Taking Heart (23 page)

This convention is a bust,
Ren thought as she walked along tables swathed in white cloth,
displaying cakes of all shapes and sizes. She should have been delighted to be
in the presence of such artistic vision and technique, should have stopped
longer than five seconds to learn something new from each booth, but the truth
was that her mind was not in the convention center, not even in the city of
Burbank, California.

Eric had said he knew the real reason for her visit. Why then, had he not
even attempted to contact her since last night? Or had his loyalty to Karen
prevented him from doing so?

Ren had flown to Los Angeles with her head in the clouds, but somewhere
along the way she had found herself deflating and falling to the ground with a
thud. Eric was in a serious relationship; what the hell had she been thinking?
Karen was right to imply that Ren was a man-stealing kind of bitch. The truth
hurt, but there it was.

Ren sighed and tried to shut out the din in the convention hall that
echoed all of the voices in her head. Her sisters, Eric, Ben, even Karen; they
were all in there, telling her to do the right thing. The problem was, the
right thing for her was definitely the wrong thing for someone else.

I can’t stay here,
she thought resolutely. She couldn’t stay in California and not think
about her close proximity to Eric and the serious relationship that she had
almost ruined.

Though the convention was several hours from being over, she headed
towards the exit and made plans to go home.

“So that’s it?” Jolene asked at dinner that night. “You’re done with
Eric?”

Ren shrugged but remained tight-lipped.

“What does that mean?” Lisa asked. “Why are you being so mysterious?”

“I’m just through talking about it,” Ren said, staring down at her
almost-untouched plate of spaghetti. “To you two, especially.”

“Um, okay,”
Jolene
said in the tone that failed
to conceal the hurt. She reached for a bread roll and began to tear it to
pieces wordlessly.

Ren took a deep breath, immediately sorry. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?” Lisa asked, putting her fork down and staring
pointedly at Ren. “It sounds as if you’re blaming us for all that’s happened.”

“I’m not blaming you two,” Ren said. “And please stop taking this so
personally.”

Lisa snorted. “How can we not take this personally? We’re your sisters,
we’re supposed to talk to each other.”

Ren chewed on her lips thoughtfully. “I know that, but in this case, I
need some time to think alone, to act alone without help from you two. I love
you but you guys influence my decisions too much.”

“Are we being too nosy or controlling?” Jolene asked.

“Or both?”

Ren tapped her forehead. “Everything is just too convoluted up here. I
just want some time to think it all through, on my own, and figure out a way
that I can find happiness on my own terms,” she said, realizing that her lips
were trembling. She looked down at the table and was surprised to find little
Nina’s hand on top of hers.

“Don’t be sad, Aunt Ren,” she said, earnestness written all over her
sauce-stained face.

Ren patted the girl’s hair and forced a smile. “I’ll be alright, kiddo. I
just need to figure out what to do with myself.”

“What do you mean?” Nina asked. “What are you going to do with yourself?”

Her mother spoke up. “I think Aunt Ren just needs to find her own place
in the world. Like when you play duck-duck-goose. Aunt Ren needs to just find
where she fits.”

That night, while Ren was brushing her teeth, she received a phone call
from Eric. She considered not answering but ultimately decided to rinse her
mouth and face her problems head on.

“Ren!” he greeted. “Are you still in L.A.?”

“No, I came back on an earlier flight.”

“What? And you didn’t even say goodbye?” he asked. “I really wanted to
talk to you before you left. I even went to that convention but I couldn’t find
you.”

“You were looking for me? What for?”

“I wanted to tell you something.”

She waited. “Well? You can tell me now.”

“I’ve decided to wait on it. It’s better said in person, anyway,” he
said.

“Last night you said you knew why I came to Los Angeles, but we were
interrupted.”

“Yeah. You were only using the convention as an excuse to see me.” He
paused a moment, then said, “Am I right?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “But that’s not why I was compelled to come to
California in the first place.”

“It wasn’t to confess your undying love for me?”

“Not exactly. It was out of a need to be independent, to take control of
my life and just do whatever the hell it is I want to do.”

“And how did that go?”

“It turns out, when you do whatever the hell you want to do, people end
up getting hurt. Like Karen, for one.”

“About Karen—”

“The truth is, I came to California to try and convince you to be with
me. But when I saw Karen, I realized I couldn’t do it. I’m not that person.”

“Karen and I are not together anymore.”

Ren froze. “What?”

“She broke up with me last night,” he said, his tone curiously lacking in
regret.

“Why?”

“Because I wouldn’t look at you during dinner,” he said with a chuckle.
“Isn’t that the stupidest reason to be jealous of someone?”

“I was trying very hard not to look at you, too,” Ren said. “I didn’t
want to give her more reason to hate me.”

“So what now?” he asked quietly.

“You tell me. You’re the one who just got dumped.”

He laughed. “Ouch. Way to kick a man when he’s down. Show a little
tenderness.” His tone became husky and serious when he said, “So, you wanted to
be with me?”

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she clamored for the courage to
speak. She swallowed hard before saying, “Yes.”

“And present tense?”

She closed her eyes. “Yes, but—”

“No buts. Just come meet me in Iowa,” he said so suddenly it took her a
moment to process his words.

“What’s in Iowa?”

“Just say you’ll meet me there in a week,” he said. “Remember you said
you wanted to go away? It’s not Monte Carlo, but it’s
away
.”

She frowned, finding it hard to keep up with the ever-changing
circumstances. “So you and Karen are really over?”

“Yes,” he said, almost with relief.

“I don’t want to be your rebound girl,” Ren said. “You were my rebound
and look how that turned out.”

“It’s not done turning yet,” he said with a smile in his voice. “And I
think, to put it more accurately, Karen was the rebound.”

Ren felt a sudden rush of hope, as if everything in her life was finally
beginning to fit into place. She thought of Ben and how long she still had to
go before she completely let go of him, but at least she could now think of
another man and not nearly drown in guilt. Maybe there was hope for her after
all. “What if,” she began hesitantly, “you come to Chicago and we drive down to
Iowa. Have a little road trip?”

“That sounds like a better plan.”

“You still haven’t told me what’s in Iowa.”

“And I don’t intend to until we get there,” he said. “I’ll see you next
week then?”

“Yes, definitely.”

The next week proved to be the longest week of Ren’s life. Though the
bakery was busy and took up much of her days, the week couldn’t end fast
enough. On Thursday afternoon, as she was making macarons—a task that
needed total concentration in order to create perfectly-sized circles of
dough—Colton surprised her by entering the kitchen through the back door.

“Hey,” he said with a wry smile, knocking softly on the door as he came
in. “Lisa was loading the van outside. She told me to go right in.”

Ren smiled thinly. With everything that had recently transpired, she had
all but forgotten about Colton. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

He approached tentatively and stopped across the wide metal table from
where she stood, a colorful landscape of half macarons between them. “I just
wanted to see you. Did you get my messages?”

Ren thought about lying, pretending that she hadn’t had time to check her
messages, but knew she couldn’t do it. Colton was a good guy; she didn’t want
to spoil him for someone else. “I did,” she said slowly. “I’m sorry I haven’t
returned them.”

He sighed, his wide chest rising and falling. “So you don’t want to go
slow, you want to completely stop?”

She looked around for any would-be eavesdroppers then said softly, “I
think you’re a great guy, I really do.”

“Stop,” he said, holding up his hands. “Don’t tell me: it’s not me, it’s
you?”

“I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say that I’m really attracted
to you and I could see us having a relationship, if only the timing were
right.”

“You’re still not over Ben,” he said flatly.

“I am,” she said and saw the flicker of surprise in his eyes. “I’m just…
not over someone else.”

He leaned down on the counter, his hands splayed on the metal surface.
“So there’s another guy? When did he come in the picture?”

“Over the summer, when I—”

He straightened and waved a hand dismissively. “Never mind. I don’t
really want to know.” He looked at her long and hard before he said, “I really
like you, Ren. I think you’re cool and smart and, I thought, sincere.”

“I was sincere. Am sincere,” she said quickly. “I wasn’t acting during
our date. It’s just, when it came time to sleep with you, I couldn’t do it.”

He nodded, his lips stiff. “Okay, I get it,” he said and angled himself
to leave. “If it doesn’t work out with the other guy and you’d still like to
give us a chance, let me know.”

“I’d still like to be friends,” she said.
God, how she
hated goodbyes.

He raised two incredulous eyebrows. “Friends? Did you just give me the
let’s just be friends speech?”

She hesitated, unable to read his body language. “Not intentionally.”

Without warning, he came around the counter and held her face in the palm
of his hands. “May I?”

“May you what?” she asked, dazed by his sudden nearness.

Colton bent down and kissed her with longing, imploring her to give him
another chance. But the kiss, however pleasant, was lacking in something she
couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was, she knew where she could find it, and it
definitely wasn’t here in Colton’s arms. She pulled away and shook her head.

He sighed. “You take care, Ren,” he said before walking towards the door.

She watched his retreating figure. “Bye.”

Eric arrived at the Chicago O’Hare airport at five in the morning, a
bundle of exposed nerves as he walked down the terminal towards the baggage
claim. He had brought a small suitcase, not knowing how long the visit would
last, but judging by the number of shirts and underwear he brought, he was
erring on the overly hopeful side.
Best case
scenario,
he was going to spend the full five days with Ren before he was due back to Los
Angeles for a furniture consultation with rapper Jazzper Jonez.

Once outside, he buttoned up his black leather jacket, his body shocked
by the chill in the air. Good thing he had come prepared. He hailed a taxi and
asked to be driven to Ren’s apartment in Lakeview. He sat back in the seat,
imagining Ren still asleep in her bed and shedding his clothes and climbing in
beside her. He could almost feel her in his
arms,
taste her skin against his lips.

Twenty-eight minutes later, the taxi stopped in front of a seven-story
brown brick building. After paying the driver, he stood outside, staring up at
a window on the third floor and wondering if Ren was the one who had her lights
on at six in the morning. Feeling like he could not possibly wait another
minute, he rang the buzzer and, without an exchanged word, was let inside the
building. The elevator moved too leisurely for his taste and he all but lunged
out once the doors slid open. A moment later he was knocking urgently at Ren’s
door.