The Atonement (41 page)

“I understand that. If you need to start over
in NC, fine, but can’t you wait just a few months? I was looking
forward to having you as my best man.”

“Your best man?” asked Jim. He hoped he had
misheard Allen.

“Aw, crap. Look, don’t mention it to anyone
yet, okay. I promised Callie I’d wouldn’t say anything about the
wedding until Thanksgiving.”

“Wait - you’re planning on getting
married?”

“Yes. I popped the question to Callie last
weekend. We were planning on getting married in June, when my first
year…”

“Al, have you lost your mind!”

Jim couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Callie hadn’t told him any of this that night when she came to
threaten him, and he thought he knew why. It was probably her idea
to keep things secret in the first place. “That chick gives new
meaning to the word deceptive,” he thought as he began to fume with
shock and anger.

“Shhh. You’ll wake mom and dad.”

“You are way too young and you’ve got too
much going on to be thinking about marriage or fatherhood. Don’t
you think you should concentrate on finishing school and getting
yourself settled in a career, first?”

“Jim, I know what I’m doing”

“No, you don’t! Marriage is a huge deal. It’s
not something you just rush into,” he said annoyed with his
friend’s insouciant attitude. “Have you really thought about what
spending the rest of your life with Callie is going to be like?!
You asked me if I prayed; did you pray about this?!”

“Are you serious? This has been the answer to
my prayers. You know Callie has been my dream girl since high
school.”

“That’s the problem, Al. You’re still
dreaming, but this is the real world. It’s just like when you were
looking for work – you looking at what you want things to be rather
than what it really is.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re talking to me
like I’m some teenager who just told you he’s going to elope with
his girlfriend. Give me some credit. I’m a grown man who’s old
enough to know what’s best for me. I respected your decision, why
can’t you respect mine?”

Jim could see that Allen was starting to get
frustrated with him, and the last thing he wanted was a full on
argument. He didn’t want to alienate Allen again, but at the same
time, Jim desperately wanted to be able to keep Allen from making
what could be the biggest mistake of his life. He wished he knew
what to say to change Allen’s mind and protect him from what would
likely be a disaster.

“I want to, but…Al, you asked me to give my
decision some time, and I’m going to suggest the same thing to you.
I think you need to wait and get to know Callie better before you
jump into this marriage thing”

“I’ve known her for years. What else do I
need to know?”

“For real, Allen. I’m begging you, just
wait”

“Sorry, but I’d rather not. If Callie and I
are living together then I won’t have to worry about putting in so
much time commuting, plus I’ll live closer to campus. It’ll make
things a lot easier than they are now.”

“I can’t believe what you just said.
Convenience is not a reason for marriage.”

“C’mon Jim, don’t play. You know that is not
the main reason why I want to marry Callie, and I’m not going back
and forth with you on this anymore. My decision is final.”

“I can’t let you do this, Al.”

“What you mean, let me? You ain’t my daddy.
There will most definitely be a wedding, but if you feel that
strongly against it, you don’t have to be there.”

“Callie isn’t who you think she is.”

“Now you want to start trashing, Callie? I’m
not listening to this,” he said getting up from the table.

“Did she tell you who Darius’s father
was?”

“What does that have to do with
anything?”

“I bet she’s never even given you a
name.”

“What does it matter, Jim! The man’s
dead!”

“He’s not dead. He’s right here. I’m Darius’s
father.”

Jim felt he had to do it. There was no way
that he could allow Allen to be swallowed up in Callie’s scheme.
Jim knew that he stood to lose a lot, but he would protect his
friend, no matter what the personal cost. The only thing he
regretted was that he had to hurt Allen in the process. Allen stood
staring at him, puzzled. It was as if he couldn’t process what Jim
had said.

“Are you drunk? Have you been drinking again?
Are you on something?”

“I’m not drunk and I’m not high. It’s the
truth. We got together around the time our clique broke up…”

“Why are you doing this?” he said quietly,
looking directly into his eyes. “How can you look me in the eye and
say something like that to me?”

“I’m sorry, Al.”

“No, I’m sorry – sorry I trusted you, you
lying…”

“You don’t know how much I wish that was the
case, but I’m not lying.”

Allen began to pace up and down for a moment,
running his hands over his head. He was shaking with a rage that he
was trying to control.

“I never wanted to hurt you, Al.”

“Please. Just…don’t,” he said stopping by the
sink and leaning against it.

“If I could go back in time…”

“Just shut up! I don’t want to hear any more
of your crap, alright!”

Jim noticed Allen’s breathing was rapid.

“You don’t look good, man. I think you should
sit back down,” said Jim.

“I can’t wait…‘til next week. I want you…out
of this house…now,” said Allen through short gasps.

Jim just sat there immobilized by his friends
anguish. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t.

“I said…GET OUT!”

“Allen, what’s all this yelling about at this
time of night?” asked Vernon coming down stairs with Lena behind
him.

“Allen, are you alright?” said Lena looking
at her son with concern.

Without warning, Allen collapsed onto the
kitchen floor.

“Allen! Allen!” yelled Lena as she shook him
vigorously, hoping for some response.

“Let me look at him,” said Vernon as Lena
moved aside so he could kneel down next to him. Vernon, put his ear
to Allen’s mouth. “He’s not breathing. Call 911”

“Lord Jesus, help us please!” prayed Lena
scrambling to the phone as Vernon started chest compressions on
Allen.

Jim sat frozen in bewilderment as he watched
events unfold. The landmine had finally exploded and claimed it’s
first casualty.

Thirty-Eight

Callie rushed through the emergency room of
Harlem Hospital in pajamas covered by her jacket with a cranky
Darius in her arms. She knew he was fussing because his sleep had
been interrupted, and she was trying to calm him as she approached
the registration desk. After inquiring about Allen’s whereabouts
there, she was off to the elevator bank to go to the fourth floor
where he was being treated.

“Please be okay,” said Callie over and over
again in her head. When Mrs. Sharpe called her with the news about
what happened to Allen, she thought her heart would stop. Mrs.
Sharpe’s voice was frantic and she could tell that she was crying.
She didn’t give Callie much information; just that Allen had
collapsed and was being taken to the hospital. At first, she
assumed that Allen got over stressed and passed out. But after
thinking about things on the way over, Callie began to worry that
Allen’s condition might be more serious.

When she got off at the fourth floor, the
nursing assistant directed her to the waiting room, where she found
all of their friends and family had gathered – everyone, except
Jim, and Riley. They were standing in a circle, holding hands with
Pastor Bynum in the midst, leading them all in prayer. “As if
that’s going to help,” she thought derisively. But she knew if they
were praying, Allen had to be in bad shape. Callie decided to stand
aside until they were finished. “I hope this isn’t going to be
long,” she thought. Callie was anxious to know what happened to
Allen.

“…Lord, we ask that you extend your mercy and
grace toward him tonight and deliver him from this infirmity. Let
your healing power touch his body and restore the function of his
heart….”

“His heart!” thought Callie, “Could Allen
have had a heart attack? But he’s way too young for something like
that.” Then she remembered that he had an arrhythmia that had
developed when he was an infant. She knew that his condition could
be aggravated by physical exertion, but he collapsed at home, and
not at work.

“…We’re not trusting in doctors, and we’re
not trusting in medicine, but we are trusting in your infinite
power, grace and mercy, O God, because you are the only One that
can help. It is by your stripes that we have healing. When you
suffered on the cross you took away not just our sins, but also our
infirmities. Have mercy on this child of yours, and raise him up
from this bed of affliction…”

As they continued to pray, Callie started
getting restless. Even Darius was trying to wriggle out of her
arms. “Enough already,” she thought anxiously. But it would be
another 15 minutes before she heard the ‘Amen.’ When they were
done, Callie rushed over to Lena.

“
How’s Allen? Is he going to
be okay?” asked Callie, as she tried to calm Darius who was
beginning to whine.

“
The doctors are still
working on him, but even they’re not completely sure he’ll pull
through,” said Lena. Callie could tell she was trying to hold it
together. Her eyes were red from crying and she was leaning against
her husband who had a supportive arm around her.

“What happened to him?”

“They said he had a caffeine overdose, and
that combined with his arrhythmia and all the stress he was going
through…”

“Oh, no. No, noooo,” moaned Callie. Suddenly,
Darius let out a loud wail. Callie struggled to comfort him in the
midst of her own grief.

“I’ll take him for you,” offered Mother Rose,
as she took the crying child from her arms. Callie gave him over
without hesitating. She couldn’t deal with her son right now, as
she was trying to absorb all of this information. Allen was
probably suffering from atrial fibrillation caused by the caffeine
overdose. Her professional expertise told her that if they weren’t
able to stabilize his heartbeat, Allen would surely die. The
possibility of Allen’s death was too much for her. Callie didn’t
want to think about raising Darius without Allen around to help.
She didn’t want to imagine any part of her future without him. Then
she would be back where she started: alone. Callie couldn’t do
anything but weep. Her legs began to buckle under her and she felt
someone grab her and lead her to a chair, where she slumped over
and leaned her elbows on her knees.

Everyone gathered around Callie and offered
their sympathies, but Callie remained silent. She didn’t need or
want their comfort. She knew they didn’t like her and had probably
been constantly nagging at him to end the relationship. She was
certain that their harassment, combined with all the stress Allen
was going through at school and on his job, was probably what
brought on his present condition. If Allen died, Callie was
convinced that they were the main cause. Such thoughts began to
transform Callie’s grief into an anger that she struggled to
stifle. She wanted to tell all of them off, but she constrained
herself for Allen’s sake. If there were any chance for his
recovery, she didn’t want to ruin it. In the meantime, Callie
covered her face with her hands, and did her best to tune them
out.

“Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Sharpe?” said a
voice.

“We’re right here,” said Vernon.

Callie looked up to see a tall dark-skinned
man wearing scrubs and the Sharpes rushing toward him while the
others formed a circle around him. Callie sprung out of her seat
and broke through the crowd to hear what the doctor had to say.

“We finally got his heart beating regularly,
and he is conscious…”

“Thank the Lord!” said Lena. Callie joined
everyone else around her in a collective sigh of relief.

“…
But we’re going to keep
him here for a day or two for observation. After that, he’s a going
to need a couple of days rest and cut back on the
caffeine.”

“
I’ll make sure of that. Can
we see him?” asked Vernon.

“
I’ll have to say parents
only for tonight. The rest of you will have to come back tomorrow
afternoon between 1:00pm and 9pm.”

“
Can’t you please just let
one more person in to see him? I’m his girlfriend.”

“
If it’s alright with you,”
said the doctor to Allen’s parents.

“
I guess it’s alright,” said
Vernon.

“Not more than a few minutes. He needs his
rest.”

Callie followed Vernon, Lena, and the doctor
back to the room where Allen was. They had arrived just as a nurse
had disconnected Allen from the ventilator. Callie could barely see
him behind the wall of bodies standing around the bed. Allen had
several electrodes on his chest and he was hooked up to an EKG
machine that beeped in the background. He looked weak, and while he
was conscious, Callie could see that he was a bit disoriented.
Lena, edged to the front and took Allen’s hand.

“Everything’s alright, baby.”

“M-mama,” said Allen weakly.

“Shhh,” said Lena, “Don’t try to talk. You
need to rest. Mama and Daddy are here. Callie’s here, too.”

Callie could see a change in his expression
when Lena mentioned her name. She could see his eyes roaming the
room looking for her, so she broke through the wall of bodies
positioning herself so he could see her. When his eyes finally
lighted upon her she saw in them something disconcerting. His gaze
was steady and piercing.

“Hey, Allen,” she said softly, rubbing his
forearm. “You had us worried there for a minute. She smiled at him
hoping that he would smile back, but he didn’t. He just stared at
her as if he were in a trance. The beeps from the EKG machine
started to speed up their pace if just a bit.