Sound Proof (Save Me #5) (7 page)

I shrug. “Shit had to change, man. I was getting weird looks when I sat down at a conference table full of the execs.”

“What was the word you used before?” Abby pipes up. “Evolution?”

“Yep, shit has to change sooner or later.”

Too bad it isn’t the shit I wish would change
.

I know for a fact that Abby invited Payton and the girls, but the last time I spoke to her, she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to make it. I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up, but it’s useless. I know the chance of her coming home just for a birthday party is slim, but it’s still a chance.

After a while, everyone gets back to talking about their own life drama and leaves me, and my freshly-shaven head, alone. I let myself breathe and relax while I’m surrounded by screaming children. I close my eyes and when I open them again, Vanessa is diving into the pool. When she pops back up she splashes Jason, soaking his shirt. I try to ignore them, mainly because I’m jealous of what they have, but the second he pulls his shirts off that idea flies out of my head.

“Hold the fuck up!” I yell, leaning forward in my chair. “I’ve been sitting here taking shit for shaving my head, but you did that and didn’t tell anyone!” Pointing at his ribs, I take in the color that never used to be there. “Is that? Are those flowers on your damn chest?”

He turns and smirks at me. “It’s a sugar skull, fuck face. And yes, those are flowers. One for Vanessa and one for Damian.”

“It’s a sugar skull ‘cause I’m so sweet and bring color into his life.” Vanessa laughs, pushing herself out of the water.

I bark out a laugh, not taking my eyes away from the tattoo. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if there was some other colored tattoos somewhere on his body. There isn’t though. Not one single inch of color, which is why this one popped out at me.

“Who the hell has been lying to you, Vanessa?”

With her hands on her hips, she shakes her head. “It’s what he told me when he got it. Just ask Evan.”

I look at Evan and he shrugs, confirming what she just said. “When did you become some sweet, sappy sucker?”

“He’s always been sweet, it simply took the right woman to bring it out of him.”

My knuckles turn white as I grip the arms of the chair. That voice. That fucking voice has kept me awake more nights in the past few months than I ever remember anything keeping me up my entire life. That fucking voice has my cock coming out of hibernation for the first time in months. Why am I nervous, it’s only Payton? It’s only Payton but…

My head swings around and I take her in. She’s looks the same but different. Her blonde hair is longer, her skin glows from more than a florescent light tan from the office. Those aren’t the things that are getting to me right now. Those are things I’ve seen when in my dreams. What I’ve never imagined was…

“Did you just make a comment about what I said when you couldn’t see my face?”

Her eyes drop to the ground for a second before coming up and locking on mine with a grin on her lips. “What was the word Abby said you said? Evolution? Everything changes.”

Either she’s been standing there for a while, or Abby’s been keeping secrets from me.

“You’ve been here for a while, I guess.”
I hope.

Payton shrugs one shoulder. “Walk with me?” she asks.

I don’t want to seem too eager, but at the same time I want to jump over this fucking chair and throw her over my shoulder. She’s been gone six fucking months and instead of wanting to hang out and talk to everyone, she wants to be alone with me.

I choose to step around the chair instead of jumping it like a hurdle. Yes, I’m anxious to get close to her, but a piece of me knows she can be getting me alone just to let me down. She knows how I feel about her, even if she thought I was joking the entire time. When I finally reach her, I hold my elbow out for her, waiting until she hooks her arm with mine before walking.

“So…,” I say, turning my head toward Payton. She reaches up and gently pushes my head so I’m facing forward.

“I don’t need to see your lips to know what you’re saying anymore.”

“Sorry.” I shrug. “Habit.”

“Shouldn’t some things go away after not having to deal with them for six months?”

I chuckle and drop to the grass, pulling her down next to me.
Unfortunately, a lot of things stuck with me even though you left.
I want to say that, but I don’t. Instead, I stick with, “You’d think.”

You’d think is right…

“OK.” I sigh. There are no crazy looks, no crazy questions, nothing. How long until the
how the hell are you hearing me
questions start?

AJ doesn’t even look at me, and for some reason, it hurts. He hasn’t hit on me either, which is what I expected right off the bat.
Why does this hurt so much?
A year of full time flirting while I was married and now nothing. Even the texting over the past few months were still flirtatious.

“Cochlear implants.” He shocks me. Wringing his hands, he looks at me and smiles sadly. “I had six months without seeing you, Payton. That’s a lot of time to myself and a lot of time on the computer. You didn’t think to mention that I could call you so I could actually hear your voice while you were away?”

Yes…

“I wanted to surprise you,” I lie. I didn’t call because I knew it would make me desperate to see him. I was hoping that being away and only texting him a few times here and there would take away the need to be close to him. I left to get away from Max, to keep me from going back to him because that relationship wasn’t good for me. To be honest, though, I also left because my feelings for AJ grew more every day. I needed them gone. I needed to focus on myself and the girls. What I got was the time to make changes I want, but I found myself watching my phone, waiting for every text that AJ would send me.

“It’s definitely a surprise.”

Every deadpanned word cuts a little deeper and I have no idea why he’s like this. “I thought you’d be happy.” I feel my face fall even though I try to keep my smile on because Sage is rushing toward us.

“AJ!” She screams before falling into his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. “Did you know my mom can hear now? It’s so cool.”

“I did,” he replies, a smile finally creeping back onto his lips. He dips down, returning the kiss to her cheek and it makes her giggle. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the sound. It makes me wish that we had the money for these years ago so that I didn’t miss out on everything with Willow and Sage. I love being able to hear the giggles, the sound of their voices, even the snoring and crying. “How’d that happen, little girl?”

Sage smiles wide. “Unicorn blood and babies’ souls.”

“Well, that explains a lot.” AJ chuckles.

I drop my head into my hands, trying my hardest not to laugh, but it’s so hard. I fail, falling into a fit of giggles right along with Sage. Reaching over to her, I tickle her sides. “I’m going to beat your sister for telling you that.”

AJ tucks Sage closer into him, resting his head on top of hers and they watch the rest of the kids run around. I know she was excited to see all the other kids, but it was nothing compared to how happy she was when I told her AJ was going to be here. You’d think the kid had won the lottery with how much she cheered. Just when I think he is going to avoid talking to me now that Sage is with us, he tilts his head so he’s finally looking at me.

“Why did you use unicorns and souls to change yourself?” Sage snorts but AJ cuts off any talking by covering her mouth.

“A lot of different reasons. This giggly little girl,” I say, running my fingers across Sage’s cheek. “Willow, work, myself. They say silence is golden, but I think noise and chaos are heavenly sometimes.”

I don’t add in how he was one of my reasons too. How I wanted to be able to hear his voice when he spoke to me. That I wanted to hear the beats he makes instead of simply feeling them. Based on the relieved look on his face after I tell him my reasons, I think he may have been thinking I did it because he wouldn’t learn to sign.

Loosening up a bit, he smirks at me and I can tell there’s a dirty comment brewing in his head. Thank God. I need him to be normal with me. If I wanted someone to tiptoe around me, I’d go to my parents. They’re a lot better now that I can hear again, but it’s worse at the same time because now I can hear the guilt in their voice.

“Noise and chaos are pretty damn good, but it all depends on why they’re happening.” He winks, but as usual I just shake my head. As much as I want to act on how I feel right now, there are still a lot of things that need to be resolved.

What? You mean running away from your problems didn’t solve them?

After talking with AJ a bit longer, we rejoin everyone and I spend the rest of the afternoon with my friends. I love being able to be part of everything and not feel singled out because of a handicap. I make the best of the time because I know I have to see Max later today. As pleasant as he’s been every time we’ve spoken, and as nice as he was for not fighting me on taking Sage and homeschooling her for a bit, I’m still not looking forward to seeing him. I’m not sure I’ll ever be OK with seeing him.

“Daddy!” Sage screams, hauling ass up the front steps to the door where Max is. She leaps into his arms, her blonde hair flying around them. We dropped Willow off with Liam before stopping here because she wants nothing to do with Max. He looks happy. I’m not sure I’m OK with him looking happy after what he did. I know that’s petty, but I don’t think I care.

Setting Sage down, he watches her run down the hall to get a snack before turning back to me. He steps toward me, wrapping his arms around me. I don’t mean to, but my entire body goes rigid at his touch. He doesn’t scare me, but just the thought of him touching me makes my skin crawl.

After saying hello and finding out how I am, the next half hour is spent in awkwardness. Tense, mindless conversation, mostly about my surgery and how he wished we had done it years ago is what fills the air between us while Sage plays. It irritates me because every time I had ever mentioned it before, he shot it down. There was always an excuse or that he didn’t think I needed it. It was never about what I wanted. It isn’t until she decides to play in her old room that Max changes direction with what he’s talking about, catching me completely off guard.

“I miss you, Payton.” I stare blankly at him because I have no clue how to respond. I’ve spent six months figuring out that just because you miss someone, doesn’t mean you need them. I’ve also realized that I don’t miss the man sitting here, I miss the man I married all those years ago. A man that no longer exists. I have grieved for the people we once were and felt the loss. When I don’t say anything, he continues. “We’ve been through so much over the years. I don’t want to throw away what we have worked so hard to build over something that meant nothing to me.”

“Sure didn’t look like nothing to me, Max. I don’t want to go back,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “Honestly, I don’t see how we could even if I did.”

“Come on,” he pleads, his eyes softening. “You can’t tell me you don’t remember how good we can be together. That you didn’t come back here because you missed me, baby? It’s time to stop this foolishness and come home. Time for you to forgive me and for us to put our family back together. I want a second chance, Payton, you owe me a chance to make up for my mistakes.”

The words coming out of his mouth do nothing but anger me. “I don’t even want to look at you right now, Max, let alone come back. I left because I needed time to get over everything but I guess it didn’t help because every time I look at you, I see her. I see what you did, and then I begin to wonder how many other times there were, or how many other things you’ve lied to me about. My skin crawls thinking about how many times you went and fucked someone else and then came home and touched me. I can’t live like that, Max. I won’t. You broke this and I won’t sacrifice my happiness or sanity to give you another shot to hurt me or the girls ever again.”

Stepping away from him, I ignore his defeated face and call for Sage. As soon as she hits the bottom step I tell her to say goodbye and wait until she gives him a kiss before reaching for her hand and walking out of the house. I open the back door of the car for her, letting her buckle before closing the door and when I reach for the handle on my door Max yells my name.

The defeated look that was on his face when I walked away is gone, being replaced with one that I can’t even begin to describe. His eyes narrow in the bright sun, but he never looks away from me.

“You’ll regret not coming home when I asked you to.”

He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything before storming into the house and slamming the door. I know I probably will regret some things in my life, but I refuse to let this be one of them. I deserve better, so do the girls. I need to stay strong and show them how they deserve to be treated.