The Body Language Rules (18 page)

hair, straighten your tie, check your flies, and so on .

I Take a businesslike bag only, no handbags or carrier or plastic

bags .

I carry your bag in your left hand so the right is free for

handshakes .

I Practice your sitting and standing body language at home in

front of the mirror, wearing your interview outfit .

I keep pockets stitched up to prevent you from stuffing your

hands into them .

I never have a balled tissue shoved up your sleeve .

I Take a moment before you walk into the interview room . Run

through your Power Pose .

I enter the room well . Step into the room, in front

of the door, and close it behind you without

looking back . ge TTI n g O n BO ARD 243

I Smile and shake but let them offer their hand first . If they

don't offer, don't bother . I Always offer a firm, cool, dry hand . If you get sweaty, wipe

it with a baby wipe before you go into the room . I Try to shake hands with everyone in the room . I Use eye contact as you shake . I Wait to be offered a chair before you sit down . If they forget,

ask first . I you can move your chair slightly . Turn it toward the

interviewers or move it slightly further forward if it

seems too far away . Never pull it right up to their

desk as though you're about to eat lunch . I never touch their desk or place anything on it . If you're at a

board table you can place your hands or notes on

the table . I Sit into the back of the chair, back upright but not rigid, and

legs lightly crossed . Place your elbows on the armrest

and lightly clasp your hands on your lap . I Use active listening skills when they talk . I Use a listening and thinking pause before you answer each

question . This will make your answers appear honest

rather than slick . Flick your eyes downward and

slightly to your left . This will look reflective . If

you raise your gaze upward you could appear to

be stumped by the question, or to be making up

your answer . 244 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

ACTive lisTening

I Use 100 percent eye contact .

I nod as they talk . Pace your nodding to match their

style of delivery .

I never interrupt .

I keep focused on their key points .

I mirror their body language and facial expressions .

I Don't fiddle or tap .

I Lean forward slightly if they talk for a long time .

I never use a "parking" gesture, like raising a finger slightly and

holding it there to signal you have a point you want to make .

geSTUReS ThAT WILL ImPReSS OR DePReSS AT An InTeRVIeW

imPRessive

Legs crossed, elbows on arms of chair . ge TTI n g O n BO ARD 245

Legs slightly open (only if you're wearing pants, of course!) .

Open gestures--both hands out but not overcongruent .

Precision gestures--fingers of one hand pinched together, pointing upward . 246 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

Palms-up gestures .

Fingers lightly linked .

Leaning forward slightly when you're asked a question, which makes it

look as though you're keen to reply, even if you don't know the answer . ge TTI n g O n BO ARD 247

dePRessive

Legs and arms crossed .

Rubbing back of neck with one hand .

Face-touching . 248 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

Legs crossed and turned away from interviewer so that leg closest to

interviewer forms a barrier .

Bag still on lap .

Fig-leaf pose . ge TTI n g O n BO ARD 249

Perched on edge of chair with feet tucked away right under the chair .

Sitting back in chair, slightly slumped, legs splayed, one finger on face .

SAyIng gOODBye: The SUBTLe ART OF exIT ImPReSSIOnS You may feel as though your interview has gone well, or you might fear it's gone rather badly . Generally it's almost impossible to gauge your chances of success unless you know you've been especially awful and called the inter- viewer's wife a dog .

Before you present your exit face, keep in mind that interviewers are often nice at the end because they know 250 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

if they're seeing the back of you forever, or sometimes cold because they want to think before offering you the job . If you're too paranoid you could end on a glum face with that kind of resigned expression that says: "Okay, we both know I haven't got it ." This could--in an extreme case--lose you the job .

Take your lead to leave from your interviewers . They should be experienced enough to display both verbal and nonverbal clues like moving their chair back a little and saying something like "Well, if there are no more questions..." When this happens:

I never leap out of your chair like a scalded cat . Not only

does it make you look as though you're relieved

the interview's over, but it also makes you look

clumsier . Exiting an interview room is a prime

time for clumsy behavior and speech . Ever found

yourself saying something really stupid on the

way out of a meeting? Unfortunately the brain

has a habit of getting out of the room before your

body does . Take your time and move carefully .

You don't want to knock your chair over or hit

your head on the door or screw up the goodbye

handshake . Plan your exit just as carefully as you

plan your entrance .

I Be prepared to shake hands again, so don't pick up any bags or

papers in your right hand . ge TTI n g O n BO ARD 251

I Wait to see who offers you their hand . It's easy to shake too

early, doing the full handshake ritual with someone

who then says, "Actually, I'm going to walk you to

the reception ." Good interviewers should see you

off the premises .

I Or they might leave you at the elevator . If so, that's where

you shake hands . This means coordinating it with

the arrival of the elevator . Expect them to wait for

the elevator to arrive, so shake just as you're about

to get in .

I Don't forget your eye contact and smile ritual as you leave

them . This isn't the time to suddenly find the floor a

very attractive thing to look at .

I If you need a taxi it's okay to ask, but never ask the way to the

nearest station or you'll look immature .

I Say thank you to the receptionist as you walk out .

SecOnD InTeRVIeWS Never leave an interview with the thought that you'll never be called upon for a repeat performance . Second or even third interviews or call-backs are common in the business world and can be challenging if you made no real note of your original performance .

Interviewers don't just want to see you again to check through new details or information, they sometimes want to see that you are image-consistent . For this purpose 252 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

you'll need to keep a memory or even a note of your first interview, including answers to questions and how you marketed yourself .

Did you look keen or cool? How did you describe your strengths and weaknesses? Being word- or even body-language perfect might look suspicious, but so will bouncing in, grinning, if you were formal and straight- faced in the first interview .

BIggeR PRODUcTIOnS Of course, most of these tips have focused on the very simplest style of interview, but modern businesses often like to turn the recruitment interview into a bit of an epic . You could be interviewed by a large panel, in which case do remember to use eye contact on all of them, having first addressed your answer to the person who asked it . Some panel members might not appear to participate very much but that's no reason to ignore them .

Your interview could involve call-backs, walk-the- jobs, and a mini-induction . Sometimes any or all of these visits can seem relaxed and informal, but please don't be fooled--whenever you're on the premises you're being monitored . I've seen candidates get through the formal interview stage but let themselves down by cracking jokes and larking around on a walk-the-job or displaying a lack of basic manners when they're eating in the break room during lunch . ge TTI n g O n BO ARD 253

Key occasions like recruitment interviews call for effort and planning . Think how much depends on your perfor- mance and then decide how much time you feel you can donate to helping yourself succeed . Be like an actor going out on stage: don't just rehearse and memorize your lines, but work on your appearance, posture, and movements as well .

key PoinTs:

� Prepare your performance beforehand--avoid advice to "just be

yourself ."

� Your two key moments are your entrance and your exit.

� Use eye contact on everyone present.

� Create a small thinking pause before you answer each question.

� Mirror their overall pace and body language "tone."

Bod y TA l k

kPlACe

in T he woR

T

here's really no denying the effect your body language

techniques will have in the workplace . As businesses get bigger and communications less personal, the cult of "dead communication" is rife . Sadly, electronic depen- dence plus a whole raft of politically correct rules and a terror of litigation has knocked the stuffing out of business in terms of individualism and personality . It does sometimes seem that really charismatic leaders, people willing to take risks to be brilliant, or people who can inspire, motivate, amuse, or entertain by force of person- ality alone are as rare as hen's teeth, particularly in the bigger companies . I visit many workplaces in the space of a year and not only is it hard to tell one from another in terms of image and culture--no matter what their business is--but it's also increasingly difficult to tell the employees apart . I suffer from d�j� vu when I visit, most often when I go to a company that I've never been in 256 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

before . The people look and act the same; there are the same jobs and the same roles, and the same spouting of business terms and jargon .

I'm not saying the people I meet are boring, it's just that today's workplace environment has cast a patina of dullness over everything . Even media offices like magazines and newspapers have been made grey, sterile wastelands . It's as though we're being asked to take our personalities and bury them somewhere inside ourselves while we sit staring at screens all day . Color, texture, noise, expressed anger or excitement or pleasure have all been sucked away and no one seems to have noticed .

Years ago an "office job" was just one of many career options, but thanks to the computer we're all office workers now . Your doctor sits staring blankly at her screen while you recite your medical problems, and she will probably point you in the direction of a website to get more information on your illness . Plumbers visit clutching a laptop . The police spend more time logging info into their computers than they do chasing crime, and even at-home workers like myself end up sitting in front of a grey- or beige-framed screen with a cursor beating like a robotic pulse .

We've become a world of backs of heads . Once it only used to be taxi drivers who would ask me to analyze their body language, despite the fact that I could only see half a skull from the back seat . Now I walk into open-plan offices B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 257

and get asked "What did you think of them?" when all I am looking at is a sea of hunched shoulders and backs of heads .

This part of the book is all about bringing personal qualities like charisma and charm back into the workplace . Why is this so important? What's the immediate benefit to you of indulging in a charisma offensive?

I Because the ability to have impact and influence and to

persuade, inspire, and motivate will increase your work effec-

tiveness by 100 percent .

I Because you will be creating and defining your own workplace image

rather than letting other people perceive you in a random way that

has more to do with feedback, assumptions, whispered discussions,

and misunderstandings than real skills, abilities, and talent .

I Because we've all been in or seen a situation where talented

people have been passed over for promotions because they

have been judged by the way they look and how they behave in

their current roles rather than having their potential for respon-

sibility, status, and leadership recognized .

I Because business is always very time-poor and if you don't

make an effect right away you may not get another chance .

I'm aware that time poverty affects your working life, too . Because you're busy, I've used as many lists and bullet points as I can to make sure there are valuable tips you can read at a glance . We've all picked up business self-help books that are so long-winded you know from page one you'll 258 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

never make the time or even work up the motivation to get through them . So this rant of an introduction is as wordy as I'm going to get . And if you like your mission statements, here's one I prepared earlier to describe all the things that will benefit you from the following section:

I This chapter will boost your impact, raise your profile, and help

sell you in ways you've never been sold before .

I you'll be shown how to make the best impression with the least

effort .

I you'll learn how to sell, motivate, persuade, influence, mingle,

and network .

I you'll know how to do business presentations and business

meetings .

I And how to lead or manage .

I There will also be techniques for front-line staff to help provide

genuine customer care that works .

So, sink in . Pick out the bits you need or read through the whole lot; either way it will only take a few moments but could transform your whole life!

Body lAnguAge TyPes Psychometric testing is still very hot in the business world . If you haven't been "done" yet, all you need to know is that it normally takes the form of a series of questions that B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 259

you answer about yourself, which are repeated so often that it's very difficult to lie . Your answers are then corre- lated and you are placed into a behavior category . There are usually three or four categories and you will then be told how you will behave in most scenarios .

I've created a similar form of typecasting for your body language . While stereotyping is usually a bad thing, this identification of your own style of bodytalk will be valuable because it will enable you to flex it when you want to communicate effectively with others . In the workplace it's this flexing that will become one of your greatest tools for persuading and influencing .

First you need to discover your current style of bodytalk . Then you can learn to identify other styles and see how to lock into them to be more effective with the person you're meeting . This is a very powerful tool, but, like every other tip in this book, it requires subtlety and practice . If you're caught changing your style too obviously you could come across as desperately insincere .

Are you a Mover, Performer, Empathizer, or Analyst? Read through the following profiles and see if your face fits .

yOU'Re A mOVeR IF... You tend to be clear and concise when you speak, with a dislike of waffle or small talk . You're driven and competitive 260 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

and like to take charge of tasks and situations . Your body language is high in impact and energy with very little waste .

signATuRe gesTuRes

I Strong, sustained bouts of eye contact that can become staring

I Looking for an exit when you get bored

I Upright posture

I Arms folded if you get bored

I Leaning forward

I Frowning

I Pointing and other directive gestures

I emphatic gestures

I Tapping (when you want to move things on)

I Pacing

yOU'Re A PeRFORmeR IF... You like being the center of attention and tend to use humor a lot in your workplace communications . However, you have a short attention span and get bored easily .

You have an enthusiastic style, preferring gut reactions to research and detail . You're better at talking than listening and you love new things and ideas .

signATuRe gesTuRes

I expressive facial expressions

I Often smiling or laughing B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 261

I Speedy movements

I can't keep still for long

I can't speak without using your hands

I Open, dramatic gestures

I Illustrative gestures

yOU'Re An emPAThIzeR IF... You place a lot of importance on relationships at work and like to know what makes people tick . Small talk and other more personal conversations are vital to you . You're not someone who craves the glory or limelight, preferring to influence via coaching or motivating . You use a lot of inclusive techniques, encouraging other people to speak and share their views .

signATuRe gesTuRes

I Smiling

I nodding

I Leaning forward to listen

I Sitting rather than standing

I Friendly touch

I mirroring

I Low-key hand gestures

I Intense listening

I Self-hugs

I Body barrier gestures 262 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

yOU'Re An AnALyST IF... You're happy working alone for long periods of time . You enjoy planning, research, and logical thinking . You tend to be quiet and have an eye for detail, spotting small errors as well as bigger mistakes or problems in a project . You like to talk quietly, using logic and research to back up your thoughts . You prefer to take time to make decisions about new ideas . You're a starter and a finisher . Once you begin a project you will always see it through to the very end .

signATuRe gesTuRes

I Facing your screen and working while you talk

I Low-key gestures

I Ability to use eye contact to make your point

I Frequent use of exclusive gestures, making you look lost in your

own thoughts at times, rather than communicating externally

hOW TO PeRSUADe AnD InFLUence Once you've identified your profile, you can learn to spot the style of anyone you're talking to, even in very speedy transactions . Look for clues about the way they work or the way your meeting was booked . Were they thorough and was it well planned or was it more on the hoof, with interruptions? Do they like to make small talk at the start or get straight down to business? How are B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 263

their listening skills? How quickly do they talk and how animated are they?

Keep an open mind, but start to hunt for clues as soon as you're introduced . Your next step is to create what's called a complementary transaction style .

Like doesn't always appreciate like, and Performers with Analysts and Movers with Empathizers will probably have big struggles creating fast-track rapport and empathy . This is the core problem with business transactions, as opposed to social ones . In business you might only get a few moments with your audience . Maybe you deal with the public or maybe you work in a busy company where conversations are fleeting . You might have a boss or chief executive who only puts in sporadic appear- ances, and who you have to impress quickly or risk losing the moment . Modern business often has a feeling of speed dating about it!

OPPOSITeS ATTRAcT Let's start with some negatives . Movers can struggle to enjoy their transactions with Empathizers . When the Empathizer wants to stand and chat over coffee and cookies, the Movers want to make quick points and move on . Movers are not hugely interested in feelings or emotions . They're time-driven and consider the Empathizers too touchy-feely . At times they're exasperated by them . 264 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

Empathizers, on the other hand, can consider Movers aggressive and borderline rude .

Analysts, on the other hand, can find the Performer a complete waste of space . Always cracking jokes and not being fully researched or in touch with logical fact and reasoning, the Performer will find that his or her normal charm offensive cuts no ice with the Analyst, who values hard facts and evidence over entertainment and gut reaction any day of the week . In reverse, the Performer can find the Analyst dour and boring, a bucket of cold water thrown over all their enthusiasm and creative ideas .

So will like-meets-like be a match made in heaven? Not necessarily .

I Two movers could get into a competition for power or status that

turns into a fight to the death .

I Two Performers might amuse one another initially, but they

could also find themselves vying for the spotlight .

I Two empathizers could have more instant rapport with one

another as they share an enjoyment of chatting and listening .

I Two Analysts should work together in calm harmony .

To create the rapport that will enable you to be persuasive and influential over someone else at work you'll need to take two vital steps:

1 . know yourself . This means having an effective assessment

of your own profile or communication and bodytalk B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 265

styles right now, today . I've described a profile of each

type, but of course you'll identify more strongly with

some of their qualities than others . For instance, you

might be a Mover who can enjoy some amount of

small talk, or an Analyst who likes to socialize now

and again . Keeping the types in mind, create your

own profile, making it as accurate as possible .

2 . Tailor your style . The second step is to spot the profile

or type of person you want to be more effective

with . Once you've done that, you need to plan out

how to be complementary to their communication

style and tailor your own accordingly .

To influenCe A moveR

I Plan your communications and make sure they're well struc-

tured before you get into conversation .

I keep it concise .

I Use emphatic but not challenging body language . Avoid

higher-status displays, as otherwise Movers will

never agree with your idea or point; they will just

want to smash you down to a lower status level .

I Be prepared to use submissive displays on occasion to score a

"hit" but only when you can see their decisions will be based on

making themselves look big .

I make sure your gestures are congruent with your speech .

Movers have a nose for people who are putting 266 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

it on or who don't know what they're talking

about .

I Stand face-to-face and use eye contact .

I never pin the mover down; they like an escape route .

I Sell them ideas that will make them feel like a winner, or that