Spilled Milk: Based on a true story (7 page)

“Who’s house is
this again?” I dropped the stereo by the poolside and checked out the bugs floating
on the surface of the in-ground pool.

“Uh, my aunts,
or something. Kinda complicated, my parents bought it, and they are going to be
moving here sometime soon I think.” He plugged the stereo into the speaker
system of the garage that was right next to the pool. “But for now, it’s our
pool.”

Two of the guys
jumped in right away. I grabbed the skimmer. “Brooke this is Mack,” Judd said,
pointing to the overweight kid. “And this grimy dirt bag is Chalky.” Judd
grabbed Chalky by the shirt and propelled him into the pool.

He sputtered as
he came up. “Hey Brooke, nice to meet you. Wanna make out?” He winked at Judd,
provoking him.

Judd dove into
the water after him and they choked and fought each other for the next two
minutes. Soaked, Judd pulled himself onto the ledge of the pool. He reached
over and grabbed the vodka bottle and took a gulp. His face twisted. “Ah,
anyone else?”

Mack raised his
hand and Judd chucked the plastic container across the pool. I decided to take
my clothes off before I got thrown in. My shorts and shirt were already damp
from the boys jumping in, but I shoved them into my bag and turned around to
hurry in.

I stopped. All
three boys stared at me, motionless. I looked down. “What?”

Judd said
nothing. A slow smile spread across his face.

“Am I missing
something?” I checked to make sure the sides of my bikini were tied tight.

Chalky broke
the silence. “So hey Brooke, you work out?” Mack doubled over in laughter as Judd
raced after Chalky in another attempt to drown him.

I skimmed my
hands across the top of the water as I sat on the steps. The guys talked about
their four wheelers and girls they planned to go after when school started in a
few weeks. Judd winked at me and I splashed him in the face.

“Want?” Judd
pushed the vodka into my hand.

“Yooo Paulie
baby, took you long enough!” Mack called out. A boy I wasn’t familiar with
rounded the corner of the garage and made his way down to the pool.

Judd glanced
over. “Brooke, this is Paul.”

Paul nodded his
head in the direction of the guys and set his bag down. “Wasn’t planning on a
nature walk before I went swimming. How many fields did I just walk through to
get here?”

I laughed, too
eagerly. He was taller than Judd, but still around the same age as us. He
cruised over to the edge of the pool planning his entry. He refused to look at
me but acknowledged the guys one by one with a slight head nod and a derogatory
comment.

I tried not to
stare at his face and traced its shape up to his golden hairline. My face
betrayed me as I blushed, and I lowered my eyes to the vodka bottle in my hand.
I pretended to be interested in the name on the bottle; Absolute. I entertained
myself with coming up with words that rhymed with the liquor name. Cowboy boot,
expensive suit, that boy is cute…

“You gonna
share or should I have brought my own?”

His voice was
velvet. When I looked up it caught me off guard that Paul had his shirt off and
was standing right next to me. His cologne swayed over me as he crouched down to
be level with my eyes.

“Well?” he
asked, opening his palm. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to. He had no
acne, no visible scars or uni-brows. Even his teeth were straight and pearly.
Deep, green eyes pulled me in, begged me to keep looking.

“All yours.” I
held the bottle out by the neck. His hand wrapped around mine to take it, and
he paused. My hand and heart smoldered and my lips parted into an unwelcomed
grin.

His eyes moved
over my face, down my neck. A smile spread across his face as he raised his
eyebrows and stood up. “All mine, huh?”

My heart took
off like a bullet. Paul walked away and I slid into the water for a
distraction. I couldn’t look away and I had a hard time following conversation.
The few times I caught Paul looking in my direction I turned my head the other
way to pretend I didn’t see. It was agonizing.

Judd walked me
back to his house while the guys swam. “Why do you have to leave so early?” He
tried to cover the disappointment in his voice.

“Mom had
surgery yesterday. Remember the foot surgery I told you about? She’s gonna be
there a week maybe. I just need to be home, you know, take care of things.”

“Stay.” Judd
turned to me. “Take care of
me
instead.” His voice implied he was joking
but there was seriousness in his face when I looked at him.

“Yea, you need
taking care of all right,” I said. “Besides, you have your buddies to
entertain. I’ll probably see you tomorrow, okay?”

When I got home
I started dinner right away even thought it was only four o’clock. I knew Dad
wouldn’t be home from the hospital until at least eight. I boiled water for
macaroni and pulled hot dogs out of the freezer. Adam watched Kat and Thomas
all afternoon so after everyone ate, I scrubbed the kitchen down and put a
movie on so I could catch up on some of the summer reading I had. I curled up on
the sofa with Thomas and Kat while Adam clicked away at the computer in the
kitchen.

Kat and Thomas were
upstairs when the front door flung open and Dad barged in. The noise startled
me and my book crashed to the floor as I jumped up to see what was going on.
Dad stormed into the kitchen and he chucked his things down on the counter.
Adam was right in his path.

The attack was
immediate. “What are you still doing on the computer? There are TWO cups in the
sink and you’re sitting on the computer like there is nothing to do? You need a
special invitation to keep this place clean? Huh? DO YOU?”

Adam was fast
but not fast enough as Dad approached him and overturned the chair he was
sitting on. My throat tightened.

“Get moving!
Get this place picked up now!” The chair was airborne and sailed across the
room hitting Adam square in the chest. He sank to the ground hitting his head
against the wall and a faint blood streak followed him down.

“Dad! Stop!” I
rushed to Adam’s side and pulled the chair off of him.

“Stop? You want
me to stop? I haven’t even started.” He picked up a cup from the sink. “What
the hell is a dirty cup doing in my sink? I work all day, have to sit at the
hospital all night and this is the crap I come home to?”

The cup whirled
past my head and exploded on the wall behind me. Glass shards propelled
everywhere. Adam and I scattered to our feet and headed toward the stairs, Dad
bellowing behind us.

“Get back here,
and clean up this mess. GET BACK HERE!”

I slipped on
the stairs and frantically grabbed at the banister to help me up. Adam clutched
his chest where the chair had hit him. I prayed Kat and Thomas were hiding in
their closets like I taught them.

Heavy footsteps
chased me. I rushed inside my room and fumbled to lock the door. Dad was seconds
behind me, and I scanned the room for Kat. She was nowhere to be seen.
Good
girl.

My bedroom door
busted open with one blow and I screamed as I covered my face. When I dropped
my hands he was inches from my nose.

“You think you
can lock this door on me? HUH? You think you can keep me out? This is MY house,
MY house.” He shoved me against the wall.

I glanced over
his shoulder and saw Adam shoving Thomas down the hallway into his bedroom.
Keep
him safe, Adam.

Dad turned away
and grabbed the bedroom door with both hands and pulled the door off the
hinges. Adrenaline screamed at me to run but I gripped my hands at my side and
tried to plan an escape.

“Go ahead and
try to lock the door now. Now you need to get your ass downstairs, and clean up
that mess. Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME?”

Standing my
ground, I uncontrollably flinched and nodded. I had to redirect this, Adam and
Thomas hid down the hall. He’d be after them next.

“Sorry Dad,
I’ll clean it. They were my cups.”
Please believe me.

He eyed me up
and down, his chest heaved from struggling to chase us up the stairs. I watched
the blood start to drain from his face, and he started to look away from me. A
sign he was backing down.

“Get it cleaned
up. I don’t want to tell you again.”

He shuffled the
door to the side with his boot and made his way down the hallway. I closed my
eyes listening to the sound of his footsteps, praying. It seemed like an eternity
before I heard the sound of a doorknob turn, then silence. He had gone into his
own room. I checked the clock. It usually took about an hour for the tension in
the house to start winding down. I knew Adam and Thomas would stay in their
room until then.

When I opened
the closet door Kat was sitting in the far back corner. I clicked the light on
and welcomed her into my arms. We both learned to be expert silent criers, and
her face was stained with the remnants of fear.

“I’m sorry.” I
stroked her head. “I’m sorry, I should have made sure the sink was empty.”

It was only day
two of Mom being in the hospital, and she still had more than a week of
recovery. I tried to push the thought of how hard it was going to be over the
next few days and focused on cleaning up shards of glass over the next hour.

Kat puffed
little breaths of air as I slipped into the bedroom, careful not to wake her
up. I stared at the open space where my door should have been. It was my
lifeline, the only way I could ready myself. Now I wouldn’t hear if Dad came
into my room in the middle of the night.

And I didn’t. I
glanced at the clock with a half opened eye as I was being carried.
What’s
going on? Ohh where is he taking me? This is all a dream, all a dream. He’ll go
away if you’re sleeping. This isn’t happening if you’re sleeping.

 The plastic
smell told me I was in his bedroom, on his waterbed. I tasted blood as I bit my
lip and twisted my face. The room was a black hole, not even the stars were
out.

Pain shot up
through my body as I contorted my back. My cheeks were on fire and the room
began to spin. I grabbed at the sheets and the weight of his body pushed me
deeper into the bed. I couldn’t breathe.

I heard
something like a doorknob turning, but began to drift. I saw my body, laying
there on the bed, getting crushed and prodded. My body floated above the scene,
accepting the calm waves that washed over me as I separated myself. Soon I was
flying, high above everything left behind. I left that shell and I didn’t look
back. I couldn’t look back.

When I woke up,
Kat was standing at my bed with a plate, nudging me. Sunlight bathed the room
in gold and I shifted my weight. “Ohhh,” I cried out.

The pain
between my legs and in my stomach was unreal. I squished my eyes together
instead of screaming so I didn’t scare Kat.

She put the
plate on the floor next to the bed. Peanut butter and jelly. “Adam said you
should get up Brooke, because you’ve been sleeping for two days.”

“Two days?”

Kat nodded.

I tried to
remember everything that had happened but a wave of nausea forced me not to.
The pain must have been so intense I passed out, I knew that much. I limped
into the bathroom and refused to look in the mirror while I undressed.

Hot water ran
down my body and nursed the pain away. It washed away the blood, and the tears.
It washed my soul. I scrubbed my arms, chest, neck and legs. Water rushed at my
face and I let it pour over me and pool at my feet. I watched it go down the
drain, to make sure that nothing was left of the other night.

I changed
clothes and pulled a sweatshirt on. I noticed my bedroom door had been
replaced, perfectly new, like nothing happened. Downstairs Adam and Thomas
flicked through channels. “Geeze Brooke, you’re the only one who’s allowed to
sleep for two days and not get in trouble for it.” Adam shook his head. “Judd
called you six times. Tell your boyfriend he doesn’t need to call so much, it
was making Dad mad.”

I poured a
glass of water and steadied myself. Dad walked into the kitchen and I gripped
the side of the counter. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. His face was
composed, normal even. He stared at me.

“You okay
snuggle bug? Must have not been feeling well to sleep that long huh?” He picked
up a glass and took a lengthy sip. “I told Mom you must have had the flu or
something since you threw up in your sleep.” He lowered his voice. “You’re
feeling better now though, right?”

I couldn’t
process what he was saying. I knew I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t. How can he stand
there in front of me and pretend like nothing happened? Like he is having a completely
ordinary conversation with his daughter? This can’t be normal. I squeezed my
legs together for confirmation that the other night had happened. That I was
dragged from my room in my sleep, and it wasn’t a dream like I wanted it to be.

Pain shot up
through my thighs and stomach. My lips parted to scream at him. To tell him that
he couldn’t do this. I caught sight of my siblings sitting in the living room.
The idea of me resisting and my siblings being his next target was unbearable.
I was their only protection, the only one who knew what he was capable of. My
shoulders slumped, and I stared at the ground. I didn’t have a choice. To care
for them, I couldn’t say a word.

I lifted my
head and watched his gaze run over my face. He was waiting for confirmation
that the secret we had was still protected, still safe.

“Right,” I said.
I tried to hide the defeat from my voice. “Whatever you say, Dad.”

Freshman year
of high school is when I got my first job working as a telemarketer.
Technically I didn’t have my working papers yet, so I forged the year I was
born on the application after seeing the hire sign in their window. The hiring
manager scanned me several times when I handed it in, and he asked me if I had
ever been in sales. I told him I could sell him the Brooklyn Bridge if he
taught me how. I was hired on the spot.

 “Brooke, where
ya goin’?” Judd pushed one of his friends aside and jogged over to me. “You
wanna come over? School’s over soon, I want to get the pool opened.”

“I can’t, I
work till nine.” I pushed my honors English book into my locker and pulled out
my three ring binder.

“You always
work. And you always study.” He picked up a heavy science book, made a face and
put it back in my locker.

“Yea, maybe you
should try it sometime.” Cristin appeared and opened the locker next to me.
“Then you wouldn’t have to cheat off my tests all the time.”

“Ahh come on
Cristin, you know I’m not looking at your answers. You’re just so, so
beautiful, I can’t help staring at you in class.”

Cristin rolled
her eyes and I covered my mouth to stifle the laugher.

“Besides, if I
wanted to really impress the parentals, I would sign up for all honors classes
like Miss Perfect over here and copy off
her
answers.” He nodded at me.

The blow to his
arm probably didn’t hurt like I wanted it to. “You
wish
you could keep
up with me in those classes,” I said.

“Yea okay,
later uglies.” Judd turned on his heel and fled after Mack who was mocking him
from across the hall.

“You going to
work?” Cristin threw her book bag over her shoulder.

“Yep. If I get
top rep of the week again it’ll be a nice paycheck.”

“Good,” Cristin
eyed me, “Then we can go shopping before you disappear into those clothes. What
are you, a size one?”

“Double zero,”
I corrected. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and gripped the books that
wouldn’t fit in my bag close to my chest. “Gotta go though, see ya tomorrow.”

I navigated
through the chatter filled hallways toward the front of the building. Two girls
in cheerleader uniforms stood on chairs to tape bright pink flyers to the
announcement board. They walked away and I paused a moment to read it:

~*~ Tryouts ! ~*~

Fall Football Season Cheerleaders

Saturday, June 5
^th
, 11:00
am

In the ‘Big Gym’

“Don’t even
bother.” I was interrupted by a girl from my English honors class standing
right next to me. “They always pick the same girls. Unless you’re in with their
little cliques, you don’t stand a chance. It’s stupid anyway.”

I nodded. The
truth was I didn’t belong to any clubs or sports. The little time I did have
not occupied with home life I used to make money or study. Sure, it was going
to help when I applied for college, but I felt like I was missing out on
something. I never got a chance to do something because I wanted to. I did
things because I had to. Without thinking twice about it I ripped the flyer off
the bulletin and stuffed it into my book bag.

Mom picked me
up from work a little after nine. “What took so long?” She huffed, turning the
key in the ignition.

“Had to fill
out a lot of paperwork. I book a lot of appointments.”

“Oh, that’s
good. Did you reach the daily goal? What is it, two appointments a night?”

“Yea. I made
twelve.”

I demolished a
bowl of cereal when we got home. “Mom I wanted to see what you thought about me
trying out for cheerleading.”

She didn’t look
at me. “I don’t have the money for all you guys to do after school things.”

“I’ll pay for
it,” I offered. “You won’t have to pay for it I just wanted to see what you
thought.”

“I don’t know
Brooke, as long as I don’t have to pay for it and you continue to help out with
things around the house when they need to get done I don’t care.” By things she
meant money and cleaning. I was pretty sure I could juggle everything.

“I’ll keep my
job, and I’ll pay for it. Tryouts are in two weeks, but I would need to get a physical.”
She sighed with the force of a cough and looked at me. It would mean she would
have to make the appointment, pick me up from school and wait the hour at the
doctor’s office to bring me home.

“Or I could
just do the physical the school offers. It costs more but…Yea, that’s what I’ll
do.” I dumped the milk from my bowl into the sink. “Need to study, goodnight.”

The only time I
took off work was to study for mid-terms or finals. So when I told my boss I
needed the Saturday off for tryouts he laughed. “Ha, Brooke, if you have
another exam I understand, you don’t have to lie about why you need off.”

I wasn’t sure
why, but the remark offended me. “I’m not lying. I really am going to try out
for cheerleading.”

My tone changed
his remark. “Oh, yea, I know. Um, sure. That’s great, that’s fine. You need to
do stuff like that anyway, you know, go be with the kids your age.”

“Should I
work
like the kids my age too?” I looked around the office at all the middle aged
women talking away on their phones. He gave me a two week trial period to prove
myself, and I’ve blown away office records ever since. “I mean, I don’t
need
to be the top operator for a fourth month in a row. Maybe I should give someone
else a shot.” I smiled.

“Very funny.”
He sunk into his leather arm chair. “Keep doing your thing, go do your tryouts,
just make sure it doesn’t affect your numbers here.”

I nodded.

I spent the
next week worrying about tryouts. I couldn’t even do a cartwheel. A few other
girls I knew wanted to try out too, so at least I knew some of the people who
would be there.

“Have you been
stretching? I know they do a lot of jumps and kicks so be sure you’re
stretching.” Sonia whispered her advice to me between classes. “Most people
diet too, but you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Yea, you don’t
have to worry.” Carmen adjusted the glasses on her nose. “Have you ever done
cheerleading?”

I shook my head.
“No, I just thought it would be something fun to do. I’m not banking on making
the team, I know they choose a lot of the same girls.”

“Well, we’ll
all make the team, I’m sure.” Sonia smiled. “They can’t always pick the same
girls. And we’re pretty enough, how hard could it be?”

Mom dropped me
off the Saturday of tryouts. I spent an hour that morning trying to figure out
what a cheerleader looked like when they practiced. I settled on a pair of navy
blue shorts and a white cami with a light blue sports bra underneath. My hair
was pulled into a tight ponytail and, at the suggestion of Sonia, I didn’t
shave my legs for two days.

“Why not shave
your legs?” Mom rounded the corner of the school and came to a stop.

“I don’t know.
Sonia said it was something they checked though. She told me not to put lotion
on my legs either.” I ran my hands across the stubble.

“Okay well,
you’ll call when you’re done?”

“Yea, Carmen
has a cell phone. I’ll call.” I kissed her on the cheek and grabbed my water
bottle and gym bag.

Sonia and
Carmen were already inside. “There are
so
many girls here,” said Sonia,
scanning the lobby outside the gymnasium. The sea of girls sprawled all over
the floor stretching and chatting was a little intimidating. At eleven o’clock
sharp, a bulky red faced woman opened the gym doors.

“Attention,
girls.” The lobby fell quiet. “I’m coach McDade. It’s going to be a long day,
so listen carefully. Girls will be put into groups of ten and assigned a team
captain who is already a member of our cheerleading team. They will teach you
two cheers, a dance, and how to do three kinds of jumps.” She paused to eye
some larger girls sitting on the wall. “Cheerleading is strenuous; make no
mistake that you will be pushed both physically and mentally today. You will
ache in places you never thought possible.”

Several of the
team captains standing at her side smiled and whispered to each other. “With
that being said, our fall football season only has twelve openings. Six for the
junior varsity team and six for the varsity team. Auditions will take place
today at four o’clock sharp. Good luck to all of you.”

A team captain
with bright yellow hair stepped forward as the coach turned and disappeared
into the gym. “All right girls, when I call your name, step forward and follow
your team captain.”

Carmen and I
were put into the same group with a team captain named Lucille and Sonia wound
up with the bright yellow haired team captain. The groups dispersed and found
quiet spots for each team to practice.

Our team
captain bellowed out commands over the next several hours. We jumped rope and
ran in place. Lucille taught us toe touches, X-jumps, and hurdler jumps. When
it seemed my calves would explode we moved onto learning the dance routine. It
was only a two minute soundtrack, but with everything else we had to learn it
only left an hour of practice to learn the entire fast paced routine.

Sweat dripped
from my forehead and Carmen looked like she was ready to call it quits.
Finally, the team captains rallied all the groups together in the lobby and by
four o’clock the first group of girls was lead into the gym. There were five
teams in all, and everyone looked exhausted. My team was the last to be called
inside.

Lucille led us
into the gymnasium and we were called in pairs to stand in front of Coach
McDade and three other staff members I didn’t know. The first two girls to
tryout were last season’s football cheerleaders. They finished their jumps
perfectly and nailed every section of the dance routine.

The next two
girls went and it seemed like the coach and staff didn’t even pay attention to
any girls that weren’t already cheerleaders. Carmen was up next, along with a
red haired eleventh grader. She struggled through her jumps but she picked up
most of the dance routine and finished her tryout with a smile. She winked at
me as she slipped through the gym doors to wait for me outside.

“Brooke Nolan
and Chrissy Stires. You’re up.”

I took my place
in front of the Coach and flashed my biggest smile. I was sure I probably looked
like an idiot.

“Brooke Nolan.
Have you ever tried out before?”

“No, I
haven’t.” My throat tightened after realizing I just gave her permission to not
watch a thing I did for the next two minutes.

“Okay girls,
first, toe touch.”

I clasped both
hands together, then up over my head as I swung my hands around and left the
ground. When I landed I saw one of the staff members nudge the person next to
her to look in my direction.
Wow, are they really going to make fun of me as
I’m standing right here?

After our jumps
were done they called us one by one to do a chant then a cheer. I messed up the
words to the cheer but I recovered and smiled through it.

“No matter
what,” Sonia warned, “Smile every second. Don’t stop smiling.”

Music blared
through the speakers as the music for the dance routine started. My calves threatened
to turn to jelly as I finished and I noticed that every staff member, including
Coach, was looking at me when the routine ended. One staff member leaned in towards
Coach and whispered something in her ear. She nodded.

“Very well, one
more thing.” Coach nodded to Lucille. “Bring your bases in here Lucille, we
want to see Brooke try a half elevator.” Lucille raised her eyebrows and looked
in my direction. “Now, Lucille.” Coach waved her off.

“Brooke, do you
know what a flyer is?” Coach asked, not bothering to look at me.

Blood rushed to
my face. “Uh, no, I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Coach smirked.
“A flyer is the girl that goes up in the air.” She pointed towards the ceiling
as three girls followed Lucille into the gym.

“Girls, I’d
like you to put Brooke into a half elevator.” The girls eyed me. “Walk her
through it, tell her what to do.”

Lucille broke
the awkward silence. “Come on you heard her, let’s go.”

Two girls were
on either side of me and one girl was behind me. The girl behind me clasped her
hands onto my waist. “Geeze girl, do you not eat?”

“Okay, now put
your hands on our shoulders and go up on your toes. When we say cradle up, push
off your toes and into our hands. Lock your legs or you’ll fall, or kick us.”

The girl to my
right was talking too fast. “Lucille will stand in front of you to make sure
you don’t fall forward. But don’t fall forward. We’ll raise our hands chest
high once your feet are in our hands. Push off hard, lock your legs, got it?” I
nodded.

I was going to
die.

I put my palms
on the shoulders of each girl on my side and felt the back base grip my waist.
I lifted my weight onto my toes and prayed I didn’t smash my face off the
ground with what was about to happen.

“Cradle UP!”
Lucille bellowed.

I jumped into
the girls hands, pushed off and looked down. I shouldn’t have looked down. My
legs flailed underneath me and the back base all but took a kick to the chest
as she caught me coming down.

“Ah sorry, and
don’t look down either,” said the side base as she smiled at the Coach. “Put
your hands in a T when you get to the top.”

“Again.” Coach
crossed her arms over her chest and gave a knowing look to the staff that had
whispered in her ear.

Okay Brooke.
Push off, lock your legs, don’t look down. Don’t look down. Don’t look down.

“Cradle UP!”

I pushed off
and landed in the side bases hands. In a swift movement I was rushed through
the air and then everything stopped. My hands out in a T at my sides, my feet were
undoubtedly planted firmly on the ground. Then I opened my eyes.