Take My Dress Off (21 page)

“Tell me. It’s got to be better than the thoughts in my head.”

“You have to promise you won’t freak out.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “It was just a thought, or vision, or something… not at all reality in any sense,” I said firmly.

“I promise, I won’t freak out. We all get crazy irrational thoughts that flash through our heads. They don’t mean anything right?” He tightened his grip around me. “Like that hot June day I first danced with you in the San Luis Rey Community Center. I wanted to press you up against the wall and make mad passionate love to you.”

“That’s not an irrational thought. You have pressed me up against walls and made mad passionate love to me.”

“True. Bad example.” He thought for a moment. “Okay, I have another one. Senior year I thought about calling in a bomb threat so I wouldn’t have to take my physics final. But of course I didn’t do it.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure someone else did,” I laughed halfheartedly. It became quiet between us as he waited, stroking his thumb over that tender spot of skin between my thumb and index finger. I took a deep breath and began.

“I imagined what it would feel like to be pregnant…with our baby. Married, living here on the ranch.” I left out the space- shuttle-annihilation part but by the way he reacted you wouldn’t have known.

He sucked in his breath. “Whoa.”

“I know. Crazy.”

“Doesn’t sound so crazy to me.”

“Chaz, stop it.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to know your life was planned out? That you didn’t have to make any decisions and you knew what you were supposed to do? Uncomplicated. Get married, have a couple kids, grow some limes.”

“All wrapped up with a nice red bow, huh?”

“Does it sound so bad?”

It didn’t. But not now. Not yet. There was so much I wanted to accomplish. I was so afraid I would hate myself if I didn’t try to realize my dreams in New York. Chaz was falling, being sucked into the dreams of his father, his uncles. What was
his
dream? He was so afraid of letting everyone down that he was letting himself down. In a big way.

“It sounds wonderful,” I smiled up to him. “Someday.”

“Paige,” Chaz sighed and caressed my cheek, his lips brushing against mine. He lowered onto me, pushing back the comforter like he was opening a gift. He sealed his lips over mine and shrugged out of his robe. He settled between my thighs and pushed into me in quick, deep thrusts. I tore my mouth away from his, turning my head to the side, overwhelmed by how consumed I felt by his passion. All of him was around all of me, in me, covering me. His release was sudden and powerful. Mine came immediately after as he stilled inside me. We clung to each other, our bodies tangled and sweaty.

Chaz gently shifted himself to the side and caressed my stomach. “Just now, I thought about getting you pregnant,” he whispered.

Somehow his confession didn’t surprise me. “It’s not going to happen, Chaz.”

“I know. But I thought about it, your belly, big and swollen, everyone knowing that you were carrying my baby. So sexy.”

“That doesn’t sound sexy at all.” I shouldn’t have told him what I was thinking earlier. The last thing he needed was encouragement in his white-picket-fence-two-point-two-kids fantasy. And wouldn’t it be
our
baby?

Then it hit me, it wasn’t about him wanting a baby at all. It was about claiming me.
“…everyone knowing that you were carrying my baby
.”

He took my hand into his and kissed my fingertips. “My ring on your finger, showing that you were my wife,” he yawned.

“Someday,” I said trying to sound calm but inside I was panicking.

“Someday,” he sighed and settled his head on my breast. He wrapped his fingers around mine and drifted off. I lazily ran my free hand through his hair. He had such a hard time sleeping. I didn’t want to disturb him though I really wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower…alone. Maybe his crazy ramblings were a result of lack of sleep and post-orgasmic bliss. Maybe once the pressures of the holidays, finals, and the lime harvest were behind him he’d go back to being the fun, carefree, boyfriend I used to have. Maybe.

“I think Chaz
asked me to marry him.”

Danielle started choking on her Coke. “What?” she gasped and continued to cough. She pressed a napkin to her lips.

“Take another sip,” I said.

She sucked on her straw, her eyes watering.

“Are you okay?” asked Xavier as he leaned into the booth and set down our plates of food. She nodded and continued to gulp soda.

“She’ll be fine,” I laughed.

He squeezed her shoulder then rushed away.

“What the fuck?” she yelled and kicked me under the table. “You don’t start a conversation like that. You say, how was Thanksgiving? Or, did you see the Charger’s game?”

“Sorry.  It just came out.”

“Speaking of coming,” she grinned. “Was he inside you when he asked you? If so it doesn’t count. You can’t take anything they say seriously when they’re inside you.”

“Danielle, you’re so, so…”

“What?” she bit into her sandwich.

“Clinical.”

“So how did he pop the question?” she asked, her large brown eyes peeking at me over her sandwich.

“It wasn’t like a full on proposal. More like a suggestion.” I bit into my hamburger.

“Go on.”

“He told his niece we’d be married someday. He was talking about me being pregnant and wearing his wedding ring.”

“Holy shit!” she yelled. The elderly couple in the adjacent booth looked over at us and frowned. “What did you say? I would have bolted out of there faster than Flo-Jo.”

“I didn’t know what to say. He’s really stressed out right now, he’s just looking for stability, I guess.”

“Paige, when I get stressed out I eat an entire tub of Haagan Dazs mint chip, I don’t plan a wedding.” She picked up the bacon that dropped from her sandwich. “And not ever, ever, does a guy Chaz’s age think about marriage or having kids,” she said shaking her bacon at me for emphasis.

“I know.” I interrupted, crunching on my pickle spear.

“I think maybe you’re spending too much time together. You need to be less available to him.”

“Have you been talking to Maddie?”

“No, why? Is she saying the same thing?”

“Sort of. I think she doesn’t like that I’m at his place all the time.”

Xavier sat down another Dr. Pepper in front of me and slid into the booth next to Danielle. “I have ten minutes,” he said and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

“I’ll take it,” she smiled.

He draped his arm along the back of the booth and she cuddled against him as she fed him French fries. They made a stunning couple with their identical dark hair and eyes. I could tell he adored her and I was so happy for them, that things were working out. She’d had such a toxic relationship with Shane and her crush on Donny would never turn into what she wanted. Talk turned to the show and how we couldn’t believe it was coming up next weekend.

“I hope I don’t screw up,” said Xavier wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“How could you screw up? You walk Karla down the ramp, you wait for her to walk to the end and walk her back. What’s so hard about that?” asked Danielle.

“You make it sound so simple.”

“That’s because it is.” She kissed him quickly on the cheek.

“Paige, maybe you should try on Karla’s wedding dress,” Danielle chided. “See how it feels. Or maybe Chaz should.”

“Why would she do that?” asked Xavier. “Moreover, why would he?”

“Shut it, Danielle.”

“Paige is getting married,” giggled Danielle. “Can I be your Maid of Honor?”

“You most certainly can’t. You have no honor.”

Xavier looked back and forth between us, a confused smile on his lips.

“She’s just being silly,” I explained and threw her a
knock it off
glare.

Xavier kissed her quickly on the lips. “Back to the grind,” he said, sliding out of the booth. “I’ll pick you up around seven?”

“Hey, we need the check,” I asked.

“No check. I got it,” he said and leaned his fists onto the table. The cuffs of his crisp white dress shirt were rolled up to just under his elbows. His tan forearms were strong and well-muscled. He was incredibly sexy.

“You can’t keep covering our checks, Xavier.” I pulled out my wallet.

“Don’t worry about it,” he grinned and strutted off. I stared after him, his black slacks clinging to his strong thighs.

“Damn, Danielle, you are one lucky girl.”

“Don’t I know it. I hope to get even luckier tonight,” she winked.

“I want details.” I teased.

“Oh you’ll get them. Play by play.”

Danielle in love was a beautiful thing. And I really liked Xavier. Plus he was actually able to handle her moods and fiery temper.

“You two would make beautiful babies,” I winked.

She gagged and kicked me under the table.

***

The morning of the show Maddie threw open the door while I was in the bathroom.

“Hey, you almost hit my other cheek,” I said with a mouth full of toothpaste.  She looked frantic, her fair white skin even paler.

“Karla was in a car accident last night.”

I spit my toothpaste into the sink. “Oh my God!”

“She’s stable but she has a broken leg and lacerations to her face.”

“Poor Karla.”

“You’re going to have to wear the wedding dress in the finale.”

“What? No way. Get Danielle to do it.”

“Her boobs are too big for the dress. It’s already been fitted. You and Karla are the same size and height.”

“Crap!” I hated modeling wedding dresses. They were heavy, it was such a pain getting in and out of them, and the wardrobe assistants practically stapled the garment to your body. Plus, Chaz and I actually had cute outfits to wear for the bridal scene.

When we arrived at the hotel everyone was in discussion about Karla’s accident. As we sat in the hair and makeup room, rumors started flying that she was drunk, that she was upset because she had broken up with her boyfriend. Danielle and I rolled our eyes. Girls could be so catty.

“So who’s going to wear the gown now?” asked Debbie. She probably assumed it was going to be her since she had the same coloring as Karla.

“I am,” I announced.

Debbie tried to conceal her disappointment with a quick smile. “What? You’re a child.”

“She’s not a child, she’s nineteen, Debbie. Three years younger than you,” said Danielle.

Debbie shook her head and went back to chatting with the girl on the other side of her.

“She’s a jealous bitch,” scoffed Danielle.

We were too hot in the snow gear as we waited for the music to start and we stood in the hallway that connected to the ballroom, grumbling. Chaz looked dazzling in a red and white ski outfit with matching hat and gloves. I wore all white with a red scarf and snow boots and I decided that it might be fun to take up skiing if I could wear cute outfits. Danielle and Xavier stood next to me. They were in royal blue and Marissa and Dillon were last in bright yellow. Xavier was really nervous and Danielle had figured that making out was the best way to calm him down.

“Hey, you two, cut that out! You’re going to mess up her make-up!” scolded Ramon.

Maggie’s signature intro music began and Donny, dressed in black from head to toe, began the parade down the runway.

The show was a blur of lights and camera flashes as we paraded on and off the stage. When we exited we had to run passed the catering crew and servers and into a large storage area that had been converted to a make-shift dressing room. I had been cut from the last formal wear scene in order to have enough time to get pinned into Karla’s wedding dress. Luckily, there was some confusion with the gift basket raffle so they were running a little behind schedule.

Cynthia and Ramon unfolded the dress and held it open like a bag so I could step into it. I hopped onto a small dais and the stiff lace scratched my arms as they hoisted up the heavy sleeves. It was winter white, the typical over the top wedding dress with heavy beading of sequins and pearls. It had a sweetheart neckline and was form fitting to mid-thigh where it flared into a long train of ruffles, what Cynthia called a mermaid cut. After I was pinned, zipped, and fluffed, Ramon attached the veil. It consisted of a satin beaded headband and sheer layers of tulle. I had to stay veiled until we arrived at the end of the runway where Xavier would lift it over my head and kiss me.

After one last primping, I took a moment to look at myself. I had modeled wedding dresses before and never really paid attention, just another day at the office, right? But this one felt different. With all the talk lately of marriage it was very real. Not that I was getting married any time soon but wearing the dress really made me think about it. I thought about how it would feel, walking down the aisle to where Chaz would be waiting for us to start our lives together.

“Are you ready, honey? Your Prince Charming is waiting for you.”

I nodded. Ramon offered his arm and led me out to the hallway. Xavier was waiting for me, he looked debonair in his black tuxedo and I couldn’t help but think of what a stunning couple he and Danielle would have made if she had been able to wear the dress.

“You look beautiful,” smiled Xavier as Ramon handed me off to him.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Ramon busily brushed Xavier’s suit then bent down to arrange the train on the wedding dress. “Now remember,” he called up to us. “Paige will turn and stop at the end of the runway. Xavier, you have to gather the dress and hold onto it until it straightens out. Then fluff and she’ll wait for you to walk her back up stage.”

Xavier nodded and leaned in to me. “He’s told me three times. I think I got it,” he grinned. “You ready to get married?”

“Let’s do it.”

Xavier led me slowly down the hall and up the steps. We paused before entering through the curtains so Ramon could adjust the dress again. Figures of shadows played on the curtains to the tune of Wham’s
“Last Christmas.”
I looked ahead and saw Chaz posed at the back of the stage looking delicious in a dark gray tuxedo, Marissa dangled from his arm in a sparkly cream gown, a smile plastered on her face. I had a slight twinge of jealousy but waved it away. Chaz turned and caught my stare. His eyes widened, his gaze sweeping possessively over me from head to toe. Shivers ran down my spine and I felt my cheeks redden.

“Go,” called Ramon.

Xavier led me past Chaz and the other models and we posed in the middle of the stage. Cheers and applause came from the audience as we started the long, slow, walk down the runway. I was surprised at Xavier’s collected confidence as we gazed at each other adoringly just as we had been instructed to do. I posed at the end and smiled as flashes went off. Xavier leaned forward and lifted the veil. The audience chuckled as the veil caught on the beaded headband but Xavier smoothed it out then slowly kissed me on the cheek as more flashes went off. The audience ate it up and responded with whistles and applause. I turned and smiled over my shoulder as Xavier straightened the gown. He joined me and I took his arm, continuing back down the runway.

My eyes searched and found Chaz’s. His green eyes flashed back ice cold, his frame rigid. I looked over to Dillon and Danielle. She looked bored and Dillon had a pained smile on his face, like he was trying not to laugh, obviously enjoying Chaz’s torment. Xavier guided me into our position between Dillon and Chaz to complete the bridal party pose.

I looked off stage right and Donny was standing with the other models behind him, lined up for the finale. He gave me a thumbs up and mouthed
gorgeous
. We stayed posed as Donny led the rest of the models down the ramp in step to Wang Chung’s
Everybody Have Fun Tonight
.

As the ramp pounded under our feet Dillon slipped his arm around me and leaned in. “Someday I will see you in this dress again, but you’ll be walking toward me, not walking away.”

I went numb.

Dillon and Chaz walked down the runway after Danielle and Marissa as Xavier and I waited. Chaz stared straight ahead when they returned, refusing to meet my eyes. Dillon grinned at me, the last to exit the stage. Finally, Xavier and I exited.

Backstage was a crazy whirlwind of garment bags and chatter. I really wanted to get the dress off but I had to wait for Ramon to remove all the pins and he was busy collecting the other garments. I felt ridiculous as I stood in the narrow hallway and held the long heavy train, waiting alone as bus boys and waiters rushed by with carts of dirty glasses and plates. Slowly models began exiting the dressing room dressed in their street clothes, duffel bags thrown across their backs.

Danielle and Xavier came out together, still giddy from the show.

“Oh no,” chuckled Xavier. “You’re still in the dress?”

“I think it’s become a part of me,” I laughed. “You were great, Xavier.”

“He was fantastic!” beamed Danielle.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “It was fun.”