use . Blair always took full advantage of space when

he was prime minister .

I The prop that speaks . Political leaders have a clear

understanding that a picture speaks a thousand

words and will employ props to do their speaking

for them . Remember John Major's soapbox or that

hankie Margaret Thatcher used to cover the new

BA logo? Wilson used his pipe to look safe and

trustworthy and Blair was rarely seen without a mug

of tea in his hand for the same reason . One famous

mug even had pictures of his kids on it but then he

had the cheek to suggest it wasn't a prop . When did

you last leave your house via the front door to go off

to work with a mug in your hand without realizing