The Body Language Rules (22 page)

I Always dress well and look smart .

I Wear something a little different . Charismatic people often

sport signature garments, like Richard Branson's

lack of a tie when all around are tie-wearers . This

shows individual thinking, a liking for change,

and original ideas, but an intrinsic ability to make

controversial decisions and stick to them . 302 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

I keep your desk tidy even if all around you sit in squalor .

I Walk the job on a regular basis . Network your way through

other departments . Raise your profile throughout

the entire company . Press the flesh everywhere and

introduce yourself wherever possible, rather than

becoming departmentalized .

I Face people when you talk to them and use eye contact .

Give everyone a few moments of undivided and

undiluted attention .

I never moan or use negative body language signals .

I Avoid denial gestures as you speak, like dismissive shrugging,

hand flapping, eye rolling, and mouth-shrugging .

I Avoid status-lowering signals like crouching, self-hugging, hand

wringing, apologetic hand clasping, face touching, fiddling, or

self-grooming .

I Use positive, friendly tie-signs, like the odd touch, glance,

mirrored gesture, or postural echo .

I Use space to manipulate . Proxemics is a powerful tool

that you can use to leave a lasting impression .

Maintain a polite social space (three to four feet)

at most times . Isolate yourself when it counts . An

ability to sit alone hunkered down and deep in

thought during moments of pressure on the entire

group will make you appear strategic . Then get

closer (about two to three feet) either to create

bonding and intimacy when someone has a problem B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 303

or when you want to intimidate subtly . (Sit on the

arm of their chair or perch on their desk, but always

stay in front of them, never lurk behind . Only pick

on bigger or stronger colleagues in this way; you

don't want to look like a bully .) I never look desk-bound or nested . Charisma means

projecting energy, not squatting at a desk staring

at a screen . Where possible turn your chair at

an angle out toward the room so you can still

project . Use your computer as little as possible . In

image terms it's not a powertool; it's just a fancy

typewriter . I know many top entrepreneurs who

have no idea at all how to use them and no desire

to use them . I Ditto with boy-toys like the BlackBerry . I know it's a

marvelous gadget and I know it costs a fair amount

but the body language involved impresses no one .

Holding a small device in your palm and tapping

at it with a dinky, dolly-size pen makes you look

like a kid playing with a Xylophone or a waiter

taking an order . I never walk around the office empty-handed . Always have

some papers tucked under your arm . This makes

you look busy and important . I get up to greet people who walk toward your desk . This

allows you to perch rather than being pinned to 304 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

your seat . Never allow anyone to stand over you

while you sit .

I never stand outside smoking . This looks tasteless beyond

belief . Giving up shows resolve and self-control .

chARISmATIc BODy LAngUAge TRIckS

I Standing and perching on the side or edge of your desk when

someone approaches .

I Facing straight-on when both standing and talking, one arm

across your body and one knuckle touching your chin .

I Bill clinton�style intros: standing with two other men, hand on

one guy's shoulder, while introducing him to the second guy .

I Sitting at your desk but with your chair turned slightly out to

the rest of the room .

chARISmATIc DOn'TS

I Slump slightly at desk, staring at screen .

I Stand legs splayed, hands on hips .

I Stand talking, weight on one hip, hands clutched high in front

of body .

I Lean back in chair, feet on desk, hands behind head .

ceLeBRITy chARISmATIc TyPeS Bill ClinTon A perfect example of chief-executive-style charismatic leadership signals . Clinton is at his charismatic best B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 305

one-to-one where he uses intense listening signals like eye contact, undivided attention, and postural echo to make the person he meets feel touched by something special .

hillARy ClinTon Since she's taken her own place in the political arena, Hillary has abandoned the submissive female posturing and adopted military signals of charismatic leadership instead . She rarely carries a bag, but rather stands upright with her arms down by her sides . When she speaks it's usually just her head moving . This gives the impression of confidence and emotional strength . Unlike her husband's signals, these work best to large groups .

PRinCess diAnA Her charismatic signals came from a blend of a naturally regal bearing combined with the use of postural echo or body language mirroring, plus the constant employment of tie-signs . This made her seem regal, special, and acces- sible, which is a potent blend . Her posture was always impeccable, but she flexed her body language communi- cation style to create empathy with anyone she spoke to . Plus she would dip her head but raise her eyes and use a small suppressed smile . This made her audience feel like a friend she was sharing a joke with . 306 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

Tom CRuise Tom creates his own aura of red-carpet charisma via several very careful techniques . Firstly, there is the intriguing blend of uniqueness combined with accessi- bility . He has all the trappings of high status and A-list celebrity, always dressing smartly with a dazzling smile and usually a much taller, younger, and very beautiful female partner at his side, who he appears to choreo- graph using a series of well-timed body pats . But then he spends exaggeratedly long periods of time meeting and greeting the crowd, posing for photos, and even speaking to relatives on the other end of the phone . Former Prime Minister Tony Blair tried to ape this technique, using the phone pictures and phone chats trick in an attempt to create a similar sense of celebrity charisma .

JACkie kennedy Like Greta Garbo before her, Jackie created a very potent version of enigmatic charisma . She was a political wife in the days when submissive signals were the norm and her ability to remain effectively a silent movie star for the rest of her life meant people could adore her without fear of being let down by any verbal messaging . When a character combines beauty and class with a remote silence they allow the audience to project any amount of saint- like or magical qualities on to them . B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 307

dAvid BeCkhAm David is a very obvious example of sporting charisma . In many ways this type of charisma goes with the territory--as kids at school we were all impressed with the uniqueness of anyone who could achieve greatness in the sporting arena . Being a world-class sportsman or woman only magnifies that effect . David's body language also manages to do what it says on the packet; with his raised chin, one-eyebrow frown, eye fixed on the horizon, and undeniable good looks, he epitomizes the type of manly hero you'd see in any kids' comics .

Business charisma might seem like a lot of hard work, particularly when you're busy or under pressure in your job . However, what you've read in this chapter really only amounts to a few simple but effective body language and image tricks that will more than pay back the brief and often one-off effort . Never underestimate the power of your visual impact--get it right and you could find you're doing less work for more money!

key PoinTs:

� Discover your body language type and flex your style to ensure you

communicate effectively with the widest possible group .

� Display charisma and charm where possible.

� Be a good performer. 308 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

� Start your performance before you reach the office.

� Affect, don't be affected.

� Give good entrances.

� Give good shakes.

k illeR

oCC Asions

T

here are times in every job when you have to stand up

and be counted . These are the killer moments, when you're either judged to be a winner or someone who's found wanting .

neTWORkIng Charismatic people are always classy networkers . If the thought of working a room, walking the job, or pressing the flesh fills you with terror, then don't worry--you're in good company .

The first thing to do to resolve any moments of diffi- dence or irrational dread is to give yourself a little talking to . Business is not some sort of corporate dating agency . To make an impact you must learn how to project yourself with pride and confidence . This means being able to walk up to people (often total strangers), introduce yourself, and do small talk . 310 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

woRking A Room

I When you're in what is cheesily referred to as a "networking

opportunity" (which is arguably most of your life), never hunt

in packs or pairs . Working alone means no chance to

stand chatting to someone you know well already .

I Set targets . Eight intros and chats per hour is good; it

will keep the momentum going .

I get a drink but don't pause after that or you'll stall . If you start

getting too picky you'll put off working the room .

I Avoid groups of two or solo people . Go for threesomes if

you can as they'll be easier to penetrate .

I See the gap in the group you're going to stand in and walk

toward it with energy . When a group sees a fast-moving

object bearing down on it, it will widen that gap .

Lurk too creepily and they're likely to close it to

keep you out .

I If you find yourself hovering because they won't let you in, wait

only two seconds then wave to a pretend person across the room

and walk off .

I When you're in the gap introduce yourself silently by looking

and smiling at the people on either side .

I never interrupt the speaker as they have the alpha role, albeit

temporarily .

I While they're speaking gain acceptance from the group by using

mirroring techniques . Copy their pace, energy, and type

of body language . k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 311

I When the alpha finishes making his or her point, slide in under

the radar by complimenting or agreeing with it, or even ask a

question about the subject matter . Then when you have

everyone's attention, introduce yourself using eye

contact and a genuine smile . I Remember, groups aren't always polite or accepting, especially

groups of people who hate networking and suffer from their

own insecurities . You might be treated like the runt of

the litter but that doesn't mean you have to think

like one or act like one . I Be careful where you hold your glass: waist height will project

openness and confidence . Higher and it starts to look

like a barrier . I Be careful what you eat . In fact, only eat if you're hosting

and your guest is eating . Eat to keep them company,

not because you're hungry . It's almost impossible to

eat party food and look charismatic at the same time .

I don't think I've ever seen a charismatic person

eating when working a room . If you must eat, avoid

danger foods like pastry, chicken legs, sandwiches

with tomato or funny lettuce in them, salad (unless

it's finely chopped), and anything runny . Don't

forget the difficulties of holding a glass and a plate .

Your call! I suggest you eat before you go . I never line up for the buffet . I never fill your plate or pile it high . 312 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

I never take food or drink home with you .

I Don't be too quick with the business cards . It looks cheesy

and desperate .

I mirror the person you're talking to . Slightly and subtly

copy their pose and energy . Aim for something

unisex . I watched a man networking with a group

of women at an event and he stood with his legs

splayed, rocking on his heels and fiddling with

change in his pocket . The effect was more like

some god-awful mating ritual than an attempt at

business networking .

I I once watched Bill clinton do the shoulder-grab to great

effect . He was talking to former Russian President

Vladimir Putin and wanted to bring in former

British Prime Minister Tony Blair . So Clinton

placed a firm but friendly hand on Putin's shoulder

and steered him across to Blair, then kept his hand

on Putin's shoulder throughout the introductions

and opening conversation . It was high status, yes,

and I'd balk about recommending you try it . But it

was such a brave, sturdy, and in-control piece of

networking that I was breathless with admiration .

He'd taken Putin across but not dumped him when

he got there .

I Use eye contact and active listening signals like nodding, pacing

and mirroring . Never look around the room while k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 313

the other person is speaking and never look at

your watch .

I When you want to get away start to open your body out toward

the room and discuss networking with your group, as in,

`Who should we be introduced to?' If you're hosting the

event make sure you take your guest across to meet

another guest, never dump them . Do introductions

and introduce a topic of mutual interest .

BUSIneSS PReSenTATIOnS These are the Academy Award winners of the business world in terms of performance moments . Although relatively new on the corporate landscape, they've gained sufficient speed, power, and energy to become everyone's favorite way of creating embarrassment, pain, and tedium . A presentation can be brief and informal, performed to an audience as small as one, or to large rambling beasties that hold huge cavernous auditoriums of city types in their thrall--or not, as the case may be .

Three key facts to remember about business presentations:

1 . no one likes giving them .

2 . everyone hates listening to them .

3 . even if you haven't done one yet the chances are you will have

to do one at some stage, so you'd better make the most of it

and gird your loins and learn some tips while you can . 314 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

Why put yourself through this mutual pain-barrier? Are business presentations merely a form of sadomasochism? Would you be better off beating yourself with birch twigs in front of an invited audience?

The key thing to keep in mind about presentations is that they can inspire, motivate, entertain, and drive people like no other form of communication . Leaders use speeches to mesmerize millions of people at a time . Show me a really good speaker and I'll show you someone who can change people's minds for good or for evil .

My beef is with the speakers who range from "quite good" to mediocre to dull . Especially the ones who want to get up there behind the lectern because they're usually the only ones who like the sound of their own voice . So don't worry if you have a dread of making business presen- tations . It's the people who don't who probably shouldn't be up there in the first place . They're a bit like a teenager easing themselves into the driving seat of a Ferrari--no matter how keen and how confident they might feel, they just haven't realized the dangers involved in making a mistake . The very worst presenters are the ones who think they're doing something wonderful . This means they're often long-winded and extremely smug .

Presenters often feel their audience is their enemy but this is not true . You and your audience will share one vital view in common and that is that neither of you want to k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 315

be there . Understanding this basic fact will enable you to make the most of your presentations .

TwenTy golden Rules of Business PResenTATions

1 . never try to take the body language factor away . Just

because you're bricking it doesn't mean you should

attempt to remove yourself from the presentation

process . By this I mean putting the whole thing on

to slides and then standing with your back turned to

the audience, reading out loud . I call this "business

karaoke ." You are the presentation, not your slides .

Repeat after me: PowerPoint is boring .

2 . Wear comfy shoes . No, I'm not talking slippers or old

sneakers but I do mean shoes that give your body

a good strong grounding . Shoes you can move in,

too . I've had some of my most hideous presenting

experiences in shoes that looked good but that

became a liability .

3 . Warm up in the restroom . Shake your hands in the air

to relax them, breathe out deeply, hum to get your

voice moving, bounce about to warm your body

up, and please do adjust your clothing and all

before you are visible . Never walk up to the stage

hiking up your pants or checking your flies . No

actor would ever go out on stage still getting into

their costume . 316 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

4 . empty your pockets . If you have anything in your

trouser pockets you'll start fiddling with it . Take

off any other fiddle-objects, like rings or necklaces,

too .

5 . Take a moment . Never start talking before you're into

position . Some people are yapping as they walk

up to their spot . When you reach the place where

you've planned to speak from, get into your pole

position and pause . Look around at your audience .

Smile . Focus . Then speak . Remember the firing

range dictum: Ready... Take Aim... Fire! This is

your steady and take aim stage .

6 . Stand, don't sit . Why? Surely if you stand you give

everyone a chance to see your quivering legs and

shaking hands? No, that's a joke . Standing has

power and energy . Sitting is too easygoing on your

audience . Would you sit to tell people to evacuate

a room in the case of a fire? Then you should never

sit when you want to add impact to your message .

7 . Walk away from the lectern . Who invented those things?

Horrible, horrible, horrible .

8 . Watch the props . Keep your hands empty . Anything

you clutch in them will be something you cling

to for comfort . Never carry notes or cue cards . Put

them somewhere nearby but never hold them in

your hand . No pens, no pointers, no nothing . k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 317

9 . get into pole position . That is, your Power Pose, as

described earlier in this book (page 59) . 10 . Start with a laugh . Not a huge belly laugh but just a

small joke as an icebreaker . The important ice it

should be breaking is your own . When you laugh

at your own humor your smile will make your face

muscles relax, you'll let out all that air you've been

holding in your lungs, and your shoulder muscles

will become less tense . Your body will release

endorphins, making you happy, and all will be well

in the world . 11 . Use eye contact but don't abuse it . It's good to look in

the direction of your audience but never imagine

you need to pin them with your steely stare for

longer than it takes to blink . In fact, you probably

don't need to look them in the eye at all as too

much staring can embarrass them . When you're

searching for words it will feel useful to stare up

and ahead as that eye position is good for accessing

memorized words . However, it will create a cutoff

from your audience, as will turning around to look

at your screen . 12 . Use a friendly face . Smile . Imagine you're greeting

a room full of friends . Never look nervous or

defensive . There is a widely held belief that visual

signals of nervousness or submission will elicit a 318 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

response from your audience of pity or empathy .

Believe me, it won't . The minute a speaker lets

the audience know that the speaker is nervous, the

audience will start to hate the speaker for wasting

their time . Nobody loves an amateur these days .

13 . Use your hands when you speak . But use them for

the power of good, not evil . Your hand gestures

should add emphasis, not heckle or distract . Use

open gestures that are illustrative or that supply

emotional backup .

14 . keep your hands low . When your hands creep up

to shoulder height, you're beginning to signal

nervousness or panic . By the time they've gone

above your shoulders you're not waving, you're

drowning . Keep your gestures around waist to

chest height .

15 . move . Nobody said you should stand still when you

present, least of all me . Walk and talk at the same

time because it will add energy to your message .

Beware the three stage-walkers' no-no's, though:

� Pacing like a lion at feeding time. It makes you look

psychotic .

� Doing a dance that The Shadows perfected in the early '60s.

Okay, so you're too young to remember, but it was

something along the lines of two steps forward,

cross your legs, two steps back... k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 319

� Standing in front of your LitePro. You should never be

wearing your slides across your chest . And when

that strong light burns into your eyes the deer-

caught-in-headlights stare that ensues is not a

good look . 16 . Walk forward when you've been asked a question . Even if