Special Delivery (17 page)

I told you. Don't look. She squeezed his hand and leaned over to kiss him.

Kingstons! The voice from hell sliced through the room. Are you paying attention? There will be a brief quiz on this subject.

Shit. Why can't we watch them operating on hemorrhoids?

Shhhh ' Amanda was laughing at him. He was hopeless. They never went back again. She didn't want natural childbirth anyway. She had tried it for about an hour with Louise, and she knew better.

But the last weeks of her pregnancy seemed very easy to her. On Labor Day weekend, she was eight months pregnant, and bored to death. They had gone to a movie, eaten Chinese food, and walked down the beach at Malibu, which was not quite as easy as it had been. She felt fine, but she was slow now and enormous.

They were sitting on his deck, drinking iced tea, when Paul called them. He wanted to know how Amanda was, and asked if they could come by later. And Jack said, when he hung up, that Paul sounded a little nervous.

Do you think something's wrong? Amanda asked, looking worried.

I don't think so. Maybe they're just getting anxious about the baby.

So am I, she said unconvincingly. She had been remarkably calm all through it. If this thing gets any bigger I won't fit into the elevator at Cedars Sinai.

Boys are like that, Jack said with a smile. Paul was a big baby too. His mother was mad at me for six months. She was such a little darling.

She gave you great kids, Amanda reminded him charitably, and he rolled his eyes at her.

Don't be such a good guy. She was a witch, trust me.

Paul and Jan came by late that afternoon, and Jack made drinks while they sat on the deck with Amanda, watching the sunset. It was a gorgeous afternoon, and Amanda was thinking about going swimming.

Is the baby okay? Jan asked, looking at her mother with concern. She was so huge it was scary, but Amanda didn't seem to mind it. She looked amazingly peaceful.

He's fine. Waiting for you, sweetheart, Amanda said with a smile, and Jack came back and handed the young people sangria. He noticed that both of them took long sips before speaking. And he wondered what was cooking.

Something wrong? Jack decided to break the ice, and the young couple shook their heads in unison, looking like guilty teenagers, and then laughed nervously as they looked from her mother to his father.

No, Paul spoke for them. Jan was too nervous. But there's something we want to tell you ' or we thought we should anyway. You should really be the first to know. '

Jan stepped in then, with tears in her eyes as she looked at her mother, Mom, I'm pregnant.

You are? Oh baby, how terrific. When did that happen?

About six weeks ago. I wanted to be sure before I told you. But the doctor has confirmed it and said I'm fine. I had a sonogram this week and everything's perfect. They even gave us a picture.

I remember that, Jack said, looking at them. But he wondered what the rest was. There was more to this story, he knew, as he waited.

Jan and Paul both took a deep breath then, and looked from one to the other of their parents. I know this will probably screw up your plans, but we just don't know ' we don't think ' I'm not sure we should '

Jack said it for them. You don't want our baby. Amanda looked stunned as both their children shook their heads, and then qualified it.

Unless you two really don't want to keep it. If you don't want it, then of course ' Paul was trying to be fair to them, but it was obvious that now that they were having their own child, they didn't want her mother's. We're really sorry.

That's all right, Son, Jack said calmly. Things work out for the best sometimes. Now, why don't you two run along. He looked at his daughter-in-law and congratulated her with a kiss and a hug. I want to talk to your mother.

We understand. I know this must be a little hard on you, Dad. They sounded young and insensitive and unaware, and yet at the same time, he didn't blame them. And he wasn't sorry either.

It's fine, Son.

They were gone within ten minutes, and Amanda looked as though someone had let the air out of her tires. It definitely required a shift in her thinking. She had done everything not to get attached to this child, and now suddenly it was hers again, and she had to rethink it.

Wow, there's a quick change of pace. I'm happy for them though. She looked at Jack from where she sat, checking for a negative reaction, but there was none. He seemed fine about it. But the way things were, he had no real obligation either. I guess that takes us back to the beginning.

Maybe, he said noncommittally. Why don't we just let it sink in for a day or two, and talk about it later, he suggested, and it seemed like a good idea to her. They both needed time to digest it, although her style was usually to solve problems on the instant. But this was different. This involved major life decisions. Or maybe none at all. The baby was due in four weeks. There was nothing left to decide now. And she had bought everything the baby needed, for her daughter. All she had to do now was have it. Come on, let's take a walk down the beach. She didn't say anything, but they didn't make it far, and in a little while they came back, and she wandered into his bedroom. She had been so happy here. They had spent such good times in each other's company. And their love had grown in countless ways in the nine months they'd been together.

Want to take a nap? he offered casually, as he walked into the room behind her.

I'd like that. I'm exhausted. The emotional shock of having the baby given back to them had left her feeling drained, elated in some ways, and frightened and worried in others, and more than anything, concerned about Jack's reaction. It had been such a perfect solution for them, and they'd both been comfortable with it. Are you going to leave me again? she asked in a soft voice, trying not to sound as frightened as she was, as the setting sun was framed in the picture window in his bedroom.

Of course not. I love you ' and I love him ' poor little guy, he's getting kicked around like a football.

From where I sit, it feels like he's doing all the kicking. Jack loved feeling him move and kick and dance around. Sometimes when she lay against him as she slept it made him smile just to feel it. And he knew how worried she must be now. She didn't deserve this. And he realized again what a fool he had been from the beginning.

He lay down next to her, and very gently kissed her. What are my chances of making love to you at this stage in the game? They hadn't tried it in two weeks, and already by then it had been quite a challenge. She smiled when he asked her.

The doctor says we can do it on the way to the hospital, if you want to.

I want to. And he looked as though he meant it.

You're a brave man, she whispered with a smile, and he peeled off her bathing suit and rubbed a hand across her belly. And at that exact moment, the baby gave a huge kick and they both laughed.

I think he heard what I asked you, and I'm not so sure he liked it. They lay together for a while, and he held her, and eventually, their passion took over. It was gentle and slow, and better than either of them would have expected. And when Amanda fell asleep next to him, he put his bathing suit on and walked back out to the beach. There was a lot to think about, a lot to decide. And he smiled, as he glanced at her from the doorway.

Jack cooked dinner for her that night, and he seemed very quiet to Amanda. She was afraid that he was upset about what Jan and Paul had said. But when she asked him, he said that he wasn't. He seemed very comfortable, and at peace with himself, and when they sat on the deck afterward and looked up at the stars, he reached for her hand, and leaned over to kiss her. It was a perfect evening.

There's something I want to ask you, he said finally. She couldn't imagine what was coming. She turned to look at him with a mildly worried frown. I did a lot of thinking this afternoon. Actually, I've done a lot of thinking lately. It just seemed so easy to let Jan and Paul take the baby. It was easier to let you make that decision.

It seemed such a great thing to do for them. She sounded disappointed. She still wasn't sure what she was feeling.

It was. You were incredible to do it. But it was never right. Maybe whatever Powers there are knew that, and got her pregnant. He paused, but only for an instant. I want us to keep the baby. He's our son ' I really want him. There were tears in his eyes in the darkness, but she couldn't see them.

You do? For the second time that day she looked as though someone could have knocked her over with a feather. Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure. And I'm tired of all this stupid modern bullshit. I want us to get married. Now. Tomorrow. Immediately. I don't want our son to be born out of wedlock.

That still gives you four weeks. Amanda smiled at him, wondering if he really meant it, or was just being noble. You don't have to do this. I love you just as much as if we were married.

So do I. So why not be? This is such a dumb way to do things. I live in Malibu, and you live in Bel Air, and we sleep together on weekends? I want to be there for night feedings and runny noses, and his first step and first tooth, and your first gray hair, and ' He was smiling at her, and she was laughing at him.

I hate to tell you, you've already missed it. About ten years ago, in fact.

Then I don't want to miss the rest. I don't know what I've been thinking. I've been so busy protecting myself for the last twenty years, that I forgot about protecting you. More importantly, I'd forgotten how good this can be. I don't want just part of it, or the easy times. I want all of it. I want to be there if you get sick, or if you're happy, or sad, or need me. And I want you there for me too. Even if I start to drool at the same time he does. He gently touched her belly and she put his finger to her lips and kissed it.

I want to be there for you too, she said softly. And you have been there for me. And then suddenly, she looked worried again. You don't think it's too soon? But this time, he laughed out loud, and their neighbors could have heard him.

Amanda, I love you. Have you looked at yourself? That's quite a profile. No, it's not a moment too soon. Not a minute. Let's get married next weekend. I'll call the kids, and if one of them has one lousy word to say about it, I'm going to disinherit them, and I'm going to say so. And that includes Louise! It's time those kids gave you a little support for a change, instead of just taking from you, or expecting you to accept them, and let them say anything they damn well please to you. I want to see smiles this time, and hear congratulations! They owe us this one. And she could see from the fire in his eyes that he wasn't kidding and she loved it.

And the next day, he did exactly what he said he would. He called all their kids and told them he and Amanda were getting married. The wedding was set for the following Saturday. Jack had asked an old friend, a judge, to marry them. He was going to do it at the store, and afterward they were having a reception for two hundred people. And Jack and Gladdie did everything. Much as Amanda would have hated to admit it to him, she was finally too tired to do it. She suddenly felt fourteen months pregnant, and she looked it.

He even found a dress for her, a beautiful cream-colored Gazar that fell over her vast form like petals. It was perfect. She was going to wear flowers in her hair, and carry a bouquet of tube roses, philanopsis orchids, and freesia. Both her daughters had agreed to be there, and Jack had invited them both to come to the store to pick out their dresses. Jan had come willingly, but of course Louise didn't. But she had promised Jack on the phone that on the day of the wedding, she'd be pleasant. And she was furious he'd called her. She thought her mother should have done it. She was always furious about something.

And when the day of the wedding came, Jack and Amanda took a short walk down the beach in Malibu and then she went back to her place to dress with her daughters. Both of them had agreed to help her. And she was as nervous as any bride, as her hands trembled when she slipped her dress on. The hairdresser had come to do her hair, in the smooth chignon that had been her trademark, and she looked spectacular, even eight and a half months pregnant.

You look nice, Mom. Louise stood behind her, and spoke to the reflection in the mirror, when Jan went downstairs to check the flowers.

Thank you, Amanda said gratefully, and then slowly she turned to face her. You're not too angry at me? But even if she was, Amanda was doing exactly what she wanted.

I'm not angry. I still miss Dad though. Even if he was a pain in the neck sometimes. Her eyes filled with tears as she said it. She had not only forgiven her mother finally, but her father.

I miss him too, Lou. Amanda took her older daughter in her arms and held her for a moment and then pulled away to look at her. She was difficult, but essentially a decent person. But I love Jack too.

He's a nice guy, Louise conceded, and then her eyes clouded again. There was something she had to ask her. Would you have done it for me, Mom? I mean give me the baby, if I couldn't have one. The question had tormented her from the beginning.

Of course I would. I would do it for either of you.

I always thought you loved her more. She was always so special to you. Louise's voice choked on a sob, and her mother was shocked by what she was saying.

So were you. You're both special. I love both of you. Of course I'd have done that for you. How could you think I wouldn't?

Stupid, I guess. Jerry said you would when I talked to him about it.

Then he's smarter than you are.

And then Louise surprised her even further. I'm glad you're keeping it. It'll be good for you. It'll keep you young ' or drive you crazy.

Probably both. Amanda laughed through her own tears, as Jan walked into the room, and Amanda hugged Louise once more and a secret look passed between them. Nothing like that had ever happened. And then she turned to both of them, and asked them if they'd be with her when she had the baby. I don't think Jack's going to make it. He almost threw up in Lamaze class.