Tears on My Pillow 2 (3 page)

January 31, 2014

Friday

Qia

                  I am scared and excited all at the same time about going home. I thought that remembering everyone would make me feel more comfortable but it actually made everything even weirder. I know who Jakari is. Like, I remember that he is my husband but not anything else. I don’t remember how we met or even him proposing to me. The only thing that remains constant is the fact that I feel like there is something big I can’t remember. Time reveals all things, so I will just wait and see what happens over the next few weeks.

                  We pull up to my mother’s house and I see the front door is open. She invited Jakari and me over for dinner to welcome me home. I sit and stare at the house, trying to see if its image would bring anything to mind for me, but at this moment, my mind remains blank. “You ready baby?” Jakari asks from the driver’s seat.

                 “Yes,” I reply and open my door. I step out of the car and start to walk towards the front door. I have been doing therapy in the hospital since I woke up and it has helped a lot, but my legs are still a little stiff, so I am walking much slower than normal. Jakari runs up next to me after locking the car and links his arm with mine as he helps me walk to the door.

                 We barely take five steps when the front door swings open, and my mom rushes out of the house and down the stairs towards me with a ruffled white apron around her waist. She is smiling big and I can see the tears in her eyes as she says screaming, “Won’t He do it! Yes, He will!” She then focuses her eyes on Jakari. “Hi Jakari,” she says.

                  “Hi Monique,” he replies.

                  I return her smile and we hug. “Ma, why are you tearing up? This is supposed to be a joyous occasion!” I say, trying to make sure my voice is upbeat.

                 “I know. I know. I am just so grateful to have my baby back. I was so scared when I saw you in that bed unresponsive. Oh chile!” She shakes her head and pats me on my back.

                 “Ma, please don’t cry. Think about the fact that I am right here right now, hugging you.”

                 She pulls away and holds my hands while she stares at me for few minutes. “C’mon, let’s get in the house. It is freezing out here.”

                  She opens the screen door and we follow her inside. I sit down at the large kitchen table that is covered with a beautiful deep blue tablecloth and situate myself in the chair. “I am going to go in the living room to watch TV. You need anything before I go?” Jakari asks over my shoulder.

                  “No. I’m fine.” I turn my head to the side and smile up at him. He bends down and pecks me on the lips and then exits the kitchen. The food smells absolutely delicious but it is causing my stomach to churn. I cover my mouth with my hand as I pray that my stomach will give me a break.  I jump up and run to the kitchen sink because I can’t remember where the bathroom is and prepare to vomit. As I stand there, I realize that my stomach is calming down and I say a silent thank you to the Man above.

                 “Qia!” My mom yells as she races over to me. “What’s wrong baby?”

                 “I’m okay, ma. My system is still trying to get use to food and smells, so sometimes, it can be a little overwhelming for me.”

                  “Have you talked to the doctors about it?” she asks as she rubs the middle of my back.

                  “They mentioned to me that I may experience some vomiting while my body readjusts, so I’m positive it is nothing to be alarmed about.”

                  “Alright, baby, alright.”

                 I stand there for a minute, just to make sure this bout of nausea has passed.  Just as I begin to feel confident enough to go and sit back down at the table, Qisha walks in. I haven’t seen her since the day I woke up in the hospital, so it makes me wonder why? “Hello Qisha,” I say as she steps into the kitchen.

                 “Hey Qia,” she says, looking stiff as hell. I wonder what our relationship was like before my accident. The way she looked at the hospital and the way she is looking and acting currently, makes me sad because she seems so on edge around me. I hope that things get back to normal soon so we can be close like we used to be. A second later her boyfriend, Darrin, appears in the doorway behind her.

                 He slaps her on the ass, “Bitch, move your wide ass out the way, damn!”

                 “Darrin, quit playing, you see my mother right there!” She turns to him with her face turning red from embarrassment.

He brushes pass her and mumbles, “Monique. Qia,” before disappearing into the living room.

                  I place my hand on my hip and look at Qisha. “Is that how he always acts?”

                 Qisha nervously runs her fingers through her blond hair and says, “Girl, don’t pay him no attention. He doesn’t mean nothin by it.” She smiles at me, trying to take the edge off the situation but I ain’t buying it.

                 Monique turns around. “Qisha, I have raised you girls better than this. I am not going to take his ignorant rude ass stepping up in my house acting like that. Next time you come over here, ya betta be solo because I have had it. He need his ass kicked real good,” my mother says, pointing her finger at Qisha and shaking her head, causing her salt and pepper hair to bounce around the top of her shoulders.

                 I go back to the table and sit down as Qisha rolls her eyes and leans up against the door frame. “I’m sorry I didn’t get down to the hospital much to see you Q but now that you are home, I want us to spend some time together.”

                 “That sounds great Qisha! What do you have in mind?”

                 “I’m not sure but maybe a movie night at my place.”

                 “I would love that!” I say grinning from ear to ear. I am so glad she is reaching out to me.

                 “Let me go check on Darrin,” she says and walks into the living room.

                  “I guess he always shows his behind, huh?” I say to my mother after Qisha is out of the room.

                  My mother looks back over her shoulder while she is bent down in front of the oven, checking on the chicken she has baking in there. “Showing his behind is an understatement. OOOOO weeee, it gets under my skin that she allows him to treat her that way.” Monique closes the oven door with much more force than needed, but I think I can imagine why.

                  “I have tried to talk her into dating Chandler for years but she just isn’t interested in anyone that has their shit together. Chandler is such a gentleman. He would be good for her,” my mother says more to herself than to me.  I get so irritated when she says that. My heart starts to thump out of my chest as I think about Chandler making a life with someone other than me. I feel overwhelmingly sad when I think about him loving someone else. I want so badly to yell, no he’s taken but thankfully, I am able to control myself. I change the subject because I just can’t deal with all of this right now.

                  “Ma, all this food looks scrumptious,” I say as I survey the table and the counter-tops, which are full of food. My mother pulled out all the stops today. She made fresh rolls and biscuits, cabbage, baked chicken, glazed ham, mac and cheese, buttered potatoes, stuffing, a beautifully frosted chocolate cake and she is currently assembling a coconut cake. “I wish I could enjoy all this food but the way my stomach is set up right now.”

                  “Don’t cha worry ya pretty little head. Everything is going to be back to normal shortly, mark my words,” she says and grabs a handful of coconut.

                  “I hope so.” I sit in silence and watch my mom put together her coconut cake. As she shakes grated coconut from her hand, it looks like snowflakes falling from the sky. The coconut begins to cover the cake like snow covering the ground. For some reason, an image of me driving a burnt orange car during a snow storm pops in my head. The vision is so real. I can feel how upset I am as I speed down the snow covered street. I can feel the hot tears as they run down my face and I can sense how sad I am.

                 As I begin to sink further into the overwhelming feeling of sadness, I can faintly hear someone saying “Qia… Qia” which snaps me out of the car and back into my mom’s kitchen. I look towards the voice calling my name and can’t help but to smile when I see Chandler’s grinning face. I jump up and make it over to him as quickly as my legs will allow me to.

                  “Hey Chan,” I squeal like a little school girl. He lifts me up and twirls me around. In that moment, I realize how happy I feel that he is here with me. I get so turned on as I feel my body press up against his warm rock hard frame. When he presses his lips up against my cheek to give me a kiss, my nipples harden, my lady parts jump, and I find myself wishing he would devour my lips with his, instead of kissing me on the cheek.

                 “You know I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!” he says as he sits me back down on my feet.

                  “Hello Chandler. You two are a mess,” my mother turns around long enough to say.

                  “Hi Ma. Thanks for the invite.”

                 “Always son, always.” The fact that my mother calls Chandler son and refers to Jakari by his name, catches my attention. Why does she think of Chandler as a son and not my husband, who is actually her son-in-law? Is there some type of tension between the two of them because of our past? Then she also mentioned she wants Qisha to have a boyfriend like Chan, not a husband like mine. I ponder my concerns for a minute, but then I dismiss it because she was clearly emotional when I arrived today, and maybe she didn’t want to make it seem like I don’t deserve Jakari but Qisha does.

                  Chan walks over and gives my mom a kiss on her cheek. I smile at their exchange. I walk back over to the table and sit down in the chair I was sitting in previously.

                  “You want to do lunch on Friday? I took the day off hoping we could hang out,” Chan says, turning to face me.

                 “Of course,” I exclaim. I can feel butterflies invading my stomach as I contemplate being alone with Chandler. I smile at him and when he smiles back, somehow, I feel like he feels the same way. I get up from the table before he can sit down and I go into the living room. I have to clear my head because I don’t know what is going on with me and Chandler, and I would love to say that I don’t like it but that would be an all-out lie.

                  I go into the living room and I see the coffee table littered with picture frames. I see pictures of my sisters and me, pictures of my mom when she was younger, a picture of Chandler and me when we graduated from Springfield Central High School. Wait! Did I really just remember what high school I graduated from? Oh my God! I turn around to call Chandler but he is already standing right behind me. I look up into his face and grab both of his hands. “We graduated from Springfield Central High School!”

                  “Damn, Qia, you remembered!” He hugs me and we laugh.

                  “I went to Central as well, Qia,” I hear Jakari say dryly from behind me. “What’s up Chandler?” he asks, adding sarcasm to his dryness.

                 “Hey J,” Chandler replies as we step back from each other. “What’s up, Qisha? Darrin.” Chandler says Darrin’s name like he wishes he could erase his ass off the face of the earth.

                  Darrin just nods his head like he doesn’t notice how annoyed Chan is with him being here.

                 “Hey Chandler. I didn’t know you were coming,” Qisha says smiling at him.

                 “Was you supposed to know this nigga every move?” Darrin asks while grilling Qisha.

                  “Darrin, please don’t start. I am just saying hi to my brother-in-law.”

                “Yo ass is being a hoe. I done told you about that shit. Knowing you, ya probably fucking both these niggas,” Darrin says while moving up to the edge of his seat.

                Jakari stands up. Chandler steps around me into the living room and stands next to his brother. “Yo, is there a problem?” Chandler asks.

                 “I’mma need you to watch how you speaking to my family yo,” Jakari says in a manner that lets Darrin know he bout to have a problem.

                  Qisha gets up off the sofa and steps in front of Darrin, so that she is face to face with Jakari and Chandler. “It’s okay guys. He doesn’t mean it. Let’s just stay calm so that we don’t mess up Qia’s coming home dinner.”

                  Darrin takes his right arm and moves Qisha to the side. He looks up at Qisha and says, “You’re rude as hell, stepping in front of me, putting your big ass in my face.” He looks her up and down before turning to address Jakari and Chandler “Yo, how y’all gonna defend this hoe? You know a few weeks ago she came home all beat up from fucking with the next nigga? Wipe that foundation off, so they can see ya black eye trick. Y’all want to protect her from me though. Fuck dis. I’m ghost.”

                  Qisha’s eyes are big as hell, and her mouth is hanging open and her face is bright red. Jakari is looking at Qisha and Chandler is looking at Jakari. Everyone looks confused as hell. “Qisha, what is Darrin talking about?” I ask.