Steel & Ice (14 page)

“
I don’t have the greatest
relationship with my parents. I didn’t really follow the rules too
well. I think the macaroni is done. Put it in the big bowl and put
the lid on it to stay warm.”

“
What rules didn’t you
follow?” God, where would I start? I didn’t come home for days
sometimes? I was high from morning til night starting when I was
fifteen? I fucked way too many dudes when I was way too young?
Thankfully, I was saved by Genesis coming back in, and announcing
everyone was coming to the kitchen for dinner.

“
Tell them the nuggets need
five more minutes.” Genesis mumbled something in Spanish to Fernie
that I didn’t catch and he left. I assumed to tell Penny that the
nuggets weren’t ready.

As soon as Fernie was out of earshot,
Genesis came up next to me and exclaimed rather intensely, “Fernie
asked me to the Winter Formal.”

“
What did you
say?”

“
I haven’t answered him
yet.”

“
Why not?”

“
He’s cute and all and he’s
nice to me,” she trailed off.

“
But?” I probed.

“
Sometimes he’s all cholo
and—I don’t know.”

“
You aren’t still seeing the
older guy?” I asked.

“
No. I took your advice and
told him I didn’t want to have sex. He stopped calling.”

“
Dick head.” Genesis giggled
at my cussing. If she only knew that was actually mild for me.
“Cholo. That’s like, thugged out, right?”

“
I don’t know. I guess it’s
like that. I just don’t like the people he hangs around with. They
think they’re all gangsters. But when it’s just me and Fernie, I
really like him. He’s sweet and holds my hand.” I was pretty sure I
was correct in my definition of cholo, but made a mental note to
look it up on urbandictionary.com when I got home.

“
Sometimes you can be like,
not really doing anything wrong. But the people around you are. And
you can end up in a bad situation.” Geez, cryptic much, Elle? I
couldn’t exactly tell her the real story of how when I was still a
teen, I went to guy’s house I liked. I knew he sold weed because I
met him buying it. It was all good until someone came to pick up a
sack of weed, robbed the guy I was with, clocked me in the head,
and ran off with all the weed, the TV, and my purse.

“
What do you mean?” Genesis
asked. Of course she was going to ask.

“
Well, it’s like, let’s say
you’re dating a guy who rolls in mud, you’re bound to get dirty
yourself. Feel me?”

“
Huh?” Genesis looked at me
totally lost. This whole advice thing was becoming more difficult
than I anticipated.

“
Ok, so if you hang out with
people doing bad stuff, illegal stuff, and the cops come around, do
you think they’re just going to let you go? Not that I’m sayin’
Fernie is any of that, but you feelin’ what I’m saying? When you
hang around crazy people, crazy things happen, and you might get
caught up in something, even if you aren’t doing anything wrong. Is
this making any sense?”

“
Yeah. I think so. Like, I
could get in trouble too even if I’m not doing
anything?”

I nodded. “We call that guilty by
association.”

Genesis was silent for a moment. Processing
I assumed. “So should I go to the dance with Fernie?”

I lamented in my head that I couldn’t
magically drop all the knowledge I’d gained over the years into her
head. “I can’t answer that. You gotta make that decision. I guess
you could give him a chance, but tell him up front what you are and
aren’t comfortable with. If he does something that makes you
uncomfortable, or takes you some place you don’t want to be, make
sure you have a way to leave. I always take my car so I can leave
whenever I want.”

“
Oh.” I could see Genesis
processing again. “I don’t have a car.”

I grabbed a pen and started writing on
Genesis’s hand. “Here’s my cell. Now you have a ride if you need
one.”

“
Thanks Elle. You’re really
cool. Here comes everyone. Can I serve the nuggets?”

“
Have at it,” I said,
getting the chicken nuggets out of the oven and passing her a set
of tongs. “Just don’t touch the pan. It’s still hot from the
oven.”

While the kids ate, I started washing
dishes. Penny came in to thank me for cooking. She pretty much
thanked me every Wednesday since I started coming. It made me
uncomfortable at first, but I eventually just started telling her
“no problem.” Like at the restaurant, I found it made uncomfortable
social interactions more bearable if I came up with a standard
response that I could use each time.

“
Hey, we’re having a
Christmas party for the kids in all the programs if you want to
come. Not this weekend, but the next,” Penny said, catching me off
guard.

“
Um, I’ll have to check my
work schedule.”

“
That’s cool. I’ll write
down all the info for you.”

“
Thanks.” I continued
washing dishes as the teens brought them in. Penny gave me a piece
of paper with all the Christmas party information as I was
leaving.

“
I hope you can
come.”

“
I’ll let you know. See you
next Wednesday,” I hollered over my shoulder on my way out. The
party was on a Saturday so I knew I could go. Did I
want
to go was the
question.

******

I aced my final exam that Friday, and was
dialing Chris before I even made it out of the building.

“
Is it Saturday yet?” I
asked when Chris picked up.

“
Final go well?”

“
Hell yeah, and I’m ready to
tear it up tomorrow. You down?”

“
Girl, you even have to
ask?”

God, I loved this girl. “I gotta close the
kitchen tonight. I’ll hit you up in the afternoon tomorrow when I
get up and you can come over. Bring all your shit so we can
celebrate. I’m ready to get seriously twisted tomorrow!”

“
Aw shit. Elle’s ready to
par-tay. What’s up with giant hottie?”

“
Fuck.” I was trying not to
think about him all week. He hadn’t texted me, but I hadn’t texted
him either. “Nothing. I’m gonna be on the prowl tomorrow. You gonna
be my wing woman?”

“
Again, do you even have to
ask?”

“
I love you,
Chris.”

“
I know.”

“
Bitch!” No one bantered
like Chris.

“
Don’t get your panties in a
bunch. You know I fucking love you too, Elle.”

“
I know. Talk to you
tomorrow.”

I got in my car and headed to work while
listening to Chris’ parting words. “Bet.”

******

It was Saturday afternoon and I was staring
into my closet, waiting for Chris to arrive. She said she was going
tall tonight, so I would as well. The temperature had dropped
outside, so I was going back and forth between a burgundy cowl neck
sweater and a silver tank top with my favorite fitted black blazer.
The sweater could get hot. No, it would definitely get hot. But I’d
have to carry the blazer if I took it off. I wasn’t solving world
peace, yet in that moment choosing my outfit for the evening seemed
like the most difficult decision I could possibly have to make. I
put it aside and decided it was a decision best made high.

“
Yo bitch,” Chris called as
she came in the apartment. I had a blunt already rolled and lit as
soon as she dumped her stuff on my bed. I puffed it a few times
before passing it to her.

“
This still that shit you
got two weeks ago?” She seemed amazed. I hadn’t been smoking as
much lately and apparently it hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“
Yeah.”

“
Damn girl. I’ve been out
that shit for days now. I had to hook up on some
schwagg.”

“
You should have called,” I
told her, returning to my staring contest with the closet. I was
waiting for the perfect outfit to jump out at me…any minute. I knew
it would if I waited long enough and got high enough. Luckily,
Chris chimed in or I might have stood there all night.

“
Sweater will be too hot.
You can wear your silver heels if you wear the tank and the
blazer.”

“
But I’ll have to carry the
blazer.”

“
The silver shoes are open
toed, so you’ll stay cool and won’t have to take it off
necessarily.”

“
Good point. Blazer it is,”
I said, grabbing it out of the closet and hanging it on the handle
of my dresser. “Do my makeup?”

Chris was a makeup artist at the MAC
counter, so she was a pro when it came to makeup. I could do mine
just fine, but she did smoky eyes better than I ever could. And it
was definitely feeling like a smoky eyes kinda night. Since I went
smoky, Chris decided to darken her eyes, which led to another blunt
and cracking a bottle of wine. It was well past midnight when we
finally left my apartment. We pulled up to Eight Oh Eight nice and
fucked up.

As usual, we made our rounds through the
club to see what we were working with as well as to be seen. It was
packed as all the out of town college kids were home for the
holidays. After two drinks and a shot each, Chris and I made our
way back to the bathroom to smoke the joint I had in my purse. I
only hit the joint twice when I realized I was fucked up enough to
start running my mouth.

“
I fucked J.”

Chris choked on the joint. “What?!”

“
I fucked J.”

“
I heard you the first time.
When?”

“
Last Sunday.”

“
Why didn’t you tell
me?”

“
I freaked out and left his
house before he woke up.”

“
Has he called you?” Chris
asked, ashing the joint in the sink before passing it to
me.

“
He texted me the next day.
I told him I’d call him after work.”

“
And?” Chris
probed.

I winced. “I didn’t call.” I hit the joint,
filling my lungs with its mind altering smoke.

“
What the fuck Elle? Was it
shitty sex?”

“
No,” I sighed, exhaling the
smoke and giving Chris the joint. I put the seat down, and popped a
squat on the toilet, laying my head in my hands. I shook my head
back and forth, trying to clear the haze enough to understand the
words that came out of my mouth next. “I think it was the best sex
I’ve ever had.”

Chris choked on the joint again. “You say
something to make me choke again and I’m gonna choke you!”

“
He’s here. I saw him going
up the steps when we were walking back here. I don’t think he saw
me, though.”

“
Why didn’t you tell me as
soon as you saw him?” I shrugged. I guess I needed the drinks and
joint to get my mouth going. “What are you gonna to do?” Chris
asked, passing me the joint. I puffed it until it was almost gone.
“You wanna eat it?” I offered it to her.

“
Yeah.” Chris popped the
roach in her mouth, and shoved her head under the sink to swallow
some water. We were nothing if not classy bitches. “So, what’s the
plan? What are you gonna do?” she inquired, fixing her lip gloss in
the mirror.

“
I was hoping this joint
would help me figure that out. Let’s hang back here before we go
back in the main club. I need a shot and a cigarette.”

A shot of Don Julio later, and I was still
unsure what I was going to do about J. I was standing by the bar
pretending to look at my phone while Chris chatted up some guy she
met. I was deep in thought about my whole situation with J when
smelled I it. Aqua di Gio and leather.

“
Hey.” Apparently I could
stop thinking about what I was going to do. I looked up from my
phone, forcing myself to look J in the eyes.

“
Hey, J. What’s up?” He
looked at my pink toenails and slowly made his way up to my eyes.
My heart might have been beating out of my chest, but J looked calm
as ever. He wore a slight grin. I wondered if he
ever
got nervous. He
always seemed so in control, never in a rush. Cool as a cucumber,
my dad would say.

By that point I had the blazer thrown over
my shoulder and was in just the silver tank. He looked at me a
minute before answering. I shivered, although I was far from cold.
Fuck, I had forgotten how sexy he was, and how dark and deep his
eyes were. I was mesmerized, enchanted by his smile, and captivated
with his eyes. Awestruck at the sheer size of him. Why did I sneak
out on him again? And why didn’t I call him all week? In that
moment I couldn’t seem to remember.

“
You didn’t—“I cut him off
before he could finish by grabbing his shirt and pulling him down
to me. He hesitated, hovering right above my lips. I could feel his
breath on me. I was screaming
KISS
ME
in my head as he paused above me. His
onyx eyes pierced into mine, and I couldn’t look away. A fire was
starting inside me. I needed his kiss like I needed oxygen. As if
hearing my plea, he whispered against my lips, “Only if you are
sitting at my table eating breakfast tomorrow morning.”

I blinked a few times as his words
registered.

I knew I should be freaking out, yet I
wasn’t. Was it the weed? Maybe. Could I blame it on the alcohol?
Quite possibly. Could it be that he had caught me with my defenses
lowered? More than likely. Were my panties freaking soaked, and my
mind filled with nothing but lusty thoughts? Were my eyes
undressing him piece by piece? Could I already taste his lips
against mine, and feel his hair in my fists? Was I prepared for him
to throw me on the bar right then and there and ram his hard cock
inside me? Yes! Yes! And FUCK YES!