Surrender to Me (24 page)

“No, not here. Let’s go for a drive,” Jasper says, looking at the
floor.

I nod. “Let me just put on some shoes.”

Strolling over to my closet, I pull out my sweater and navy
Converse. My navy blue slouching beanie is sitting on the floor, so I pick it
up because I know my hair is a fright.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

Ignoring my parents who are peering around the kitchen wall as we
make our way down the stairs, we walk outside in complete silence.

“Where do you wanna go?” I ask as we hop into Jasper’s truck, trying
to break the stillness.

He smirks, but doesn't answer me, and I don't speak further.

As we drive deeper into the valley, I know where we are headed. Why
is he taking me here? And what does he want to talk about? I'm scared to find
out as I’m convinced we’re going out here, so there will be no witnesses to me
balling like a baby when he breaks my heart, telling me it’s over for good.

Turning my head to peer outside the window, I’m hoping not to break
down, but as Jasper indicates to take the exit, I shuffle in my seat nervously,
uncertain of my future. I think I'm going to throw up, and when he parks his
truck, I jump out quickly, crouching over a nearby shrub in fear of being sick.

Jasper leaves me be for a moment, but then I feel him rubbing my
back lightly. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I lie, while arranging myself into a standing position after
my bout of nausea passes.

He is holding a blue cooler bag and a picnic rug, and I look at it,
and then back at him.

“I knew you would have skipped breakfast and lunch.”

He's so thoughtful and knows me so well.

“C'mon, let’s go,” he smirks while grasping my hand in his.

My cold hand fits snugly into his, and I calm down slightly when I
realize him holding my hand is a good sign. Unless he's just feeling guilty
because he knows he will be delivering some bad news very soon.

We arrive at the same spot I was sitting at, only a few days ago,
and I wish we weren’t here, because he has just tainted this place for me. I
will never come back here after today.

Jasper lays out the rug and kneels down, searching through the
cooler. “Are you hungry?”

“Um, yeah sure, thanks.”

I am so not hungry, but appreciate the effort he is going through.

He pulls out a deli wrap and hands it to me.

Plonking down next to him I accept the wrap. “Thanks. Smells good,”
I fib as I feel bile creeping up my throat.

But I unwrap it and take a tiny bite. “Mmm good.”

Jasper looks at my untouched wrap and chuckles. Looks like my dreams
of being an actress just nosedived.

He is silent for a moment then sighs. “Why did you accept?”

I don't need him to clarify his question.

“Because you left me. And he helped me when you weren't there,” I
admit, and cringe when I hear how pathetic I sound.

“So it's my fault you accepted his proposal?” he asks, slightly
annoyed.

“No,” I shake my head quickly.

“Then what?”

He looks at me, and I can tell he is desperately trying to
understand why I would accept being Harper’s wife.

I feel so pathetic admitting this to him, but I promised I would
tell him the truth.

“Because he wanted me when you didn't. He made me feel human again.”

Jasper lowers his eyes. “I'm sorry.”

Shaking my head, I close my eyes in anguish. “Don't be. I deserved
it. I never should have lied to you.”

Jasper exhales deeply. “We both fucked up Ava.”

I'm waiting for him to explain his note, but he doesn't. I wonder if
I should mention it, as I deserve an explanation, but he asks me a question
before I can discuss it with him.

“Have you told him?”

Opening my eyes, I look over at him. “No, but I will tonight. I
haven't seen him since the altercation at Little Sisters.”

Jasper clenches his jaw, and I wonder what I said to piss him off.

“I saw the bruise on your arm,” he sneers, looking at my bicep.

I frown, remembering I was soaking wet with Jasper, so the makeup
must have washed off.

“How could you let him treat you that way? How can you love him?”

Blowing out a sad breath, I reply, “I don't. I don't love him. I
just...” I pause, trying to find the right words. “I'm grateful to him.”

Jasper slaps his palm to his forehead. “Just because you're grateful
doesn't mean you marry the guy!”

Lowering my eyes, I am so ashamed of myself. “I know. It was a
stupid and impulsive thing to do.”

We're silent for a moment, and I can tell by the way Jasper is
yanking his hair, that he is deep in thought.

“I don't expect anything from you Jasper. I mean... I know you're
dating Harmony. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

Ugh, there I said it, and it felt just as shitty as I thought it
would.

“What?”Jasper asks, probing my face for answers.

Confused as to what part of my comment he didn’t understand, I
repeat myself.  “Um, I wanted to be honest with you.”

Jasper shakes his head. “No, not that. The Harmony thing. You think
we're dating?”

I shrug sadly, ripping out a blade of grass to distract myself from
crying my eyes out.

“Well, aren't you? She told me she wanted to take things to the next
level, so I guess I just assumed, you know,” I explain.

I’m suddenly having second thoughts about my initial assumption,
because judging by the look on his face I think I may have my wires crossed.

Jasper reaches out with apprehensive fingers to stroke my cheek.
“She's not you.”

I am staring, mouth hanging open because he so just used my line!

“Oh.”

Wow, looks like my wires are definitely crossed, and I am so not
complaining.

But I need clarification before I start a victory dance. 

“So, you're not together?”

Jasper shakes his head, and I all but jump up and down on the spot.

“But if you’re not together, why does she want to take things to the
next level? And why was her orange eyesore of a mug, taunting me with its
suggestion that she needed a cup readily available for her morning cup of
coffee after staying the night?  And why did she kiss you the other night?” I
ask the last part of my rant quietly, afraid of his reply.

“When did she kiss me?” he asks, clearly confused by my outburst.

“The other night, at Little Sisters,” I answer glumly, biting my
nail.

Jasper seems to ponder on the memory and lets out a small chuckle.
“You call that a kiss?”

I nod, suddenly feeling like prey under his intense gaze.

“I don't,” he murmurs while leaning over, slowly lowering his lips
to mine.

It is barely a kiss, but it still sends a shiver of desire down my
spine.

He pulls back, and I let out a whimper.

“If I was to do that, then I could understand why you might
misinterpret what happened between Harmony and I.”

He leans forward, even slower this time and sucks on my bottom lip,
teasing me.

“Or maybe even this.”

I am freakin’ panting like I just ran a marathon when he pulls away.

My hormones are demanding I push him onto his back, and have my way
with him. But I blow my fringe off my face and joke, “Sorry, my bad.”

He chuckles while fiddling with a fallen leaf, looking relaxed and
calm. I don’t understand his reaction, as I thought he was coming out here to
tell me it’s over, and that he meant everything in his note.

“Why aren't you mad at me?” I ask, needing clarification.

Jasper shrugs. “Because you were honest with me. That's all I’ve
ever wanted from you.”

Here goes nothing.

“So where do we go from here?” I ask apprehensively, looking at him
from under my lashes.

Jasper sighs, rubbing his chin. The silence between us is stretched
so far out, I am afraid he is not going to answer.

But finally he puts me out of my misery. “You tell him it's over...
and we'll start from there. I should have known being your friend is something
I physically can’t do. I couldn’t do it once before, and I sure as shit can’t
do it now.”

When I don’t speak, and continue staring at him without blinking, he
adds, “Ava, I understand why you accepted his proposal. I’m not happy about it,
but I get it. What I did was wrong, and I should have never walked out on you.”

“So you forgive me?” I ask, needing to simplify what he is saying.

Jasper stares at his hands, deep in thought. “There’s nothing to
forgive you for. We weren’t together because of our mistakes.”

Is he admitting his note was a mistake? The note that has stopped me
from begging him to forgive me.

I am silent, deep in thought, when Jasper confesses as he leans over
me, shrouding me with his body. “I can’t stay away from you Ava, I just can’t.”
He runs his tongue over his lower lip and continues. “You run away from me
again, and I promise you, I will find you. I will chase you down and I won’t
stop until you’re mine.”

Well, I’ll be damned.

His possessiveness titillates my senses, and my hormones begin
prepping for some hot, sweaty, naked action.

I bite my lip. “Really?” 

“Really,” Jasper confirms.

Running my hand over his stubble, I trace my finger over his lips,
nose and eyebrows, while he closes his eyes and sighs. We are quiet once again
and as hard as it is, I remove my hands from molesting his face.

I really need to process everything because I think... I think
Jasper is giving me a second chance.

Looking over my shoulder to stop Jasper seeing my eyes well up with
tears, I realize I am so happy, but it's bittersweet. Taking a brave breath, I
know what I have to do, and I know I have to do it now.

Turning back to look at Jasper, I see he is twirling a Fawn Lily
between his fingers, and I gasp, remembering the one I found on my sweater.

“It was you,” I whisper, piecing it all together.

Jasper hands it to me and smiles.

Accepting it happily, I ask, “How’d you know I was here?”

Shrugging, he simply replies, “Great minds think alike.”

Ripping off my beanie, I place the flower behind my ear, and stroke
his cheek lovingly. It is so nice to be able to openly touch him without fear
of him demanding I stop.

Of course I’ve just totally jinxed myself as he pulls away quickly,
and I frown, lowering my chin.

He grasps it between two fingers, and raises my face to meet his.
“Tell him quickly, because I'm not touching you till you do.”

I pull back like I've been burnt. “What do you mean?”

“If we're going to do this, we’ve got to do it properly. I’m not
sharing you Ava.”

I pout slightly, but I know he's right. I know what he wants me to
do, and I totally agree with him. So I stand up, brushing my hands on my jeans.

“What are you doing?” he asks confused, his beautiful eyes shining
in the sunlight.

“No time like the present,” I reply.

Jasper smirks, and I know he is happy with my eagerness to end it
officially with Harper.

“You just want my hands all over you,” he says smugly.

I shrug, because I totally agree with him.

“And you say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Chapter 21

It’s Done

T
his lift ride is
killing me.

I have received quite a few disapproving grunts from the snooty
clientele at The Four Seasons, but they can all take a flying leap because
after tonight, I will never have to see their snotty faces ever
again.

Finally, the elevator doors open to the floor that was meant to be
my home, but never was. That feels like a lifetime ago, and I feel like a
different girl from the one who first came here, marvelled by all its beauty.
But now that I take a closer look at all the extravagance, I realize there is
no warmth in this place. This was never me. This will never be me.

I can’t get this over with soon enough, so I bolt out of the
elevator before I lose my nerve. I am a woman on a mission, and that mission
being, breaking Harper’s heart. You'd think I would get some satisfaction being
the deliverer not the receiver, but I don't. I feel terrible, but I feel worse
stringing him along a moment longer.

I enter the room and actually cringe when I see the excessiveness of
it. How could I have ever thought I’d be happy living this life?

“Ava?”

I turn to see Harper looking like I have never seen him before. A
mess.

He rushes over to me, pressing me to his chest. “Ava, oh my God,
where have you been? Why haven't you answered any of my calls or messages? I've
been worried sick. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the other night. I’m sorry for
everything. I will never forgive myself for behaving like a total barbarian.
Please forgive me.”

After a moment of awkward hugging, he pulls away and looks at me at
arm’s length. “What happened? Were you robbed?”

I know he is implying my wardrobe is not to his liking, but lucky
for me, that's not my problem anymore.

No point prolonging the inevitable.

“I'm leaving you Harper.”

Wow, I maybe should have started with something nicer to soften the
blow. 

His mouth pop opens. “You're what? Why?” he asks, disbelieving.

“Because I can't be with you.”

I instantly feel sorry for him, because I can’t find it in me to
sugar coat this. I need this to be done. This is something that I should have
done a long, long time ago.

“That's not an answer. How can you just stop loving someone?”

I think back to our time together in a karaoke bar when I asked him
the exact same question.

My answer will differ to his however. “I never loved you to begin
with.”

Harper looks as if I've slapped him across the face, and I berate
myself for phrasing it the way I did.

So I quickly correct myself. “I love you Harper, but not how a
fiancée should love her partner. We should have never rekindled a relationship,
and I never should have accepted your proposal. I'm sorry.”

Harper looks stunned, his red rimmed eyes searching mine. “But, I
love you.”

Biting my lip, I reply softly, “But I don't love you.”

“It's him, isn't it?” Harper asks sadly.

I know who he is, but I shake my head. I can't tell him I'm leaving
him for someone else, because I'm not. I'm leaving him because of me.

“Ava, you're everything to me.” I can hear the catch in his voice,
but I can’t back down now.

“I'm sorry,” I answer lowering my eyes, because hearing the grief in
his voice is heartbreaking.

He slumps onto the edge of the bed and interlaces his fingers into
praying hands. “Give me another chance. I promise I can change. We can call off
the wedding. Anything. Please don't leave me.”

I can’t believe Harper Holden is actually begging me to give him
another chance. But that doesn’t change anything.

Walking over to him and crouching on my knees before him, I open up
his palm and place the ring into it.

“Harper, we’re done. I'm sorry.”

Harper stares at the ring, stunned. “Now I know how you felt... when
I broke your heart.”

Biting back the fact that I at least had the balls to do it a lot
more compassionately than him, and not in a freakin’ karaoke bar, I remain
quiet.

“Can we remain friends?” he asks hopefully.

I don't know how to respond to him as he peers down at me with big
puppy dog eyes.

“Okay...um, yeah sure,” I nod standing up, ready to blow this place
like yesterday.

He quickly stands, giving me a chaste hug.

“Can I still come to V’s wedding with you? I would really like
that,” he asks with his cheek pressed against the top of my head.

I freeze as I was so not expecting him to ask me this.

He pulls out of the hug, wiping his eyes. Oh My God, is Harper...
crying?!

I feel like the world’s biggest asshole so I nod, instantly
regretting my decision.

Harper pulls me back into another hug, and I half-heartedly hug him
back.

“Thank you Ava.”

What have I just agreed to? Whatever it is, I have a feeling it’ll
end badly.

*****

Harper is in the shower, so I take this opportunity to pack my
things as I will be staying with my parents for the remainder of my stay. My
suitcase is a lot lighter from when I first arrived, as I am leaving all of
Harper’s extravagant gifts behind. I don't want them, and don't feel right
taking them.

Pulling out my blackberry, I remind myself to buy an iPhone
tomorrow.

I quickly send a text to Jasper.

It's done.

I go about packing when my phone chimes.

U ok?

:)
I type back as a reply, because I am
more than okay.

I feel guilty, but I'm okay.

He texts me back within a minute.

Can I come c u?

I gulp, thinking about Jasper’s affirmation of not touching me till
I ended things with Harper. Now that I've done it, what kind of touching will I
be experiencing?

Whatever that may entail, I have a feeling I will thoroughly enjoy
it.

But I've got to go home, shower and go to bed, because I have V’s
final dress fitting, and the wedding rehearsal dinner tomorrow. I know if we
meet up tonight, I will be a walking corpse tomorrow. And V will kill me.

Not tonight...I’ll c u 2mro tho :))

As I reply, I frown, wishing I could spend the entire evening
wrapped in his arms.

As that depressing thought crosses my mind, my phone beeps.

Counting down the minutes til then. xx

I place my hand over my mouth like a giddy schoolgirl and look at my
watch.

Only sixteen hours, fifty six minutes and forty seven seconds to go.