Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (14 page)

In the situation where a woman has had surgical removal of her breast or breasts, the deeper energy centers remain unaffected. Women will continue to feel the expansion of energy in the breasts even in the absence of the physical breast.

Basically with women there are no general rules to be made. What works one day may not necessarily work the next day. Women are very sensitive to any signs of male intention. Woman can feel immediately if a man has intention behind his touch, and this very often closes down her body. Drop your agendas and programming when you are with a woman. Just be present in yourself and in your heart, sharing your being, touching, and caressing with love. Finding a touch without intention is a subtle art.

In the past it may have appeared that a woman functions counter to the man, in that she demands this, needs that, and has many preconditions to be satisfied before she opens sexually. But we now realize that the obstacle is due to a misunderstanding about her body, and not some kind of mental resistance, personality difference, or lack of interest in sex. Sadly, during the lifetime of a woman the female sexual energy is not often awakened sufficiently for her to have deep orgasmic experiences.

By beginning with her breasts instead of stimulating her clitoris, you will access a woman’s sexual energy on a profound inner level. The more a man is able to simply wait for his woman’s sexual temperature to rise, to meet and equal his own sexual temperature, the more satisfying the sexual experience is likely to be. Man’s deepest longing is to bring woman to orgasmic fulfillment and feel her love flowing toward him.

Oral Sex and Masturbation

Oral sex and mutual masturbation are given a great deal of emphasis in the conventional style of sex because of their stimulating and exciting effects. When we start to create a more relaxed and sensitive environment, the need for stimulation is reduced. So it is possible that in time some things that you previously enjoyed or gave a value to slip out of significance because they no longer serve you. Many men have told us that they reduced their masturbation habit when they experienced how it was having a desensitizing effect on the tissues of the penis.

You may also find another way to do the same thing, remembering that “tantra denies nothing but transforms everything.” Touch yourself or the other with love and awareness. Bring their or your body to life, a state of being awake and alert. Get into your senses and sensuality. Expand the pleasure through relaxation. Explore the valleys long before you think of heading for the peak, or perhaps you don’t even bother to go there this time. Experiment with how it feels to retain your vital juices.

TANTRIC KISSING

Learning to kiss tantric style has great value. You begin to really enjoy kissing and become incredibly kissable at the same time. Some women say they experience kissing as more intimate than sexual union.

Anyone can be an excellent kisser. Just relax your lips with your mouth lightly closed, bring your full attention into your lips, and become present in them. Tantric kissing is done with full, sustained lip contact. This means you don’t stop; you stay connected. You remain joined at the lips, which are fused in a relaxed, sensual fashion. You get together and stay together, so a tantric lip kiss can easily last a few hours. Each person enters the lips with presence and awareness, becoming their lips.

The tongue is usually not used in tantric-style kissing; or if it is, only a little, and delicately. Perhaps the tip of your tongue gently caresses the lips. The famous French tongue kiss can cause a sharp rise in the level of man’s excitement and encourage early ejaculation, which means the tongue ought to be used with caution.

Like most things, kissing takes practice, so do not abandon the tantric kiss before you “get it.” Suddenly one day it will click. There is nothing obvious to be seen from the outside (except that you do not stop)—a kiss is a kiss—but from within, the experience can be electrifying.

POSITIONS DURING SEX

Positions are relatively unimportant. One position is as good as the next if you enjoy it and it works for you. What is most important is to be present in a position and for the position to enhance the correspondence of penis and vagina, so that it encourages and supports the flow of life force. In general, the actual physical fitting together is maintained as much as possible in any given situation.

Changing Positions through Rotating Moves

Changing position increases awareness and enhances presence. Positions can be changed regularly in order to renew and refresh the environment of the penis and vagina. Positions can be changed when there is a need to move, the pull to sleep, or the urge to stretch.

The sequences of what we call rotating positions are shown in figures 7.1 and 7.2. These are changes of position using circular, dimensional movements, rotating around a focal point—penis inside the vagina. As the bodies move, they endeavor to maintain the connection between penis and vagina. If the penis slips out, just quickly slip it in again. Man can do it, woman can do it—whatever is easiest. Nothing is lost if this happens, but a sense of humor helps.

The starting point of the sequences in figures 7.1 and 7.2 is the scissors position used for soft penetration as described in chapter 6. Scissors is a good beginning position—man on his side, woman on her back, relaxed and easy for both. Scissors position is equally wonderful for slow penetration with erection and is a comfortable position for a short sleep.

Fig. 7.1. Sequence of rotating positions through front approach

Fig. 7.2. Sequence of rotating positions through rear approach

After five, fifteen, or fifty minutes the position can be changed, as often as necessary, as often as desired. Shifts in position can be done slowly, all movements in a deliberate, step-by-step, unhurried, unfolding and rearranging of bodies.

Tantric Inspiration

And while making love, forget about orgasm. Rather, be in a relaxed state, relax into each other. The Western mind is continuously thinking about when it is coming and how to make it fast and great and this and that. The thinking does not allow the body energies to function. It does not allow the body to have its own way; the mind goes on interfering . . .

Relax . . . If nothing happens there is no need for anything to happen. If nothing happens then that is what is happening . . . and that too is beautiful! Orgasm is not such a thing that it has to happen every day. Sex should be just being together, just dissolving into each other. Then one can keep making love for half an hour, for one hour, just relaxing into each other. Then you will be of utter mindlessness, because there is no need for the mind. Love is the only thing where the mind is not needed; and that is where the West is wrong: it brings in the mind even there.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
THE OPEN SECRET

PERSONAL SHARING

Finally Getting Enough

My biggest source of stress has been not getting enough sex. Two factors have helped to considerably diminishing this source of stress. First: I have learned to plan sex. Planned sex! Only a short time ago this would have sounded terrible to me. I thought sex had to be spontaneous, there had to be butterflies in the stomach, and I had to be horny, otherwise it wouldn’t work. This has changed totally. Nowadays I am planning sex with my wife. On Mondays at 8 p.m., for at least an hour or two, we make time for love. Week by week we have a second look as to when we want to schedule time for sex. This doesn’t eliminate spontaneity. Spontaneous love encounters often happen when we’re on vacation, but during the normal workweek, it happens rather seldom. With this schedule we make time for something that is very important for both of us. For me this is a great relaxation from the tension of not getting enough. I know that at least once, and maybe twice, per week I will have sex. Wonderful, isn’t it? The reason planned sex is nearly always possible is because of tantra. I learned to meet my wife without focusing on sexual desire and excitement. Nowadays I seldom use the word
sex;
I talk about making love. When we make love, we first tune in, in the form of a common meditation. Each time it is a treat to encounter myself, to open up, to go into my own male power before engaging with my wife. For some time we had put aside meditation preceding lovemaking. Then we often got caught up in discussions, the energy didn’t flow, or just about nothing else happened. Generally the lovemaking gets easier, more loving, and more intense if I meditate beforehand.

Secondly: Through tantra, our love is lifted into a totally new dimension. It is fulfilling, sustaining, and very alive. The knack is (and this is really true) to be aware of myself during the lovemaking. This is the opposite of my previous belief that I should do anything possible to make the sex act enjoyable for my wife, and my expectation that she would lead me to a great orgasm as soon as possible.

Tantric Inspiration

In meditation, if two meditators share their energies, love is a constant phenomenon. It does not change. It takes on the quality of eternity. It becomes divine. The meeting of love and meditation is the greatest experience in life, and only then does duality between man and woman disappear.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
THE REBELLIOUS SPIRIT

8

SEXUAL HEALING AND MALE AUTHORITY

Every fifth woman a man meets in the Western world is likely to have been sexually abused, according to official statistics, and this number does not include women who prefer not to disclose their histories. Perhaps we can even say that every woman has been inadvertently abused or misused to a certain extent, due to the relatively aggressive and hard (unconscious) conventional style of sex. Culturally there is deep misunderstanding about the female body and the way it opens and responds to male energy (see chapter 4). Likewise, because of lack of awareness and information, the way men generally use their bodies in sex is actually abusive to their intrinsic male energy and creates a kind of “overcharge” or disturbance in their systems.