Surviving Regret (2 page)

“Nice shirts,” Stacey says with a nod toward Madison’s t-shirt.

Madison rolls her eyes in Madison fashion, “Jealous?”

Alexa and I snort while Stacey’s face reddens just like that. “There isn’t anything to be jealous about.”

Alexa slams her locker shut and spins around, her anger present in her features. “You sure about that?” Alexa tosses her red hair over her shoulder as a smile plays at her lips. “Rumor has it that someone was throwing themselves at Landon just last weekend.”

I look to Madison waiting for her to come to my defense but she just continues glaring at Stacey. I take a step forward and Alexa slides back behind me. “Oh, you mean when you got high with him and offered to give him a blow job out back of Brian’s house?” I huff, “That’s classy.” Stacey’s face is now bright red, her hands are fisted at her sides and she looks everywhere but at me. “He’ll never want you. You’re too easy for him. Now, run along, Stacey.”

She growls and stomps off down the hallway.

Alexa and Madison wait all of about two seconds before they start bursting out laughing. I can’t help but laugh right along with them. Landon would never go for a girl like her. She has nothing to offer the all-star of Canby or any of the other guys for that matter. What she’s honestly after is a free ride to the top with one of the players. She really needs to understand that once they get into college she’s going to be a thing of the past. Stacey is easily replaceable when she needs to be irreplaceable.

Alexa nods her head in the direction of the gym, “We better get going. You know the boys won’t come out ‘til we’re seated.” They have in the past made the entire school wait ten minutes for Alexa once when she got pulled into the guidance counselor’s office. Landon, Steven, and Cash were benched the following game until they were down two touchdowns.

“Let’s go.” Madison answers.

As we walk down the hall a sense of anxiety rushes over me. So many things are changing and so fast. This is the last time I’ll ever walk down these hallways to a prep rally. This is the last time I’ll be wearing this very navy hoodie with Landon’s number and name on the back, same with Madison who is wearing Cash’s number and name, and Alexa too with Steven’s name and number. I’ll never go to another homecoming. This is our year that we rule the school, after this I don’t fool myself into thinking that everything will remain the same. I know it will never be. Friends will go off in various directions to college and those who we thought we’d stay in touch with forever will slowly fade away, just like the light of each day as it fades into the darkness of the night. I’m having a very melancholy moment right now before this pep rally. I seriously need to put my own game face on so Landon doesn’t think anything’s wrong. Nothing is, per se, but Landon knows me well enough that he will pick up on the fact that I’m having somewhat dark moments about our last few months at Canby.

Madison bumps me with her shoulder shaking me from my thoughts, “Everything okay?”

I look at my twin sister, she’s my complete opposite in so many ways but also the very same in others. “Yup, let’s go cheer our boys on.”

She winks at me, “I’ll see you in a few.” Then she runs off toward the boy’s locker room.

Alexa grabs my arm and together we walk into the gym. I push the anxiety far away in the back of my mind and concentrate on the here and now. Not the unknown, I don’t have time for that. Per the guy’s demands, we take our appointed seats on the bottom row of the bleachers center court. It’s an unspoken rule that was set our freshman year and somehow even the new freshmen who have come in behind us know that these three seats are unavailable. It’s loud in here. As I look around everyone is pumping with excitement and it’s a sea of navy and white, our school colors.

The cheerleaders, dressed in their short navy and white skirts along with their matching long sleeve tops with Canby written across their torsos, come running, flipping and shaking their pom-poms into the middle of court. The girls are all jumping around as the Cougar, our mascot, comes flipping end over end until he’s center court right in the middle of the cheerleaders. The crowd goes crazy and starts chanting,
Cougars, Cougars, Cougars.

Madison comes running into the gym cheering as she takes a seat next to me and Alexa. Madison and Alexa both start screaming at the top of their lungs, stomping their feet and clapping their hands to the chants of the crowd. The cheerleaders run over to the door leading to the guys’ locker rooms and form two lines, ten girls on each side.

Alexa and Madison both grab one of my hands linking our fingers together as the lights dim low, “Welcome Back” by Mase starts bumping from the speakers. The freshmen players are the first to walk out, followed by Junior Varsity and then, last but not least, Varsity. Every player is out of the locker room except the trio, who always make a special entrance worthy of a professional football team.

I squeeze Madison and Alexa’s hands knowing that any second Steven will be walking out for the last and final time. The crowd quiets down just a bit before Steven comes jogging out and then everyone explodes by screaming at the top of their lungs for him. Steven gets grouped up into the huddle of his teammates but not before he stops and points to Alexa.

“I love you, baby!” Alexa yells, although I’m sure he can’t hear with all the noise.

The crowd settles down again and we wait, and we wait, and we wait some more…for Landon. I can’t wipe the grin off my face. Leave it to Landon to make us all wait a little longer than necessary. Finally, he jogs out and everyone, including myself this time, screams for him. Just like Steven, he stops before he reaches his teammates and his eyes meet with mine. His piercing blue eyes steal my breath away. He mouths the words I love you, and I swear all of our classmates sigh. My cheeks flush and normally I would feel really uncomfortable and squirm in my seat from the attention, but not today. Today is a day that will be one of those memories we won’t soon forget.

I let go of Madison and Alexa’s hands and cup them around my mouth to yell, “I love you, too!”

Landon’s eyes go wide in surprise. He’s shocked I just yelled that I loved him in front of the whole school. He shakes his head at me laughing. His teammates gravitate toward him and soon he is swallowed into the huddle.

Madison squeals like a little girl in my ear as Cash, the star quarterback and my twin sister’s boyfriend, appears and the crowd that we thought was out of control a few moments ago now goes absolutely berserk.

“Take It Ta Da House” by Trick Daddy blares through the speakers. The guys all huddle together; helmets touching, arms on each other’s shoulders.

Madison bumps my shoulder, “Watch this shit.”

The guys break and do the dance that my sister taught them. I knew they were working on it for the last few months but I had no idea what to expect. She loves dancing and more so, teaching these guys this dance. We all start cracking up watching them shake their asses. Once they start thrusting their hips, every single girl in our high school stands and screams at the top of their lungs. All I can do is laugh and shake my head. Everyone absolutely loves this shit.

The song changes to “Like A Virgin.” I’m taking it all in…everyone standing up around the gym. This will never happen again. It’s a memory I’ll never forget.

“Oh my God.” Alexa laughs and points to the middle of the gym.

“Holy shit.” My eyes go wide and I cover my eyes to hide embarrassment. Landon is humping the floor, and in that short amount of time that my eyes left his, he has lost his jersey leaving him in just his shoulder pads.

“Is he like that in bed?” Madison asks me clearly amused by this.

My face is flaming red and I can’t even answer her because he is. He’s a fucking animal but I’d never share that with anyone. That’s something only Landon and I know and that’s the way it’s going to stay.

Madison stands as the song comes to an end and “The Time” by The Black Eyed Peas starts up. She struts up to Cash then leans in to kiss his helmet. They dance for a couple of seconds and the song once again changes to “Ice Ice Baby.” My sister starts shaking her ass while circling all the players. All the guys in the gym are on their feet hooting and hollering. My sister’s a real catch with most of the student body but every one of them knows she is off limits. It’s Cash and Madison for life.

When Madison makes a full circle around the players the song quickly changes to “Time Of My Life” from
Dirty Dancing.
Cash grabs Madison and starts dancing with her but not for long because Landon steals her away.

“What the hell is he doing?” Alexa asks, laughing.

“I have no idea when it comes to him.” Landon looks to me then to Madison and shakes his head before spinning her back into Cash’s waiting arms. It’s been a running joke that Landon can never tell us apart and clearly, sometimes I don’t think he can.

“Oh hell.” Alexa squeals.

Landon and Steven stop before us each holding out a hand to us. They bring us into the center of the gym with them.

I bite on my bottom lip before Landon pulls it free with his thumb. “I can’t believe you pulled me out here.” He buries his face in my neck as the lights dim. “Landon, what the hell is going on?” I want to run out of the gym so bad and never show my face again.

“Go with it, babe.” Landon slaps me on the ass and “Teach Me How To Dougie” plays through the speakers. I’m going to kill Madison for not giving me a warning about this shit.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I slipped out of the gym? Landon has enough personality for the both of us.

The guys attempt to teach us how to play football. And I use the word attempt lightly. They basically just said go with whatever feels right and we did.

Madison takes Cash’s role as quarterback, I take Landon’s as wide receiver and Alexa takes Steven’s as running back.

We huddle up; wrap our arms around each other like we’ve seen the guys do so many times. “Macy run down to the other end of the gym, I’m throwing you the ball.”

My eyes go wide, “I can’t catch a ball to save my life.”

She gives me an evil smile, “Landon will make it worth it if you do.”

I glance over my shoulder and Landon winks at me.
Damn her!

“Fine,” I groan.

“Break,” Madison yells and then laughs like a hyena. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Alexa and I take our positions with the guys as our opponents. Mikey’s a tackle for the team and he hikes the ball to Madison as I take off running down to the other side of the gym. I look back at just the perfect time to catch the ball.

Landon is right in front of me when I catch it. “Holy shit,” he says, stunned.

The crowd goes insane screaming and cheering. Madison, Alexa, Steven, and Cash run over to us.

The music fades as does the lights. “How ‘bout them boys?” Coach asks and the gym once again erupts in cheers.

Madison bumps her hip with Landon’s, “You owe me twenty bucks.”

My mouth drops open, “You bet against me?”

Landon smirks, “Never, baby.” Before I can respond he kisses me and slips my sister her twenty dollars.
I can’t believe this little shithead bet against me.

Coach looks down to the floor before he looks up, “Thanks to the trio for the special show.” He eyes Landon like he wants to say something but thinks better of it.

Steven, Cash, and Landon yell, “You’re welcome.” And the crowd laughs.

“Is everyone fired up for this game or what?”

The whole student body goes wild all over again.

Coach laughs. “I’ve coached here at Canby for the last twenty years and
this
team,
this
group of players is one of the best I’ve ever had with an undefeated season heading into the championship game. We need a great seed like we have right here for tonight’s game and I will assure you the boys will play and win the championship game tomorrow.”

Everyone cheers.

Landon turns me to him, “I love you, baby.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the note from earlier. He kisses it all the while watching me. He’s totally tuned everything around him out and it’s just the two of us in this gym. I wink at him letting him know that I understand what he’s doing. He’s keeping the tradition, ensuring that he keeps everything the same so they win tomorrow’s game.

After the pep rally, we have about an hour left of school. None of us can concentrate. I’m not sure anyone in school did today. When school finally let out, the guys had to head to Portland with the rest of the starters for tomorrow’s game to go check out the field. They said that they’d meet us at Alexa’s house later tonight.

Alexa, Madison, and I make our way to the cars. “So where are we going?” Alexa asks.

Madison looks to me and I shrug my shoulders. The mood has mellowed out since the guys left.

“I guess we’ll go to Mario’s Pizza Shop,” Madison suggests.

“Sounds good to me,” I say.

I drive with Madison since we took her car to school this morning and Alexa follows behind us. “So, what did you think of their performance?”

I laugh. “It was freaking amazing but I’m pissed at you.” My laugh turns into a glare. “Why couldn’t you give me a heads up about being involved?”

Madison cocks her head, “Really? You wanted me to tell you so you wouldn’t do it?”

She’s got a point. There was no way in hell I would have done that if I’d known ahead of time. I’m too shy and hate to be put in the spotlight. “Doesn’t matter, you still should have told me.”

“It wouldn’t have been as good as it was.” Madison squints as the sun shines brightly in her eyes. “And you never would have made that catch if you had to think about it all day.”

I reach over to turn the radio up. I hate admitting when my sister is right so I’m deflecting. I see Madison shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. I wish I could be more like Madison in some ways. We look just alike; really the only difference is our hair color. Mine is brown with lighter brown highlights while Madison has brown hair but with darker brown highlights. So just by looking at us you wouldn’t be able to tell us apart. Personality wise though we are
complete
opposites. I’m quieter, always looking at the bigger picture wondering
what if
and I’m told I forgive too easily. It’s true, I do. I hate when my life isn’t in perfect order and I hate drama so I’ll go over and above just to make the situation at hand better for everyone, even at my own expense. Madison, on the other hand, is outgoing. She doesn’t wonder about consequences, she lives in the moment. She also doesn’t let people walk all over her, if something pisses her off she’ll tell you off immediately and not think twice about it.