The Atonement (36 page)

When Davis left, Allen checked his cell phone
for messages. There was one from Callie who wanted to know if he
could watch Darius for her on Saturday. He decided to return her
call to get the details.

“Al?” she answered after the second ring.

“Yep. You on break?”

“Yes, but it’s one of my short ones.”

“I’ll keep it brief. What’s going on
Saturday?”

“Al, I know you have a lot to do and I
wouldn’t trouble you unless it were important. The thing is I have
to go get groceries, but I can’t manage everything with Darius in
tow. I shouldn’t be more than an hour.”

“Alright. When do you want me to come
over?”

“How about 10:00?”

“See you then.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Allen put his cell phone on the table and
took a seat in one of the metal folding chairs in front of it. His
limbs felt like lead weights and so did his eyelids, which kept
closing against his will. Sitting may not have been the best idea.
Allen got up and went over to the water closet across from the
office and turned on one of the faucets. He cupped his hands under
the running water and scooped enough to splash his face. Then he
went back to the office and grabbed some paper towels from a shelf
and wiped his face dry. The cold water gave him a quick jolt, but
its affect didn’t last longer than a few seconds. Allen went over
to his backpack and took out a little tiny bottle that read,
“Energy Boost”, opened it and drank all of the contents. One of his
study group colleagues, a guy named Mark, recommended this little
tonic. He said it was as potent as three energy drinks, and he was
right, because it didn’t take more than a moment or two before
Allen started to feel much more alert. He threw the little bottle
in the garbage and then sat down at the table and bowed his head to
pray.

“
Lord, please work this out
for me. It seems like no matter what I do, things aren’t working
together. I need you to help me balance law school, my job, my
relationship, my family and my time with you. Please…I’m burning
out and I don’t know how much longer I can go like this without
losing it. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.”

Allen had finished his prayer just as Davis
returned to the office.

“One turkey and cheese with lettuce and
tomato and an iced tea. And here’s your change,” said Davis handing
Allen his food and the extra money.

“Thanks, man,” said Allen as they both sat
down and began to eat. Davis had a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich
with a cola.

“We missed you at the Bible Study last night.
You always ask the questions everyone else is too scared to.”

“Yeah. I missed it, too. But unfortunately,
it looks like I’m going to have to miss many more Bible Study
sessions because of the law school study group I’m in.”

“Isn’t there one you can go to on
Saturdays?”

“Yeah, but I try to reserve that day for
spending time with Callie and Darius.”

“Are they more important than spending time
with the Lord?”

“Aw, C’mon, Dave. It’s not like I’ve stopped
going to church. It’s just Bible Study. Besides, it’s not Callie or
Darius that’s eating up so much of my time. If anything’s to blame
for me having to compromise time with the Lord, it’s law school,
which, ironically, is what I thought He wanted me to do.”

“Have you prayed to Him about it?”

“I have, but I haven’t heard anything
yet.”

“Just don’t let yourself get too busy. You
don’t want to miss what He has to say.”

“That’s nearly impossible given my schedule.
But I believe if I’m on the wrong track, I’m trusting that He’ll
lead me the right way.”

“You gotta find some way to slow down, Al.
You look like you been through war.”

“You haven’t looked so great yourself
recently. It’s like you caught Jim’s depression bug.”

“I’m not depressed about nothing.’”

“Ever since you told Miko you wanted space,
you have. Is she still showering you with unwanted attention?”

“Not really.”

“Then would I be correct to assume that you
miss her attentions, now?”

“No. I’m glad to have the breathing room. Now
that I’ve had time to think about it, I don’t think we’d be good
for each other.”

“The reason being?”

“I don’t think I’m her type.”

“If you’re a Christian, you’re Tamiko’s
type.”

“That’s what she thinks, but there’s a lot
more you gotta think about than that.”

“I have to agree with you there. Have you
told her yet?”

“No, but I plan to, soon. I’m just tryin’ to
think about how to break it to her without breaking her.”

“I hear you, but no matter how you spin it,
Miko’s not going to be happy. Anyway, it’s your choice man.
Besides, there are plenty of other women out there to choose
from.”

“I’m not sure if I’d be good
with anybody. I think I should stay by myself. You know, like the
Lord said: there are some men that are born eunuchs, and some
eunuchs that are made by men, and some that have made themselves
eunuchs for the kingdom of God’s sake.”
¹

“Wait a minute…you can’t be…Davis, are you
saying that you want to remain celibate?”

“That’s like when you don’t get married or
date or nothin’ right?”

“Correct.”

“Then…yeah.”

“You’re talking about forever?!”

“Yeah. Like forever.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!”

“Yeah, chief! Why not? In
First Corinthians it talks about how it’s better for a person to
stay single, so that they have more time to focus on the
Lord.”
²

“True, that calling is for some people, but
how do you know it’s for you? Did God speak to you and tell you
that you need to remain single?!”

“No, but, its not like I’m making a decision
that He wouldn’t be pleased with.”

“Unless it’s not in his plan for you! Davis,
just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’ll be closer to the
Lord than someone who’s not. A good number of the prophets were
married, you know. Peter was the chief Apostle and he was
married.”

“Still, I feel this is the best way for
me.”

“But why would you – hold up – you’re not
feeling…confused, are you?”

“Confused about what?”

“You know…confused – questioning.”

“What?! Nah, man! This ain’t about nothin’
like that!”

“So what is this about?! Is it about the
commitment, the type of women you’ve dated, or intimacy issues?
C’mon, man. You can’t just lay this type of information on a
brother and not help me understand it.”

“I don’t know if I can. This is really
personal for me.”

“Davis,” said Allen after taking a breath “I
don’t mean to brow beat you on this, and I don’t want you to get
the idea that I’m against this path that you’ve chosen. After all,
it is an honorable and righteous path. But…it’s one thing to live a
celibate life because that’s the way God has called you to live,
and another if you’re choosing that particular path to avoid
dealing with something else.”

“I’m not avoiding nothin.’”

“I hope not. I’ll pray God strengthen you in
this journey you’re about to under take. You’re gonna need it.”

“Thanks.”

All of a sudden, Allen felt a sharp pain in
his stomach that made him wince.

“You okay?” said Davis.

“Just got a cramp, that’s all. Hopefully it
will go away,” said Allen rubbing his stomach, but it seemed to be
getting worse.

“I hope it’s not that sandwich you had.”

“No. I don’t think so” Allen’s stomach was
churning like a like an ice cream maker. “I think I need to take a
walk.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be right back.”

Allen took the stairs to the employee
bathroom on the floor below them. He hurried to one of the empty
stalls where he wound up spending the rest of his break. Even after
evacuating his bowels, he still felt lousy. He didn’t know how he
was going to manage the rest of the day and then go to school
afterward, but he had no choice. When he was done, he flushed, then
went to the sink and washed his hands. This just wasn’t turning out
to be a good day.

As he was coming out of the restroom, he ran
into Davis who had come looking for him.

“Al, there you are. I been lookin’ for you.
For a minute, I thought you went outside.”

“What’s up?”

“Mr. Hardy needs you to help with some
paperwork. You been in there all this time?”

“
Yeah, but I’m
alright.”

It seemed that Allen had spoken too soon, as
he was suddenly overcome by another abdominal cramp.

“
Or maybe not.”

“You want me to tell Mr. Hardy you need to go
home? ‘Cause that’s what it looks like to me.”

“Tell him to give me ten minutes,” said
Allen, as he turned to go back into the bathroom.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Look, I gotta go,” he said before
letting the door slam behind him.

He couldn’t hear what Davis yelled after him
because he was in too much of a hurry to get back to the stall that
he had recently vacated, barely making it in time to avoid making a
complete mess of himself. If it wasn’t enough that his life was out
of whack, now his body was as well. This was not a good sign.

Thirty-Three

There was lots of open space affording a
magnificent view of the bucolic landscape. Small houses, tall trees
and lush dew washed fields spread out for miles on end. Every once
in a while, one would see patches of colorful vegetation from the
farms: rows of tall stalks of corn, and oranges at different stages
hanging in the groves like ornaments on a Christmas tree. In his
mind, Jim had transported himself into the scenes of the lovely
pictures he was looking at on the internet. It made him think about
all the trips he’d taken in the past to Uncle Henry Lee’s farm out
in Lewiston. He remembered how he, Allen and Tamiko would play in
the outdoors where the air smelled like wet grass and honeysuckle
plants and the sun gave everything an ethereal glow. Even the food
tasted better down south. It was almost Eden like – a perfect place
for him to seek refuge from the mine-strewn battlefield his life
had become.

The spell the pictures had cast was broken by
the smell of butter-toasted bread, bacon, and French fries. When he
looked up he saw Riley had fixed a snack for them: grilled cheese
sandwiches with bacon and tomato, french fries, and iced tea.

“I knew this would get your attention,” said
Riley as she put the tray down on the coffee table.

“You know it. I love me some grilled cheese
with bacon,” he said taking a plate and then taking a bite.

“What’cha looking at there?”

“Just some pictures of the south that’s
all.”

“You thinking of repaying my visit sometime
soon?”

“Actually, I was thinking of coming to
stay.”

“To stay?”

“Yeah. You think Uncle Henry and Aunt Shirley
would mind if I came to stay with y’all for a while?”

“You know they wouldn’t mind, but why do you
want to go?”

“There’s nothing for me up here.”

“You callin’ Uncle Vern, Aunt Lena, Allen,
Tamiko, Pastor and your screw ball friends, nothing?”

“I’m not talkin’ about them. I mean it’s so
hard for a black man to get a job here. Everybody and they momma
comes to the city to look for work, and black men are the last ones
anyone hires around here.”

“And you think the south is gonna be
better?”

“Wilson finally got him a good gig.”

“After being unemployed for nearly two years
and having to do freelance work for the businesses in the ‘hood.
You know that, Jim. And I was trying not to tell anyone about this,
but I even lost my job recently.”

“What?”

“Yeah. The owner of the salon had money
troubles, so we had to close up.”

“At least you didn’t get fired. How you been
making it since then?”

“I do heads in the neighborhood. Mostly
little kids and old ladies, though.”

“Hey, that’s better than nothing.”

“True.”

“I still think I could do better down there.
There’s too much trouble a brother could get into up here.
Unemployed brothers and police are not a good mix.”

“Have you watched the news lately? Unemployed
brothers and police aren’t a good mix anywhere.”

“Why are you being so discouraging? If you
don’t want me to come just say so.”

“That’s not it at all, Jim. Come if you want,
but don’t come thinking the south is some kind of paradise and get
mad at us when it turns out it ain’t. Just as many disadvantages to
the south as advantages.”

“I understand that. Remember, this isn’t
Allen you’re talking to.”

“Since you’ve mentioned Al, have you shared
your plan with him?”

“I wanted to get everything settled first.
I’ll let him know soon enough.”

“He’s not going to be happy.”

“He might not be happy, but it’s for the
best. He has a lot going on and I don’t want him to have the extra
burden of having to worry about me.”

“
Just because you’re not
here doesn’t mean he won’t worry. Anyway, when was you thinking of
coming down?”

“I thought I’d tag along with you next
week-end when you ship out.”

“What?! That’s a little short notice,
don’tcha think? What’s your hurry?”

“Who’s hurrying? It’s not like I said I
wanted to go tonight. I’ll have my casts off by then and it should
be enough time for you to talk to your dad and everything…”

“Jimmy, I hope you’re not running from
something up here.”

“I’m not! Why do you always have to try to
make something out of nothing?!”

“I don’t have to try. Your attitude says it
all. I thought you said there was nothing else you were holding
back.”