Take My Dress Off (10 page)

“Uh-oh.”

“It’s not what you think, Danielle.”

“You didn’t do it?”

“Danielle, seriously!”

She poked her head through the plastic curtain and gazed disapprovingly at me.

“What?” I snapped, rinsing the bubbles from my face.

“Honey, if you can’t make it happen in yet another hotel room…maybe you should rethink this.”

“I think I hear your mom calling you,” I sang.

“Fine, keep your head in the sand.” She ducked away and slammed the door. When I finally came out Chaz was asleep on the roll-away bed and Danielle was on the phone.  I set the alarm and crawled under the covers. This day could not end soon enough…

Chaz was waiting at a table nursing an iced tea when we arrived. Danielle and I hopped onto stools and grabbed menus from the middle of the table.

“So, how’d it go?”

“Don’t ask,” whispered Danielle as she shook her head.

“You got cut? But you’ve been gone for like ever.”

“I didn’t get cut. It was a fucking circular,” I spat.

Chaz shook his head in confusion. “What in the hell’s a circular?”

“It’s an insert that goes in the Sunday paper,” informed Danielle.

“Like a fucking Kmart ad,” I sulked. “You know, rows and rows of tiny pictures featuring what’s on sale. They make you do stupid poses like act surprised or point and look.”

“I thought this was a commercial for Macy’s.”

“Join the club.” I dropped my head onto the table.

“Well, did you do it?”

“Yes.” I talked into the table. “My face is going to end up lining a bird cage. I think I made two hundred dollars.”

“Holy shit, that’s it? All this back and forth for two hundred bucks?”

I was devastated. Theresa made it sound like I was auditioning for a national commercial. I needed something big. It was the only way I was going to make it to New York. I should have walked out.

“Palomar, here I come…” I said with a groan.

“Hey, what’s wrong with Palomar?” scoffed Chaz.

“Paige stop, you’ve got plenty of time,” said Danielle as she scanned the menu.

“I’m not getting any younger. Most girls get discovered at fourteen or fifteen. I’m going to be nineteen in two months! I thought this was it, my big break. After Theresa’s cut and my travel expenses I think I might be ahead thirty-five dollars.”

“It’s better than nothing though, right?” Chaz looked back and forth from Danielle to me. “It’s experience, some exposure… right?”

Danielle closed the menu. “Want to split some nachos?”

“Washed up at eighteen!”

“Stop,” said Danielle. “You’re not washed up.”

“I just shot a fucking circular for a fucking Totes umbrella and Isotoner gloves! It’s over!” I threw my head into my hands. Danielle and Chaz started to giggle at my antics, then remembered their mutual animosity.

“You could always take up acting,” Chaz offered.

“We’ve got the Holiday Show coming up,” said Danielle. “That always pays big, calm the fuck down,” she scolded.

I stabbed my straw into my Dr. Pepper and searched for the cherry. This weekend had been a disaster. I gave a hand job, got dry humped, and the only one who actually screwed me was my agent. I had sunk to a new level of loser.

It was Labor Day
and Danielle and I were in my backyard relaxing on lounge chairs, a bright red plastic kiddie pool between us. It was our back to school tradition. We spent the whole day tanning with the summer issues of
Seventeen
and
Cosmopolitan
magazines, a gallon of Coppertone, a portable stereo, and an endless supply of nacho cheese Doritos. It was an unusually hot September day and we were discussing our outfits for the first day of school.

“Piper is so lucky.  She has to wear her cheer uniform. She can see what everyone else is wearing the first day and get a preview.”

Danielle peered over the top of her magazine at me. “I think Piper would disagree with you.”

“Oh c’mon, she loves her cheer uniform. She would wear it every day if she could.”

“I bet she was born with it on,” Danielle snorted and tossed her magazine onto the ground. She lowered the back of the lounger and turned onto her stomach. “Wake me up in like fifteen minutes,” she ordered.

I poured through more pages of
Seventeen
and when my eyes got heavy I placed it over my face, George Michael’s,
Careless Whispers
lulling me to sleep. I was just about out when I heard the side gate creek, then the crunching of feet on the gravel. I pulled the magazine from my face and slipped on my sunglasses. Chaz appeared from around the corner. He tossed an annoyed glance to Danielle, then stopped in front of me, his hands hidden in the pockets of his khaki pleated Dockers.

“Hi,” I said, ignoring his stern expression. “I didn’t expect you here for a few more hours.”

“We only played nine holes, Spade couldn’t handle the heat. Or he didn’t like that I was beating his ass.” he said flatly. “I called…” He sat on the edge of the lounger and I tucked my legs to the side. His eyes traveled upward from my halter bikini top to my lips. I fidgeted from his burning stare.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the phone. We’ve had the radio on.”

He glanced over at Danielle then turned back to me. He cupped my cheek with his hand and leaned in to kiss me. “Can you end your sunbathing early?”

“No,” barked Danielle. She pushed up from the lounger, her towel clinging to her chest as she rolled onto to her back.

“Please?” Chaz finally acknowledged her presence. “I’ll be your bestest friend forever.” There was a tone of underlying anger in his promise.

She ignored him and slipped on her sunglasses. “Am I burning?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Really bad. You better go home.”

I threw Danielle a pleading look.

“Fine. I’m fried anyway. But you owe me,” she tossed to both of us.

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t we know it,” said Chaz.

Danielle gathered up her magazines, stuffed them into a bright yellow beach bag, and slipped on a matching sundress. “I’ll call you later,” she said and gave me a peck on the cheek. “And you can piss off,” she told Chaz, tossing her towel over his head.

“Love you too,” he called after her. Danielle flipped him off and disappeared around the corner.

“Was she born bitchy or was it the result of some childhood trauma?” hissed Chaz.

“Don’t call her that.” I sat up and slipped my peach Izod tank dress over my head. “She’s spicy, she’s Latin.”

“Spicy? No… that’s not the word for her.”

“What’s going on? You’re in a weird mood.”

He lowered onto the lounger and I welcomed his head into my lap. I stroked his hair as his hands tightened around my waist. “I can’t believe summer is over,” he sighed. “I’m totally not ready for school. And it’s still so friggin’ hot.”

“But you’re off to Palomar and you only have three classes. You’re on the golf team, you get to work at the country club pro shop. You’re going to have a great year,” I encouraged.

“I guess.” He raised from my lap and leaned back on the lounger, pulling me with him. “This has been the best summer and the worst summer.” I nuzzled into his neck, delighting in the clean sporty scent that clung to him. “I’m glad you’ve been with me through all of it though.” He pressed his lips to my forehead softly.

“Me too.”

“Let’s get out of here. I came to take you for a drive.”

“Sure, let me clean up.”

“Nope, you’re fine.”

“I’m all sweaty and oily. I’m gross!”

“C’mon.” He pulled me up. “It’s not like you’re going to ruin the seats in my car,” he smiled.

We cruised through town, hung out at Rocket’s for a while, then stopped by the ranch so I could check on my horse. I was getting anxious about getting home. I had a million things to do before school started tomorrow but Chaz wasn’t ready to go back. We sped onto Highway 29 and flew passed rows and rows of avocado groves,
Don’t You (Forget About Me)
by Simple Minds blasting from the radio.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Nowhere. Everywhere.”

The wind tore through our hair and I sat silently next to him, glancing over occasionally. Ray Bans guarded his eyes so I couldn’t read him. He stared straight ahead, the muscles in his forearms stretched as he gripped the steering wheel. His mind was definitely somewhere else. I was hoping all of this driving would improve his mood but he was slipping further away into whatever was trying to get a hold of him. I was battling with something I couldn’t see and I was desperately losing. I tried to make conversation with him but his answers were short and curt, like he was annoyed that I was talking. We turned down a dirt road and were greeted by a sign that said
Burn Lake, three miles ahead
.”

“Burn Lake!” I cried out. “I haven’t been here since I was a kid,” I beamed. “My dad used to haul the horses here and we would ride around the lake and fish.”

“My dad brought me here to fish too.”

I placed my hand over Chaz’s on the gear stick and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

Chaz guided the car into the parking lot. He asked, “Do you think that yellow bear statue is still on the playground?”

“I have pictures of me as a child on that bear.”

“Me too.”

We hopped out of the car and Chaz held my hand as we walked the path to the lake. There were a couple of people fishing from the bank and a few floating around on inner tubes.

“I haven’t been here in forever,” I said.

“Me neither.” Chaz drew me close to his side. I looked up at him as he gazed out at the lake, a lost look on his face.

“I was hoping being here would make me feel close to my dad. But it makes it worse. I miss him even more.”

“I’m sorry.”

Chaz backed away from me. “Quit saying you’re sorry.”

“I don’t know what else to say,” I pleaded. “What do you want me to say?”

“Don’t fucking say anything! You don’t know what I’m dealing with!” He started to walk away.

“You’re right, I don’t,” I called after him. “Tell me what you need from me because I don’t know!”

Chaz stopped and turned toward me, looking through me like I was transparent. He closed his eyes, momentarily struggling with control, and raked his hands through his golden hair. “Say anything but you’re sorry. I’m so sick of people saying that to me. That’s all I hear, everyone saying they’re sorry.” He backed away and started walking up the path.

Why was he taking this out on me? How was I supposed to know what to say? I had never dealt with death before (except for my cat, Smokey, when I was twelve). I never knew my real mother so I hadn’t felt the loss from her death. I cut my day with Danielle short for him and now he was treating me like this?

I turned and ran the other way. I sprinted along the bank of the lake and ended up in front of the statue of the yellow bear. It wasn’t as big as I remembered and the paint was peeling from its back. I gathered my sundress and climbed up. The paint flaked and stuck to my palms as I settled myself on top of its shoulders. The hot metal burned under my thighs but I didn’t care. I thought about my dad and remembered sitting up here for a picture. I had hated being up so high. It had been hard to smile playfully when I was terrified of slipping off the bear. I was so relieved when his strong arms had swept me down to the safety of the ground.

I didn’t see my dad very often but I still had a dad.

Chaz didn’t.

And I didn’t know what to do to comfort him.

The sun began to set and I watched the sky turn orange, turquoise, and purple. The wind picked up and I slid the elastic down my ponytail. My hair tossed around in the wind and I reached my hands up to the sky. I wished the wind would carry me away. Away from Chaz’s anger, away from the impending demands of senior year…

“You look good up there,” called Chaz. “Kind of sexy.” He stood before me, his hair blowing wildly.

“Where were you?” I asked.

“Walking. Thinking.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and kicked at the dirt.

I looked around trying to figure out how to get down. Getting up was easy, getting down? Not so easy.

“Help me get off this thing.”

“Nope.”

“Excuse me?”

A devilish smile teased at his lips. “You got yourself up there. Figure it out.” He turned and sprinted off to the car.

“Chaz?” I cried. I turned onto my stomach and slowly slid down the old bear, my toes searching for level ground. I could hear the roar of the Mustang’s engine up ahead.

Was he really leaving?

The Mustang backed out of the parking space and turned.

I started running toward the car but the Mustang was speeding away down the dirt road, a cloud of dust chasing the red tail lights. I stopped running and put my hands on my hips. I couldn’t believe it! Maybe there was a pay phone. Shit! My purse was in the back seat!

Great.

I turned and started walking back toward the lake. Maybe I could get change from someone. Danielle would never let me live this one down, that’s for sure.

I heard the Mustang again. I turned around to see the warm glow of headlights coming back down the road. I stopped and watched as Chaz guided the car back into the parking space. He stepped out of the car and began walking toward me, grinning.

“Go to hell!” I said as he approached me. I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Oh c’mon. It was funny. You should have seen your face.”

“It’s not funny at all. It was cruel and mean. What’s wrong with you?”

“C’mon, let’s go. Get in the car.”

“NO!” I walked away from him.

“Paige, get in the car,” he growled.

I continued to walk.

“Paige, get in the fucking car!”

I broke into a jog. I didn’t know where I was going but I wasn’t getting in the car with him. He had frightened me and I was sick of his passive aggressive bullshit. He sprinted up behind me and grabbed me around the waist.

“I’m sorry,” he said into my neck. “I was just fooling around. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I twisted out of his embrace and ran away but he was quickly on my heels. I paused at the playground and leaned against the bear statue, like a safe home base. Short shallow breaths crushed my lungs.

“You didn’t really think I was going to leave you here, did you?”

“Chaz, right now I don’t know what to think. I’m trying so hard to be here for you. But you expect me to…” I shook my head. “I don’t know what you expect. I can’t take it anymore!” My eyes were welling up with tears... again. I think I’d cried more this summer than any other time in my life. My chest hurt, like there was a belt tightening around my ribs. Maybe this was it for us. “Chaz, you’re scaring me!”

Darkness had fallen over both of us but I saw the pain tear through him. He wrapped himself around me and began to shake. I supported his weight and he collapsed against me. I held on to him as he cried, afraid that if I loosened my grip he would blow off into the wind that swirled around us. Suddenly, he grasped my chin with one hand and the other gripped the back of my neck. His mouth claimed mine, his urgent tongue desperately pulling strength from me. He reached underneath my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him, not thinking just reacting. He pressed me against the bear and I forgot where I was. My anger slipped away and I melted into his touch. He released my mouth with as much force as he claimed it, drawing in quick breaths as he turned into my shoulder.

“Come with me, back to the house.”

It wasn’t a question and he didn’t wait for an answer. He lifted his body from mine and set me gently on the ground. He gripped my hand and we quickly walked back to the car. We rode in silence, the only sound coming from the Mustang fighting against the wind, each of us afraid to speak and stop whatever force was driving us. He held my hand tightly against his thigh, only releasing it to change gears. When we were parked in the driveway the porch light lit up the front entry but the rest of the house was cloaked in darkness. I wanted to ask him if anyone was home but knew better.

He tugged me behind him through the wet grass to the guest house. The door wasn’t locked and he held it open for me. We walked quickly through the small living room and into his bedroom. There was a faint glow coming from the bathroom that washed over the darkened room, giving light to the unmade bed covered in piles of folded laundry. As I stood stiffly in the middle of the room I could see him shifting gears as he set his keys on the dresser and picked up the stereo remote. The Smith’s filled the room. I remained silent, afraid to speak and pull him out of whatever he was going through.