Take My Dress Off (13 page)

I ENTERED
Algebra Two with a heavy heart. I didn’t intend on sharing any details of my midnight rendezvous with Danielle. I felt strange about withholding it from her but I wanted to keep it to myself without her commentary, wit, or judgment.

I still didn’t know how I felt about it.

Chaz had been so vulnerable, so raw, yet so commanding. I had never been with someone who took charge of my body like he did. He knew exactly what he wanted, what I needed, and it was exciting and hot but a little frightening at the same time. When I was with him I felt like I was absorbed by him, slipping away from myself. Danielle would probably think I had been too accommodating last night. She would either chastise or congratulate me and I didn’t want to find out which it would be.

Danielle and Dillon were chatting when I walked in. She was leaning forward and he was leaning backward, his red Converse sneakers draped casually on top of my chair. I was surprised to see her toss her head back and laugh. She usually rolled her eyes or glared when he talked.

“Well…look who decided to come to class today,” sang Danielle as I kicked Dillon’s feet from my chair and sat down. The bell rang and I opened my binder.

“Alright gang,” said Mr. Haines pulling the door shut. “That’s the second bell, settle down.”

Class was painfully boring and I found it hard to keep my mind on anything but the memory of Chaz’s hands on my body, his smooth skin, the powerful way he took me last night. When we were told to get into partner groups Dillon walked over to Sloane’s desk and Danielle moved her seat next to me.

“New partners, people. Mr. Hunter, get with Miss Hanson,” called Mr. Haines. “Miss Russo, cop a squat with the lovely Miss Pierce.”

“Awesome,” said Danielle, a fake smile plastered on her face as she scooted her chair away. Dillon sat back down in his chair, hooked his feet under my chair and dragged me toward him. He glanced at my worksheet.

“You didn’t even do the problems.”

“I know. Do them for me.”

“As if,” he grinned and pushed his paper across the desk toward me. “Copy it.”

I started jotting down the answers.

“Now, Miss Hanson, you’re not going to learn by copying others,” Dillon said in a stern voice.

“Whatever.” I kept copying, keeping a watchful eye on Mr. Haines’ location as he wandered around the room.

“Tired?” Dillon asked with a smirk. “Have a late night visitor?”

I stopped writing and lifted my eyes to his. They were dark, questioning.

“Cut the shit, Paige. Chaz said he was heading to your house when he left last night.”

I tried to keep my composure but I was screaming inside my head. I didn’t want anyone knowing that Chaz had come over, especially Dillon. I looked over to Danielle, she was explaining in exaggerated hand gestures to Sloane who stared back at her blankly.

I decided to play dumb. “Chaz was at your house last night?” I asked calmly and started writing again.

“Yes.” His penetrative gaze studied my reaction.

“What were you doing?” I kept writing.

“Playing Atari with some of Donny’s college buddies.”

“Getting high…” I added.

“Maybe.”

I pushed his paper back to him. “Your parents don’t care?”

“No, they’re in New Zealand.” Dillon stuck his pencil through the hole of his paper and twirled it around.

“How are we doing here, guys?” Mr. Haines snatched Dillon’s paper from his pencil. His eyes quickly swept over it before clipping it onto his clip board. He scanned my paper and handed it back to me.

“Okay, folks. Back to your seats,” he shouted. He began walking up and down the rows passing out worksheets to students at random. When he got to our row he handed one to Sloane, skipped Danielle and Dillon and handed one to me.

“If you don’t have a worksheet you’re off the hook tonight. If you have one you’ve got homework. Adios guys.”

“Karma’s a bitch,” laughed Dillon as he walked past me.

“Don’t worry,” called Danielle. “I’ll help you.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t help her,” Dillon slipped an arm around Sloane. He looked back at us over his shoulder. “All she has to do is ask…” He turned back around and Sloane slipped her hand into the back pocket of his jeans but not before shooting me a death glare.

“Sloane’s so pathetic,” hissed Danielle. “And stupid. I don’t know how she got into A2, she’s a complete moron. I think I want to kick her tiny little ass.”

Sloane’s long, shiny, ponytail bounced as we trailed behind her and Dillon.

“I want to cut off her ponytail and shove it down her throat.” I really didn’t. But I was so mad at Dillon I had to take it out on someone.

“Jesus, Paige! Way to take it to the next level. Although I can’t imagine that’s the first thing she’s ever gagged on,” Danielle snorted.

After sixth period history I was beat. I pushed my way through the noisy crowds of B wing to the main locker hall. It was only the first week of school and the excitement of seeing old friends and wearing new outfits had already worn off. Summer had slipped away and conceded to the endless boredom of school.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Dillon was leaning against my locker spinning the dial of the lock. He tossed back his dark hair as he moved through the combination. The metal door sprang open and he caught the books as they started to fall out.

“How did you do that?”

“You’re still using your birthday as your combo, duh.” He took my books from me and shoved them into the locker. Then he grabbed my A2 book. “You’re gonna need this,” he chuckled, handing it to me. His fingers grazed against mine and I felt those stupid butterflies I told myself I’d never let him make me feel again. Why butterflies? I loved Chaz. I’d slept with him two nights in a row for God’s sake. Why did Dillon still weaken my knees? Maybe Danielle would know. She had probably read an article about it in one of her magazines.

“What do you want, Dillon?”

His eyes lowered to mine, the corners of his full lips curling into a smile. I had to get away from him before those old feelings started to simmer. “I gotta go.” I turned to walk away and he grabbed my elbow.

“C’mon, I’ll walk with you.” He draped his arm casually around my shoulder. “Since it’s been so hot in the afternoons Coach moved our practices to mornings,” he said as he kept in step with me. “Tell Maddie that I can do the Holiday Show and I’ll be at the meeting next week.”

“Awesome.” My response dripped with sarcasm.

Dillon playfully swatted my butt and sprinted off. The feelings that had been returning were immediately halted in their tracks.

Danielle was right.

Asswipe.

***

Danielle and I had planned to tackle my A2 homework at her house after school. Of course with Danielle things were never that simple.

“Everyone’s going to Rocket’s,” she said as we waited in a long line of exhaust and thumping music to get out of the school parking lot. “Let’s cruise by and get a snack before tackling homework.” She rolled down the passenger window. “Is your air conditioning broken?”

“It takes a while. Keep your panties on.”

“Speaking of panties coming off…” she grinned. “Did you ever hear back from Chaz last night?”

“Yes, he called,” I lied and silently prayed that Dillon would keep his stupid mouth shut.

“And?”

“And…we had a conversation, like most people do when they’re on the phone.”

“Smart ass.” Danielle took out her lipstick and flipped down the visor. She washed her lips in bright red.

“Red? On a Tuesday afternoon, Danielle?” I raised my eyebrows and pumped the gas. We were finally out onto the main road.

“You never know when you’ll run into the man of your dreams,” she grinned and slammed the cap onto her lipstick tube. “Especially the way you drive.”

“Very funny. Since we’re talking about men…I have a question for you.”

She puckered into the mirror then folded the visor back up. “Shoot.”

“You know I’m totally over Dillon.”

“So you claim…go on.”

“Well I am! So why do I still get butterflies when he’s around?”

“Because you’re human and even though he’s an a-hole, he is a totally fine a-hole.”

“I’m very happy with Chaz.” I said it again under my breath, wondering why it felt more like I was trying to convince myself instead of Danielle.

I pulled into Rocket’s and looked for an empty bay. Danielle wasn’t kidding, the place was packed with Vista High students.

“I read an article about this last week,” she began.

A small smile escaped my lips and I rolled my eyes. Danielle always had the answers.

“You have a love–hate relationship. You feel both at the same time. It’s worse for you because you never actually had a relationship. You’re stuck in this endless flirting hell.” A black truck backed out of a space and I swooped in.

“So what should I do?”

“Fuck his brains out.”

“Danielle!”

“What? You need to get him out of your system.”

“That’s totally not going to happen. Ever.”

She cocked a dark eyebrow and started moaning Dillon’s name, clutching her purse to herself suggestively.

“Stop it,” I barked. “What do you want to order?”

“The usual.”

After we devoured tater-tots smothered in green chili
queso
, we took the tray back, making note of who was with who, various genres of music blaring as we meandered through the bays of the drive-in. There were football players and cheerleaders at the picnic tables seeking shade under the red umbrellas and goths and geeks sitting on the grass. Then I saw Dillon. Sloane was sitting on his lap facing backwards, her back to the picnic table. She had her legs wrapped around him and they were in full make-out mode, like whoever got their tongue the furthest down the other’s throat would win a prize.

I gagged. Danielle smirked.

“How are your butterflies now?”

“I didn’t get
my period.”

I raised my eyes from the menu and looked across the booth to Danielle. She numbly stared back.

“How late?” I asked.

“Two weeks.”

“I’ve been late before.” I scanned the menu.

“I threw up yesterday…and this morning.” Her usually animated voice was flat. I sucked in my breath and set the menu on the table.

“Who? How?”

“Seriously?”

“I mean I know…how…but, you know?”

“Shane of course. Must have been when we were at Piper’s party. That’s the last time I was with him.”

“But I thought Shane…” I glanced around the diner. I could feel my cheeks warming. I leaned forward and whispered, “Pulled out.”

“Pulled out and passed out,” hissed Danielle shaking her head. She slowly stirred Sweet and Low into her glass of iced tea with the straw. She capped the open end with her fingers and lifted it out of the cup. Liquid dribbled from the tip. “What?” she asked with an icy glare.

I mentally counted back the weeks since Piper’s party. Had it been long enough to be Shane? “What about Donny?”

“Donny?” she glared. “Jesus, Paige.”

“I know, but you’ve…done stuff with him.” I lowered my eyes back down to the menu.

“You can’t get pregnant from blow jobs,” she scolded.

Whatever kind of relationship they had…I didn’t get it so I returned my attention to the menu.

“Good Lord, next you’ll be saying I got knocked up from a toilet seat.”

“No one else?”

“Paige, really?”

“I’m not judging you, Danielle. I don’t expect you tell me everything about your sex life.”

“But I do tell you everything.”

She did.

Too much at times.

“You tell me everything, right?”

I nodded my head hoping I didn’t look guilty.

Xavier appeared next to our table with a wide grin as he set down my Dr. Pepper. His jet-black hair looked striking against his crisp white shirt. Maddie always said he was drop- dead gorgeous but I didn’t notice until now.

“Ready to order, ladies?”

“Wheat toast,” barked Danielle.

“Toast?” scoffed Xavier. “That’s it?”

“That’s it, sweetheart,” she growled.

I ordered a BLT and Xavier scurried away from Danielle’s glare.

“And apparently I’m a super bitch too.” She bowed her head in her hands, her dark curls spreading like a curtain over her face. “Must be the hormones,” she mumbled.

“Let’s not jump to any conclusions. You need to take a test and then you can relax.”

“I’m glad you’re so confident.”

I gave her a reassuring smile but honestly I was terrified for her.

***

After lunch we darted across the street to K-Mart and Danielle blew her week’s pay on thirty dollars’ worth of cosmetics, toilet paper, shampoo…and a pregnancy test. We waited in the longer line so she could be served by a female clerk. The other line was being served by a kind looking old man who only had two customers. We decided that we should do the test at my house since Danielle’s mom had the day off and could be home.

“It says to hold the stick under the urine stream while you pee,” I called to Danielle through my bathroom door.

“Maddie’s gone all day, right?” she called back.

“Yes, she’s shopping in Mission Beach.” I heard her fumbling with the wrapper.

“Okay. How long?”

“Just hold it there until you’re done,” I called as I scanned the directions. “Then put the cap back on the stick.”

The toilet flushed, then the water was running. She opened the door. She was pale and shaky. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” 

We sat on my bed and waited as Fleetwood Mac’s
Sara
softly flowed from the alarm clock radio on the nightstand.  “This is the longest five minutes of my life.” She turned to face me, taking my hands into hers. “In less than five minutes my life could change forever,” her dark eyes clouded with tears.

“Or it’s a false alarm and nothing changes. Except maybe you’re more careful next time.” I regretted those words as soon as they flew out of my mouth.

Danielle threw my hands out of hers and jumped up. “Seriously, Paige? You’re giving me a lecture right now? You don’t think I have regrets, like I haven’t thought about that?” She paced back and forth across my pink shag rug. “I’ve been praying non-stop.” She looked up to the ceiling and clasped her hands. “Just get me through this God and I’ll be a nun.” She dropped to her knees. “Okay, I totally just lied. I can’t be a nun. But I swear I’ll won’t have sex again ‘till I’m married.” She crossed herself. “I promise.”

I smiled at her through my tears. I couldn’t help it.

She looked up at me from her prayer position. “Now you’re laughing at me? Did I ever tell you that you’re a shitty friend?”

“Come here.” I opened my arms to her. She crawled over to me, her head sinking into my lap. I stroked through her curls.

“Is it time yet?” she sniffed.

I looked over to the red glowing numbers from the clock on the nightstand.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“I can’t do it, Paige.”

“Do you want me to?”

She nodded.

I walked into the bathroom and locked my eyes on the stick perched on the counter, the stick that was going to determine Danielle’s fate. I twisted the stick to bounce the overhead light’s glare from the little plastic windows.

There were two light blue lines. Danielle was pregnant.

“Well?” she called.

I stood in the doorway with the stick. I didn’t know how to tell her. She shook her head and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Oh God, Oh God!” she cried. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” She paced around the room in small circles. “This can’t be happening,” she sobbed and fell onto my bed.

I tossed the stick onto the nightstand and sat down next to her. “It’s going to be okay, Danielle,” I soothed. “It’s not the end of the world, you’re not dying.”

“I might as well be dead!”

“Stop it. Millions of women have babies every day.”

She pushed away from me and sat up. “Well I’m not going to be one of them. I can’t have a baby!”

“You need to really think about this, Danielle. You’re in shock. Maybe talk to your mom or your sister?”

Her dark eyes pinned mine. “Are you mental? I can’t tell them. There’s nothing to figure out, I’m not having it,” she glared.

“Leanne Jones had a baby last year and everything worked out fine for her,” I offered.

“If you call having a shot-gun wedding, getting your GED, and living with your in-laws in a trailer in Chula Vista fine, then we need to have a talk about setting life goals.”

“It’s the only friend we know that’s had a baby.”

“Exactly. Everyone gets rid of it.”

I shuddered at the thought.

“Your sister had a baby. You love your niece.”

“Gabi was twenty-four and married when she had Kayla, there’s a big difference. I’m getting out of this fucking town,” she cried, her eyes flashing wildly. “I’m going to keep modeling and I’m going to UCLA. Why should my life be over because I made a stupid drunken mistake?”

“I guess,” I shrugged. I was out of suggestions.

Fresh tears streamed down Danielle’s red cheeks.

“I never thought this would happen to me.” She shook her head and reached for a tissue from the nightstand. Her hand lingered over a picture of us from a fashion show. She picked it up and stared. “God, I’d give anything to go back to that day.” She passed it to me and a small smile teased my lips. Danielle had been pissed because she didn’t like the way her hair had been styled. All of the models had their hair pulled back into slick ponytails like the Robert Palmer girls in the
Addicted to Love
video. Danielle never wore her hair in a ponytail, she thought her ears were too big.

“What about Shane?” I asked breaking the silence that hung between us.

“What about him?” she said hugging my stuffed horse.

“Aren’t you going to tell him?”

“As if. What’s the point?”

“But it’s his baby too.”

“There’s no baby,” she fired back. “And there’s not going to be one. And since when did you get so self-righteous? You’d be singing a different tune if you were in my position.” She brushed her fingers under her eyes, pulling the smeared black mascara into thick lines. She looked like a football player.

“I’m not self-righteous, I’m just thinking about what’s fair.”

“Fair?” Danielle sat up and tossed the stuffed horse to the side. “He wasn’t being fair to me when he didn’t pull out fast enough,” she cried pressing her fist into her chest.

“You’re not alone in this.”

She swung her legs to the side of the bed and stood up, smoothing her black pleated skirt over her long tan legs. “I haven’t even talked to him since that night at Piper’s.”

“You’re not giving him the benefit of the doubt?”

“No.” She grabbed her keys from the dresser. “I gotta go.”

“Are you sure you can drive? Hang out here a little while longer.”

“And get another lecture from Miss Roe v Wade? No thanks.” She glanced at the stick on the nightstand. “Do something with that. You don’t want Maddie to find it and think it’s yours.”

“Sure,” I whispered. I hated watching her go through this. It was definitely going to put a strain on our relationship, no matter what the outcome.

She walked through the doorway and paused. “I need to call Linda Owens. She had an abortion last year at a clinic in Tijuana.”

“I can ask Chaz. He went through this with his last girlfriend.”

“Oh my God, don’t you dare tell him!”

“He wouldn’t say anything to anyone.”

“I don’t care,” she fired back. “I don’t want him to know.”

I put my hands up, “Okay, okay.”

“What a day, huh?” she said and leaned in to embrace me.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered. She nodded her head and walked away without looking back.

***

“Danielle is pregnant.”

“Come again?” Chaz called from his float. He reached over and yanked my float toward his.

“Pregnant.”

I had promised Danielle I wouldn’t tell but I couldn’t keep anything from Chaz and her secret was really wearing on me.

“She isn’t on the pill?” he asked casually, like we were deciding what we were going to have for dinner.

“No, it made her crazy.”

“Then what’s her excuse now?” he chuckled.

“You’re totally not funny.”

“Who’s the unlucky guy?”

“Shane Davis.”

“That sucks.” He scooped his hand into the pool and tossed water onto his chest. I followed the water drops as they rolled over the ridges of his abs. He raised his neck from the float and lifted his Ray Bans. “Is this why you’ve been acting weird?”

“I’ve been acting weird?” I turned my head toward him and admired his tan muscular body. Little beads of water dotted his abdomen, pooling on top of the tanning oil.

He reached out and entwined his hand in mine. “I thought you were pissed because we haven’t spent much time together lately.”

I was pissed but not directly at him, it was just the way things were right now. He was really busy with the golf team, working in the pro shop, and I had modeling gigs. I missed the intimacy we had. I needed it, craved it. Things started out so hot and heavy and now… nothing. My insecurities were taking over again.

“I’m just frustrated,” I began. “Our schedules aren’t allowing us enough time to be together.”

He lifted up our joined hands and kissed my knuckles. “So what’s Danielle going to do?”

“She’s going to Tijuana next week.”

“Are you going with her?”

“I don’t know, she hasn’t asked.”

“She can’t drive herself, she’s going to be all drugged out after.”

“You took Miranda?” I whispered. I don’t know why I whispered, there was no one in the pool but us. It just seemed so wrong.

“Yep,” he slipped his sunglasses back on and stared up to the sky.

“Was it horrible?”

“It was more horrible for her.” His lips tightened. “While I was waiting for her I felt sick, knowing what was happening in that room, but it was her decision, she made it for us.” He took a deep breath and released my hand.

I pouted at his use of the word “us.” There had been another “us” before us. That he had shared something so intimate with someone else was incomprehensible to me. Not that I wanted to go through that by any means. It was the intimacy that I craved. I still felt like there was something holding him back from me. The only time I really felt like he let me in was when he was
inside
me
.