Sound Proof (Save Me #5) (4 page)

Once I check and make sure the doors are locked, I head to bed with Duke trotting up the stairs next to me. I want nothing more than to curl up with Max and show him how much I missed him while we were apart today. I strip my clothes off, pulling my hair off to the side in a quick braid before sliding into bed and watch as Duke settles into his post next to me on the floor.

I roll toward Max, scooting closer to him and let my finger draw back and forth over his chest. I can feel it rumble as he says something but the lights are so dim I don’t have a clue what it is. Leaning up on my elbow, I attempt to kiss him but he turns his head and my lips land on his cheek as he pushes my arm off his chest and rolls away.

My heart crumbles a little more each time it happens and as much as I hate to admit it, it has been happening more and more lately. No matter what I try to do to make it better, it doesn’t work. We still take care of the kids, still go to work together most days, and still sleep next to each other at night, but it’s like we’re two worlds apart. Like the Atlantic Ocean took up home between us in our king-size bed and I’m drowning in it trying to get back to him. It’s driving me insane not knowing what’s going on in his head and he won’t talk to me.

Maybe if I pretend that everything is fine like he does in the daylight, I can convince myself.

I give up after a few more minutes of trying to get his attention and roll so I’m facing away from him. My arm falls over the side of the bed and I let my fingers stroke gently through Duke’s fur. I feel him sigh, almost as if just having me touch him comforts him. Things used to be like that with Max. He used to pull me in, breathe in the scent of my skin and love me like he couldn’t function without me close to him; it’s been months since I’ve felt anything like that.

I can feel myself getting worked up over something I probably shouldn’t be, so I take a deep breath through my nose, hold it, and let it out through my mouth. Everyone goes through problems, right? I mean, after nine years of marriage, I should expect some bumps along the road. I just wish I knew how to iron them out.

It seems like I have only fallen asleep when Duke starts nudging me, trying to wake me up. I crack my eyes open, peeking at the clock, and I groan when I see that it says four AM.
Whose idea was it to drive at four AM again?
I toss the cover back and slide out my legs, trying not to wake Max up as I shuffle around the room and get all of our stuff together for this trip.

I contemplate not even waking Max up to let him know we’re leaving, but if I was in his shoes, that would hurt me. As much as him rolling away from me last night hurt, if he were to just get up and leave for a trip like this without saying goodbye, it would break my heart. He’s my husband, I love him, and I don’t want him to forget that simply because of a rough patch.

I regret my decision the second I shake Max awake. He rolls toward me, glares at me, and waves me off before closing his eyes. Like I always do lately, I shuffle away from him as fast as I can before I start to cry, but before I have a chance pull the door back, Max grabs my hand, his feet now on the floor. He tugs me into his chest and walks us backward until my back hits the wall. My heart beats a mile a minute because I haven’t seen this side of him in a long time.

He laces his fingers with the hand he’s holding, pinning it beside my head. The other wraps around the back of my neck, his thumb pressing gently against my chin until I’m looking at him. His hand leaves my neck so he can sign.

“I’m sorry, Payton. I’m so sorry for doing that.”

He catches my tear with his thumb, swiping it off to the side and presses his lips to mine. I put every ounce of effort in me into showing him how much I love him with this kiss. It only makes me cry harder because even though I keep trying to feel what I used to from him, I don’t. There’s no passion coming from him and it’s killing me that the spark isn’t there anymore. I finally push away from him, telling him if I don’t leave we’re going to be late and leave the room to get the girls ready to go.

“Willow, I said no, damn it.”

She rushes in front of me once we exit the elevator and walk toward my office. Turning, she walks backwards so I can see what she says instead of signing it to me.

“It’s not fair, mom. Why can’t I just go to the party?”

I try hard to ignore the odd looks coming from people as I walk by them and focus on Willow. Stopping just shy of my office door I rest my hands on my hips.

“You are fourteen, not eighteen. You are not going to a damn party with a senior. Especially one I, your father, or your step-father have not met. It’s a no-go, young lady, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

Hear? Did I really just tell her I didn’t want to
hear
another word about it?

Haha your mother is deaf. I’m glad we can all joke about this now. I give her another year before she starts sneaking out because I can’t hear her creeping away. That is if we make it past this party thing without it happening.

I can tell she’s trying not to laugh but she drops the argument and her smile as I push my way in front of her to open my office door. As soon as I crack the door open, I know something is off. Willow grabs my arm, pulling me around so I’m facing her and tells me she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for me to go in but I don’t listen to her. Instead, I swing the office door fully open and come face-to-face with a naked ass bent over my desk with a pair of thin tan legs wrapped around it. I push Willow back, making sure she isn’t in the office with me and storm back in.

“What the hell?” I yell, slapping my hand against the wall beside me.

The guy fumbles back, leaving the woman spread-eagle on my desk. My eyes barely make it to her mouth, which is repeating a bunch of jumbled up words I can’t make out. When I finally take in the rest of her face, my shock turns into anger and when I turn to the guy pulling his pants up, my anger turns to hate and heartache.

Tears spring to my eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I cry.

My husband stands in front of me, trying to make excuses as I back myself against the wall to keep myself from dropping to the floor.

“I’m so sorry, Payton,” he signs as he speaks. “You were supposed to be out of town.”

“I was supposed to be out of town? That’s your reasoning? Oh, I’m sorry I interrupted the fuck-fest you were having on
my
desk! With my
secretary
, no less! You haven’t been with me like this in months, but now I’m sort of glad because who knows what I may have caught.”

The movement from my left catches my attention as my lying, piece of shit, assistant attempts to cover herself with the giant calendar from my desk. Her head drops as she signs the words “I’m sorry” to me.

“I don’t want your goddamn apologies.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before the entire office knows what’s going on, but based on the looks I got when I walked in that now make sense, they already do. “I want you to pack your desk and I want you to get the hell out of this office. You’re not welcome back here anymore. And you—” I turn and point at Max “—you piece of shit. I’ve done everything I possibly can to fix us even though you were pulling away. I’ve made excuse after excuse to Sage because you were putting work before her, but now I’m thinking it wasn’t work you were putting before her. I never thought that you would do something like this after everything we’ve been through.” I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I know I need to think about things, but the last thing I ever thought I would say to him is the first thing to fall out of my mouth. “I want a divorce.”

I grab my purse from the floor, completely forgetting the fact that I actually came here to grab something, and walk out the door. Willow matches me step-for-step, her hand slipping into mine as we wait for the elevator. Once we’re inside and the doors are closed she turns to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I pull her closer, pressing a kiss into the side of her head and sigh. I feel like I should be more upset than I am right now and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’ve known this was coming, or if everything will sink in and make me freak out later.

She pushes away from me so I can see her. “Are you OK?” she signs, watching my expression.

I pull her back, tucking her into my side as the doors spring open and we step out into the lobby. “I will be,” I mutter. “Let’s go get your sister and figure out where to go from here.”

I sit back in my seat once I have parked my car in my parent’s driveway after making my way to their house, letting the leather form around me. I attempt to get more of a grip on myself before I jump head first into the shit storm that is bound to come from my mother because of this. Willow grabs my hand, squeezing it reassuringly before sliding out of the car to give me a minute by myself.

Did I completely overreact back there? How the hell am I going to do this alone?

Just when I think I’m going to go crazy inside my own head, my phone vibrates again, saving me from my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I grab it. I expect it to be Max again, but thankfully it isn’t.

AJ: have a good trip.

Me: Trips off

AJ: U ok? Girls ok?

Even though my heart is breaking, and my world is completely falling apart right now, I feel the corner of my lips perk up as I wipe tears off my face. Just the fact that the first thing he thought of was me and the girls shows me how much of a good friend he has become over the last year.

Me: Girls are fine. I will be.

AJ: … do I need 2 beat anyone?

Me: Not sure yet… I’ll let you know
.

I slide my phone back into my purse, ignoring another call from Max and check my reflection in the mirror. I open the door, step out, and get hit full force by Sage as she wraps her arms around my waist. I put my best game face on because I don’t want to worry the girls more, and I know my mother won’t approve of a divorce if I go through with it, but she’s just going to have to get over it if I do.

My mother steps out onto the porch, my father right behind her, and she leans into him when he wraps his arm around her. That’s what I was supposed to have; a loving marriage.

There goes that dream
.

I yell for Willow and watch as my mother flinches from the sound of my voice. I know my parents have never forgiven themselves for me losing my hearing and not taking me to the doctor sooner but I keep telling them that it’s not their fault. Seventeen years later and they still don’t believe me.

When Willow finally peeks her head out around the door, I ask her to take Sage out back to play so I can talk to my parents alone. She smiles sadly and nods before running down the stairs. She reaches out for Sage’s hand when she gets to us and pulls her along behind her to the back of the house.

“You two are supposed to be on your way to New York by now,” my mother signs. I can tell she knows something is up by the look in her eyes.

“I forgot some papers at the office so we had to come back to get them.” I hang my head, climbing the stairs and sitting when my father pats the seat next to him on the bench he’s now on.

“That doesn’t explain why you are here right now.”

I feel my anger start to rise again as I think about all the reasons I’m not on my trip with Willow right now. Should I have gone anyway? Should I have taken Willow and let everything fester in my head for the weekend while I couldn’t do anything about it from so far away? “Well, we had to turn around because I forgot something and Willow and I walked into my office and found Max screwing my secretary on my desk. So we decided to stay and figure out where to go from here instead of going to New York.” I know my voice is dripping with sarcasm and look up to watch her mouth.

Her face clouds over as she speaks and I know exactly what she’s going to say. “There’s still really no reason for you to be here. You know this will all blow over and you guys would be fine by the time you got back.”

“No, everything is not going to be all right!” I finally decide. “I will never be all right with this and I will
not
be walked all over. What kind of a role model would that make me for Willow and Sage?”

I jump up from the bench and pace, completely losing myself while I talk and it isn’t until my father grabs my shirt and signals to lower my voice that I realize I might be yelling.

“Honey, no man is perfect,” my mother starts again when I look back at her. “They all make mistakes and it takes a strong woman to stay with them.”

“Yeah, well… I already told him I wanted a divorce.”

My mother’s face turns up in disgust at the D word, and I wait for her to begin ranting.

“You think that leaving is a good decision? You were afraid of being a bad role model by staying, but leaving just makes you a weak quitter and I don’t want my granddaughters to think that’s how you face a problem.”

I get in her face, fuming. “I would rather them hate me now for getting divorced, than to hate me later for staying. I’m not going to teach them that a man is allowed to walk all over them and get away with it.”