Sweet Thursday (13 page)

“Lily,” Killian said. “I understand why you don’t want to pursue the physical relationship. But we’re friends, sweetness. We’ve always been friends. I don’t think any of us wants to see that end.”

Lily tried to covertly wipe away a tear and she nodded. “I can’t tell you how much it’s meant to me, reconnecting with you guys this weekend. I don’t think I realized how much I missed you these past ten years.”

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Killian leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. “We’re always gonna be friends. I don’t see that ever ending.”

Justin walked to the stairs and gripped the railing. “Goddamn it. You two don’t get it.”

“No, Justin,” Killian said, holding Lily’s hand tightly in his. “
You
don’t get it. We did the fantasy thing. But Lily’s right. It’s time to get back to reality.”

“And reality means we can only be friends?” Justin’s face betrayed his simmering anger.

Killian nodded. “It does.”

“Fuck that!” Justin walked over to the living room wall, punching a hole in it.

Lily gasped. “What are you doing?” She rose quickly and rushed to Justin, reaching for his bleeding hand, while Killian fought back his own seething anger toward the unfairness of their situation. Sometimes he wished he were more like Justin, able to express his emotions in a flurry of aggression. Instead he closed his eyes and counted, trying to take deep, calming breaths. It wouldn’t do any good for Lily to see how much both of them were hurting. Jesus, he could see the same pain reflected in her face.

But she’s right.

Killian considered the alternative, wondered what would happen if they took Justin’s path. What if they continued seeing each other, sleeping together? Where would it end?
How
would it end? He could see himself spending a lifetime with Lily.

Where did Justin fit into that picture? There was a hell of a big difference between a weekend fling and a lifetime commitment. It was difficult enough to decide to settle down with a woman. How did a man make that decision in regards to a woman
and
his best friend?

Lily was right to make a clean break now. They would return to their high-school friendship. That’s how it had to be.

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“Justin.” Lily stroked his friend’s hand with her fingers, tears gathering in her lashes. “Please. Please try to understand.”

Justin’s anger seemed to have cooled, his rage turning to something worse—cold indifference. “I can’t.”

“You have to see that this could never work. Not in the long run. I would never come between your friendship with Killian and if we continued down this path, that’s what would happen.”

“I don’t see us fighting over you, Lily. We’re sharing.”

“For now. But dammit, Justin, can you really say you could do that for a lifetime?

Hell, I wouldn’t ask you for that. I wanted one night. You both gave me a glorious, amazing weekend. But that’s all that can come of this. You guys are the best friends I’ve ever had and I really,
really
don’t want to lose you. Please let that be enough.”

“It’s enough,” Killian said, desperate to stop the pain he could see in her face.

Justin fell silent and Killian wondered what his friend was thinking.

Finally, after an eternity, Justin raised his gaze to Lily and shrugged. “I guess it’ll have to be enough.”

Lily looked up at Justin hopefully. “Really?”

“I don’t wanna stop seeing you. If I can only have your friendship, then I’ll take it.”

Lily smiled sadly. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Justin bent down and kissed her on the cheek. Killian could see the agony the platonic touch caused him. “So we can do lunch? Hang out, right?”

Lily nodded. “If you want to. I’d like that.”

Killian walked over and placed his arm around Lily’s shoulder. Like Justin, he was already missing the right to kiss her, touch her the way he had during the weekend. “Of course we want to. We’re friends. Buddies. Pals.”

Lily laughed lightly. “So we’ll meet for lunch or dinner.”

“Definitely,” Killian said, the word burning a hole in his gut.

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“Then,” Lily paused uneasily, “I guess I’ll see you guys later.”

“Later,” Justin said tensely.

She nodded and forced a smile to her face before leaning forward to kiss Justin and then Killian on the cheek. “Goodbye.”

Lily had hastily thrown her clothes on, leaving Justin and Killian as they sat in their recliners with little more than a “see you later.” As she closed the door to their townhouse behind her, she fought to hold back the tears until she made it to her car. It wouldn’t do for either man to see her fall apart on their front porch.

She’d managed to walk away. Managed to stick to her guns, calling a halt to the illfated relationship before too much damage was done to her heart. She unlocked her car and climbed in. It took three times before her tear-filled eyes could find the keyhole to start the damn vehicle. She needed to pull herself together before she faced Chad. The last thing she needed was to let him see her so upset. Her brother clearly didn’t need much of an excuse to return here and beat the shit out of her weekend lovers.

Lovers. They’d been her
lovers
, giving her so much more than she’d ever dreamed.

She took a deep breath and put the car in reverse. She had to get out of here, get home before she turned around and begged Justin and Killian to forgive her, to take her back.

She pulled out of their parking lot and swiped the tears from her eyes, forcing herself to concentrate on the road in front of her.

What had she done? She’d started the weekend so sure of herself, of her desires. All she’d wanted was one night. One night to live out her fantasy and wash away a decade of regret.

How the hell was she supposed to know her lust was based on so much more than physical needs? She’d blamed teenage angst for her overblown feelings toward Justin and Killian. Now she realized those feelings hadn’t been immature, inexperienced or misplaced. She’d genuinely loved Justin and Killian since high school. Had she realized 100

Sweet Thursday

the depth of her feelings, she never would have made her proposition, never would have broached the idea of a one-night stand.

She fought to harden her heart. So much for putting her regrets behind her. As she drove home, she realized she’d just added a million more where Justin and Killian were concerned. The worst part was, this time she’d taken them down with her as well. She wiped her nose as she recalled the anger on Justin’s face, the hurt on Killian’s.

“This is why you don’t mess with shit like this, Lilywhite.” She shook her head and swallowed down the lump in her throat. Berating herself wasn’t going to help.

“You fucked up.” She didn’t even wince as she muttered the word. She’d fucked up royally.

* * * * *

She was almost through her fourth eighteen-hour day at work when her cell phone rang. She ignored it, unable to summon the energy to speak to anyone.

She’d managed to calm her brother down Sunday night, the two of them having a long heart-to-heart. She’d assured him the affair was over, that her feelings hadn’t been engaged. No doubt she’d shocked her brother by being a willing participant in a ménage, but he accepted her words, her lie. They’d made plans to have lunch together the next weekend and he’d left.

After that, she’d avoided thinking or feeling anything about the past weekend by immersing herself in research. No doubt she was setting herself up for abuse by her coworkers, who were already asking for little favors since she didn’t appear to mind working past quitting time. Her phone started ringing again.

“Dammit,” she muttered before picking it up. “Hello?”

“Hiya, sweetness.” Killian’s voice washed over her like a welcome breeze on a humid day.

“Hey, you.”

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“Justin and I were wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight. Thought we’d hit Sunday’s Side for the special, and then go over to Pat’s Pub for some sweet Thursday relief.”

“Sweet Thursday?”

“That’s what Justin has dubbed our ‘almost the weekend’ drinking night. It’s our way of sticking it to the man and starting the weekend early.”

Lily laughed. “Aren’t you guys
the man
at work?”

Killian’s light chuckle calmed her frayed nerves. She’d missed hearing his voice, his laughter this week. She’d spent days wondering if he’d really call. “Yep, I guess maybe to our workers we are. Damn. Sort of sucks some of the fun out of it.”

“Well, regardless, it seems like an awesome tradition.”

“You okay, Lil? You sound done in.”

She closed her eyes, rubbing them tiredly. “Been putting in some long hours this week.”

“Ah, I see.”

The tone of his voice made her believe he really did see. Killian was far too perceptive when it came to her. “So, um, what time?”

She imagined she could actually hear the smile in his voice. “We’re sitting outside.

Pack up your shit and come on. That five o’clock somewhere thing passed about three hours ago.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“We drove by your place. When we didn’t see your car, we took a chance and cruised by.”

She grinned at their determination then a niggling worry crept in. “Justin’s okay with this?”

“It was his idea. We meant what we said on Sunday, Lil. We’re friends, nothing’s changed there.”

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Sweet Thursday

“Okay. Great. I’d like to see your family again and I am sort of hungry. Give me ten minutes to shut stuff down.”

“You got it.”

Lily rushed around her office, turning off the computer and lights before grabbing her purse. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and groaned. Her hair was pinned up in what she called her work ’do—a loose bun on top of her head. It had been relatively neat when she’d left her house at seven o’clock this morning, but now more was falling out than was being held up by the hairclip.

“Shoot,” she whispered, trying to tuck in some of the bigger chunks. “Well, if they weren’t serious about the friend thing before, they will be after they see me now. I look like hell.”

She locked her office door and dashed toward the exit. Her head was screaming at her for being so utterly stupid but her heart wouldn’t listen. She’d missed them and it was just dinner and a couple drinks. Surely she could survive that.

No, you can’t.

She stopped at the exit, her hand on the doorknob.

What are you doing, Lily? You can’t do this. You can’t be with them and not want them,
want more.

She was about to turn around when her cell phone rang, startling her.

“Hello?”

Justin’s voice barked at her through the airwaves. “We can see you standing at the door. Stop thinking so much and get your ass out here.”

She rolled her eyes, smiling, and then she pushed the door open. Both men were leaning against Justin’s truck and she was reminded of last Friday night. She walked over and tried to ignore the pangs in her heart seeing them provoked.

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“You’re a sight for sore eyes.” Killian reached for her, giving her a friendly hug. She sniffed in his masculine scent, the spicy odor reminding her of waking up beside him on Saturday morning.

“You look like shit.” Justin’s arms were crossed over his chest and he was scowling at her.

“Gee thanks, Justin. You sure know how to talk sweet to a girl.”

“You’re fucking gorgeous and you know it. I’d just like to know what kind of job you’re doing that you work all damn day and don’t get a break for dinner?”

She fought to resist the magnetic pull of his compliment and his concerns. Her fingers itched to touch his hair, his five o’clock shadow. “I’m new. I’m just trying to get established.” It was a lie, but she wasn’t about to admit work was the only thing that had gotten her through the past four days.

Killian reached over and ran a finger under her eye. His gentle touch was nearly her undoing. “I don’t like these dark circles. And I swear to God, you look like you’ve lost weight. You were already too thin. When’s the last time you ate?”

She shrugged. “I had lunch.” Actually she wasn’t sure she had, at least not today.

Maybe yesterday. Her stomach growled and both men shook their heads.

“Sure you did.” Justin turned and opened the passenger door. “Get in. We’re gonna have to feed you before that hungry tiger inside you escapes and kills us all.” He walked to the driver’s side.

Killian gave her a hand up before he joined her in the cab. “You need to take better care of yourself, Lil. New job or not, it does you no good to work yourself into exhaustion.”

She nodded. “I know that. I’m fine. Really.”

Neither man seemed convinced, so she gave up the battle and tried to change the subject. “So how’s work going for you guys?”

Justin shrugged. “Same shit, different week.”

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Sweet Thursday

“That doesn’t sound good.”

Killian chuckled. “Don’t let him fool you. He loves his damn job, ordering guys around, running the show. Guy was born to be self-employed. Too headstrong to take orders from anyone else.”

She grinned. “Must have made the Army tough to take.”

Killian rolled down the truck window and put his arm on the sill, soaking up the air in his face like farm dog. “Oh, he took orders just fine when someone had a bead on his ass.”

Justin shrugged. “I will say I prefer the fact that none of my day-to-day decisions are life or death ones anymore.”

Lily shivered lightly at the thought of both of them being in such danger, but Killian misunderstood her response. “You cold? Is that too much air?”

“No. The fresh air feels good. I’ve been cooped up in that lab all day. I’m glad you both found jobs you like. I bet you’re good at running the construction business.”

Justin turned at the stoplight. “Never really thought much about whether or not I liked it. It’s a job and I think I’m pretty good at it.”