Stay (6 page)

             
I grunt as I get up from my bed. I look over at Magda’s bed and see that she’s not there so I immediately think it’s her and she’s locked out for the hundredth time. She seems to forget her keys a lot when she goes on her late night rendezvous’.

             
I’m shaking my head when I open the door to find the most piercing blue eyes looking at me.

             
Jason is standing in front of me with a huge smile on his face, wearing a black pea coat, blue faded jeans and some white Michael Jordan high tops.

             
“Jason!” I say surprised and excited to see him.

             
He takes a few steps towards me and picks me off the ground. “Surprise!” He says with a huge smile, holding me tight up against him.

             
I take in his fresh scent like the first night I met him. “What are you doing here? I thought you were getting in late tonight.”

             
He puts me back on the ground but still holds me close to him. “I—I just needed to see you. I had the opportunity to come back early and…I did,” he says apprehensively.

             
I smile wide at the thought of him coming back because he missed me. At least, this is what I hope he’s trying to say to me right now.

             
Excited that he might have actually come back for me, I say, “In that case, I missed you too!”

             
That brings out that beautiful smile of his—dimples and all.

             
He places both of his hands around my face like he’s desperate to feel me.

             
He pulls me towards him so that we’re only inches apart. “God, I missed this, Alexandra. You have no idea how much…”

             
I close my eyes at the feel of his minty fresh breath on my face hoping that mine is not as terrible as I think it tastes right now.

             
The inane things I’m thinking about go away when he closes the gap between us and presses his lips to mine.

             
At first it’s gentle but when his tongue finds mine, it becomes hungry…desperate almost. I slide my hands up his chest slowly making my way to the back of his neck.

             
He picks me up again and this time I wrap my legs around him so that we’re chest to chest.

             
His hands begin to knead both of my cheeks in a possessive way that makes my need for him intolerable.

             
He starts to slowly walk me back into the room. He turns us around so that my back is pressed up against the door that just shut. His hands go from my backside to the side of my face as he kisses me with an intensity that he’s never shown me before. I kiss him back with the same fervor because he makes me feel like there’s a fire inside me that only he can put out.

             
I don’t get to enjoy our steamy make out session for long because he pulls away only to study my face.

             
I want to let him know that I’m disappointed but I don’t want to seem too eager, so I refrain from doing that and just stare back at him.

             
His cheeks are as flushed as mine feel. “Alexandra…I have a surprise for you,” he whispers.

             
I’m a little taken aback by the abrupt change in subject because if it were up to me, he would have taken me right here, right now, against this door.
Geesh! I sound desperate.
I guess after all the heavy petting, touching, and groping that’s been going on for almost a month, you can start to feel like that. Especially when you’re still a virgin.

             
I chastise myself for thinking about this right now, which brings me back to earth. “I thought you were the surprise...” I say still breathless from our desperate encounter.

             
He flashes his pearly white teeth at me. “No…I came back so that we could spend all of today and tomorrow together before classes start back up—if you’re up for it…”

             
My mind races at the image of spending two whole days with him.
The possibilities
. 

             
Just like that, what Melanie said yesterday at the Campus Center is forgotten…for now. Even though I know that I have to address it at some point.

             
I just don’t know how to without looking like a jealous and needy girlfriend. Let’s be honest, I’m not his girlfriend, so who am I to question things that he doesn’t want to tell me. At least that’s what I assume he’ll think when I question him about it.

             
I still have hope that one day he’ll open up to me and maybe that will be the day he actually wants to talk about being in a relationship with me. Right now, he avoids any topic regarding being with someone or having any sort of commitment.
One step at a time, I suppose.

             
I stop myself from thinking any further on the topic and decide I’m just going to enjoy what I have with him now. At least it’s something. Even if it’s just pieces of him. After all, it’s not very often he makes his feelings known. He’s always distant so I might as well savor this while it lasts.

             
“Of course, I am. I’ll do whatever you want to do.” I respond looking directly into his deep blue eyes to assure him that I
want
to spend this time with him.

             
He smiles mischievously, making me despise Melanie even more for wanting to ruin the way I see him.

             
I still really want to know if any of what she said is true, but for now, I have to make myself forget about it.

***

              It’s not long before I’m ready to spend a whole two days with Jason. After showering and getting presentable I am ready to go.

             
I turn to look at Jason at my desk messing around with my music.

             
“I’m ready,” I say standing by the door gawking at how perfect he looks in my room.

             
It’s like he belongs here but Melanie’s irritating voice keeps taunting me to ask him about his whereabouts.
Do I dare? No, I can’t. I don’t want to ruin this.

             
Amy Stroup starts singing ‘Hold Onto Hope Love’ before he looks up at me and smiles wide.

             
“You look great, babe,” he says getting up from the desk.

             
His sweet words hit me like a ton of bricks because I imagine him saying those exact words to someone else—
Melanie.

             
I close my eyes to try and will myself to not bring it up. I don’t make a move when he comes to a stop in front of me.

             
“Did you sleep with Melanie?” I blurt out.
Shit! Was that out loud?

             
Opening my eyes slowly I see that he’s a step farther from me and his face looks angry enough to punch a hole in the wall.

             
I start to breathe heavily at the thought of him pushing me away even further because I’m bringing this up and I have no right to.

             
His eyes avoid mine.  I see that his whole body looks stiff and his hands begin to clench into fists.

             
“What are you talking about?” He asks through clenched teeth.

             
Is he mad at me?
I know then that I hit a nerve.

             
I don’t know what to think about his reaction so I decide to continue with the inquisition since the cats out of the bag.
No taking it back now.

             
I take a deep breath. “I—I ju—just wanted to know if it was true…you and…Melanie…” I stutter nervously.

             
I await his response by looking down at my feet. It’s the only place my eyes will go because looking at him will hurt too much since a part of me already knows the answer to my question. His reaction is a dead giveaway.

             
I feel my heart start to break a little.

             
He takes a step towards me grabbing my chin to make me look at him. “Who put that thought in your head, Alexandra?” He asks softly.

             
My eyes begin to sting because I’m not sure why any of what Melanie said to me hurts so much. I don’t understand any of this. It’s stupid for me to feel this kind of pain because some Skank basically said that she fucked him.

             
Whatever we have together, it scares the shit out of me. I just can’t bear the thought of him with anyone else but me even though we haven’t been together intimately yet.

             
I try to look away from him but he moves my head back towards him and his eyes plead with me so I give in, “Melanie...” I whisper.

             
He tenses again but his eyes don’t waver from mine. “Did you believe her, Alexandra?” He whispers back.

             
I find that I can’t lie to him. “I don’t want to, Jason…”

             
“Then don’t. Please, Baby…don’t.” He says softly, rubbing my chin back and forth. 

             
I can only nod in response because I feel that he’s being sincere with me. It’s like he’s begging me to trust him without actually telling me to and somehow, it works because I find myself doing just that.

             
His soft lips meet mine then and it’s like he puts a spell on me every time he touches me because my only thoughts are of him and me—nobody else. In this moment, there is no one else for him—just me.

***

              Once we clear the air with a good make out session, we make our way to my favorite restaurant Ten O One.

             
After lunch we see a movie, which seems normal enough, at least for us, since we almost never do things that are equivalent to a normal “dating” couple.

             
Being together like this makes me see how much I love spending time with him. Sometimes it seems like we can only enjoy being with each other when he allows himself to be with me and not have his mind be somewhere else.

             
I avoid any topic about his holiday weekend because to be honest, I don’t think I really want to know what he did. It’s clear to me that Melanie was being the hateful Bitch she always has been when she told me all her information. Accepting that doesn’t take away from the fact that Jason is unwilling to share a lot about himself with me.

             
I want to believe so badly that he’s not playing me. That he’s not playing with my heart, but it’s hard to when he’s so closed off.

             
I do know that for right now, I have to trust in him and not believe what Melanie told me even if there’s a tiny part of me that wants to ask her what the hell she really wanted to tell me, if it wasn’t that she was fucking him or had fucked him.

             
Luckily, Melanie stays out of my head for the rest of the evening and after the movie ends we drive back to campus.

             
After he parks the car, we walk hand in hand to my dorm. We enter the building and it seems like Jason starts to get anxious but I don’t’ know why so I just ignore it.

             
He walks up the flight of stairs with me and with every step we take his smile gets wider. Like he’s excited about something but I have no idea what so I just shrug it off.

             
We get to the door and I feel him looking at me as I unlock the door. That’s when I figure that he’s probably just really excited to see Magda for some reason.

             
Then I remember that she’s not a huge fan of him and as far as I’m concerned the feeling’s mutual. She says it’s because she can tell he’s a heartbreaker and she’s waiting for the time he does it to me so she can kick his ass. I think his reason for not liking her is because he knows she doesn’t like him.
Weirdos.

             
I shake my head at the thought and open the door to find rose petals all over the floor leading to my bed while candles burn all over the windowsill. Darren Hayes is singing about love being insatiable on my computer.

             
Tears pool in my eyes when I think of him going through all this trouble to make tonight with him special. There’s a tingle in the pit of my stomach when I picture him doing this for me. Then I realize that I haven’t been the only one thinking about getting to this level.

             
I know that he’s waiting to hear my reaction but I can’t find the words to describe what I’m feeling. All I know is that I’m a little scared because I have never done this before.