Spilled Milk: Based on a true story (10 page)

“One
condition,” I said, holding up a finger, “I don’t want to lose you as a friend.
If we ever break up, promise me we’ll still be friends.”

He nodded
immediately. “We won’t have to worry about that, because I’m never letting you
go.”

“Smooth,” I
said and rolled my eyes. “But promise me.”

He motioned an
X over his heart and lowered his eyes to mine. “Promise.”

“Just one more
thing.”

“Ugh, what
now?”

“Go get your
brother. We’re late.”

Paul jumped off
the couch and I grabbed my coat as we bolted out the front door. The bus had just
come to a stop as we reached the corner. Red signs flashed as the double doors
opened to let the kids off and Joseph hopped off the bus and shrugged his
Spongebob book bag onto his shoulders. “Hi Paulie!”

“I need to go
to work, I’ll call you later?” I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and floated
towards the center of town.

“Ew, gross.”
Joseph crinkled his nose. “I’m telling mom.”

“No you’re not.
Go on, get inside.” Paul winked at me and put his hand on Joseph’s shoulder and
led him toward the house.

Joseph did tell
Gina that he had seen me kiss Paul on the cheek when he got off the bus. After
work that night Paul called to ask me to come to dinner to their house so I
could meet his dad.

“Sorry.” Paul
apologized. “My mom’s all excited that I have a girlfriend and I think she just
wants to get to know you. And my dad’s never met you.”

“It’s fine. I’d
love to come over.”

Instead of
asking for permission from Mom, I just called off work the next afternoon and
planned to have Gina drive me home around the time I would usually get home
from work.

“Maybe Brooke
will play with me since you don’t,” Joseph teased, poking his head into Paul’s
room for the hundredth time that night.

“Mooooooooom.
Get Joe out please!”

Joseph
disappeared and raced across the hall to his bedroom, yelling as he ran. “I’m
not even
in there
Mom, I’m right here in my own room.”

I could hear
Gina’s footsteps waltz down the hallway. “Joe, leave them alone.” She pressed
the bedroom door open and peered in on us lounging on the bed watching TV. “And
this door stays
open
you two. That means more than a crack.” She winked
at me but her eyes were serious.

“Come on, Ma.”
Paul buried his face into his pillow.

“Dinner in
five.” She turned on her heel and headed back towards the kitchen.

“Your mom’s
cooking smells amazing.”

“I bet it does,
your stomachs been growling for the past two hours.”

I nudged him
and he nudged me back. Paul flipped on top of me and moved his lips across mine
as I laughed into his kiss.

“Oooooh.”
Joseph’s voice carried through the room.

Paul looked
behind him. “Joe I thought I told you to-”

“Kids! Dinner,
come eat.”

As if on cue,
Lou walked through the front door and set his briefcase down in the foyer.
“Where’s my beautiful wife?” He scanned the kitchen and watched her set some
plates down. “Ah, there she is, there’s my girl.” Before doing anything else,
he crossed the room and draped her in several kisses on her cheeks and lips.
“How are you darling?”

“Dad, geeze,
really?” Paul sat down and pulled the chair out next to him, motioning for me
to sit down next to him. I did and watched the romantic comedy unfold before
me.

There was pasta
with vodka sauce, sausage and salad. Warm bread baked fresh hours before was
nestled in the middle of the table and Gina filled Lou’s wine glass for the
second time. I introduced myself between bites of macaroni and bread. Lou
seemed impressed that I had a job and was enrolled in all honors classes.

“That’s really
great, really something. Good for you.” His grin was ear to ear as he ran his
fingers through his salt and pepper hair. Gina admired him and blotted the red
lipstick she put on seconds before Lou had walked through the door.

Joseph talked
about the art project he made at school that day and everyone listened, laughed
and ate. Paul sipped his water and glimpsed at me for signs that I was going to
run screaming from the table. I never floundered.

I observed in
awe. His parent’s genuine concern, their knowledgeable advice and humor caught
me by surprise. The dinner table was warm and inviting. Something sparked in my
chest. A profound and dragging realization crossed my mind as I finished
seconds of macaroni and thirds of the salad. The family I had at home was
not
normal.

The kissing,
loving and caring families you saw on TV or read about in novels were not fake.
They were right here, in this kitchen, laughing with each other and loving
every second of finding out what each other’s day was like. They ate pasta, and
made fart jokes, and hated their jobs just like everyone else. They were real.

It wasn’t in my
head that something was unusual about my family; somehow I knew something
wasn’t right, but I could never put my finger on it. No one ever told me that
what I had at home was not normal. Now, no one had to. I was witnessing it with
my own eyes. I was hearing it, watching it, tasting it and loving it.

Joseph reached
across the table to grab the parmesan cheese and on instinct I panicked to grab
the glass of milk he spilled over. I thought about what happens when a glass is
spilled at our dinner table, and I couldn’t watch that happen to Joseph.

“Joseph, come
with me, we’ll go in your room.” My voice rose in panic. I couldn’t watch Lou
hit him, or shove him into a wall. I didn’t want to hear the glass smash across
the kitchen floor with threats to have it cleaned up or else. I grabbed Joseph
by the hand. “Let’s go.”

The table was
staring at me. Gina, eyes wide, ascended from her seat and grabbed the closest
napkin. Lou put his hand out in a welcoming and cautious movement. “It’s okay,
Brooke. Really, it’s all right hun. It’s just a little spilled milk.”

I waited for
the rage to start, the yelling and the chair throwing. Lou grabbed a few more
napkins and mopped up the white puddle underneath Joseph’s chair. “There we go,
all better. You want some more milk little man?”

Joseph nodded
with an eager smile.

“All right,
here ya go. Leave the milk
in
the glass this time okay?” Gina let out a
nervous chuckle as she watched me make my way back to my seat.

Sweat masked my
face from the adrenaline that had no outlet and I started to push the food
around on my plate.

Gina noticed.
“Paul, you and Brooke look finished, why don’t you two go hang out for a while
before I have to take her home?”

Paul nodded and
took my hand as we made our way down the hallway. “Wait,” I said. I turned
around and headed back towards the dinner table.

“I’m sorry,” I
said. “I’m sorry that I-you know, I just thought-” I was so used to
apologizing. I felt I had to, I just wasn’t sure what for.

“No, honey,
it’s okay. Everything’s fine.” The corners of her mouth turned upward. “Go be
with Paul, everyone’s fine here.”

I moved towards
the living room to catch up with Paul. “Can we go outside for a minute?” My
heart raced underneath my hoodie and I needed to breathe a minute. “Just need
some fresh air.”

“Yea, sure.
Let’s go.”

We walked in
silence for two blocks as I tried to process what had happened. There was the
glass, the spilled milk. His father didn’t yell, or hit anything or throw
anything. The reaction that I had anticipated never came, and it left me
standing at my chair in flight mode without a reason. I turned my head away
from Paul and he must have noticed.

“Brooke, it was
just a glass of milk. You know? No reason to get upset.”

I nodded but he
didn’t understand. How could I not get upset? Everything I had ever known was a
lie. Dad’s don’t react like wild beasts in every house. Mom’s don’t ask
questions while waiting for answers that would only benefit them. It was a
world I didn’t know, and I didn’t understand.

I recalled when
I tried to run away with my sister to my Grandma’s house. Even then I didn’t
have a real reason, it was like I knew something was wrong, but until that very
moment in Paul’s house I could never put my finger on it. Now I knew. Families
aren’t all perfect, but they sure don’t measure up to the fear and manipulation
that steered our household. They can be safe places. I couldn’t believe it.

“Did you hear a
thing I just said?” Paul stopped and stepped out in front of me. I was so
wrapped up I didn’t realize he had been talking.

“Yes.” I lied.

“Then what’d I
say?”

I looked down.
“I know, the milk was an accident. Sorry I overreacted.”

“The milk?”
Paul looked lost. “I was asking you if you thought we could see each other
tomorrow after school. What’s going on?”

My face was on
fire. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Paul
crossed his arms over his chest. He was so handsome, so normal. I didn’t
deserve him.

“Kids, I need
to get Brooke home.” Gina was standing in the doorway, yelling down the block.

“We need to
go.” I grabbed Paul’s hand and steered him towards his house. His loving, safe,
milk spilling house.

About a month
later I called Gina from the school nurse. When I told her I felt sick she
didn’t skip a beat to tell me she’d be at the school in ten minutes to pick me
up. I felt bad calling her at work, but I couldn’t stay in school. I barely
made it through the first ten minutes of homeroom before I asked for a pass to
the nurse.

Dad took full
advantage of Mom being in New York since she had a consultation for her back.
Gina didn’t ask questions as she signed me out, but she glanced at me over and
over as we made our way into the parking lot to get into her minivan.

“I can tell you
don’t feel good honey. You look like Paul wearing those sweatpants and
sweatshirt like that.” She tried to get me to smile, but I pulled the hood
closer around my head.

“Yea.” I
shifted my weight. It hurt to move.

“I’m surprised
they let me just sign you out like that. I thought only parents could do that.”

My turn to
smile. “I put your name down as an emergency contact before I handed the sheet
in to my homeroom teacher.”

She nodded,
eyebrows raised. “Oh. Yea, well, that will do it.”

We rounded the
corner of her block and I concentrated on the click-click-click of her turn
signal.

I left my book
bag in the car and inched my way to the front door. Gina followed me inside and
when I got to the top of the stairs I turned around and caught her staring at
me.

“Brooke, you’re
moving very…” she trailed off. “Maybe we should call your mom?”

I closed my eyes.
Talking was taking all the strength out of me. “No. Please. I know Paulie is
going to a friend’s house after school today. Is it okay if I just sleep here
for a while?” Familiar pain rose in my stomach. I had to lay down.

Gina bit her
lip. I took comfort in how much Paul looked like her. “Sure, sure. Go ahead and
sleep. Close the door if you want so you don’t hear me out here. I’ll just be
cooking so call if you need me.”

It was around
eight in the morning when I finally settled under Paul’s covers and drifted off
to sleep. I drifted in and out of a deep slumber over the next few hours.
Around five in the evening I woke up when the bedroom door creaked open.

“Nah honey,” I
heard Lou say, “She’s still sleeping.” The door closed behind him and I fell
back into a deep sleep until eight, when I felt a warm body lay next to me.

Paul.

He stroked my
face and placed a hand on my forehead in the dark. “She’s still sleeping?” Gina
whispered. “Maybe we should wake her up to eat something?” She sounded
concerned.

Paul shifted
his weight off the bed and I heard him back out of the bedroom. “She’s okay Ma,
just let her sleep.” I drifted again.

Banging echoed
down the hallway and I jumped awake.

Gina hissed
through her teeth “Who
is
that? Paul get the door. It’s ten o’clock at
night.”

I heard the
front door open and some confused conversation between Gina and Lou. Then a
familiar voice filled the room. “Where’s Brooke? She was supposed to be home an
hour ago.”

Dad.

 I sprang out
of the bed half asleep. I grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms from Paul’s top
drawer and pulled them over my sweatpants. My hands shook as I combed them
through my hair to pull the mess into a somewhat polished ponytail and I took a
huge gulp of air before I opened the bedroom door.

When I looked
down the hallway Gina and Lou were looking at each other uneasily. They didn’t know
how to respond to Dad’s tone of voice. I approached the foyer area and held my
breath.

“Hi Dad.”

Paul looked up
surprised to see me. Dad tightened his lips and looked over what I had on. He
craned his neck and struggled to maintain his composure. “Brooke, we need to
go. Now. Get your stuff.”

“I’m, uh.” My
tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. “I’m staying here…tonight.”

Dad’s eyebrows
clashed together. “You’re
what?
”

“They said I
could stay the night.” My voice wavered as I nodded towards Gina and Lou, who
were now looking at each other to see which one had given me the permission. “I
have to be at school early tomorrow for a project. Gina said she would drive me
in the morning.”

Dad moved his
hands into a fist and tilted his head. Before he could speak Gina piped in.

“Yea sure. I
did. I said that. She’s got a project. No big deal, I pass there in the morning
and she-” Her eyes darted around the room. “She will sleep… on the couch. No
problem. We gave her pajamas.”

Dad erupted
into a fury of carefully subdued curse words before directing his voice
directly at me. “No way are you sleeping at your boyfriend’s house, get your stuff,
and get out in the car. Now.” He backed towards the door and I searched my
brain for a rebuttal but couldn’t find one. I turned in defeat to head to
Paul’s room.