The Bare Necessities (Non-Profane Edition) (22 page)

“That's not fair,”
Jack shouted and jumped up from the bed. “We are enjoying
ourselves, and making some music at the same time. There is nothing
wrong with us at all.”

“Flaunting
yourself is wrong. And it's against the law.”

“Actually …” Paige
started.

“You are only free
because I know some very good and very expensive lawyers,” Paul
interrupted and jabbed his finger into the shoulder of his only
son. “I am going home tomorrow, and you are coming home with
me.”

“I don't want to,”
Jack muttered.

The balding man
swelled and clenched his fists. “I don't bloody care what you want.
This madness has gone on long enough. You are coming home with
me.”

“Can we have this
discussion tomorrow?” Claire asked as she yawned. “It's midnight
and talking about this at this time is madness.”

“You would do well
to shut up,” he snapped. “I'll put your mother out of work if you
don't let me speak to my son.”

“You what?” Claire
cried, and Paige had to hold her friend's shoulder. “You can't
…”

He sneered at her.
“I know what you've been up to. Disgusting little girl …”

“I think we better
continue this in the morning,” Jack suggested as he looked at
Claire's face.

Paul glared at the
two girls, and Paige crossed the room and put her arm through
Jack's. “Come on. Come to bed,” she cooed and gave a grin to Paul.
“We've had a long day. I really, really, really need a cuddle.”

Paul shuddered as
he became lost for words, swore and told Jack that he would be back
at 9am.

Jack flinched as
the door slammed. “What do you do that for?” He asked, pushing
Paige away from him. “He's even madder now.”

“Yeah well. He was
getting on my nerves,” Paige replied instantly. “Why do you let him
bully you?”

“I don't,” Jack
replied. “He just thinks he knows best, and it's hard to argue.” He
shrugged. “And you don't need me, do you? I mean, you are
superstars now. I am not needed.”

“You are,” Paige
and Claire told him together.

“Don't think you
can get away from us that easily,” Paige cried. “You made me a
promise. Jack, you promised me. You promised us. You can't leave
us.”

He sighed and sat
on the single bed. “I don't know. What would you do Claire? I know
what Paige would do.”

Claire hummed
while Paige objected to the generalisation and the guitarist looked
at him. “I would do whatever makes you happiest,” she replied. “And
I think Lucinda would say the same. And I would certainly want to
finish the tour.”

He looked at
Paige. “I know exactly what would make me happy, but not quite sure
how to say it.”

“I'm happy to go
see him and tell him to do one,” Paige said with a grin. “Or we
could do a runner now and leave a note in our place.”

Jack yawned. “No.
I'll face him tomorrow,” he murmured. “I at least owe him
that.”

“You owe him a
kick up the khyber,” Paige snapped.

* *
* * *

“I am staying
here,” Jack told his father as the girls listened in from the
bathroom. “Well actually we are going to a naturist site near
Oxford, but I want to stay with Paige and Claire.”

Paul took a few
deep breaths. “What's got into you, man? This isn't a future. So
you make the odd quid as a novelty act. Where's the long-term in
that?”

“It makes me
happy,” he told him. “I enjoy it. And if I can't enjoy life now,
when can I do it?”

“Don't be
ridiculous. Now pack your things and let's get out of here.”

“I am staying,”
Jack said firmly. Paul tried to grab hold of his son, but Jack
shook himself free of the grip. “Leave me alone.”

“Those girls are
nothing, but cheap, tacky …” Jack pushed his father to stop him and
yelled.

“They are my
friends,” he thundered. “They are good, nice people. And we are
enjoying ourselves. And so what if it's not long-term. I'm having a
great time, and we are entertaining a lot of people.”

Paul gulped. “Are
you really telling me that you would give up a place on the family
firm, a chance to run a multimillion pound company for a few weeks
touring with a couple of sluts?”

“I guess he is,”
Paige said as she opened the door. “And I think the time has come
for you to sling yer 'ook.” Jack gulped, and Paige looked at him.
“Isn't that right?”

“Yes,” Jack
muttered as Paige squeezed his hand. “I am a musician, not a
businessman.”

Paul spluttered.
“This has nothing to do with you,” he told the red-haired girl.
“Nothing. And you'd be wise to shut …”

“Out,” Paige
interrupted loudly and pointed at the door. “Get out! You're
seriously winding me up. Go!”

Paul scowled at
Paige's gleeful taunting and snorted. “This isn't over,” he
shouted, and then left the room, slamming the door as he
departed.

Paige turned to
Jack. “Well done,” the red-haired teenager told him and kissed him
on the cheek. “Present. For growing a pair. Eighteen years after
you should have done but well done anyway.”

“How is it, that
all your compliments are always put-downs?” Jack asked her and
Paige just shrugged.

“You wouldn't have
her any other way,” Claire teased with a smirk. “Would you?”

“I guess not!”

* *
* * *

“Who the hell are
these people?” Jack whispered, and Claire shrugged.

“I don't
know.”

The three
musicians looked out of the hotel reception to see a small army of
people waiting outside the hotel, and the receptionist looked coy.
“They've been there since 6am,” she told them and shrugged. “I know
who you are.”

“Us?” Jack asked.
“What about us?”

“I know you are
the Bare Necessities and that you were arrested last night. It was
on the news.” Claire swore when she turned to see the large
television screen in the hotel lobby and saw her face as they the
left the Police station on the rolling news channel. “And one of
the lead items on the news sites.”

“Wow!” Jack cried.
“Who cares about us?” The receptionist wiped her face and then
looked at Paige.

“I know it's a bit
silly but can I have a picture?” She looked hopeful and when Paige
gave a bemused “yes,” the receptionist passed her mobile phone to
Jack and almost ran around the desk to stand next to the lead
singer.

Jack took a
handful of pictures and put the phone on the open page of the guest
book. “So they are journos?”

“Yes,” the
receptionist added excitedly. “They wanted to know what room you
were in and all sorts.” The noise behind the pane of glass
separating the hotel from the outside world became deafening, and
Jack shrugged. “But I told them if they came into the hotel I would
break their legs.” She giggled. “I'm a black belt in karate.”

Jack smiled.
“Cheers. I guess we gotta go sometime,” he summarised and held his
arms out. “Let's go face the bastards.” Claire and Paige took one
hand each, and they walked confidently to the exit. “And Paige, no
talking. You can't tease them like you teased my Dad.”

“Spoil my fun,”
Paige muttered. Outside the hotel was one film crew and dozens of
photographers, all of whom were spurred into action as the three
musicians opened the door.

Paige flinched as
light bulbs flashed in her face and Jack squeezed her hand. The
pack of journalists surged towards them, and the three teenagers
froze as the noisy assembly of journalists shouted questions at the
band. “Wait,” Claire cried and gulped. “Please. What do you want
with us?”

Jack whispered to
Paige. “What do we do?”

“I dunno,” Paige
muttered as the deafening array of questions started, that none of
them could not hear properly.

Jack sighed.
“Please!” He said authoritatively. “Please. We want to make a short
statement.”

“We do?” Paige
muttered and looked at Claire.

Claire gulped as
the noise died down. Jack held his hand out and took a deep breath.
“It is true that we were arrested last night and detained for over
two hours as the Police sought to establish the legitimacy of our
performance at the Stroud Festival. They had received a complaint
and acted quickly and hastily to detain us, unreasonably so. We are
understandably very angry about their conduct and are considering
further action.” He glanced over the heads of the press and saw his
father watching him from his car. “We have all long wanted to
perform and make music and have found the last few weeks to be
surreal. We will keep making music, and performing bare, we are
doing nothing wrong and we would be grateful if other Police forces
acted more reasonably.”

He looked at Paige
and Claire who nodded. “Yeah,” they muttered.

“Now we are off to
the Oak Valley Naturist Camp site for our next date. No more
questions. Excuse me please.”

* *
* * *

“Welcome,
welcome,” Paige said in a cheesy voice. “It's the world's least
obnoxious agent.”

Andre gulped and
entered the tent. “Hiya Paige. You good?”

“Don't try and get
around me with small talk,” she teased and looked at Claire. “Why
is he clothed. It's a naturist park for goodness sake.”

“He's a visitor,”
Claire reminded her friend.

“But a …” Paige
grumbled as Claire shot her a look and Paige budged up to allow
Claire to sit down with her companion.

Andre put his hand
out to shake the three members of the group and Paige only shook
his hand once Jack had given her a little dig in the ribs. “Now, I
have been busy for you and I notice from your website schedule that
after this camp site, you have over a week off until your next gig
in London. Am I right?”

“Yes,” Claire
replied and Andre smiled. “Assuming we don't get arrested!”

Andre laughed. “I
have two things lined up. A video to be shot in Burnham Beeches.
It's near Heathrow. I have a director I know, he's not busy and a
film crew. It'll be cheap, but I can get it produced. He wants
Don't Hate Us.”

“A video?” Paige
cooed. “Doing what?”

“Well, he thinks
Paige naked running through the woods and meeting up with you two
in a … umm … oh … clearing, I s'pose. We would only have him for
one or two days, but it'll be enough time. It'll be cheap, but MTV
won't run it 'til the watershed anyway. The video and the album I
can get onto iTunes and every site. Shops are proving a bit more
difficult as they want to pay peanuts in royalties. But I am
working on that. We can get some good photos tomorrow when you are
at Burnham.”

“OK. Sounds good
on that point,” Claire told him.

“Yeah, and I have
a television channel lined up. Daytime chat show. Want one of you
to defend your performances.”

“Right,” Jack
scowled. “That better be Paige.”

“Better be you,”
Paige replied. “You handled the newspaper people well good.”

Jack shrugged.
“OK. Maybe. Up for discussion.”

“Well it doesn't
have to happen, it's just something I got lined up, as agreed.
Waiting on you, that one.”

“And the last was
on the commission,” Claire reminded him. Andre sniffed.

“My uncle said not
to go anywhere near your figures,” he said firmly. “We have a
living to make.”

“And we would have
signed at eight percent if you hadn't have insulted us,” Paige
reminded the agent and crossed her arms and legs. “You broke some
trust.”

“But ...” Andre
sighed. “If I was to say six could we do a deal.”

“How about three,”
Claire suggested and Andre shook his head.

“I really can't do
three, I'll get killed at six.”

Claire looked at
her two band members and Paige's eyes narrowed. “Five?”

Andre blew air
through his lips. “OK. Five. But I am so dead when I go to
London.”

“Don't go,” Claire
told him. “Stay for a day, 'round here.”

“Well I did bring
my tent in case you didn't agree this tonight,” he explained. “But
I am not a naturist so I will probably check into a hotel.” He
crossed some text out on two bundles of paper and amended them with
ink and passed one bundle to Paige who passed it to Jack and
Claire.

Paige reasoned she
wouldn't understand it and just allowed her two friends to read the
text. Jack asked a few questions, and they had the notice period
reduced from one year to one month. “We are a new band,” Jack
explained. “And with some familial pressures.”

“OK. But after a
year, it goes back up to a year's notice,” Andre argued. After
half-an-hour of discussion, Jack signed both Andre's copy and the
band's copy, followed by Claire.

“I'm not signing
it,” Paige said awkwardly, and everyone looked at her.

“But …”

“We are nudist
band, he is on a naturist camp site. I will sign it after he has
stayed the night and been for a swim. Without those clothes.”

“But that's
forcing our beliefs onto Andre,” Claire barked. “That's wrong.”

“No. All I am
saying, is how can he be our spokesman and representative if he
doesn't understand why we do what we do?” Claire shook her head,
but Paige got up from the tent. “That's my decision,” she said
firmly and held out her hand. “Fancy a swim Jack? It's six o'
clock. Just time for a quick splash 'til it gets too cold.”

“Sure,” he
muttered. “I'll meet you down by the pool,” he promised, and Claire
just sighed.

“She's a brilliant
singer,” Claire explained to Andre. “A fantastic person, just
stubborn. And very unpredictable.”

Andre sniffed.
“Yeah, I got that.”

“Do you want any
help putting up a tent?” Jack offered, but Claire shook her
head.

“I'll help
him,” she promised. “That's not a problem. Go swim with Paige. And
try and get her to change her mind. She listens to you.” Jack
snorted. “Well sometimes she does.”

* * * * *

“Sit down,” the
tall man ordered and his employee sat down on the couch in the
living room of the large house. “You know my son is … umm …
gallivanting around the country in the nude with your daughter,”
Paul told Claire's mother. “And I can't get him to come back. I
sent my sister, I've phoned him, and I've spoke to him and he won't
come.”