Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) (3 page)

“I
know because I found that real true love in Tobey. I’m happy Nate, happier than I’ve ever been or ever thought I could be. I want that happiness for you. You deserve to be happy like this.”

“Then
leave with me, be with me. You are the key to my happiness, to life.”

“No,
sweetie, I’m not, but she’s out there and you’re missing her by holding on to something that isn’t really here.”

Jacob
grabbed Nate’s arm. Nate jerked his arm away, glaring at Jacob. The tears that shimmered in his eyes before now fell down his cheeks.

“Don’t
do this, please. We’re meant to be together. Jason told me that if something is worth having, it’s worth fighting for.” Jacob grabbed him around both his arms locking his hands behind Nate’s back and started pulling him backward. “I’m fighting for love, for us. Why can’t you? Please don’t give up on us.”

“You’re
my best friend, but nothing more. I pray you find your happiness and we can go back to being friends,” Mary said sadly.

“Don’t
give up on me,” Nate cried. “Everyone always gives up on me. I’m worth it Mary. I am. Don’t give up!” Jacob pulled him to where all the cars are. “Mary!” He sobbed, sagging in Jacob’s arms.

Jacob
let go of his arms and Nate dropped to the ground. He kneeled down next to Nate and placed his hand on his shoulder. “You’re a brother to me, Nate. You were from the minute you helped save my sister. You need to give up.” Jacob urged him.

“I
can’t. I can’t live without her.” He said without lifting his head. It hung there sadly, like a heavy weight on his shoulders. “Watching her every single day falling further and further away from me…”

Looking
at Jacob, I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Go back to the wedding. I’ll sit here and have a chat with him.”

Jacob
stood looking down at me. “Are you sure?”

“I’m
sure,” I said, gazing down at the broken man at my feet. “Go be with your family,” I said, bringing my eyes back up to his.

Leaning
down, he kissed my forehead with his hands cupping my face. He lingered there for a moment before pulling back. “Thank you. I’ll be back soon.” Then he hurried back to the wedding.

Lowering
myself down on the ground next to him, he looked at me with a strange look. It wasn’t anything creepy, but like he couldn’t figure out what I was doing.

“Why
are you ruining your dress for me?” He asked skeptically.

“I
have a feeling you and I have more in common than you think,” I said patting his arm.

“
Oh, you’ve loved someone that loves someone else?”

My
mind immediately went to Jacob and I couldn’t even fathom why it would. I’ve only been with him for a few hours. There was no way to judge feelings in that amount of time. Especially, considering that I only know what I’ve read about him and apparently that was just the surface no depth at all.

“Let’s
just say that I’ve longed for something that I can never have,” I said sadly.

“Yeah,”
he said sadly, quiet for a moment. “Have you ever had to watch the only person you’ve ever loved have a child and marry another guy?”

“No,
I can’t say that I have, but I can tell you that pain from the heart is all the same no matter how it was set up. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,
I guess.”

“She
was right though. You deserve happiness, but you’ll never have it by holding on to something that isn’t yours.”

“What
would you know?” He hung his head.

“I’ve
never told anyone this, but I think it might help you. Can you keep it a secret?”

“Sure,
no one cares about what I say or feel anyway.”

“When
I was thirteen, I woke up excited for the day ahead of me. My parents had big plans for my birthday. I took my time getting ready because I wanted to look like a teenager,” Nate looked at me with disbelief. “Hey when you’re a girl it makes sense. Well to make a long story short. My mom left to get some last minute things for my party. I was just outside of my father’s office when I heard some noises.” Shaking my head, “Next thing I remember is hearing gun shots. I hid in the nearest closet and prayed whoever was in there wouldn’t find me. I heard a door open somewhere near me. I held my breath. My mom’s voice calling out for my dad came next. I listened to her shoes click on the floor and tried to gage when to jump out and stop her. When I heard voices, I opened the door and headed toward them. My parents were arguing in my dad’s office. There was a naked woman lying on the floor, blood all around her. Mom was crying. Dad said something about her being pregnant and wanting money and my mom lost it on him. She grabbed my dad’s gun and shot him before turning the gun on herself.

On
my thirteenth birthday, I lost my parents because my father couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and panicked when his infidelity led to a pregnancy. He let me down and made my mom go crazy. Neither of them thought for one second how any of their actions would affect me. They didn’t care. My story doesn’t stop there, but for now I think this is enough to let you see that I know a bit about wanting what you can’t have. Happiness is something I don’t get to have. Contentment yes, but not happiness. That’s lost to me for good.”

“I’m
very sorry for your loss, but just because your parents weren’t happy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be.”

“Exactly.
Just because Mary is happy with someone else doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be with someone else. Mary is not your girl. You’ll know your girl when she touches you, looks at you… What you need to do is get away. You need to go someplace that she isn’t, so your heart can have a chance to see what else could be out there. You love Mary and yet here you sit unhappy. That’s not how love is, not real love. It’s not out there for me, but I strongly believe it is for you.”

“You
and Jake seem pretty happy.”

“Ah,
but he is a great actor,” I said, bumping his shoulder. “Trust me, I’m not his type or anyone’s type for that matter. People use me not keep me,” I winked with a sad smile on my face.

“Well,
you’ve got better in Jake there. He’s a great guy. That man understands being used and burdens to carry. Give him a chance.”

“If
I don’t hope for more, I won’t be hurt in the end,” I said looking down at my hands.

Chapter Four

Jacob

Watching
Mary get married pulled at something deep inside me. It was strong enough to almost take my breath away. As the preacher talked about happiness being found in the one that completes us, it pulled even harder. My head turned in the direction of where Vicky sat with Nate. How could one person be the key to happiness? If you can’t be happy with yourself how is another going to bring that to you?

Looking
back at my sister, her smile was big. I sighed in relief. She was happy and I knew that Tobey would take care of her and my nephew.  I may have failed her before, but it was the best decision I ever made to come up with the plan that brought them back together. Mary was far too pig headed to have come around without help. Tobey was too big on giving her space to come back on her own. Thanks to her big brothers ‘interfering’ she was finally truly happy.

The
ceremony concluded and I found myself pulled back to Vicky. Just as I got into ear shot of them, I caught their conversation.

“You
and Jake seem pretty happy.”

“Ah,
but he is a great actor,” she said, bumping his shoulder. “Trust me, I’m not his type or anyone’s type for that matter. People use me not keep me,” with a sad smile, she winked at him.

“Well,
you’ve got better in Jake there. He’s a great guy. That man understands being used and burdens to carry. Give him a chance.”

“If
I don’t hope for more, I won’t be hurt in the end,” she softly said looking down at her hands.

“Then
you end up like me and watching the one you love find happiness in someone else.”

“Well,
for Jacob, I hope that’s true. He’d just get dragged down with me,” she sighed.

“Okay.
Okay. So what do you suggest I do?” Nate asked. “How am I supposed to shut off my heart?”

“No
one is telling you to shut off your heart. Maybe just to listen to it more carefully. As far as a suggestion, I don’t know, maybe a vacation would clear your head.”

Clearing
my throat, I walked the rest of the way toward them. “I think a vacation sounds like a great idea. Take a month away, get your head on straight and then come back and get your life back in order.”

“I
don’t know if I can,” Nate said wearily.

Reaching
down I helped Vicky up and Nate stood as well. “Nate, man, I hate to break it to you, but you really have nothing stopping you. You’ve been put on leave at the station because of your erratic behavior. If you want a chance to save your job…you need to try this.”

Nate
brushed himself off and wiped his eyes. “Tell Mary and Tobey that I’m sorry.” He started to walk away before looking back at us. “Thanks Vicky for staying and talking to me. Sorry to ruin the time you guys had together. As busy as Jake is I’m sure you don’t get much time.” He looked at me. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Sure
man. You know you can call me when you need me. Don’t consider money into the mix. I’ll pay for it for you. Consider it an early birthday gift.”

He
nodded and walked off to his car, driving off. I turned to Vicky, who suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Listen, let’s go say goodbye to everyone. I think you’ve had a busy day. Time to get you home.”

As
we are saying our goodbyes to everyone, I noticed that Vicky’s demeanor had changed. She was quiet and wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes. When the first cords of a slow song started, I grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. When I heard the first few lyrics to the song, my heart stuttered in my chest. She looked up at me then. The song and Vicky were the only things I heard. Roberta Flack’s
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
continued to play on, but all I saw was the woman in my arms.

Holding
her closely, I wondered why it was that this woman, who I just wanted to torture, was suddenly affecting me the way she was.  She held my gaze, never wavering. It almost felt like a challenge. Her words echoing in my head from earlier…

“Ah,
but he is a great actor.”

She
was basically telling him that anything I did or said was nothing but an act. Yeah, maybe we weren’t together, really, but it didn’t mean that I was faking enjoying her company.

“People
use me not keep me.”

If
I could get a hold of any guy that has used her, I’d show them what a punching bag felt like. When I thought about men taking her because they could… Mentally I shook my head. Holding onto to these curves that moved so seductively under my hands, I couldn’t help the reaction my body had when feeling them shift and entice me to claim her. Hell, I didn’t even have to touch her to envision what an alluring sight that I just knew laid beneath her clothing.

“If
I don’t hope for more, I won’t be hurt in the end.”

My
heart sank with this thought. She has obviously been hurt and hurt badly. The thought bewildered me. I’m standing here a man at the end of my ropes, struggling to fight free of my demons, but I still saw her beauty, her enormous strength and value. The thought that she would think she deserved to be unhappy, well, it just didn’t settle well with me.

“Well,
for Jacob, I hope that’s true. He’d just get dragged down with me.”

Here,
I’m thinking that this magnificent woman had lowered herself to portray the image of dating a guy like me, a drug addicted fool. Yet, she felt I’m the one that has lowered myself. The thing I can’t quite comprehend or even begin to understand is she’s created a career on helping others out of the dark trenches of their lives, yet here she looked at herself as the soggy mess after it rains. She portrayed this strong kick ass woman, and she truly is, I can feel it in her, but she won’t let herself believe it is anything more than taking control of her career. In just the little time I’ve spent with her, I could tell how deep her pain goes and how low she’s put herself.

The
song continued and I pulled her closer, dropping my head to her shoulder. Pressing soft kisses across until I reached her pulse point that pounded fast under my tongue as I swirled it around before softly biting it. Her head fell to the side with a moan, granting me easier access in continuing to taste her silky smooth skin. Nibbling my way up to her ear, my hand lowered from her lower back down to her ass as I pushed her into my hard as steel erection. Vicky’s breathing became labored, her hand gripped my shoulder tightly.

“Jacob,”
she breathed.

Pulling
back, I looked down at her. Something grabbed me hard in that moment that our eyes met. Her face was flushed with arousal and her eyes held something that I couldn’t explain or maybe wasn’t ready to believe. Still twirling her around the dance floor, I raised her hand to my mouth kissing each finger, and then her wrist before placing our entwined hands back to my chest, I slowly lowered my head down, taking my time to give her a chance to stop me. My eyes stayed connected with hers until I was mere centimeters from her lips. She closed her eyes and sighed, her hot labored breath spreading over my face before I sealed my lips over hers. Our lips fit together like two puzzle pieces. Her scent filled my nose as I pushed my tongue into her mouth on a growl. Two tongues trying to absorb the taste of the other.

When
applause broke into our moment, I could feel Vicky tense a little. It probably wasn’t noticeable to anyone looking on, but I could feel it. Pulling back slightly, I looked into her eyes. When her eyes widened a bit, I’m sure she saw how badly I wanted her right now. Oh, and I did, so fucking bad. Smiling, I leaned down and kissed her lips softly before pulling back.

“That
was the best dance ever,” I smiled, running my fingers down her cheek.

She
gave a shy smile before whispering, “Never knew dancing felt like that.”

I
laughed softly, and then led us from the dance floor. Looking to my right, I saw my sister fanning herself. Walking past Nick, he slapped me telling me that was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. I wasn’t really paying much attention to what anyone was saying though. My focus was getting Vicky alone. My slacks were way too tight and the only thing that would help would be burying myself balls deep in this woman for several days. Helping her settle into the car, I hurried around to the driver’s side.

The
minute we were headed down the road, I reached over and took her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together.  My worry was if she was given time to think clearly that she’d close up and push me away.  I didn’t want another explosive orgasm in the shower by my own hand. No, this time I wanted it by the woman that caused this problem to begin with. Pulling her hand over, I placed it on my cloth covered erection.

“I’
ve never been this hard before,” moaning as her hand squeezed around me. My hips jerked up and I cursed as I jerked the car back in my lane.

“What
the hell am I doing?” She asked, pulling her hand away.

“An
amazing job, just need to wait until we get back to the hotel to finish,” I smiled at her.

“No,
that’s not what I meant. We can’t do this, any of it. I’m here to help you get your life back on track, not add to your distractions. I have rules and I’ve already stepped over one of them. I can’t do that. I can’t, we can’t Jacob,” she looked at me with fear in her eyes. “Please understand. We can’t be like that again.”

“Hey,”
I reached over to take her hand, but she pulled it away. The rejection hurt more than I’d like to admit it did. “Okay,” I said slowly. “I’ll back off. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intentions to upset you.” Placing both hands back on the steering wheel, I gripped it for all that it was worth.

The
rest of the ride was silent. Fear of pulling the car over and reminding her of how good we felt together kept me from looking at her.  Pulling up to the hotel, I exited my side of the vehicle and helped her out. Tossing the keys to the valet, we walked inside the hotel.

“I’m
sorry. I didn’t think to ask you. Are you wanting to come back here to talk or somewhere else?” I kept my eyes straight ahead as we walked into the lobby near the elevators.

“Here
is fine. It will allow you to relax a little with being in your own surroundings.”

I
snorted. There was no way for me to relax, not as long as she was here still looking sexy as hell. Of course, she looked just as sexy in her work attire. I think seeing her in casual clothes was going to downright kill me. Contrary to many’s opinion of me, I prefer my girl casual. Regardless of what my life may entail, if a woman was to come up to me in jeans, hoodie, and her red hair thrown up in a sexy messy thing on top of her head, I’d bust a nut right there.
Fuck!
Just picturing her that way, had me even harder.

Walking
off the elevator, I led her down the hall to my door. My hand rested on the small of her back.
Big mistake!
Damn, I have never wanted a woman so much. She was driving me crazy and she didn’t even realize it. Maybe she did and she liked to see me squirm, but then as I watched her squeeze her legs together when we stopped in front of my hotel room door, I knew she was fighting it as much as I was. What I didn’t understand was why she just wouldn’t let it happen so we can move on with the therapy or whatever it’s called.

“Make
yourself at home, I’m jumping in the shower real quick,” I said, walking past her.