Sound of the Tide (7 page)

The silence following Jenna’s exit was therapeutic. I had enjoyed her lively, cheerful mood today, but I found it almost nicer to relish the newly discovered lightness within me.

The living room had a fresh coat of paint and no longer looked like a construction site—it looked like a proper, beautiful room. Feeling grateful, I smiled at Kevin.

“It looks great, doesn’t it?” I asked, pulling the protective film off the first window.

He nodded. “Actually, the room has great acoustics. And, luckily, it’s not apple green.”

We laughed, and Kevin held one of those giant trash bags out for me. We crumpled up the paint-splattered plastic strips, tossed them into the bag, and kept going until all the windows were done.

“It looks so different all of a sudden,” I said. “Do you think Daniel would have liked it?”

Kevin placed the full trash bag outside the door, then turned around to me.

“He would have enjoyed seeing you like this today. Your cheerful laughter, I’ve missed that.” He hesitated for a moment, then looked at me as if deep in thought. “I was sure Daniel would have wanted you to find laughter again, and soon.”

My cheerful laughte
r . . .
I shook my head and swallowed. Suddenly I was overcome with guilt. How could I laugh again, mere months after the love of my life had died? Wouldn’t Daniel be terribly disappointed if he were to witness this?

Completely tired out all of a sudden, I sat down on the floor. I wasn’t used to such an intense physical workout in my current state, and I wished I had a bed here in this empty house already. I wasn’t ready to return to the apartment just yet.

“Piper, are you all right?” Kevin asked and sat down beside me. There was worry in his eyes as he reached for my hand. He had paint in his short, dark hair, and I felt the inexplicable urge to let my fingers run through it. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“I have no idea how I’m going to handle living without Daniel. I mea
n . . .
Other people have been through losing people they love. They allow themselves a certain period of time to be sad, but then their life goes on. Why can’t
I
do that? Why am I so attached to this horrible emptiness inside? Tell me why, Kevin! Tell me what I can do to not feel this terrible guilt every time I
don’t
think about him.”

“That’s perfectly normal, Piper! You don’t need to think about Daniel every second of every day for the rest of your life. That’s not what he would have wanted either. It’s enough that we always remember him.”

I looked at him. I could see tears swimming in his eyes, too, and his fingers held on to mine with desperate force.

“We will,” I promised, allowing him to embrace me. The familiar warmth of his body soothed my heart and soul, and it gave me the strength to comfort him in return. I suddenly realized that he felt this grief and despair, too. We both missed Daniel. The two of us were drifting out to sea, and there was no chance of rescue anywhere in sight.

But at least we had each other.

W
INTER
W
IND

December

T
he air in the mall furniture store was hot and humid, and the entire place was decked out in twinkling lights and artificial Christmas trees, just to drive home the fact that we were having the great celebration of consumerism in a few days. The smell of gingerbread and freshly baked cookies was so strong that I felt nauseated. I loosened my scarf to get more air and took several deep breaths. Maybe it was my pregnancy, but my senses were on overdrive, and all I wanted was to get out of here as quickly as possible.

I looked around, feeling completely overwhelmed by the hectic hustle and bustle so typical of the season. Parents tugged at their wailing kids, a couple having a very vocal argument pushed past me, and a sweaty fat man wearing a cheap Santa costume stood next to me on the elevator.

Why had I come here by myself? I was sure Jenna would have loved to join me, except I didn’t ask her. I thought it would be hard enough to go on my own to find myself a new bed, one which would have no trace of Daniel, none of his scrunched-up pillows, none of his familiar scent. It was my own damn fault I was here solo. I sighed and had to admit that this excursion would have been so much more enjoyable with Jenna by my side.

I made my way through the busy aisles and allowed Christmas carols to wash over me as I tried to decide whether I preferred a single or a double bed.

Daniel hadn’t even been dead for four months, and buying a new double bed seemed inappropriate and somehow optimistic. Of course I was going to need a bed when I moved into the beach house, but the mere thought that I might one day share it with another man made me feel guilty all over again, as if I were cheating on Daniel.

But a single bed? It seemed too much like a prison cot or a kid’s bunk bed. At least it would be great for my conscience, because nobody my age still sleeping in a single bed would invite a gentleman over to spend the night. I pulled a face.

On the other hand, I was going to have a baby soon, significantly reducing my chances of picking up someone I flirted with at a bar—and I would probably prefer to spend my weekends in bed with my child than with some random lover. Especially since no other man could ever live up to Daniel anyway.

Yes, the idea of snuggling up in bed with the baby on weekends seemed like a good argument for a double bed. My little pumpkin and I would be nice and comfy in a big bed, and any future pillow fights would be a hell of a lot more fun, too.

I continued browsing. I spotted a white double bed with a lovely headboard and artfully carved legs. Decorated with dozens of throw pillows, it looked awfully inviting. In front of it stood a man with his head tilted as if he were imagining how well it would go with the rest of his furniture.

“Ewan!” I called out in surprise as he turned.

He seemed pleased to see me and smiled. “Hi! What a nice surprise. How nice to see you again after ou
r . . .
little mix-up.”

I could feel the blood rush into my cheeks, even though I had—after hours of deliberation—come to the conclusion that things like our first embarrassing meeting sometimes just happened.

I extended my hand and sheepishly stared at the floor.

“Yes, that was very embarrassing indeed.”

“Oh no, no! I thought it was funny. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you right away that I wasn’t the repairman—I guess I was a little surprised.”

He ran his hand through his hair, but our past encounter didn’t seem to bother him. He gave me another mischievous once-over.

“Yes, I was reall
y . . .
surprised,” he repeated, and it sounded like some kind of a come-on.

Shit, what was happening? The way he was looking at me confused the hell out of me, but if he was being generous enough to throw me a line, then I’d be damned if I refused to take it.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying! You should have explained yourself! I mean, you’re the one who turned up on my doorstep.”

He laughed, and I enjoyed the lighthearted sound.

“Oh, I see, so it’s
my
fault that you were bossing me around, ordering me into your furnace room without allowing me to get a word in edgewise?”

“Bossing you around? Well, I think you’re exaggerating a little.” I tried to fight back, but the challenging sparkle in his bright-blue eyes knocked the wind out of my sails. “All right, all right. I think we can agree that it was both our faults.”

He nodded. “But in exchange you must allow me to buy you a cup of coffee. I only wanted to introduce myself to you the other day. We’re going to be living next door to one another, and I wanted to meet you in person.”

He smiled and again ran his hand through his hair in a nonchalant gesture. “And now that I’ve met you, I want to get to know you even more.”

I couldn’t stop fiddling with my scarf because suddenly the store was very hot. Jeez, that guy really poured it on, or was it just my imagination? Couldn’t he see that I was pregnant? Was I reading too much into this? And, most importantly, how should I react?

I hesitated a little, because in truth I really wanted Ewan to buy me a cup of coffee. But what would Daniel have thought? Wouldn’t Daniel have wanted to meet the new neighbor, too? Was it morally reprehensible for me to accept his invitation just because he was good-looking and I was a very pregnant, very grieving young woman? Would I have hesitated if he were less good-looking?

I was overthinking this! A cup of coffee out in public with my new neighbor, who also happened to be my new coworker—surely there was no harm in that. Besides, it would have been impolite to refuse his invitation.

“Very well,” I finally agreed, giving the bed a final glance. It was really pretty, and I would have loved to take a closer look.

As if Ewan had read my thoughts, he pointed toward the bed. “But first we must try this out. It looks so comfortable. I’m seriously considering buying it.”

I sat down on the mattress and let myself fall down into the pillows. It was heavenly!

Ewan gave me a questioning look, walked around the bed, and sat down on the other side.

“Oh yeah, it’s comfortable!” I said, waiting for him to lie down next to me.

He did, and his teeth sparkled as he gave me a wide smile.

“Under normal circumstances I prefer to know the name of the woman I share my bed with,” he joked.

I turned to face him, looked him in the eye, and pretended to ignore his suggestive expression.

“Well, if you think tha
t . . .
Oh, forget it!” I’d be damned if I was going to give him the satisfaction of actually reacting to his advances! “I’m Piper. Piper Colby.”

He winked at me. “Shouldn’t Mr. Colby be lying next to you?”

It came out of nowhere, but I only flinched for a second. After almost four months of carrying around a broken heart, I thought I could handle it. But I couldn’t help the waver in my voice when I replied, “There is no Mr. Colby. My husban
d . . .
boyfrien
d . . .
Daniel, he”—I swallowed—“he died.”

The look in Ewan’s eyes changed. He looked at my belly, then looked me in the face again. His mischievous grin was gone, driven out by feelings of sympathy.

“Oh God, I am so sorry. I had no idea.”

Shit, I didn’t need that right now! Everyone had been giving me that look for months. I could no longer take it. I had to get out of there.

“It’s all right. Please, stop.”

I sat up and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I just remembered that I have somewhere else to be. The cup of coffee—I’m afraid I won’t have time. Excuse me.”

Without looking at him, I swung my legs out of bed and scuttled off.

“Piper! Wait!”

I pretended not to hear. The moment of feeling light and easy had passed. My guilty conscience had raised its ugly head, and the pain of Daniel’s death was back with full force.

When the automatic doors closed behind me and the cold December wind blew the first snowflakes of the season into my face, tears started streaming down my cheeks. They stung as if they were turning to ice on their way down.

I held my coat clasped over my belly and buried my face in my scarf as I ran toward my car. I clung to the steering wheel, looking out through my iced-up window and toward the twinkling windows of the furniture store.

Who needs a bed anyway?
Tomorrow I would move, with or without the luxury of a bed. Besides, my body had grown accustomed to the shape of the sofa.

It took me a few tries before the motor would start. Dammit, now the car was apparently dying on me, too!

The weather the next morning couldn’t have been less perfect for a moving day. Snow and sleet had turned the road leading up to Mellos Cove into an ice chute, and it was so cold that our fingers were almost too stiff to hold the few boxes I had packed. Catherine, Marcus, Jenna, and Kevin were helping me, and so we made good progress in spite of the adverse conditions.

“Piper, are you sure you’ve packed everything you need?” Catherine asked anxiously, scrutinizing the boxes that were now piling up in my new living room.

“Yes. I’ll be fine for the time being. I do have a few things left at the apartment, but it’s too hard to go through all the closets and dressers and rummage around in Daniel’s things.”

Cat gave me an understanding smile and patted my arm. This was a new side to her, and it was just as creepy as her constant nagging had been.

“Just call if you need anything.”

I looked at her, feeling grateful. Were the two of us finally getting along? Perhaps it was possible if we weren’t in each other’s faces all the time.

“Thanks, Cat. I know it hasn’t been easy for you these past few months. I—”

“Don’t be silly. It wasn’t easy for any of us. No need to apologize. You just make sure you get back on your feet. Your child needs you.”

I ran my hand over my belly, and a well-aimed kick immediately lifted my mood.
My baby!
Yes, it needed me, but maybe I needed it even more.

“I’ll be fine.”

Kevin and Marcus carried the sofa in, sweating in spite of the cold.

“Where do you want it?” Kevin called, and I motioned for them to put it down where they stood.

“Here. In front of the fireplace.”

After they finally managed to push the unwieldy thing into position, they wiped their hands on their pants and took deep breaths.

“That’s it. All done,” Kevin declared, as Jenna closed the outside door behind them. The freshly polished hardwood floors were covered in slush, and almost all my worldly belongings were now in piled-up boxes on the floor. The few pieces of furniture from Daniel’s apartment were things he had loved, and their existence made me feel like he was still with us: his secretary desk; his favorite armchair, where he had loved to sit and read; and the dresser he had discovered at a flea market and painted a pale yellow, which was now upstairs in the baby’s future nursery.

“Catherine and I will leave you to it. If there’s anything you need
. . .
”

Resolutely, I shook my head. What I needed most of all was some distance from Daniel’s parents.

“Thank you, Marcus, but Catherine and I already discussed this. Go! Don’t worry, and if there’s anything—”

“Then you’ll give us a call!” Cat completed my sentence, pushing Marcus toward the front door.

After they had left, Jenna, Kevin, and I slumped down on the sofa. I was completely exhausted, but the place was such a mess.

“I better wash the floors before they stain from all the slush,” I groaned, but Kevin grabbed me by the wrist.

“You will do no such thing.” He nudged Jenna in the side. “Could you do it?”

“Me? I had a mani yesterday!” Jenna lifted her hands up in the air to showcase her lobster-red nails, and wiggled her fingers.

“Which was a really stupid idea,” Kevin pointed out, making Jenna get off the couch.

“All right, all right. If Smokey insists!” she complained and disappeared into the kitchen.

“Where are your cleaning supplies, Piper?” she called, and I could hear the flapping of cupboard doors.

“To the right, by the sink,” I called back and could hear the water being turned on.

Kevin put his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned against him gratefully. His gray hoodie was lovely and soft, and I enjoyed the heat radiating from his body. When I noticed the black guitar pick around his neck I wondered when I had last heard him play. Must have been years ago.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right spending the night here by yourself?”

I shrugged. I had wondered the same thing, but now that I was here I no longer felt alone. Maybe it was due to the fact that I wasn’t technically alone right now, but I was hoping that the love Daniel had put into this house would make him tangible somehow.

“If you want me to stay, Piper, I’ll
. . .
”

He stopped, and I could feel him tense up. The baby was kicking, and I inched up closer to him to relax my back a little. Which the tiny being inside of me seemed to enjoy a great deal. I took a deep breath and tried to stop thinking how comforting it would be to have Kevin spend the night. I could tell that his offer had surprised even him, but I was too exhausted to make a big deal out of it.