Sound of the Tide (10 page)

“I did, but in all honesty I’m glad the fire went out again.”

I sat down on the floor next to him, and handed him a fresh match.

“Why’s that?” He rearranged the wood chips.

“Because otherwise you would have thought I was completely useless. Now you know it’s not me but the fireplace.”

He laughed out loud, and it was contagious. In order to hide my happy grin, I quickly slipped another piece of chocolate into my mouth.

“So you’re saying we can’t both be completely useless?”

“I wouldn’t rule it out, but it’s unlikely,” I said and blinked when he tried to light the fire once again. Again we waited eagerly, and again the flame died.

“What the hell—what’s up with that thing?” Ewan barked angrily, and got up. I chuckled.

“For some reason the fire’s not getting enough oxygen.” He put his hands on his hips and examined the fireplace a bit more closely.

I examined
everything
more closely—not just the fireplace. Ewan’s butt (for which I could find no better description than
dishy
) was right at my eye level, and the flame was no longer the only thing lacking oxygen right now.

Jenna would just die if she saw this, I was sure of it.

“What’s this bolt do?” he asked, and hunkered down.

Good Lord! Blood was rushing into my cheeks, and I almost passed out.

“Piper? The bolt? Does it control the air supply?”

Right, ai
r . . .
I need ai
r . . .

“It’s quite hard to shift, but I pushed it to the right. Maybe we should try again,” he suggested, sitting back down next to me. “What’s going on? Are you all right?”

“Yes, yes, perfect. I’m just excited is all. Let’s do this.”

“Very well. Match, please,” he said as if we were in the operating room and I was the operating room nurse.

With a bow that looked a little inelegant thanks to my pregnant belly, I handed the box of matches to him, and only a few moments later the flames were blazing away.

“You did it!” I called and laughed with relief. I would not freeze to death.

Ewan laughed, too, and helped me to my feet. We were standing close, very close, and he brushed a lock of hair behind my ear before letting go.

“I don’t understand why this entire room isn’t on fire,” he whispered, and his eyes were like a gentle caress. “Because I sure am.”

Damn, that knocked me off my feet. Even though I was technically still on my feet. How could I respond to that? My heart was beating so hard that I couldn’t think, and a sudden contraction made me wince.

“Ewan,
I—I . . .
” I stammered. I should have left that magazine lying around, the one with the incontinence headline—it might have spared me a situation like this.

“You don’t need to say anything, Piper. Maybe it’ll help when one day you’re ready to face the world again.”

He pulled down his sleeves and reached for his scarf.

I hesitated, but finally I stepped over to him, making him stop.

“There are still chocolates left.”

That was all I managed to say. What I wanted to do was ask him to stay a little longer. But how could I? The love of my life had only been dead a few months, and I did not want to fill that empty hole in my life. But was it really so wrong to feel a little comfort in the presence of another human being?

He looked me in the eye, and his usual seductive smirk returned.

“So what you’re saying is that now that we’ve slain the beast we have earned us some chocolates as a reward?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying! And besides, you have to eat all the ones with alcohol in them.”

I motioned toward the sofa, and not for the first time I was glad that Marcus and I had not only bought a bed a few days ago, but also a new couch. One without tear stains. One without a past.

“I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to get me drunk!”

I winked and sat down on the far end of the couch.

“Right, and that’s when I’ll call Jenna, because she doesn’t mind tucking tipsy men in,” I joked.

Ewan raised his eyebrows.

“Please don’t!” he moaned, taking a piece of chocolate. “Not so long ago I caught her practicing her signature in the lunch room, on a napkin. She wrote ‘Mrs. Jenna Palmer’!”

I laughed until tears started streaming down my face. So typical! Back in high school we had always imagined ourselves marrying the cutest boys in class, and then tested what our signatures as newly wedded wives would look like. I had no idea Jenna was still doing it!

“It’s not funny! I’m not the marrying kind!” Ewan said, fighting back, but then he couldn’t help but smile himself.

“Don’t worry, Jenna would never settle for just
one
guy.”

“What about you? Do you think you could ever get involved with another man again?”

He looked at me. I looked at him. The fire was crackling in the fireplace, lovely warmth was spreading through the room, and a super-hot guy was sitting right next to me. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling happy. But did I really want to dive into a relationship sometime in the near future?

I shrugged my shoulders.

“No idea. I think for the next few months it doesn’t really matter what I want. Once the baby’s here, I’ll have enough time to figure out what I want, to find myself. And mayb
e . . .
maybe one day I’ll be ready again.” I really wanted that to happen.

“Well, let me know if and when you are.”

Ladies’ man that he was, he wasn’t giving up so easily.

“Why? Didn’t you just tell me that you weren’t the marrying kind?”

He looked at me. His eyes bore into mine, and the corner of his mouth twitched in amusement.

“Perhaps I might hav
e . . .
other qualities.”

To hell with it, the blood was rushing into my cheeks because I believed every single word! But since I was as plump and round as a giant exercise ball, I could not allow myself to dwell on the specifics of those qualities for even a second. I couldn’t risk triggering another contraction!

“If that’s the case, then why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked after a while. “I mean, you’re—and I’m sure you are aware of this—a great-looking guy. And still you live alone?”

“I have Google.”

“A dog? Doesn’t count.”

“And the odd affair,” he freely admitted.

“Affair? That counts even less!”

“My job?”

“That counts only a little. Everybody’s got a job.”

Ewan pulled a face.

“I work a lot. Too much for”—his face became withdrawn for an instant—“too much for a genuine relationship.”

I knew what he meant. Daniel, too, had often worked long hours, sometimes spending days on the road when a firefighting operation called for it. What I wouldn’t give to have only five more minutes with him.

Apparently, life had taught me to be grateful for the little things.

Tonight, this night before Christmas, with the fire, the chocolates, and the snow dancing outside—tonight I was grateful.

Grateful that Ewan Palmer, heartthrob, was sitting next to me.

For whatever that was worth.

M
EASURE OF
A
LL
T
HINGS

Late December

C
hristmas morning had a few surprises in store for me. I woke up on the sofa.

Beside me, Ewan was stirring, and the strand of hair that had fallen into his face only made him look all the more handsome.

And the doorbell rang.

“Sorry,
I . . .
”

Ewan got up and ran his hands through his hair. He seemed amused.

“Did we doze off last night?”
Ohhh
, Piper, what a brilliant question to start the day!
Did we doze off?

Thankfully, he ignored my question.

The doorbell rang again.

“I guess I better go and get the door,” I said unnecessarily, because I was already on my way and had almost reached it. I felt like a complete idiot when I opened it and found Jenna standing outside, a gift clutched under her arm.

“Merry Christmas!” she called out, sounding cheerful, and wiggled her head so that the tiny bells on her red Santa hat jingled merrily. She whirled into the room.

“Jenna, what are you doing here?”

“I’m bringing you something to unwrap,” she chirped but, a moment later, she stopped in her tracks. She jerked her head back to me, and with pink, clenched lips hissed, “Shit, Piper! What’s
he
doing here so early?”

Ewan grabbed his scarf and jacket and gave me another nonchalant smile, then walked backward toward the door with a wry look at Jenna. It almost seemed as if he were afraid she might stab him in the back if he turned around.

“I have to get going. Merry Christmas, ladies, an
d . . .
see you around, Piper.”

I nodded silently, and waited until he had pulled the door closed behind him.

Before I could even catch my breath, Jenna turned on me.

“Piper Colby! I’ve been lying awake all night, thinking about how awful you must feel to be spending Christmas morning by yourself. I couldn’t wait to see how much fun you’d have unwrapping a gift, but then—but then I see you’ve already unwrapped a gift! And it’s the father of my future children, no less!”

Of course! I had a feeling she’d misinterpret things.

I shook my head and shuffled into the kitchen.

“I did not unwrap him, he’s not the father of your future children, and I don’t know why it’s selfish of me not to spend Christmas morning alone feeling sorry for myself! Guess it must be the hormones.”

“Ha-ha!” Jenna retorted ironically, but she put her package down on the kitchen table in a much more peaceable mood. “So, would you care to explain what’s going on?”

I looked at her, and hesitated. Under normal circumstances I would have shared everything with her right away, but ever since I found out that she and Kevin almos
t . . .
And that she had not breathed a word to me about i
t . . .
I was ever so slightly pissed at her. Besides, I didn’t even know myself what was going on between Ewan and me. Strictly speaking,
nothing
was going on. Right?

“Ground control to Nurse Piper! Don’t you want to talk to me?”

I walked over to the fridge and poured myself a glass of milk.

“I do, of course I do. Except there isn’t anything exciting to report. What are you thinking? Do you really think Daniel meant so little to me that I—”

“Don’t be silly! But every time I come here, I see Ewan. Are you trying to tell me that that’s only a coincidence?”

I glared at her.

“Every time? Let’s do the math, shall we? Maybe it’s the fact that you don’t come and see me very often—because this is only the
second
time that Ewan’s been at my house.”

Embarrassed, Jenna shut up and inspected her fingernails.

“Fine, so maybe I haven’t been spending enough time with you these past weeks, but Frank and
I . . .
Things are going really well right now.”

“That’s perfectly all right! I’m happy for you! And don’t worry, I am not interested in Ewan. It was just nice not to be alone for a change.”

Jenna walked over and gave me a hug. She pressed me against her so tightly that my baby kicked back in protest and I had to push her away to get some air.

“And you
should
n
’
t
be alone! Sorry! Here, open it!”

She pushed the gift across the table for me to take and then, like a bird of paradise, she fluttered through the kitchen, setting up and turning on the coffee machine.

It was impossible to stay angry at her for long, and so I loosened the bow and folded back the wrapping paper.

A photo album appeared, and Jenna gave her widest grin.

“Merry Christmas!”

She bubbled over with excitement, but I felt shaky just looking at the heavy book. Until now I had avoided looking at pictures of Daniel and me, for fear of falling into the abyss that kept opening up, biding its time, always waiting for me to stumble or take a step in the wrong direction.

“Don’t you want to open it?”

No, I did not. Shit, I was really scared! I was looking for a way out, an excuse.

“Uh, sure, sure! But you know what? Let me grab a quick shower and put on fresh clothes. I’ll be right back.”

“Sounds good, plus the coffee will be ready by the time you’re done.”

I went up to my bedroom, where the magazines were still scattered across the bed. Every step I took was difficult, as if the weight of the previous weeks were pulling me down once more. It turned out to be much harder than I thought to find
me
after Daniel’s death.

For many years I had been Piper Colby, Daniel’s girlfriend. I had spent my days with him, and my nights. Had been so sure of the role I played by his side, and everything we shared had given me a sense of safety and comfort.

Now, though, I would need to find out if I was capable of facing our
Criminal Minds
Thursdays without him, or if I was too scared to watch by myself. I would need to figure out an alternative to his secret honey mustard sauce, because he had taken the recipe with him to the grave. And I would have to come to terms with the fact that nobody would ever call me
babe
again, not like he did, and that the only person yowling off-key tunes through the house would be me.

My body was pining for tenderness and for the comfort I had always felt in Daniel’s arms. I was pining for his kisses and wondered if any kiss in the future could ever be as sweet and passionate as his. But at the same time, Kevin (that dirty rotten traitor) was taking up more and more room in my thoughts—plus, my new neighbor was confusing the hell out of me with his lighthearted flirtations.

My guilty conscience was getting bigger than the Empire State Building, and as if that wasn’t enough to drive me out of my mind I would now need to look through all the old photos and wallow in what I had lost? How could she!

If Kevin were here, he would have put a stop to this.

Happy that my fear was turning into anger, I got undressed and climbed into the shower.

“Bastard,” I mumbled, and directed a few more creative insults at Kevin.

By now he must be down in Portland—and he had not even called me once to let me know. He didn’t seem to care that I would miss him almost as much as I missed Daniel. He didn’t care that I needed the support and comfort I had found in him. Did he even think about me at all, or was he just glad he left me and my dark cloud of mourning behind?

The shower revived my spirits, though when I got out into the cold room I added the heating repairman to my list of despicable men. Yep, that list of mine was getting longer and longer.

Frank, because he had ruined my favorite yellow dress last summer by spilling red wine all over it.

Kevin, because he had gone off to Portland.

The heating guy, because he preferred to spend Christmas with his family rather than make sure that I had heat.

And Daniel, because he had the audacity to die on me.

I dried off, then thoroughly toweled down my curls. Maybe I should ban any and all men from my life—at least that list of mine wouldn’t keep growing.

When I joined Jenna in the kitchen a little while later, I saw her typing into her cell phone, giggling.

Cat videos on YouTube
, I thought.

“I’m glad you’re finally done! Took you forever!” said the woman who needed a whole hour just to put in her contact lenses in the morning. Because she was squeamish when it came to touching her eye, and because she was too vain to wear glasses.

“Why? Are we in a hurry?”

“Frank just texted me to ask if we want to come to the café—he’s having a Christmas brunch and wanted to let us know that he’s almost out of his famous cupcakes. What do you think?”

I decided I would rather chop off my right hand than face that damn photo album, and so I agreed and silently canonized Frank. I even went so far as to strike him from my list and forgive and forget the ruined dress.

Two days later the album was still sitting on my kitchen counter, unopened. I had been busy—or had made every effort to be.

But today was different. I was snowed in. The road down to Blue Hill was no longer passable, and I couldn’t leave the house without risking the fire dying out in the fireplace. And of course the heat was still out.

I was sitting in the armchair in the nursery with a blanket over my shoulders and both hands wrapped around my belly.
The Big Book of Baby Names
was sitting beside me, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. It was a difficult decision.

“Hey, babe, how about Ringo?” Daniel had suggested jokingly as soon as we got home after Dr. Travis confirmed that our efforts to get pregnant had paid off.

“Oh, sure, and Cinderella if it’s a girl.”

He smirked and propped himself up on his elbow, the pillow comfortably scrunched up under him.

“No, if it’s a girl we’ll call her
My daddy will beat you up if you keep staring at me like that
.”

“
Hmmm
.” I pretended to consider this option. “Don’t you think that’s a little long?”

“You think? Well, it’s going to be a boy anyway.” He looked at me with a lovestruck twinkle in his eyes. “It has to be, because with two pretty girls around I would turn into a blabbering idiot who’d do anything and everything just to see you smile.”

“Everything?” I asked, snuggling up closer to him under the covers. His hand had wandered up to my butt.

“Absolutely everything!”

“Then kiss me,” I demanded, and pressed myself up against him.