Special Delivery (13 page)

He was gone for nearly an hour, and when he came back she was dressed and waiting, and she looked better than she had earlier, but he was still worried. Nothing was going to reassure him now except the word from the doctor that she wasn't suffering from anything terminal, or malignant. He just couldn't stand it. But he spoke to her with forced cheer, as he put his jacket on and looked at his watch. It was time to leave, in case they ran into traffic.

All set? he asked nervously. He didn't know why, but he felt as though he were going to the guillotine. It was as though his life was never going to be the same again, and he was never going to come back here to this house again, in the same easy spirit. He was bracing himself for the worst news he could imagine, because he loved her.

Sweetheart, she said gently, before they left, looking up at him with eyes that tore his heart out, I'm all right. I promise. They'll probably just tell us I have an ulcer. I had one years ago, when the girls were small, and these days that's pretty simple to deal with. A couple of pills, and it'll disappear like magic.

You should have gone weeks ago, he reproached her, as they walked to his Ferrari.

I was busy, she said primly, and got in beside him. She loved riding in the car with him usually, but this morning on the way into town, his fast turns and sharp moves made her feel sick, but she didn't dare tell him. She knew he would have been even more frantic.

Her doctor was in the medical building at 435 North Bedford, the waiting room was full when they got there, and it seemed to take forever. Jack glanced at magazines, and Amanda just sat there with her eyes closed, waiting. He looked over at her from time to time and he hated her pallor and the obvious look of discomfort. He knew she wasn't in pain, he had asked her that, but she just didn't feel well. And there was no way she could still sell him the story about catching the flu from Louise's kids, that had been more than a month before. This was something far more scary.

A nurse in the doorway finally called her name, and Jack watched as she went in, and smiled at her encouragingly when she glanced over her shoulder. She was nervous too, but they were trying to put a good face on it for each other. But neither of them were convincing.

And even Amanda had to admit that it was a relief to finally sit there with her doctor. He was kind, and a familiar face, and she had gone to him for nearly twenty years. He had also been Matt's doctor, and he asked her now if she was very lonely. She was embarrassed to tell him about Jack, although he was sitting in the waiting room large as life, so she just nodded, and began telling him her symptoms. She told him about the flu the month before, the occasional queasiness, and her absolute inability to drink coffee or eat chocolate, which she took as a sure sign of an ulcer.

He asked her if she'd seen her gynecologist recently and had a mammogram and a Pap smear, and she admitted that she hadn't. She had been due for both when Matt died so suddenly, and just hadn't bothered since then.

You should, you know, he scolded her. At your age, you should have both every year. And she promised that she'd take care of it immediately, and then he asked her if she had any warning signs of menopause, and she explained that lately she was beginning to think that she had some.

He nodded. At fifty-one, that didn't surprise him. Hot flashes?

No, not yet. I'm just tired a lot, and irregular. A number of her friends complained of fatigue all the time, although she'd never had that before. But lately, she was constantly exhausted. At first, she had just thought it was a side effect of her new love life. But in the past few weeks, she didn't think so. She could hardly put one foot in front of the other.

He asked her about a lot of other things, and he was inclined to agree with her. Probably the onset of menopause, and possibly an ulcer.

I'm going to send you to the hospital for a sonogram, he explained to her. Let's see what that shows, we can always do a GI series after that if it's indicated, but let's not rush into anything yet. And I want you to see your gynecologist tomorrow. He can give you some hormone replacement therapy that may pick you up almost immediately. It's worth talking to him about. She listened and nodded, as he handed her a slip of paper, and told her where to go at Cedars Sinai. And he told her they'd either give her the results there if the radiologist was there, or he'd call her the next day to tell her if she had an ulcer. All right? He smiled at her and stood up, and walked her to the door of his office. And then she went to find Jack, who looked grim as he waited, but he broke into a smile the minute he saw her. He looked like a kid who had lost his mother and finally found her. She had been gone for nearly an hour.

What did he say?

Pretty much what I thought. Some ' um ' changes in my body ' and maybe an ulcer. I have to go to the hospital for a sonogram now. Do you want me to drop you off at the store on the way? I hate to waste your whole day with this nonsense. He took forever.

I'm coming with you, Jack said firmly, but he was relieved that nothing worse had turned up, at least not so far.

Did he think there was anything to worry about? Jack asked as they got to the car, but she shook her head, looking a little mournful.

He thought I might need hormones. That's depressing enough. I feel like an old woman.

Oh sweetheart ' come on ' You're a baby. He always made her feel better, and she smiled sheepishly as she slipped into the passenger seat in the Ferrari and he roared down North Bedford to Cedars Sinai.

At the hospital, they had to wait forever again, but they finally called her in, and this time Jack decided to come with her. He didn't like hospitals, and he didn't like them messing with her without some supervision. A technician had already explained to them that there was nothing invasive about the test. They would put gel on her abdomen, and roll a transducer around on it, and an image would appear on a screen to tell them if she had any growths or cysts, or possibly an ulcer. It sounded pretty simple. But he still wanted to be with her.

She undressed in a cubicle, and emerged in a white gown and her shoes, feeling foolish, and he smiled at her as she lay down. They gave him a stool just behind her head, where he could see the screen too, but all it looked like was a weather map of Atlanta. They applied the gel, and the technician began rolling the transducer, much like a microphone, around on her stomach with a little mild pressure. All it felt was cold, and the whole thing was pretty boring. And then they both saw the technician frown, and concentrate on an area low on her stomach. And the pressure of the transducer felt mildly uncomfortable to Amanda while she did it. The technician said she'd be right back, and went to get someone to look at it with her. This time a young resident came, and he introduced himself to both of them, and then glanced at the sonogram with interest.

Something wrong? Amanda asked, trying to feign a calm she didn't feel. She was beginning to panic. It was easy to see that they had seen something that either worried or perplexed them. But the resident was nonchalant when he answered.

Not at all. We just like to be sure of what we see here. Four eyes are better than two sometimes, but I think we have a pretty clear picture. When was your last period, Mrs. Kingston?

Two months ago, she said, in a choked voice. She obviously had something wrong with her ovaries ' or her uterus ' it wasn't change of life at all ' it was cancer' . She couldn't even look at Jack as she said it, but the resident nodded.

That sounds about right, he said, nodding, and then zoomed in on the sonogram screen for a closer view, pressed a button, and a white asterisk appeared on the screen over something that was throbbing. Right here. He pointed at the asterisk with a finger and smiled at them. Can you see that? She nodded, and Jack stared at it blindly. Clearly, that was the root of the problem. Do you know what that is, Mr. and Mrs. Kingston? At their age, it was obvious to him that they were married. Why else would they be together?

A tumor? she asked hoarsely, as Jack closed his eyes in terror.

A baby. I'd say you're just about two months pregnant. In fact, if you hold for a minute here, I can computerize your due date.

My what?' She sat bolt upright and knocked the transducer right off her stomach. I'm what?' She turned to look at Jack as she heard a noise just behind her, and she turned around just in time to see him slip right off the stool, where he had been sitting, on his way to the floor. He had fainted. Oh my God ' I've killed him ' somebody help him! Her bare bottom was sticking out of the gown as she bent over him, and he groaned horribly and touched his head as he stirred, and the resident hit a panic button, and a team of paramedics came running. Jack was awake by then, and Amanda could already feel the bump on the back of his head as she knelt beside him. Oh God ' I'm so sorry ' are you okay? ' The resident sent the paramedics away and the technician went to get some ice, as Jack sat up slowly.

I'm fine. I just tried to commit suicide, that's all. Why did you stop me?

I take it this is a surprise to both of you, the resident smiled benignly. It happens that way sometimes, particularly with late babies.

Late? Amanda turned to look at him. I thought the show was over.

Did you think you were experiencing signs of menopause? he asked, and she nodded, as Amanda helped Jack onto the table. He lay down and she applied the ice pack that the technician had brought them.

Do you think he has a concussion? she asked worriedly, but the doctor shone a light in Jack's eyes, and assured her he didn't.

You're lucky I didn't have a heart attack, Jack said to Amanda. How did that happen? But they both knew. They had given up condoms in January, after the results of his AIDS test. She had been so sure she wouldn't get pregnant. It had never occurred to her that this could happen. I can't believe this, he groaned again and closed his eyes. He had an unbelievable headache.

Neither can I, Amanda said softly, staring at the frozen image on the screen that was their baby. And October 3 had appeared on the screen, since they last looked at it.

There's your due date, the resident told them happily, and Jack felt an overwhelming desire to kill him. We'll send a report to your doctor. Congratulations! And with that, he strode out of the room to the next patient he had to see and the technician handed them a picture that had been spat out of the machine in the last few seconds.

That's your baby's first picture. She smiled at them both, and began resetting the machine for the next patient. They needed the room, and Jack got up slowly and looked at Amanda.

I don't believe it, he said hoarsely. He looked worse than she did. She was suddenly feeling much better knowing that at least she didn't have cancer, or even an ulcer. Just a baby.

I don't believe it either. She glanced at him in embarrassment. I'll put my clothes on. She was back in a minute, and they walked slowly out of the room, still carrying the bag of ice chips. Jack looked like the patient. Neither of them said a word until they got to the car, and then he just stood there and stared at her. He felt as though his whole life was passing before him. It had happened to him before, but not like this, not with a woman he cared about so much, and not so totally out of the blue like that. With thirty-year-olds, you knew you were in trouble when you took chances. But at fifty-one? Jesus. I can't believe I'm pregnant. She was still holding the picture and he saw it.

Throw that thing away. It scares me. The little thing that had been throbbing had been the baby's heart, and the doctor had told them that the fetus was healthy. But she clung to the picture now and looked at it as she sat in the Ferrari. Do you want to go somewhere and talk? Or just go home and try to absorb it? He knew this would be a big step for her, and he was sorry for her. It was a shame it had happened to them. But in the end, maybe it would bring them even closer, at least he hoped so. And he planned to be there for her.

Do you have to go to the office?

Probably. But if you want to go talk about it, I'll call Gladdie. You'd better call your doctor. She nodded as he started the car and called Glad-die from the car phone.

I don't know what to say, Amanda said sofrty, looking at him. This was terrifying and amazing. She couldn't even think yet of all the implications.

It's my fault, he said glumly, I should have been careful. I was just so happy to be rid of those damn things after all these years, I guess I got carried away ' and pretty stupid.

I never thought this could happen, she said, still in shock.

Yeah, teenage pregnancy in your fifties, he smiled at her then, and leaned over and kissed her. I love you. I'm just glad you're okay, and it was nothing worse. As far as that went, he was relieved, but he was sorry for her. At least this we can fix, he said comfortingly as they stopped at a stoplight, and she looked over at him in confusion.

What does that mean? Her voice was very small and tight as she asked him.

Well, you're not going to keep the pregnancy, at our age. That's ridiculous. And besides, neither of us wants more kids. What would we do with a baby?

What does everyone else do?

They're usually twenty years younger than we are, and they're married. And then as he looked at her face, he pulled over. Are you telling me you want to keep it? She didn't answer him, but the look in her eyes filled him with terror. Are you crazy? I'm sixty years old, and you're fifty-one. We're not married, and your children already hate me. How do you think this little piece of news would go over? He couldn't believe it. It had never even dawned on him that she might want to have the baby.

It's our life, not theirs ' and the baby's, Jack, you're asking me to kill a live human being. Her eyes were filled with pain now.

Bullshit. He was raising his voice to her for the first time since he'd known her. I'm asking you to be reasonable, for chrissake, Amanda. You cannot consider keeping this baby.

I will not kill it. She hadn't even thought about it yet, but suddenly she knew clearly, without a moment's doubt, that she didn't want an abortion.